Does this man love his son?

[judy]

I have posted my stories four months ago. Long story short. my BF broke up with me in April 2004 and forced me to aborted 5 month pregnancy and kicked me and our son of 11 months out of his house. I have to move to an apartment. then he announced he started dating the same day, and married a woman within 3 months I moved out.

 

Then he never visited our son once, and he lives one mile away from our son's daycare, but never visited his daycare (he claims don't want to deal with me, but he can at least visit his son at daycare). Never called to ask how he is doing, bla, bla. Never have one caring words towards his son.

 

He called me all bad names, claims not want to be involved in our son's life, etc.

 

Then in August, I started garnishment of his salary. Then suddenly got a lot attention. First, his wife called and asked why I started garnishment. I told her because he always not try to pay me. and then yesterday, he called me and tells me he loves his son, he cried some nights about him, etc. But since we were in such a bitter state, he felt not right to see/visit his son at that time. Now he wanted to visit him, but under the condition I remove the garnishment and modication of the child support.

 

 

I do wish him to be a part of my son's life. But I don't feel this man loves his son. For 5 month period, he never has a word for his son. My son was 11 month old when we brokeup. I am the one taught him how to walk, how to talk, and how to identify everything. And I am the one at his side when he was sick. Not his father. He never teachs him nothing and shows him how to grow up.

 

So everybody here, tell me, does this man love his son or not?

 

THanks,

 

Judy

[PatientOne]

["

He called me all bad names, claims not want to be involved in our son's life, etc.

 

Then in August, I started garnishment of his salary. Then suddenly got a lot attention. First, his wife called and asked why I started garnishment. I told her because he always not try to pay me. and then yesterday, he called me and tells me he loves his son, he cried some nights about him, etc. But since we were in such a bitter state, he felt not right to see/visit his son at that time. Now he wanted to visit him, but under the condition I remove the garnishment and modication of the child support.

 

 

But I don't feel this man loves his son. For 5 month period, he never has a word for his son.

 

 

So everybody here, tell me, does this man love his son or not?"]

 

 

 

Hi Judy,

 

I'm so sorry for all you've gone through.

 

To try to answer your question- unless one is a mind reader, we have no way of knowing how your ex-husband feels about anything. However, judging from what you've told us, he seems to be more worried about his paycheck than the welfare of his son.

 

Under no circumstances should you stop the garnishing of wages or modify the child support. This is his son, and your boy deserves this support. The money isn't for you, but to let your child have the necessities that are due him. It's sad these people (your ex and his new wife) don't seem to understand that. Changing the financial arrangements should not be a condition of his involvement with his son.

 

Bottom line-- don't change the financial arrangements you have in place. Hang in there and stay strong. Our thoughts are with you.

 

B

[overseas2004]

How can you possibly say that someone forced you to abort your 5 month old baby? I am not opposed to abortion. But do you seriously feel that you had no responsibility for that abortion? I mean how did he force you? Did he hold a knife to your head while you had the abortion?

 

Second why are you so concerned about whether he loves your son? One would have to question do you love your son? You agreed to remove the garnishment because he came to see his son? What does that really mean?? To me, it means you use your son as a tool to see this man. You actually dont care about whether he loves his son... you care about whether he loves you.

 

And to help you out here?? He doesn't... his actions have made that perfectly clear... Have they not?

[pixie2004]

Originally posted by judy

 

He called me all bad names, claims not want to be involved in our son's life, etc.

 

 

 

 

Everyone changes their mind some way along the line...

 

but this guy is ridiculous.

 

[She's Come Undone]

Originally posted by overseas2004

Second why are you so concerned about whether he loves your son? One would have to question do you love your son? You agreed to remove the garnishment because he came to see his son? What does that really mean?? To me, it means you use your son as a tool to see this man. You actually dont care about whether he loves his son... you care about whether he loves you.

 

And to help you out here?? He doesn't... his actions have made that perfectly clear... Have they not?

 

 

What in the HELL are you talking about????????

 

She hasn't agreed to ANYthing yet, she is asking if he is just saying he loves his son so she'll remove the garnishment.

 

Damn! She obviously loves her son, but she understands the importance of a father in a young boy's life. I think she "gets" that this man doesn't love her!

[judy]

TO: overseas2004

 

How can you possibly say that someone forced you to abort your 5 month old baby? I am not opposed to abortion. But do you seriously feel that you had no responsibility for that abortion? I mean how did he force you? Did he hold a knife to your head while you had the abortion?

 

Second why are you so concerned about whether he loves your son? One would have to question do you love your son? You agreed to remove the garnishment because he came to see his son? What does that really mean?? To me, it means you use your son as a tool to see this man. You actually dont care about whether he loves his son... you care about whether he loves you.

 

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Let me answer your first question:

 

WHile I was 5 month pregnant while taking care of my 10 month baby boy, he always stayed late at work (who knows he probably started dating already), never came back home early, came to bed around 2-3am every night. and did not come home at all last whole week. Then suddenly at the last week, he talked to me that he was not happy with my 5-year old (from previous marriage) and he could not live with us, he has to go to his father. Then I said I can not abandom my boy. THen he said you choose him or me? I told him I have to choose my sons. Then he said ok, then that is your choice, you have to do abortion. I was very hesitate to do the abortion ,I already feel the baby kicking everyday. Then he tried to make appointment for me, of course the abortion clinic refused, has to be the woman to make the appointment, then I called, and told him the clinic did not have operation on Thursday. He said I lied to him, He made a three-way conference call with them and me to be sure I made an appointment. At that moment, yes,of course, I still can choose not go. But I know he had somebody else, he was not coming home, and I could not raise three kids on my own. I could not raise a 5 year old, a toddler and a baby by myself. All my family and relatives are overseas. I am the only one in the USA. (I am an asian, he is a white).

 

OF course, he did not hold a knife against me, but he did pay the abortion bill. He can not wait for me to go to the clinic. and I moved out the next day after abortion, with all the packing, moving while taking care of a 10 month old baby.

 

Second question: Did I so concerned about he loves his son? Yes. When I hear my son call every guy on the street "da-dy", I do wish my son have a father. I do wish he can grow up in a normal family. But not only he has no normal family , but his father has not concerned him at all, seems to me.

 

I know how important a father to a boy.