jmargel Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 You're a MAN! I of course you don't think strippers are skanks There are women who are strippers who are both skanks and non-skanks, as well as non-strippers who are skanks and non-skanks. I presume skanks meaning prositutes? Was she pretty? Was she prettier than your wife? Would you rather have her grinding you than your wife? Are her boobs better than your wife's? These are the questions we jealous wives want answered. Yes, she was pretty. No she was not prettier than my wife. I would rather my wife grind on me rather than the other chick. Boobs? I prefer my wifes. But it really doesn't matter. If this dancer was 10 times better looking than my wife, I still love my wife with all of my heart and would not doing anything with this dancer. You are assuming that just because a dancer is better looking than a guy's wife, he's going to sleep with her. That's not true. There are dancers who are gorgeous and when they dance it's almost like an art, and then there are dancers who just can't dance very well and/or not very attractive looking. Men do have a brain, and we can use it. Guys who cheat on their wives with a stripper, are just as likely to cheat on their wives with the woman down the street or a co-worker. Just because a female is in a certain job position does not necessarily mean she will sleep with someone. And thanks for saying this. If she felt any bit better thanks to my post, her illusions are gone. It's because your post was misleading. Granted you want to make her feel better by your views, but it's just not so. Her husband cheated on her because of his unfaithfulness. Not because the woman was a stripper. That stripper was hotter than you, and he put her above you, so leave him. I don't think that's the truth, but it seems that the people on here want to think that some slut who'd let a man who's about to be married put his fingers in her is some kind of goddess Never said she was a godess. What I am saying is that it's NOT this dancer's responsibility to have this 'man' behave himself. It's upto the MAN himself to draw the line on what's appropirate and what's not. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 My apologies for taking my frustration out on you. Here in hickville, skank=nasty/fake. ho=no morals. Anyhoo, I agree she should leave this....this....there's no word for how low a man would have to be to do this. She should leave him, because he has no respect for her. He will probably do something like this again. On the other hand, he could be a really great guy, who got taken in by beer added to peer pressure, added to opportunity. What did you decide to do, kharma? Link to post Share on other sites
Jonah Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 I disagree on a woman leaving a perfectly good gentleman for going to a gentleman’s club. But I do agree that she should leave a perfectly good gentleman just to save him from the agony of her holding something over his head just because she has something. Her Gestapo techniques of interrogation might have made him falsely confess to the finger in the hopes that she would leave him alone already. I wonder if she had a spotlight and thumbscrews. I would bet every dollar in my wallet that this woman is taking enjoyment out of squeezing this poor guy. My sympathies go to him. Besides, Karma0 seems to have split town. She has not responded to a single post since her original in August. I personally can not believe that there is a man in this world that would tell his new wife about the finger. No Way. Anyway. Show bar dancers Rock! Not all the time, and perhaps not on a Monday ; ) you do have to catch them at the right time. But when the time is right… Wow! A tip for the guys... Take a dancer on a date. It is much less complicated than a regular chick. Guess where they like to go... well to the strip club across town of course! Go figure, but what the heck. You won’t have to figure anything! Just go along for the ride so to speak. It will be a ride that you won't soon forget. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 The best bet you have is to check your local laws on adult entertainment... Laws vary from county to county...state to state...... I have heard all kinds of stories about what dancers do behind "closed doors" and I even find it pretty sick.... ....... Jonah....you do bring up a few good points in your post... what man would really ever confess to fingering a stripper during their bachlor party with her dad there? Sounds a little odd to me...... In defense of the real adult entertainers in the business...they look at it as a job...they are there to take as much money as they can get out of you... they will play every game in the book to make sure you go home broke...they are really not your friends...It all comes down to money with them..... I know this, because my sister is a adult entertainer and she is pretty darn good at taking a mans money........ Link to post Share on other sites
Jonah Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by shortbus74 they are there to take as much money as they can get out of you... they will play every game in the book to make sure you go home broke... Absolutly true, but if you tip her good enough, she might buy you a beer before you leave! "Not really your friend..." well, I don't know shortbus. Once in a while one can run across someone special. I'm not sure that the show bars are any colder than anywhere else in this cold cold world. Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 i have a question.... my HB recently decided to go to a strip club while he was on a business trip. he lied, i found out. he knew how badly this would hurt me. since then, he's decided he can't discuss it anymore because it hurts HIM too much. meanwhile, i can't function. so, this evening i told him that i had been thinking of how i could get back at him. i told him that i had decided to spend the night out of town with a girlfriend and her hubby, that we would be going out to have fun - and i would be hiring an escort to accompany me. he blew up! what is the difference?? you go to a strip club to pay woman to pay attn to you, come on to you and make you feel good about yourself.....i'll be spending about the same amount of money he did.......the only difference is that i won't get to see my escort nude. please explain this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 i have met some very nice and very smart strippers. please get real the good ones don't make money because they're stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 I would like to point out to you all without reading the entire thread that what he TELLS you happened, does not cover half. If he was smart, he didn't f*ck her. But she probably gave him head, if he wasn't too drunk to get it up. If he confesses to touching her it's as good as f*cking her.....,,,, Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 so true Mr Spock Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 thanks mr. spock.....difficult to hear, but appreciated non the less. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Hey, but just LOOKING is different. Private audiences are an attached man's NO NO.(my post was in response to the first one) I think that you should go ahead (or at least let him think) with your plan. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or whatever Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 i understand - and my husband apparently had a "few" private sessions. i can't do that to him, or me. it won't do anything but destroy what little is left. Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 I can swing both sides of this fence.......for my SO's bachelor party I sent him a stripper, but.....I made sure we (girls) were in the next room when she got there and sent my brothers to make sure all went okay. That's true, it's what they expect, what all the guys expect, if I didn't make the bachelor party, then some other guy would. I'm sure it was all in fun anyway, what do you expect to get when you get a bunch of half crocked guys watching some porn flick or a stripper - a lot of hootin' and howlin' and one last touch of something they'll never have again. Big deal. The next day on the other side of town, the women had my bachelorette party, and trust me, I probably played as nice as my SO did with those Chippendale-wannabees...and I can safely say this has not led either my SO or I to run astray and have affairs - that was 23 years ago. It was what it was - a bachelor party, a bachelorette party. What was good for the goose.........so maybe she should have had one too. I tell ya, I never spent one dollar that night but the memories will linger on forever ...........Life a little. Link to post Share on other sites
DefBringer Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by kharma0 Ugh, this is so sick even posting this. I got married about two months ago and after alot of discussion and agreement and talking, my now-husband decided he wanted to go to a strip club for his bachelor party...SNIP Your marriage was doomed from the start. A couple that truly loves one another trusts one another. If you had to go to counseling BEFORE the bachelor party to lay out "rules" you have some serious trust and self-esteem issues. I am definitely not excusing your husband, he is not fit to wed either. But you simply cannot lay this whole thing at his feet. This is a problem both of you have and I agree with the other posters that you should get the marriage annulled. I am a male and I would certainly never go to a strip club for my bachelor party, but I know that whomever marries me will be allowed to do whatever the heck she wants for her bachelorette party as long as it isn't sexual contact. How can I be so cavalier? Because only a woman I *TRUST* will wear my wedding ring. Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 just a thought - some religious organizations REQUIRE marriage consueling prior to performing the ceremony. In the catholic church, it is mandatory. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 DefBringer, No need to bash her. Going to counseling before marriage is a very good thing, even if you think your relationship is strong. It's about forming better communication between the two. There was nothing wrong about them talking to their counselor about groundrules with the bachelor party. If something conerns one spouse, then it should be brought up. Jade_NC, what did he do with the stripper? By just going to a strip club, doesn't necessarily meant he cheats. Some women have this stereotype that every guy who goes to these, gets a chance to feel up a chick or does something they shouldn't. That's not true. I'm telling you from personal experience, the strippers are very tame especially when they are out on the main dance floor, even giving lap dances. VIP dances, where it's private don't have much to it as well. My brother bought one for me, like I said in my earlier post. Nothing happened. My wife wanted me to goto one, but just didn't want to know what happened. She trusted me and I gave her my loyality. She went out with friends to a club, and I trusted her. I know guys would try to hit on her, but I trust her to turn down their advances. Going to an escort is not the right way to solve things. Revenge is never good to try to solve a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 actually, i don't know what happened. after changing his story several times, he can't seem to remember that portion of his evening out. honestly, i think he probably only got a hand job (if that). regardless, i feel cheated. he willingly paid someone else to make him feel the way he's supposed to want me to make him feel....and he betrayed my trust. i would never do anything to get back at him. i know it won't resolve anything. but i'm lost, i don't know what to do. he won't go to a counselor, he won't talk to me about it. and i've got to find some way to function - my children don't deserve to suffer because of this. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Good story...... My honey and I went to New York a few weeks ago. He had some business to take care of and I finally met his entire family... Well, his brother picks him up in the morning to go to NYC for the meeting (honey did not come home till 5 the next morning ) His brother decided to have the meeting at a strip club and actually paid 3 girls $500.00 each to sit with them. I was pretty annoyed when he told me this, but he told me because he wanted me to know the truth. I know that he did not cheat on me because I trust him and I know that he loves me and.... I really do not think that he could look me in the eyes if he ever cheated on me.... I think that the reason why I do not let it bother me is because once...a long time ago.........back before the war startted.........I used to be a dancer........ I have seen the good and the bad... Dancers are kinda like anal sex to a guy... it is taboo but you still like to do it every once in a while...... Ladies, this is just a suggestion.... go out to the strip club with the husband or with a group of girlfriends... Check it out, and then base your opinion from there... You might be amazed of how off some of your views are....... good luck..... Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by jmargel My wife wanted me to goto one, but just didn't want to know what happened. She trusted me and I gave her my loyality. She went out with friends to a club, and I trusted her. I know guys would try to hit on her, but I trust her to turn down their advances. my sentiments exactly....... and yes, I've gone with my husband to strip clubs after we've gotten married and I guess if I felt those girls were any better than me or that my husband wanted them more than me, or any twinge of jealousy or mistrust, then I probably would not have allowed it, but to me, womens bodies are beautiful, and their are raunchy strip clubs and high class ones, we've gone to both, and have a great time, not all are women strippers either - so it worked for both of us. For some people it's against their moral character, and what's *right* for one may not be right for another......... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by jade_nc actually, i don't know what happened. after changing his story several times, he can't seem to remember that portion of his evening out. honestly, i think he probably only got a hand job (if that). regardless, i feel cheated. he willingly paid someone else to make him feel the way he's supposed to want me to make him feel....and he betrayed my trust. i would never do anything to get back at him. i know it won't resolve anything. but i'm lost, i don't know what to do. he won't go to a counselor, he won't talk to me about it. and i've got to find some way to function - my children don't deserve to suffer because of this. Why won't he goto counseling? Is this the only problem you have between you two? If you have no proof he got a hand job or anything else, then don't presume he did get one. Not only is that harming the relationship, but it's also overworking your mind. That's why you are stressed out. You have every right to talk about that night with him. He might be thinking even though he didn't do anything, just the fact that he went, hurt you. So talking about it will in sense be hurting you all over again. But the fact remains you should get to know what went on. How is your children suffering because of this? I think you are the one who is suffering. If he didn't do anything, then he really didn't pay anyone to make him feel like you should be making him feel. When a woman does a lapdance, they just usually walk upto the guy and basically bounce on your knee for like 30 seconds. It's not very erotic at all. The most I paid a stripper than for that was $1. It's kinda cheesy to go into a strip joint and when a dancer approaches you, to say no. It kinda shows then that man doesn't have any class. I don't see how one can get turned on in a strip club when the men are outnumbering the women 20 to 1. Especially when you see the same chick do the same lap dance to 10 other different men. I think your best bet would be to goto one, to see first hand what it's like. Sometimes one's imagination can go a little too far, especially with strip clubs. Remember just about every club has a 'No Touch' rule. Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 jmargel my HB spent 500 that night. 250 in the last 1hr. if HB is telling the truth this time, 80 of that was for the bar tab. this is fact - the receipts from the ATM were in his pocket. i am a very logical person. i try not to assume anything. the wreak of perfume on his clothes was how i found out....the make up all over his clothes, including on the inside of his fly came off someone's face. and the cum stains on his shirt and boxers came from someone. i really appreciate you views and input. i'm failing my children because i can't do the things i should be easily doing everyday...like making breakfast, signing homework sheets, etc. i probably will go to the club that he attended for my curiosity. but that's not going to fix the lack of trust, honesty or intimacy in our relationship that had been occuring previously and is even worse now, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 jade_nc...... dances get expensive... (not trying to justify) and the girls do wear a ton of makeup and perfume.....(seen girls make over $2,000 in one night) the inside of the fly thing would make me wonder..... this is to make you laugh jaden_nc... my honey and I went to a local strip club one night with a bunch of friends and he knew one of the dancers there....... Well...he introduced me to Sunshine (dancer friend) as his ex wife!!!! I looked at him and asked him what is my name? I shook her hand and told her my name and walked off.... She ended up hitting my honey for his mess up....... You are not failing your children....... they will always love you and be there for you!! I know that going to the strip club will not fix the problems.....(p.s. if you do go look for the "head guy" to get the info on the club, Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I've seen regular pole dances where they pull the jeans off of a guy and do embrassing things to him, but nothing sexual. The only thing that would alarm me is the 'cum' stains. Are you sure that's what it was? Did he explain it at all? If he did get a hand-job, then yes that is cheating. Was he buying drinks for his friends or other people there to explain why he spent so much money? VIP dances (private dances) at a place near me only cost $15. Here in PA, it's illegal to sell alcohol at full nude strip joints. I believe most other states are the same. As for the perfume, that is a given. Every guy that walks in will have that on their clothes. The place smells of it. I believe you need to sit him down and tell him how much this is affecting you and the marriage. That you want the truth no matter how hard it might be to hear. That you take your vows seriously and he should as well. Also remind him by him not saying anything to you is actually worse than him admitting to something that went on. That he is not protecting you or the marriage by keeping quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
jade_nc Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 thanks for everyone's support and advice. yesterday, i put the ball in his court. i told him that i needed a commitment from him to do whatever is necessary to get our marriage back. he's not willing to do that, and i can't force him to. i'm out of options. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 But some of you might remember me - i am a lapdancer, so i might be able to bring my perspective to this... There seems to be one thread by two different people here. Firstly to Kharma0: I agree that you should have your marriage annulled and your husband, father and the so-called best man all deserve the full consequences of their actions. This was not a strip club, it was a brothel and i think that you really should look into how you go about getting it losed down. It is places like this that give the industry a bad reputation. There are many decent clubs out there where as Jmargel says, no touching means no touching and things are all very above board. I have had many men on the bachelor party who break down in tears and tell me they don't want to be there because they love their wife-to-be, it is invariably their friends who force them to go so what i tend to do is take them for a private dance where no one can see us and just sit and chat to them! Their friends think they are having a dance and they get to feel good that they haven't done something they didn't want to. And i make my money It is a pity that your husband didn't end up in such a club. Although i mist say that regardless of this if he knew you didn't want him to go at all, and if these men are soooo Christian then they should not have gone. Period. Look forward to starting your life afresh with someone who respects you and your wishes. Jade - I think you really need to establish what happened. All strip clubs smell of perfume and cigarettes. You only have to walk into the place and the smell clings to you. And it is possible that when giving a lapdance some of the vast amounts of make-up we wear may find it's way onto the customer - particularly body make-up - many girlscover bruises and spots with foundation and other make-up meant for the face. So it is possible that simply by having a dancer sitting on his lap he could get face make-up on his zipper. As for the cum stains... some guys really do get over excited. Our security often find customers jerking off in the bathroom and some have been known to ejaculate whilst a (horrified!) dancer is dancer for them. I know these are not the first explanations that spring to mind but they are all possibilities. Only you will be able to judge what is most likely. It could be that he went to some sleazey dive and got sexual favours from a 'dancer' (i use inverted commas because as far as i am concerned that is not a dancer it's a prostitute). Just search for becasue you cannot allow this to eat away at you. Furthermore, i think you need to consider, regardless of what happened, whether or not you trust your husband and if the answer is no, whether you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust. Jmargel - just a note to say that VIP dances near you are toooo cheap. £30 for a VIP with me! But then you make your experiences sound terrible. If you are ever in England i promise you an enjoyable evening's entertainment. No bored dancers and no dances that everyone else can see! Link to post Share on other sites
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