foolish1 Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 My husband (I guess soon to be ex) went to file papers today at one o'clock. I kept my son home from school and had the very difficult conversation with my 4 and 6 year old. I guess history repeats itself as that's how old me and my brother were when my parents divorced. I don't even know where to go now......... Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 My husband (I guess soon to be ex) went to file papers today at one o'clock. I kept my son home from school and had the very difficult conversation with my 4 and 6 year old. I guess history repeats itself as that's how old me and my brother were when my parents divorced. I don't even know where to go now......... Why is he filing for divorce? Is this out of the blue or are you two separated? Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolish1 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 We have had major trust issues as he is a pathological liar which has caused me to be very suspicious. Di I just sit and wait for the papers? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Do you want to try and save the marriage (Which is probably too late)? Do you still love him? Does he have another woman? Otherwise, it is probably advisable to get an attorney of your own. Sorry that you must deal with this pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 My husband (I guess soon to be ex) went to file papers today at one o'clock. I kept my son home from school and had the very difficult conversation with my 4 and 6 year old. I guess history repeats itself as that's how old me and my brother were when my parents divorced. I don't even know where to go now......... Who says you have to leave? He wants a divorce - he can just not come home - put his stuff outside the door. Why did you have to be the one to tell the kids? Can you give us some more informatino so we can help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolish1 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 Honestly I think I instantly fell out of love with him when he told me he was meeting the lawyer. Why would I fight for someone that doesn't want me. Is there a fast track recipe to go through all of the stages of grief? Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Honestly I think I instantly fell out of love with him when he told me he was meeting the lawyer. Why would I fight for someone that doesn't want me. Is there a fast track recipe to go through all of the stages of grief? No. You are in shock right now. Denial. Stage one. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladybugz Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 make shore you stay with the kids and the house; they can go from there visit him every week or something. husband filling for divorce,............. i think you cant force a men to stay with you. just allow yourself to go true the pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 It sounds as if he phoned you from his attorney's office. The first thing you need is to get your own attorney. The second thing you need to do is pull yourself together to do your parenting responsibility. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolish1 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 He just got home with the papers. He really did it. I cant believe he really did it. All of my abandonement issues are now Proven. I'm feeling the same feelings I was when I was a young girl and my dad left. Its a lot of paperwork so now he fills it out and I am served with something? Who serves me? Can I wait until then to get a lawyer? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Nothing happens overnight. What you're dealing with is really 3 separate issues. 1. Divorce: Financial & Child Custody 2. Shelter for you and children 3. Your individual emotional health You seem to be in a panic. For LS folks to help you it's going to require additional information from you. Do you jointly own a home? Rent a home? Are you a SAHM? Who do you rely on for support? Family? Close by? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Going to come a different angle, which may make me unpopular here. Were your abandonment issues ever dealt with and resolved (fully by you)? I can tell you from my personal experiences that I have found relationships with women who have abandonment issues extremely frustrating, tiring and draining. I simply couldn't relate to them, considering I never went through that stress and emotional turmoil growing up. U haven't really given much detail here but reading between the lines it seems you are playing the victim a bit here? "All of my abandonement issues are now Proven". It was like were expecting this to happen? No healthy relationship can function like this. I don't want to comment more, as to be fair u haven't provided very much info..Can I ask if this relationship was unstable? How about relationships with men before that? Edited January 31, 2013 by Mack05 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Why unpopular? As is well known, abandonment issues are toxic. Fixing her individual issues in a marriage hobbled by a current filing-- unlikely in the short term. Good angle though and appropriate questions. Agree we know very little. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 He just got home with the papers. He really did it. I cant believe he really did it. All of my abandonement issues are now Proven. I'm feeling the same feelings I was when I was a young girl and my dad left. Its a lot of paperwork so now he fills it out and I am served with something? Who serves me? Can I wait until then to get a lawyer? Say nothing, sign nothing. His papers don't mean anything if they are not filled out. This is an option to consider. Beat him to the punch, and get in an attorney's office immediately, in the morning, and file as Plantiff. Your attorney will ask him to leave the house and schedule a temporary hearing. Now - stop panicing, get out the phone book, and look for attorneys with free consults, and get real busy in the AM. You want your paperwork filed by noon. Some young attorney will take it and file it. You don't have to stay with them, tell them you just can pay for this task right now if you are not liking the attorney. Paperwork can be amended later. Oh, just because you file papers, doesn't mean anything, either. Remember that. It sounds like with the phone call, and the papers that need to be filled out, that he is causing a lot of drama for some reason. And you are jumping to his tune - real fact. But - I really don't have enough information. Other than to tell you I like the position of Plantiff rather than Defendant, you always get to go first, set the stage. You get to demand things first too. Defendant has a negative connotion psychologically, IMO. In the end it all comes down to business. Do you have any friend that can recommend an attorney? Keep your lip zipped. Don't make any statements to him. Pretend you have a migrane or headache from the whole ordeal - stay away from him. Don't get engaged in any discussion, period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Filer is Petitioner Respondent is the other party. No disagreement on logistics of petitioner but I'm betting she lacks factual data at her fingertips. It all comes out in discovery. Divorce actions are no secrets deals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolish1 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 Ooh you guys are good. Yes I agree totally that my abandonment issues are a major contributor in this. Coupled with him being a pathological liar bad combination. So yes the marriage definitely had issues. Unfortunately for me I believed my partner married me for life. We own our house together and were trying to build a business together. I want to stay in this house as long as possible. I have family nearby but I never feel comfortable asking them for anything Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolish1 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 What is sahm Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Stay At Home Mother I was not suggesting you ask your parents for anything other than emotional support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolish1 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 I am a sahm . I work part time 16 hours a week. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 stay at home mum Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Ok so think of divorce as closing a business, paying outstanding bills and add child support. It's up to you whether you retain equity interest in any new business venture that is jointly held. The house becomes a division of equity. There may be no or very low equity in the current economy. Forensic accounts make their living sniffing out value when dealing w liars. There are no secrets in divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Ok so think of divorce as closing a business, paying outstanding bills and add child support. DUDE MAN, YOU FORGOT TO ADD ALIMONY! It's up to you whether you retain equity interest in any new business venture that is jointly held. THIS IS TOTALLY WRONG. It is not logical for a Judge to split a business venture (or allow you to retain equity interest) between divorcing partners. Think about - one partner could sabotage the other. It falls out like this: one partner buys the other partner out, period. In businesses - there is no joint nothing in a divorce. You don't want it that way anyway. You want (a) him to cash you out of the business with a buy-out; and (B) him to possess the business so he can make money to pay you alimony and child support, and your "medical expenses." GET IT IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW. NOTHING IS UP TO YOU OR HIM. PERIOD. DON'T LET HIM PSYCHE YOU OUT WITH THAR CRAP. The house becomes a division of equity. There may be no or very low equity in the current economy. Keep the house no matter what. Eff it's value. His alimony payment will include the house payment. You will ask for that Ms. SAHM. You have young'ins to raise. Forensic accounts make their living sniffing out value when dealing w liars. There are no secrets in divorce. Right. If you are going to pay a forensic accountant, make sure they are not an associate of your attorney. See that they work for you - and report to you. Otherwise - you will find an enormous double bill being run up, and u will not know what the eff is going on. You must be an active participant in your divorce. And correction to Mr. Balzac again. There ARE secrets in divorce and business. Many are not worth the time, emotion, money, and/or consequence to unravel - even if they could be unraveled and exposed. You can be sure things go on that you will never know - just get a fair settlement and get the heck out. You better believe we're good. Too bad the site has such a dumb name. On your way home from the attorney office, I recommend you stop at Walmart and pick up a digital tape recorder. Tape record all convo's with your husband. And don't tell him shyt. You are undercover - don't show your badge. Start transfering money into your own name asap. Say nothing. Whatever you do, don't live up to this name you have given yourself on our site please. Why don't you see if you can change it. That is a really bad avatar. It is as low as you can get. Change it. Move up, move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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