Car accident; mom keeps making me feel guilty; anxiety triggered

[lourdes_bern]

Hi all,

 

I was in a car accident recently. It was my fault. The accident was low impact and low speed, but the truck was much bigger than my little car and did a lot of damage to the front bumper. Even worse, the truck drove off after I'd hit it, and it was very dark and stormy (flood/tornado watch).

 

As a result, my front bumper is now hanging off my car, and the front passenger seat's blinker doesn't work anymore. I managed to take the car back to my parents' house without further damage. I'm currently using one of my parents' cars to drive to work. I'm a tutor so I have to drive around to different places. I don't live with my parents (I'm in my mid-20's).

 

My dad's been out of town and just came back today, so I called tonight and said I was going to have lunch with my parents tomorrow. My mom picked up and immediately told me that the damage "might cost more than $1000" and asked, "How much did you get from seeing that student? $25? I told you to be careful that night."

 

I felt guilty about the accident and still do. My mom says I should have thought ahead and canceled the session knowing that the weather was bad, but I was just trying to go to work and do the right thing. The student I was working with really needed help and had a test the next day. I've offered to pay for the damage, but they won't accept that. They don't want to report to insurance because my premiums will go up.

 

I was previously excited about having lunch, but now I just feel angry at my mom for guilt-tripping me, anxious about the cost of repair, and guilty about my parents paying for my mistake. I know there's nothing I can do besides offer to help with the cost and say sorry - both of which I've already done. I just don't know how many times I have to say sorry before my mom forgives me. And I'm angry that I even have to worry about that.

 

The accident gives my parents more ammunition to make me feel guilty about not going to graduate school/having a full time job, too.

 

I guess I'm just really upset. I try my hardest to do the right thing, be a good person, and work sincerely and independently as an adult, and then things like the accident happen and my parents immediately lose trust in me. This in turn makes me doubt my own decisions, self-worth and self-value. I also don't even like driving, and I've been working through my fear of it by taking this tutoring job. Now I get scared getting into the car again, and this is going to affect my work.

 

Does anyone have any advice for dealing with these things (my relationship with my parents, anxiety, trust?)

Edited February 2, 2013 by lourdes_bern

[bluegreen]

Hello and welcome to our forum : ))

Well this is easier said then done but here it is : You made a mistake am sure it was not done on purpose cause you seem like articulate kind smart person the only thing they have a right to do ans should do is : Express concern OK maybe give you bit of a heat and then thank the ever loving Lord that neither you or anyone else is injured on their knees literaly.

 

But they do not so its them who have issues not you either kindly but firmly tell them off or firmly and in a way tell them to stuff it and f.... off your choice and you should know what you are capable of doing.

 

For myself am glad that YOU are OK

and if it is going to help read my post above believe me its just bit a tiny part of what I went trough and here I am so you can do it to take a baby steps until you learn to let go and run but keep at it until you do ...

[Radu]

One learns from mistakes.

One cannot go forward without fuc*ing it up many many MANY times.

 

You truly mess up when you fail to learn from the mistakes you made and repeat them, again and again and again.

 

How much would the insurance premiums go up if you chose that option ?

 

Also, listen to these :

 

PS: Can you write more about your tutoring ?; i'm interested in getting into it and maybe setting up a study group at my college.

Edited February 2, 2013 by Radu

[lourdes_bern]

One learns from mistakes.

One cannot go forward without fuc*ing it up many many MANY times.

 

You truly mess up when you fail to learn from the mistakes you made and repeat them, again and again and again.

 

How much would the insurance premiums go up if you chose that option ?

 

Also, listen to these :

 

PS: Can you write more about your tutoring ?; i'm interested in getting into it and maybe setting up a study group at my college.

 

Hi Radu,

 

I work for a company but do some private tutoring on my own. I live in a big city in the US, so my students are mostly middle school and high school kids who need academic help or help with standardized tests (SAT, SSAT for private secondary schools, ACT, etc). I also teach some academic subjects for younger elementary kids and college age/adult students. My company finds most of my students for me, but I also post my profile on tutoring websites so that people can contact me privately for services. Most of my tutoring is one-on-one; I drive to people's homes or meet them at a coffee shop. Sometimes I teach two little kids at a time, but I rarely teach people together when they're past elementary school age (5-10).