MM moving out...

[skywriter]

I hope it works out for you. But I confess it makes me want to cry reading this. 20 years down the crapper. Maybe it's just because of my situation that I find this so heartbreaking.

 

 

...and that feeling is completely understandable. It takes a long time healing when you invested so much in another. apologies for t/j

[Ladybugz]

So now we have OW asking for advice like its

something good they are doing.

You are probably the reason for their divorce now you want out advice about

how to make something wrong you are doing right?

 

You should be ashamed for even allow yourself to mes with MM.

 

Not divorced means he still married/

So you are stupid to think that something will come out of it for you,

Cause once married he can always get back together,

And its you that make advantage of the rocky time in their marriage.

 

You should have some self esteem.

And if he can be like that to his wife, i bet he will be worse at you as just a whatever

woman that accept less.

[Ladybugz]

Beside i dont know what your other topic was,

But it shore was about the same MM.

So why keep asking questions about it.

 

While you know you are wrong and the solution is in stop messing with other

peoples partners.

And have some self respect.

[SoleMate]

It IS very important to know whether the separation was initiated by the MM or the BW. Not sure why people are rejecting this obvious point.

 

Here is an analogy: A friend has left his/her employment and someone posts asking, "What next?" Well, maybe you should throw a party now that friend has voluntarily walked out of a toxic workplace with a great new job starting after a 2 week vacation. OR, maybe your friend got canned in an ugly scene and may not be employable in that industry ever again.

 

So YES, whether or not this was MM's choice and how MM views it - honestly, not the story to the OW - are the most important factors for answering what's next.

[thefooloftheyear]

It IS very important to know whether the separation was initiated by the MM or the BW. Not sure why people are rejecting this obvious point.

 

Here is an analogy: A friend has left his/her employment and someone posts asking, "What next?" Well, maybe you should throw a party now that friend has voluntarily walked out of a toxic workplace with a great new job starting after a 2 week vacation. OR, maybe your friend got canned in an ugly scene and may not be employable in that industry ever again.

 

So YES, whether or not this was MM's choice and how MM views it - honestly, not the story to the OW - are the most important factors for answering what's next.

 

The reality is that many dead marriages just plod along, and even though change(seperation/divorce) is contemplated, it may or may not happen. Fear of the unknown, kids, finances and other factors all play into it. Frankly if there isnt real physical abuse or something that dramatic, most dead marriages just "exist" in a sad and unfortunate climate.. They may have even gone to MC to no avail...

 

Then one enters into am EA and things all change. Now, perhaps, the MM/MW start to see that *maybe* there is a potential for real happiness in their lives and then proceed to kick their divorce/seperation plans into high gear. Will they end up with the AP when the dust clears?? Who knows? Sometimes yes, sometimes no...

 

The unfortunate part is that after they go through all the trouble they may discover that the "grass isnt greener" or maybe on the other hand it turns out to be worth all the effort and pain.

 

TFOY

[Ladybugz]

This is really off topic. How does this apply to the original post?

 

Its sure not off topic. if you can read its all about what what the topic starter asked. it doesnt have to be what you want to read to

fit the topic in your way.

 

People need to start respect others opinions.

Edited February 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Got it]

As one of the few, yes I have been here.

 

While he has moved out/separated, really focus that little has changed. He has a lot he is working through at this point, focus on your life and keep your boundaries up.

 

S/D can be a difficult time, have patience but the more you leave him to it and you focus on your life the better. For myself, we were doing IC and CC so that became very helpful during this time period. Try to stay neutral in any discussions especially anything regarding the divorce, that is really his baby to rock. I found that for dMM the more friends he reached out to, the better the support network for him. This was the time that he really started to reconnect with old friends, family, etc and that lent him a great deal of support as I could not be his sole means of support.

 

Seek legal advice sooner than later. Knowledge is power and it allows someone the ability to make the best decisions. For dMM, his kids were put in the middle so he really focused on his relationship with them. He was not allowed to take them to therapy so depending on his state, if he can do family counseling that can be very helpful.

 

Yes some people do go back. That can definitely happen. Don't sacrifice yourself during this time because you think it may pay off in the future. Hold to your needs and make sure to express them. And my final piece of experience, divorces always take longer than expected. Good luck with everything and hope things go smoothly.