breakup blues

[meeji]

I'm having a hard time going through the motions. my ex came and we had a good time going out around the city. We had an emotional time at some moments but overall, it was a good visit. He basically told me that he hasn't processed the breakup. When I dropped him off at the airport he got sick and when he hugged me goodbye .He had a very hard time letting me go. When I looked back and he was watching me walk away I felt like that's when the reality of or separation hit him.

 

When he got home, he emailed me but I didn't reply. I know I need to go NC and from the moment I left the airport I decided that was it. The thing that bothers me is that I know he can't see much right now. By the time he realizes what had happened it will probably be too late to repair it. I know I shouldn't wait for him and I'm working on pushing past that. It's hard to let go when you feel like there was something special between you and someone else. We think that it's rare. You question if you will ever find that again. You feel like the exception. Maybe we are just stupid.

 

I don't know. I'm just morning my loss. It sucks.

it's very foolish to second guess my position. I gutters I feel like his efforts to seek therapy and sorry himself out is some sort of indication that there is hope for us. It's hard to say.

 

I went on a date to get out. It went okay but there are a few things about him that I want thrilled about. I kind of feel a little guilty for even going..only because I don't know what this guy is thinking. He knows I'm recently single and even that my ex just left. Even though I have been honest, I feel like guys heart what they want just like us women do when we ignore the red flags. I'm not gonna seeder him again. In fact, I think I will refrain from going on anymore dates. It's not helping.

 

Someone slap some sense into me. Feeling depressed because I lost something that very important to me.heartbreaks are never fun.

[geegirl]

Maybe I have missed a thread or two, but I thought he was coming here to reevaluate his decision about whether he could be with you?

[meeji]

Maybe I have missed a thread or two, but I thought he was coming here to reevaluate his decision about whether he could be with you?

We talked about a lot of things. We both know that because of his issues our relationship could not continue the way it was. He could not deliver. The purpose if the visit want to get back together but to talk about how we feel about what happened, exchange various belongings, get closure and enjoy the company of the other.

 

He said he wanted to work on fixing his issues and until then he didn't want to be in relationship with anyone. He said he should have dealt with it years ago and that he is sorry that he hurt me. He said I was always there for him and I was a good girlfriend, that none of it was my fault. Even though I feel stupid for letting everything blindside me he also said I saw the red flags and I questioned him everyone I had doubts and that always went above and beyond to reassure me so I shouldn't blame myself.

 

He said that he still has dwellings for me but it's not fair to ask me to wait. We don't know how long it will take him to sort it out. He said he disagrees with me when I said we wouldn't see each other again. He said he just had a feeling that this wasn't the end. He

he thinks that he needs to be lonely in order to realize what I meant to him.

[meeji]

I really think in his mind we are just on a break. He doesn't realize our refuses to accept that we are broken up. You can't have intent about the future with someone when you are broken up. He isn't realizing that I could end up with someone else in a matter of Weeks. He had never been in this situation before and I guess he just understand these things and is taking it all for granted. This is what makes me sad. I know he will realize it one day but I probably won't want him back then. I know that I have to keep moving forward. I have to live for right now and right now, it's just not possible for me to be happy dealing with his problems and allowing them to affect our relationship and he can't be happy knowing that he is just a mess on the inside.

 

Most importantly, I have to hold him accountable. Making excuses to justify his behavior Abe waiting O'someone to realize that I am an asset id the most degrading thing I can do to myself. I know. I'm just sad. I have every right to walk away from this but it's just hard. I'm ranting....

[meeji]

ugh!

 

This morning I got on youtube and somehow I stumbled across some depressing songs and you can probably guess the rest.....

 

 

Right now, I'm on day 2 of no contact and for some reason I have been feeling like I should explain to him why I deleted him from all of my social networks.

 

It's stupid. >_< It's no mystery to anyone.

 

I haven't cried since thursday but today I feel pretty low. I guess I will go cry now -_-

[meeji]

and he just emailed me......... Great.

 

Before he left, I slipped some items in his bag (in one of the pockets he never uses so that it wouldn't be obvious). The last time we spoke I told him about it and he said he would look when he got home.

 

[btw, we had matching yin/yang necklaces and rings. He also sent me a "love stone" from Ireland for my birthday. That's what is in his bag]

 

The email said that he hasn't found it yet and then he sent me a youtube link to a video,not particularly related to anything special. Sending links to each other is something we have always done, especially for music.

 

I don't get it. I'm not going to respond but today has been hard enough already without him contacting me. I have been so depressed and I don't give a flip about the superbowl. It does give me an excuse to drink tho. Maybe I should go grab a bottle of wine and some comfort food.

[TaraMaiden]

NOOOO!!

 

Do NOT drink when you feel like this!!

Alcohol will destroy your resolve and weaken your will!

 

You will, unquestionably do something dumb!

 

Please just delete every communication you get.

I hate to point this out to you, but you know... don't you... that you need to completely block him, delete and deny every way and means of either hearing FROM him, or checking up ON him....

 

Please hun, you have to help yourself here....

[meeji]

NOOOO!!

 

Do NOT drink when you feel like this!!

Alcohol will destroy your resolve and weaken your will!

 

You will, unquestionably do something dumb!

 

Please just delete every communication you get.

I hate to point this out to you, but you know... don't you... that you need to completely block him, delete and deny every way and means of either hearing FROM him, or checking up ON him....

 

Please hun, you have to help yourself here....

I have blocked him on everything that I possibly can. Gmail doesn't allow blocking specific addresses but I tried to forward all mail from his personal address and his work address to a hidden folder that bypassed my inbox. That did not work. For now, email is the only way he can contact me. Don't worry, I don't plan on "checking up on him." I just want to feel better :/

 

I peeled myself out of the bed and made it to lunch with a friend but other than that..the clock has been ticking so slowly. Can't it be tomorrow already.

I don't think that if I drink i will do something stupid. I handle my alcohol pretty well. On the brighter side, at least it will help me sleep.

 

If I wasn't posting here I probably would have responded or contacted him. I'm glad I found these forums.

[TaraMaiden]

meej, I have gmail:

This is the advice they give:

 

Sometimes you may get unwanted mail that isn't necessarily spam.

 

While you can't currently block messages from specific addresses or domains, you can set up a filter to send those unwanted messages directly to Trash.

 

To set up a filter, follow these steps:

 

Click the down arrow in your search box at the top of the page. A window that allows you to specify your search criteria will appear.

Enter your search criteria. If you want to check that your search worked correctly, click the search button. Clicking the down arrow again will bring the window back with the same search criteria you entered.

Click Create filter with this search at the bottom of the search window.

Choose the action you'd like for these messages by checking the appropriate box. (In this case, we suggest checking "Delete it.")

Click Create Filter.

 

Hope that helps.....

I always have to follow instructions and can do so if they're written in words of less than three syllables - I am that much of a technical phukkwit....But even I managed this!

[meeji]

meej, I have gmail:

This is the advice they give:

 

 

 

Hope that helps.....

I always have to follow instructions and can do so if they're written in words of less than three syllables - I am that much of a technical phukkwit....But even I managed this!

 

 

These are the same instructions I followed before. I have 2 gmail accounts and it didn't work for either one of them. Maybe I did something wrong. I will try again.

 

Thanks.

[TaraMaiden]

That doesn't surprise me... I have, for business reasons got three gmail accounts. Two of them work very well. The oldest one still has some glitches - for example, no matter what I do, my profile pic just doesn't show although the other two profiles, the pic's are there for all to see....

The only other suggestion I can give you then, is to advise all the important contacts, open a brand new google/gmail account, and close this one down.

[meeji]

That's an idea too. One of them is tied to my blogspot account so I will definitely have to keep that one open but the other I can close.

 

I will have you know that I did drink some wine but I called a gf over and we ate ice cream and watched dramas.

 

I was able to resist the urge to respond.

Alcohol just takes the edge off for me but I don't go overboard like some people do by literally drowning themselves in it.

 

Day 3 of no contact here we go! I started marking them off on the calendar.

[TaraMaiden]

That's an idea too. One of them is tied to my blogspot account so I will definitely have to keep that one open but the other I can close.

it's so easy to open up a completely different account with another server, too...

 

I will have you know that I did drink some wine but I called a gf over and we ate ice cream and watched dramas.

I was able to resist the urge to respond.

Alcohol just takes the edge off for me but I don't go overboard like some people do by literally drowning themselves in it.

 

Cool!! Good for you! It also helps to watch something that makes you laugh a lot too... it's such therapy to laugh till your sides ache....

we have 'vintage' re-runs of 'cheers' and 'Taxi' being broadcast here... I'd forgotten how good the scripts were.... And Ted Danson looks so young!!

 

Day 3 of no contact here we go! I started marking them off on the calendar.

 

Never look at it in terms of how far you still have to go... Always look at just how far you've come....

[meeji]

I will try to keep a positive attitude about it.

 

Yesterday's drag poured into this morning. I called out of work. I don't know about you guys but I know when I get depressed sometimes its hard for me to even get out of the bed.

 

Today is one of those days.

I'm still tossing the idea around in my head to contact him one last time and say that its best for him to stop contacting and formally initiate no contact. I have already initiated it and he just hasn't realized it yet. There really is no need for an announcement. He'll figure it out after a while.

 

Maybe I'm just hanging on or wanting to have the last word. I don't know.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, it's natural though... this is how so many people go off topic and get their knuckles rapped, isn't it? (me included, I might add - !) because we just. can't. let. it. lie....- we want 'the last word'.

 

I understand how you feel, but as is so often the case, they still come back with just one more riposte (that is soooo annoying!) and then when does it end?

 

No moderators unfortunately, to shut him up....

 

Last words work very well in the Hollywood movies. Clark Gable's "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" hit the target.... but unfortunately, this ain't a "take one, scene five" situation....

 

You could write him a good long email giving him several pieces of your mind - then hit 'discard'.....

 

But truly, I do sympathise.

 

Be strong, dearest.....

[meeji]

Thanks. I'm really trying to fight with myself. ugh. I will fight it as long as I can.

 

This **** is harder than quittin smoking, which I have done 2x now.....

 

Isn't that crazy! lol

[meeji]

I really am struggling today. I've been in bed all day! My cat has been awesome as he always is when I'm blue.

 

I got a text from a guy asking if I wanted to join him for dinner. I said yes..because I have to do something... I can't just sit here and wallow all day.

 

I know that I will feel guilty thought after I get home but I guess I will deal with that after I get home.

 

Nothing that I'm doing is working.

 

I had to stop writing in the journal because it just makes me cry and I'm tired of crying.

 

I have watched so many movies that I'm starting to get bored with them.

 

I've read most of the books.

 

I can't sleep without taking something "drowsy" or having a drink and my urges to contact him seem to be getting stronger.

 

I have a ton of chocolate that he sent me from Ireland but every time I eat one it just makes me sad. He ruined my favorite chocolate >_<

 

None of my real -life friends understand what is going on so its hard for me to go talk to them when they just look at me puzzled. .... or say something like "You just need time."

 

There are so many people here with their own problems and it kinda of makes mine seem like nothing. I start to feel bad when I complain too much about it.

 

I miss him.

[TaraMaiden]

meeji, you need to talk to this Lady.... .

I think you have similar feelings and you would make a great support system for each other.

 

There's strength in numbers!!

 

Hugs to you both -

[meeji]

meeji, you need to talk to this Lady.... .

I think you have similar feelings and you would make a great support system for each other.

 

There's strength in numbers!!

 

Hugs to you both -

 

I'm on it! your link is giving me a hard time tho. It keep refreshing back to my thread. I can see the title though. I'll search for it.

[meeji]

Our situations are a little different. It seems like Mina's guy walked out bc of someone else while my guy walked out bc he was afraid of commitment and couldn't handle the responsibility of being in a relationship. I'm sure that if he cheated or something messed up nc would be much easier to maintain. I guess I'm struggling with the fact that since he didnt end it bc his feelings changed and there was no replacement I still feel connected to him. I feel like the only problem here is his irrational fear and probably his level of maturity. Its easy yo think that since his therapy sessions have started that A: he is taking the initiative to deal with his problems and B: that the discovery process will open his eyes. I guess i'm just feeling like he is confused right now and eventually it will get sorted out. As a result, I kinda feel like if I shouldn't jump the gun so fast about leaving him behind. In a way, i'm waiting for that curtain call and from that point I should be able tell what his motives are. It's just a mess...

 

Mina, I can totally understand why you are hanging and to be honest if I were in your shoes, I probably would too. Stop using that baby as a excuse to let him use you. It does seem like you are the fallback girl. You should sit him down and come to some sort of agreement about the baby and keep about the baby. He is with the girl he wants to be with now and if he comes back to you, I would br very careful. I'm sorry you have to deal with that crap

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, I realised your situations were quite different; but I seemed to detect the same level of sadness and isolation... you both have a similar depth of 'mourning', and I felt that as 'sisters in sadness' you could help each other be strong, by linking hands and walking together.

 

Sorry if that sounds very 'contrived and sentimental'. But I have two 'virtual' friends here, in pain. I wanted to help....

 

[meeji]

Yes, I realised your situations were quite different; but I seemed to detect the same level of sadness and isolation... you both have a similar depth of 'mourning', and I felt that as 'sisters in sadness' you could help each other be strong, by linking hands and walking together.

 

Sorry if that sounds very 'contrived and sentimental'. But I have two 'virtual' friends here, in pain. I wanted to help....

 

 

No problem at all. In the end, I suppose the result is still the same. We are both having a hard time adjusting to the necessary changes. A loss is a loss, regardless of the reasons. Whyy.

 

I appreciate your comments and concerns