My last post

[digger]

Thank you all for being here--I truly wish none of us had to be.

My divorce appears final Monday--after 6 months of this gut wrenching hell.

Last weeks (breaking NC again) letter of mine set the tone of "well i tried, im sorry. i'll see you..maybe later".

Then her first contact (letter) in 6 months...a letter telling me everything that Ive done---not recently--but all the crap from 10-11 years ago. Included was a statement about how repulsed she was making love to me. Gawd pals, the last time we ever made love she looked at me with those puppy eyes and said "please dont ever leave me'!!!!

Then the ultimate heartbreak--when she said "im dating and im having the time of my life". I said, were not even officially divorced yet" and she responded that she considered the marriage over the day she filed.

Things take many twists. The following night and old 'gf' called me from 1000 miles away and has already made flight plans to come stay with me for 5 days next week.

My question: at the risk of sounding like a game player. Do i contact my soon to be ex--and tell her--you know, i was thinking, maybe we should date. Youre right, it is over and guess what--im getting a visitor and things are gonna be alright".

Hopefully it would jar somethiung in her. To see im not gonna sit back and be a hermit. And yeah--a little of me wants to hurt her for the 'dating" comment since Ive given this my 'all" for 6 months to no avail. It seems to me she didnt have to write that letter after i said im moving on...she coulda exhaled and said 'FINALLY"!!! But she didnt. She (my opinion) wrote it to justify her decision.

I know that wouldnt be fair to my acquaintance coming here--but i doubt a 1000 mile relationship would really work in the end. What do you all think? And if this is on trak--refine it--how do i go about it and how do i word it. Remember, Im not out to HURT her, Im not even sure thats possible. But I am out to make her think, 'am i really doing the right thing or should i have given it more of a chance, my god i may really lose him.

[Scott S]

I'm sorry to hear you couldn't work things out. Sounds like it's time to just let go & move on. Not easy, I know, & you won't all at once either.

 

Of course, if the opportunity to date comes along, take advantage of it if you feel so led. Just remember you're gonig to be in a rebound mode for at least a couple yerars, so be careful not to let your feelings get the better of you.

 

Take care & good luck to you!

[digger]

I know and thanks...but back to the original question

[Scott S]

My question: at the risk of sounding like a game player. Do i contact my soon to be ex--and tell her--you know, i was thinking, maybe we should date. Youre right, it is over and guess what--im getting a visitor and things are gonna be alright".

 

I'm sorry. It got lost in the context.

 

OK, then. I wouldn't do that. When you're ready to start dating again, just start dating again. If you want to contact her at all, just tell her you regret that you (both) couldn't make things work, wish her a good life, & thank her for the years you did have together. Otherwise, just let go & move on.

 

While I can understand wanting to get a "pound of flesh" back, I believe that in the long run harboring venom & ill feelings will hurt you worse than her.