Why does he keep feeding me breadcrumbs?

[Minadee]

I feel a little attacked here. I am a very sensitive person and don't really like people accusing me of keeping the child to get back with him. It was never about that. As someone who was told I would never have a child at the age of 16, to get pregnant naturally years later was something I wouldn't have considered. He wanted the abortion, he pushed and pushed for it, but it was my friends who told me I had to listen to what I wanted. At the time he made it very clear that if I kept it, he'd never speak to me again, he'd never be there for the child or support it, so to say I am keeping it to win him back is untrue, as I took that risk and it just turned out that he needed time to come around to the idea. But at the time of that, I believed he was 100% serious on his word.

 

I resent being called "hun" and I resent the idea that you're finding it humerous and making a joke out of my life. I am a human being. I am trying to listen to everyones two cents, as I feel it's good to have varied opinions from people who don't know me in person, but I don't need the rudeness.

[TaraMaiden]

Schytt, I owe you 20 bucks - ?! Man I don't even remember shakin' on it! Holy cow - easy come easy go!!

 

Minadee.... if you set yourself up for failure, than that's precisely what you'll achieve.

 

You have to be utterly determined to really see this through, because otherwise all dignity and self-respect will be drawn from your very bones...

 

Print the NC Guide (in my signature.) I'm serious, you really almost need to learn it by heart....

 

You need to block him on your 'phone, block him on FB - block him any which way you possibly can.

 

Honestly.

 

Otherwise I can see me losing another $20.00 here......!!

[TaraMaiden]

I feel a little attacked here. I am a very sensitive person and don't really like people accusing me of keeping the child to get back with him. It was never about that. As someone who was told I would never have a child at the age of 16, to get pregnant naturally years later was something I wouldn't have considered. He wanted the abortion, he pushed and pushed for it, but it was my friends who told me I had to listen to what I wanted. At the time he made it very clear that if I kept it, he'd never speak to me again, he'd never be there for the child or support it, so to say I am keeping it to win him back is untrue, as I took that risk and it just turned out that he needed time to come around to the idea. But at the time of that, I believed he was 100% serious on his word.

 

I resent being called "hun" and I resent the idea that you're finding it humerous and making a joke out of my life. I am a human being. I am trying to listen to everyones two cents, as I feel it's good to have varied opinions from people who don't know me in person, but I don't need the rudeness.

 

Actually, I was just trying to lighten the mood.

 

This is serious for you.

It's a huge change, and something which will be extremely alien to you.

It's hard work, heart-breaking and one of the most difficult things you will ever have to discipline yourself to do.

It's hard to break a habit that feels so nice, even when it does you no good....

 

But you know what?

I like that you're piqued.

I like that you're irritated.

That shows fire.

 

And THAT'S what you have to cultivate.

This "Nobody's going to take advantage of me any more!" attitude.

because it suits you well and may well serve you too.

 

I'm sorry, I never intended to offend you, and I use the term 'hun' a lot. Affectionately.

 

But really, I'm right behind you on this, honest I am.....

[Minadee]

I just cried, a lot!

 

I know a lot of you are blunt with your responses, and that is fair enough, you dont have to tell me twice that I need a good kick up the backside, and that I am being used, and that I am a fool, but you forget that I am extremley sensitive and despite you all being strangers on the internet, I still take what you say to heart and dwell on things and I don't like to be made out that i'm an idiot. I am just in a very sad place at this point in time, and that somewhen i'd like to rise from that. Being raised in a secure unit has made me crave it, and I know I need to be realistic, I know I do, but this fantasy has clouded my vision because I have let it.

 

... *sigh* I don't know.

I am a silly woman.

[Survivor12]

If he rings up at 3Am if he has been drinking, do I answer? I worry about him far too much for my own good. And if I found out that something had happened to him, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. A part of me knows and accepts he is a grown man, but he still somehow manages to get into trouble. (He was attacked walking home on my birthday, and had his wallet stolen two weeks ago. Both times he phoned me.)

 

Why wouldn't you be able to forgive yourself? Could you have prevented him from getting his wallet stolen? Did calling you help him get it back? Does he need your help to get drunk?

 

You are making excuses for allowing him to treat you poorly. As you said, he is a grown man and knows exactly what you will tolerate.

 

The fact is that you do not NEED J to get through your pregnancy. Believe me, that baby is going to be born whether he is with you or on the other side of the world. If he is interested in being there for certain events such as a sonogram or the birth itself, great, but there is no reason that he needs to be calling you multiple times a day. Use this time to focus on yourself and your baby and prove to yourself that you ARE capable of living without him.

 

Also, the purpose of learning about the source of our personal "issues" is not to use them as excuses but, rather, to help us recognize them in order to overcome and change our patterns of behavior that are detrimental. In other words, if you can explain why you do something, you are acknowledging that you are aware of doing it. Changing is a choice.

[Samilia]

I feel a little attacked here. I am a very sensitive person and don't really like people accusing me of keeping the child to get back with him. It was never about that. As someone who was told I would never have a child at the age of 16, to get pregnant naturally years later was something I wouldn't have considered. He wanted the abortion, he pushed and pushed for it, but it was my friends who told me I had to listen to what I wanted. At the time he made it very clear that if I kept it, he'd never speak to me again, he'd never be there for the child or support it, so to say I am keeping it to win him back is untrue, as I took that risk and it just turned out that he needed time to come around to the idea. But at the time of that, I believed he was 100% serious on his word.

 

I resent being called "hun" and I resent the idea that you're finding it humerous and making a joke out of my life. I am a human being. I am trying to listen to everyones two cents, as I feel it's good to have varied opinions from people who don't know me in person, but I don't need the rudeness.

 

I am being honest, and I believe I'm right, you can tell me off and you can be offended, that's fine.

 

The communication should be only about your baby, but it's not. I believe you want him back, which is fine, but I also believe you will be using the baby to reach your goal. I'm waiting to see a post from you showing I'm wrong.

 

If you don't like my opinion, that's fine, but then don't ask for it by posting here.

[TaraMaiden]

No, you're not.

 

You have to also remember that you're pregnant.

And hormones do daft things to women during pregnancy.

You're a walking miracle.

You have a completely separate, individual unique little human being growing inside you, and developing into a little person.

That in itself is pretty much a lot of stuff to get a handle on.

 

But while that's all happening, your body is changing and transforming. It's 10 months of hard work - with more labour to follow - and what's more, you don't have the conventional situation of mom-dad-baby.

 

Of course you're going to be vulnerable.

We talk harsh but we mean well....

 

Oh I wish I could give you a hug.

I'm sorry this has upset you.

 

Do something good for yourself, and pamper yourself.

 

However vulnerable you might feel right now, I think this is making you stronger.

I think the penny's dropped.....

[TaraMaiden]

 

If you don't like my opinion, that's fine, but then don't ask for it by posting here.

 

She didn't ASK you specifically for your opinion, so she's entitled to be offended by it.

 

I think if someone is upset by posts, they have a right to say so....

[Samilia]

She didn't ASK you specifically for your opinion, so she's entitled to be offended by it.

 

I think if someone is upset by posts, they have a right to say so....

 

I like you, but don't hide who you are.

[TaraMaiden]

yeah, take it to PM's if you want, okay?

let's not de-rail here.

[Samilia]

yeah, take it to PM's if you want, okay?

let's not de-rail here.

 

Why don't you take your own advice?

[Keenly]

She didn't ASK you specifically for your opinion, so she's entitled to be offended by it.

 

I think if someone is upset by posts, they have a right to say so....

 

posting on a public forum is the equivalent of asking for an opinion.

 

Its just you and your baby now, He won't be coming back, I am sorry.

[TaraMaiden]

posting on a public forum is the equivalent of asking for an opinion.

I never said it wasn't. I merely said she didn't ask for a specific person's opinion, so if she's offended, she is equally - on a public forum - entitled to say so.

[Leigh 87]

Hi:) I come to this section not because I am going through a break up, but because I know what it is like to love, and I know it would be so awful to go through what the posters on here are going through. I really feel for you guys, and often come here just to offer words of comfort!

 

Your threads in particular - you have gone through a lot! Wow, although I am sure your well aware that you are the one who allows this to happen to yourself.

 

If only it were that easy to just move on from those you love! Plenty of awesome women cannot quiet move on! It is nothing to be ASHAMED of - but there comes a point where you must move on and get your self respect and self esteem back.

 

 

 

 

First of all - do not let anyone on here tell you that he does not care AT ALL about you. After years spent together, he DOES are about you, to an extent!

 

He just does not, and will NEVER care about you in the way that you need!!

 

For example, he was able to cuddle and kiss and have sex on occasion with you, and then go and be intimate and close with another women (or girl in his case:sick:)

 

 

...Now, there are men out there who you could find, who will love you so deeply and care about you SO MUCH they they would NOT just be able to go off and date another women! They would care about you too much and be soo invested in you to think about being with another women!

 

 

 

.......He cares about you due to your history, but that IS NOT enough to sustain a deep, long term, loving relationship!

 

He has a level of care for you, but NOT enough to sustain a loving relationship, long term.

[Leigh 87]

I can see the way you love and care for those you love.. You are a very sensitive and sweet person. I can tell from your threads.

 

The way you love and care for the men in your life is such, that you cannot even fathom being with another man! Your all about them and their well being.

Where as your ex cares for you on a SHALLOW level and loves you as a person who he had a past with... That is all. He does not care so much about you that he would drop everything to be with you, if it did nto suit him.

 

Even if this guy wants you back one day, he DOES NOT care about you in the way YOU NEED.

A man who loves you in the way YOU need, would NOT have enough love left over for another women in his life

 

Your ex does not have it in him to care about you in the way YOU care about him.

Go find a guy who cares so much that he just cannot find anyone else, because no one comperes to you.

 

 

 

I have big issues and obstacles in my own relationship, regarding me actually: I have been a total nightmare towards my boyfriend in EVERY way imaginable. Trust me, you wold shudder if you knew what he put up with throughout out tow year relationship.

 

Even so, he would..... not just be able to leave me and get with another girl within a week:sick: If I cannot change he will not be able to be with me, but I do not see how a guy who is TRULY invested in you, would be able to go from caring and loving you to a very deep extent, and then swicting it off and being able to get with another women.

 

 

 

....SOmething is amiss with the way this guy felt about you, for him to be able to get with the other women - you KNOW you deserve a guy who would not be able to do that to you.

 

 

I would know my partner would have checked out a long time ago, if he were to get with another women within even months of ending it with me.

 

 

 

 

 

.....PM me any time if you want support, I feel for you and feel so bad for what your going through.

[Simon Phoenix]

I just cried, a lot!

 

I know a lot of you are blunt with your responses, and that is fair enough, you dont have to tell me twice that I need a good kick up the backside, and that I am being used, and that I am a fool, but you forget that I am extremley sensitive and despite you all being strangers on the internet, I still take what you say to heart and dwell on things and I don't like to be made out that i'm an idiot. I am just in a very sad place at this point in time, and that somewhen i'd like to rise from that. Being raised in a secure unit has made me crave it, and I know I need to be realistic, I know I do, but this fantasy has clouded my vision because I have let it.

 

... *sigh* I don't know.

I am a silly woman.

 

 

Instead of getting your feelings hurt by internet strangers, you should be more concerned about the fact that your ex is hurting your feelings. Direct your frustration in the right place. Stop being defensive and start standing up for yourself where it matters -- in the real world. The more you play the victim, the more you'll be a victim. Instead of being concerned about strangers "throwing poison arrows" take control of your life. Your frustration should be directed at your ex, not at the people trying to help you.

[Minadee]

I am crying so much going through these responses. It's never nice hearing what you don't want to hear.

 

Guess I really am on my own in this. Guess it just took a while to accept that.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh come on, Minadee you were doing so well.

 

Don't go pulling the 'woe-is-me card now....!

[Minadee]

Oh no no no, it's not like that, you'd know about it if it was.

 

Just coming to terms with it. It's never a nice feeling.

 

Been NC for 24 hours now. He tried texting me last night but I ignored it.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh no no no, it's not like that, you'd know about it if it was.

 

Just coming to terms with it. It's never a nice feeling.

 

Been NC for 24 hours now. He tried texting me last night but I ignored it.

 

 

Ok, watch me now... I'm whoopin' and running round the room waving my arms in the air!!

 

That's absolutely great!!

 

I'm sorry this has all been so traumatic for you, and like I said yesterday, pregnancy plays havoc with hormones and emotions - but you did the right thing.

It's going to be very hard for you to follow through every time. It's hard for anyone, but when you're alone pregnant and vulnerable, it's doubly challenging.

Please - PLEASE, P-L-E-A-S-E! make sure that whatever comes your way from him, you let us know - we will support you the best way we can.

 

And whatever you do - don't answer at three in the morning!

[Minadee]

48 hours no contact. Worked an 11 hour shift today so I haven't had time to think about him. He texted me last night twice saying "Are you okay?" and another saying "Who has annoyed ya? ey? ;P" I didn't respond.

 

My brothers girlfriend messaged me on my facebook wall this morning about my brother having another seizure and J texted me saying "hope your brother is okay smelly x" and I haven't replied.

 

I stupidly looked at his twitter, and he had re-tweeted the quote "I want you, I want all of you everyday, forever, you and me everyday" and assuming this inst about me I completely flipped out, burst out crying and deleted my twitter, as it is doing nothing but hurting me.

 

How do I deal with this rejection? The fact that he is saying these things about an 18 year old girl who he knew for 2 months? Someone he wasnt even with officially or slept with. I hate to sound like the bitter ex but i'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this.

 

I know he owes me nothing. I know I cannot control want he thinks/feels/does. But I'm just asking for advice on how to cope with these feelings of worthlessness. Like the three years we spent together never meant anything.

 

I hate to be this self-pitying, driveling mess. Guess i'm just having a bad few days.

[TaraMaiden]

Minadee, you need to talk to this lady.

I think you have similar feelings and you would make a great support system for each other.

 

There's strength in numbers!!

 

Hugs to you both - !!