How should I act while I wait?

[pies]

I'm in my twenties and last summer I met this guy who is awesome, we were hanging out with more common friends and he began showing an interest in me (maybe just as a friend? My friend and I sincerely interpreted him as being flirty at the time), but I found out he actually had a gf and... I guess he just wanted a friend to talk to, he told me he was having a really hard time because she wasn't treating him right. At the time I was filled with hopes of him breaking up with the girl (because I thought she was so mean), but then the common friends we had kinda split up, we stopped seeing eachother and he stopped contacting me outside our friends circle.

 

Next time I see him he is really close to his gf, holding hands together, all lovey dovey. Okay, I get it, I think he felt guilty about becoming close to me and decided to cut me off. But it was too late. By then I had a huge crush on him and I still have. I haven't met someone I like as much as him.

 

Whenever the friend group meets (without the gf), we talk a lot, and it seems like he really likes me (even as just a friend) but that's the only time I hear about him. He never contacts me anymore and when I reach out for him over facebook he kinda brushes me off.

 

I know you're gonna tell me "you're young, move on, find another boy" but I have chosen to wait. I will wait until I don't want to wait anymore. Because I want to, at least for now. I am trying to find someone else, but I have been trying for months and he's the one I like above the rest.

 

I am looking for advice because I want to know which mistakes shouldn't I make. For example, for a while I tried very hard to avoid him, but then I was told that is plain stupid and that I should be natural. I don't want to fall in the friendzone, either, even though as I said I have the gut that he doesn't see me as just a friend. I get really really nervous and mess up everytime he talks to me because I unconsciously try to get him to like me or to think that I am cool. He'll end up thinking I am really stupid and then I will really fall into the friendzone. Yuck.

 

Anyway, I am trying to leave aside my love-life and trying to focus in my job and art. That's why I don't mind waiting, I don't feel like I am really suffering (even though sometimes I daydream about him), I don't even "wish I could forget him". It rather feels like a journey. I am glad I could let this out somewhere, none of our common friends know about this and shall never know. Whew. Thank you everyone for your kind help and patience with everyone who comes here with their stories :-)

[whichwayisup]

I will wait until I don't want to wait anymore.

 

Do you see yourself waiting for him until the Spring? Can you see yourself 6 months or waiting a year from now? Putting your life on hold for someone who has a girlfriend?

[Journee]

Life is very short. I don't think you should put your life on hold. You sound like you have a lot going for you. Why don't you just be the best you possible. Waiting for someone that may or may not like you seems short lived.

 

Don't go down a road to nowhere. Go down the path to find you.

[skywriter]

I'm in my twenties and last summer I met this guy who is awesome, we were hanging out with more common friends and he began showing an interest in me (maybe just as a friend? My friend and I sincerely interpreted him as being flirty at the time), but I found out he actually had a gf and... I guess he just wanted a friend to talk to, he told me he was having a really hard time because she wasn't treating him right. At the time I was filled with hopes of him breaking up with the girl (because I thought she was so mean), but then the common friends we had kinda split up, we stopped seeing eachother and he stopped contacting me outside our friends circle.

 

Next time I see him he is really close to his gf, holding hands together, all lovey dovey. Okay, I get it, I think he felt guilty about becoming close to me and decided to cut me off. But it was too late. By then I had a huge crush on him and I still have. I haven't met someone I like as much as him.

 

Whenever the friend group meets (without the gf), we talk a lot, and it seems like he really likes me (even as just a friend) but that's the only time I hear about him. He never contacts me anymore and when I reach out for him over facebook he kinda brushes me off.

 

I know you're gonna tell me "you're young, move on, find another boy" but I have chosen to wait. I will wait until I don't want to wait anymore. Because I want to, at least for now. I am trying to find someone else, but I have been trying for months and he's the one I like above the rest.

 

I am looking for advice because I want to know which mistakes shouldn't I make. For example, for a while I tried very hard to avoid him, but then I was told that is plain stupid and that I should be natural. I don't want to fall in the friendzone, either, even though as I said I have the gut that he doesn't see me as just a friend. I get really really nervous and mess up everytime he talks to me because I unconsciously try to get him to like me or to think that I am cool. He'll end up thinking I am really stupid and then I will really fall into the friendzone. Yuck.

 

Anyway, I am trying to leave aside my love-life and trying to focus in my job and art. That's why I don't mind waiting, I don't feel like I am really suffering (even though sometimes I daydream about him), I don't even "wish I could forget him". It rather feels like a journey. I am glad I could let this out somewhere, none of our common friends know about this and shall never know. Whew. Thank you everyone for your kind help and patience with everyone who comes here with their stories :-)

 

 

I would think, and it has been my experience that the opposite would be more effective.

 

Just live life as if you never were attracted to him.

[RickFox]

If you're sending him messages on FB and he brushes you off..... there's your sign.

[Realist3]

You aren't waiting, you are hoping. Huge difference. You are hoping that your crush is returned in kind... someday.

[ThatJustHappened]

I'm in my twenties and last summer I met this guy who is awesome, we were hanging out with more common friends and he began showing an interest in me (maybe just as a friend? My friend and I sincerely interpreted him as being flirty at the time), but I found out he actually had a gf and... I guess he just wanted a friend to talk to, he told me he was having a really hard time because she wasn't treating him right. At the time I was filled with hopes of him breaking up with the girl (because I thought she was so mean), but then the common friends we had kinda split up, we stopped seeing eachother and he stopped contacting me outside our friends circle.

 

Next time I see him he is really close to his gf, holding hands together, all lovey dovey. Okay, I get it, I think he felt guilty about becoming close to me and decided to cut me off. But it was too late. By then I had a huge crush on him and I still have. I haven't met someone I like as much as him.

 

Whenever the friend group meets (without the gf), we talk a lot, and it seems like he really likes me (even as just a friend) but that's the only time I hear about him. He never contacts me anymore and when I reach out for him over facebook he kinda brushes me off.

 

I know you're gonna tell me "you're young, move on, find another boy" but I have chosen to wait. I will wait until I don't want to wait anymore. Because I want to, at least for now. I am trying to find someone else, but I have been trying for months and he's the one I like above the rest.

 

I am looking for advice because I want to know which mistakes shouldn't I make. For example, for a while I tried very hard to avoid him, but then I was told that is plain stupid and that I should be natural. I don't want to fall in the friendzone, either, even though as I said I have the gut that he doesn't see me as just a friend. I get really really nervous and mess up everytime he talks to me because I unconsciously try to get him to like me or to think that I am cool. He'll end up thinking I am really stupid and then I will really fall into the friendzone. Yuck.

 

Anyway, I am trying to leave aside my love-life and trying to focus in my job and art. That's why I don't mind waiting, I don't feel like I am really suffering (even though sometimes I daydream about him), I don't even "wish I could forget him". It rather feels like a journey. I am glad I could let this out somewhere, none of our common friends know about this and shall never know. Whew. Thank you everyone for your kind help and patience with everyone who comes here with their stories :-)

 

Sorry but it sounds like he's just not that into you. I think you're waiting for nothing.

[pies]

You aren't waiting, you are hoping. Huge difference. You are hoping that your crush is returned in kind... someday.

 

Thank you and all the other replies. You are right. Point taken.

 

I really try to move on, look at other boys, get to know their personalities... But I don't like any. Guess I'll keep searching... Until then, well, I'll have to deal with the awkwardness somehow. *sigh*

 

By the way, it's not like I am rejecting guys in order to "wait" for him. I just haven't felt attracted by any of the guys that have popped into my life ever since.

[Realist3]

Thank you and all the other replies. You are right. Point taken.

 

I really try to move on, look at other boys, get to know their personalities... But I don't like any. Guess I'll keep searching... Until then, well, I'll have to deal with the awkwardness somehow. *sigh*

 

By the way, it's not like I am rejecting guys in order to "wait" for him. I just haven't felt attracted by any of the guys that have popped into my life ever since.

 

I think what you are going through perfectly is natural. You have high standards and every shmoe that comes across your path will have a hard time measuring up; but that is ok. Who knows what will happen with your crush? Your hope may indeed come to fruition. Just don't steel yourself away from other possibilities.

[MissBee]

You aren't waiting, you are hoping. Huge difference. You are hoping that your crush is returned in kind... someday.

 

I agree. There isn't much to wait for here, you simply are hoping and crushing.

 

He was interacting with you and being flirty, but you're not sure if it's just friendly. Based on your story he has never explicitly said he likes you or anything of the sort. It seems he just considers you a friend and doesn't go out of his way to talk to you or get you interested. It doesn't seem as if he feels the same as you do and I don't think it would be smart to "wait" for a guy who probably doesn't know you like him and who isn't even thinking of you in that way.

 

It's hard to like another when you are "waiting" for a specific person. I know you said you don't want to hear it, but it's true: crushes come and go and this guy isn't even responding in kind...so live your life as though there is no chance. If he does like you, he knows you, he is on your FB, you have mutual friends...he'll make it known. If not...then you wouldn't have wasted time hoping and waiting for a man who is completely oblivious to your feelings.

[pies]

I agree. There isn't much to wait for here, you simply are hoping and crushing.

 

He was interacting with you and being flirty, but you're not sure if it's just friendly. Based on your story he has never explicitly said he likes you or anything of the sort. It seems he just considers you a friend and doesn't go out of his way to talk to you or get you interested. It doesn't seem as if he feels the same as you do and I don't think it would be smart to "wait" for a guy who probably doesn't know you like him and who isn't even thinking of you in that way.

 

He did say that he liked me once, he let it slip in an ambiguous way. But a bit after that it was when he stopped trying to talk to me. That's why I think he felt like he was cheating and he decided not to carry on. I really respect that, I wouldn't want a guy who cheats on his actual girlfriend, no matter how much I like him.

 

I will follow the "live your life as if you never liked him" strategy. Who knows, maybe he marries his girlfriend and I am already happy with my life or maybe they break up and he realizes that I was indeed worth it. I don't know what will happen, meanwhile I will take care of my own life, work out, make friends, get active.