Just found out my girl had sex with a friend while we were seeing each other

[ashley1984]

First, a bit of back story.

 

I am 28 and have been with my girlfriend for roughly a year, she is 24. We met at a mutual friends party, her housemates. This was nearly six months before we got together. Until we got together though she had a boyfriend of a year,a teenage friend. It was quite clear to both of us that there was a connection from the get go and spent a lot of time together at that party (he was not present). We also met several times with our group of friends over the next few months and the flirting continued.

 

It may also be worth noting that I slept with one of her friends from university during this period when she was visiting my now girlfriend. I wasn't sure at the time whether my now girlfriend liked me at the time but I kind of knew deep down that she probably did. Pretty poor move on my behalf as the sex was literally pointless, whether it was good or not makes no difference as I didn't feel anything for her (I must point out that I usually enjoy one night stands as much as the next guy when single).

 

A month or so after this my now girlfriend contacted me a couple of times and we eventually ended up meeting and getting wasted, having a great time etc. Next thing you know were back at my place and she doesn't leave until the Sunday evening. Turns out she has been having an awful time with her boyfriend and turns to me for something different. She scratched that six month itch!

 

We don't talk for a week then she texts me saying she has left her boyfriend and would like to hang out sometime. Great, we hang out for a few weeks and everything is dandy. It's like it was just meant to be from the moment we met each other. Give or take the odd niggle this has pretty much stayed true for just over a year. We've been traveling together (twice), been to festival's, have a great social life and shes even moving into my shared house in a months time before we go get a place together in London. Perfect!

 

Until I found something out earlier this week. Turns out that in that first month of dating (or seeing each other) she shagged some other guy. A friend from home. She does not know that I know this, I pieced a conversation about 'sleeping with friends' which we had six months ago with something one of her housemates innocently told me at the start of this week. I have not discussed this with anyone at the moment and have no idea if she has either.

 

I don't really know what to think or feel about this, my emotions and opinions are constantly changing. I guess we weren't really a couple at that stage though we spent at least two full weekends and a few evenings together and were obviously sleeping with each other.

 

I guess if I'm honest I feel hurt that she would do that to me. It wasn't like we just hooked up, we both feel that we were meant to be together (something which we have both discussed on several occasions). If you got what you wanted why go with someone else on the side? I don't know if I can firstly keep this to myself and just carry on. It doesn't feel the same, I don't look at her in the same way. I feel like she ****ed me over and probably knows it.

 

Then there is the question of trust. Can I trust her? I honestly don't think she is a cheater and have had no reason to think so, until now. She technically didn't but I feel that she did emotionally. Purely for the fact that I feel so hurt.

 

Also, I realize that I may not be blameless. Her relationship with her friend that I slept with has not been great since my girlfriend told her friend and I believe that hurt my girlfriends feelings. It must have been about a week before my girlfriend slept with her friend that she told her other friend about our getting together. (Actually when I write that out it makes me think 'Why the **** did you tell your friend about us seeing each other, when I had not spoke to the girl since the morning after, potentially screwing up a long friendship before sleeping with another guy?') Was she that annoyed with me about this even though she had a boyfriend at the time and I had no real way of knowing she defiantly liked me or would leave her boyfriend for me?

 

Basically my whole idea of our relationship and the way in which I view my girlfriend has been changed very suddenly and I don't know what to think. I really do not want to end it with her but I feel like I may not get rid of this feeling or thought process. I don't want it to be there just niggling at me all the time.

 

Anyone out there got any ideas or suggestions? Been through the same thing?

[nofool4u]

Yes, the answer, to me, is easy.

 

If you want to vomit at the thought of her riding another guys member and loving it while she was seeing you, get rid of her.

 

Otherwise, well, nah, no otherwise...just get rid of her.

[loversquarrel]

Well lets see...She had a BF when you two first slept together? Classic case of those who lie with you will lie against you. I thought she really liked you? I guess not so much. I think you know what you need to do.

[Darren Steez]

Haha so she cheated on her boyfriend with you? Then she cheated on you?

 

What don't you get about this situation?

 

Dog bites previous owner, then bites you. woof!

[GSB81]

Oh man, I've seen this a lot lately in my social/work circle. What makes you think you can trust this girl considering how you got together in the first place? Why are you surprised? Just remember, you knowingly pursued a girl who cheated on her boyfriend with you. That speaks volumes on how much trust she deserves.

[road]

You deserve it, now you know how her ex feels.

 

The above and:

 

That you do not clearly state if you asked you GF to be exclusive before she banged the other dude makes it impossible to say she had cheated on you.

 

GF told her friend that she knew that her friend banged you as a way of indirectly saying to stay away from you.

 

How nice.

 

A cheater warning off another girl not to cheat with her cheating BF.

[Talak7]

Hard to say if she was cheating or just casually dating and unsure about you then realized what she wanted.

 

Sounds like it warrants a discussion...

[goldengirl11]

Sounds an unpleasant and similar situation to what I've been in, whether you were casually dating or not.

[road]

Hard to say if she was cheating or just casually dating and unsure about you then realized what she wanted.

 

Sounds like it warrants a discussion...

 

 

Alright discuss this: So you call moving in with a guy and sleeping with that guy and dating others as a casual relationship?

[sayyes19]

Alright discuss this: So you call moving in with a guy and sleeping with that guy and dating others as a casual relationship?

 

Slut anyways.

[TaraMaiden]

Well there you have it....

I think you get the message, OP.....

[seibert253]

You just proved the old mantra is true:

If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

She needs to go by by.