Hardly See Husband newly wed needing some assitance

[ceres12]

So my husband is military and he works a regurlar 9-5 monday through friday job. But all he does is work and go to the gym every single day and running in the morning, i barely see him. He always goes work out with this guy friend that i have yet to meet.

he comes home he changes in to his wok out clothes and out the door at 4 in the morning out the door always, no i dont think he is cheating since he asks me to go work out and go to his classes in the morning or go running with him but i feel he kind does it in a way cause he knows i will say no because i am thin and i dont feel the need to work out and then later if i say something he will be like i asked but you said no and what not and the one time i did go just for the heck of it to one of the classes he went "supposedly" with his friend and they saw me there working out and then his friend left i never saw this guy friend of his??

anyway,

i dont know what to do every time i do approach him about it he gets all defensive that he has to work out and that is part of his job or whatever.

I asked him well are we doing anything this weekend or am i ever going to meet this mystery friend of yours and he says yea probably this weekend we might go out to the beach.

 

soooo, i never see him because he is working or working out at the gym with this "friend" and the one day we can have me and him time he brings this person along. I feel like truly he is not making time to spend with me, idk am seriously considering picking up some dam hobby as i am home 24/7 (long story had to move and am still waiting on my car to go back to school) and i get only 2 hours a day with my husband who mind you we have been married for a little only 3 months but dated before getting married for 7 years.

 

I just need advice from others who are married your point of view and i know it sounds like my story is all over the place but i just miss him. Please help, what should i do? should i suck it up and go to the gym more often and maybe pick a class at the same time he is doing it so i can see what is going on or something idk, advice anyone?

[ceres12]

has this all happened after you got married, or has he being doing it for 7 years????

 

I.e., have you known he lives like this and either ignored it, or thought he would magically change once that big of paper was signed???

 

you don't want to spend time with him either going by your post... you do know that thin people can be seriously unhealthy as well!?!?!?!?

 

get you work out clothes on and join him for a few sessions....is that sooo hard???

 

that being said... his 'friend' situation is a bit odd... why have you put it like"friend"??? and have you actually met this other person???

 

 

 

Your right am been lazy as hell am also kinda bumbed out since am so far from home am no where near the US and i dont have friends here its hard, ill suck it up and go to the gym more often, before i met him he was in to working out but not like this, i mean it was not a big deal he does enjoy working out. I just barely see him and i do find the whole friend thing a bit odd, he kinda took him under his wing because he felt bad for him (this friend has been in a lot of trouble and lucky to still be in the military pretty much) No i have not met his friend, every time i bring it up or something he changes the story like he told me i will meet this person this weekend right, i bet he comes up with "oh he couldnt make it for x and y."

 

He leave his phone laying around and so far nothing suspicious unless he erases his texts, but when they do text him his phone is extremely loud so i would know i mean idk. Its kinda weird.

 

maybe i am taking it more than what it is, and he does enjoy working out even before we got married, i just feel i barely see him since he began to work out again ever since we moved to this new base.

[ceres12]

i just have yet to meet this person and it feels like he keeps going around it, i mean idk whats the big deal. I also feel if i comfront him about it he gets all defensive so i dont know how to even approach the topic. What to do?

 

As a matter of fact this weekend i should suck it up about the whole beach thing and tell him to invite this "friend" of his.

 

I'll let you know what happens.

 

Thanks for the feedback btw

[Sparty97]

Gay. Gay. Gay.

[HurtZ]

A few things stood out to me regarding this post.

 

1. Why does he go running at 4 a.m. and then also go and work out at night? Obsessed much?

 

2. Why don't you have any other life besides sitting around the base while he goes out and does all this stuff? So you don't have a car. Ever hear of a bus? Do they have those there? What about going to school online or meeting up with some other base-wives and make some of your own friends.

 

3. Why do you have to "confront" him about having a friend ? I imagine he gets defensive because you are "confronting" him in an accusatory or suspicious manner.

 

4. Why can't you simply have an adult conversation with him and tell him your concerns. Has he ever given you reason to doubt his loyalty?

 

5. Even though you may be slender, you still should work out to keep your health good.

 

6. You should tell him you are bored/lonely and would like 1 date night a week, where the two of you spend the entire evening together...make dinner, go see a movie, go on a short trip, whatever. He owes you some quality time.

 

I think you are bored and need to work on your life. Your husband may have a friend, maybe he's just a workout buddy though and there's no reason to really hang out other than when they work out together. Even so, there's no reason you couldn't perhaps say you are having a dinner party and tell him to invite this person over. Focus more on yourself and what you want out of life and then your husband will be DYING to spend more time with you.

Edited February 4, 2013 by HurtZ

[ceres12]

Finally met the friend. my husband actually brought him over and introduced me, really nice person. I have no reason to doubt my husband even before that he has been wanting me to go work out with him nonstop since it is something that he loves to do and wants to include me. Also, he doesn't work out on the weekends which he says me and him time. During his morning runs he does not stop from asking me to go running with him. It is true ever since i met him he has always been in to been healthy and fit am just lazy. I decided to compromise and get my work out clothes and just hit the gym a few times a week, he is really happy when i do so, he gets really excited and loves that i even "try".

 

He works out in the morning before work and an hour after work, its his thing i realized i was thinking too much of it. He constantly wants to include me but i just am lazy.

 

On base i have not seen one bus, he doesn't want me to work he just wants me to finish school and focus on my goals career wise which i am waiting on my car to begin doing so. He is extremely very supportive i just missed him but we talked and figured things out. I was over thinking things. It is his workout buddy and now that i met him he really is a very nice guy and am glad that at least my husband met a friend who does seem humble and very nice and is not in to things i would hate him to include my husband like drinking, going out till late ect. since we moved here not too long ago and its nice that he has a friend, i was been dumb and childish and i take responsibility. My husband does tell me everything without me asking i have no reason to doubt him, he leaves me his cell phone all unlocked and everything he really has not given me a reason to doubt him. Am glad we cleared this up he is so great

 

After this silly misunderstanding me and my husband became even more closer and he is all over me all the time and is sweet as ever. I was just over thinking things and he is very supportive as well.

 

am so glad things cleared up.