schism77 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) Coworker is mid 20's I am in my mid 30's. I was drunk at a wedding reception and asked her out six mos ago. SHe said I was drunk and gave no answer. She has helped me get through my breakup of a year. I sort of was infatuated with her when I first asked her out, Fast fwd to last month. I am on a out of town trip and out of blue she asks me when I am coming back to work. To be fair , 99% of the time I initiate communication. So this kinda intrigued me. Over last month texts and emails have increased and last week she came over to my work station and showed me pictures of when she was an athlete in HS (5-6 years ago). I still don't understand what that was about. After a weekend of analyzing what has transpired so far... . I texted her Wednesday ( i was ill at home for two days ) to see if she was up for hanging out for a beer this weekend and i'd promise to leave the virus at home. She said she didnt know if she had any plans yet and was thinking about going out of town but will def know once the weekend is here. Made a comment that she loved that i was out sick and asking her to get drinks. Well its here and I didnt hear anything from her. I am wondering if its ok to make my own plans for the weekend and let her come to me. Or should I make a quick f/u call Sat afternoon. I really feel like she needs to get back to me on this one cause I aint gonna chase her for an answer..After all the ball is in her court ... and I aint gonna wait around for a call. The age difference does concern me... BUT we have so many common interests and sensibilities it freaks me out. So many conflicting emotions. Burying the the past r/s. The new prospect of new gal. Some one please guide me. I will follow direction. thx for your help. Edited February 2, 2013 by schism77 oops Link to post Share on other sites
Apolodor Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I'm sorry, but she was trying to tell you that she does not want to have a relationship with you outside work. It's never a good idea to get involved with people you work with because it makes things extremely awkward in the eventuality that you break up a few months down the line (most relationships end up like that). If I were in your shoes I wouldn't get too invested in this girl. At my office women are very friendly, but that is just a facade each of us puts on in order to comply with the ethos of the company ("people are our most important asset" sort of crap). When I girl wants you in her bed she will know how to make sure that you understand that. Dont mistake one tiny crumble for a whole loaf of bread.... You might end up regretting it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Coworker is mid 20's I am in my mid 30's..... I texted her Wednesday ( i was ill at home for two days ) to see if she was up for hanging out for a beer this weekend and i'd promise to leave the virus at home. She said she didnt know if she had any plans yet and was thinking about going out of town but will def know once the weekend is here. Okay big red flag here: This basically means, "I'm not in any way inclined to jump at this and say yes here, because frankly, you don't even figure. I may have to find something, I'll see what my friends have planned, but I will keep you as an option, if nothing better crops up, but trust me, at my age, you can bet it will..." You're too old for her and you work with her. Two no-no's in her book. Leave it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I suspect your job is not some part-time thing, but more of a career thing. So that's one reason you should drop it, it can only go bad. TM's translation of that girl's message is perfect, she is keeping you as an option [ain't metalanguage great ?]. In general when someone is keeping you up as an option, you don't keep them as the center of your world, you put them down also as an option or just plain forget them. In this case, forget about her. I'd also like to mention that you shouldn't beat yourself up as much about the age difference. Hit on the 25yr olds without much worry ... it's not that big of a deal. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Coworker is mid 20's I am in my mid 30's. I was drunk at a wedding reception and asked her out six mos ago. SHe said I was drunk and gave no answer. She has helped me get through my breakup of a year. I sort of was infatuated with her when I first asked her out, Fast fwd to last month. I am on a out of town trip and out of blue she asks me when I am coming back to work. To be fair , 99% of the time I initiate communication. So this kinda intrigued me. Over last month texts and emails have increased and last week she came over to my work station and showed me pictures of when she was an athlete in HS (5-6 years ago). I still don't understand what that was about. After a weekend of analyzing what has transpired so far... . I texted her Wednesday ( i was ill at home for two days ) to see if she was up for hanging out for a beer this weekend and i'd promise to leave the virus at home. She said she didnt know if she had any plans yet and was thinking about going out of town but will def know once the weekend is here. Made a comment that she loved that i was out sick and asking her to get drinks. Well its here and I didnt hear anything from her. I am wondering if its ok to make my own plans for the weekend and let her come to me. Or should I make a quick f/u call Sat afternoon. I really feel like she needs to get back to me on this one cause I aint gonna chase her for an answer..After all the ball is in her court ... and I aint gonna wait around for a call. The age difference does concern me... BUT we have so many common interests and sensibilities it freaks me out. So many conflicting emotions. Burying the the past r/s. The new prospect of new gal. Some one please guide me. I will follow direction. thx for your help. I would suggest that you stop analyzing the situation and go with your gut. Life shouldn't stop and you shouldn't adjust your plans because of a crush. That's just not healthy. If she chooses to hang out with you after you have made other plans then let her know you "made other plans but maybe another time." I am currently in a similar situation with a co-worker, sometimes we hang out, sometimes we don't... because we both have lives outside of potential romantic interest in one another. Hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 While dating a co-worker seems a good idea, it turns out that if things go pear-shaped it will definitely be the worst mistake you could ever make. How do you think Caliguy actually got to write his thread - ? Yup - he was dating a co-worker..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 While dating a co-worker seems a good idea, it turns out that if things go pear-shaped it will definitely be the worst mistake you could ever make. How do you think Caliguy actually got to write his thread - ? Yup - he was dating a co-worker..... I agree, it is highly unlikely that the end result of "dating" in the workplace will be favourable. That being said, I personally don't think that having a close relationship with a co-worker is a bad thing, even if it involves hooking up occasionally. It really depends on what both parties are looking for and prepared to deal with. If both parties aren't on the same page (seems that in this case they are not) then it won't work out and could end up being quite harmful. Link to post Share on other sites
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