loredo21 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I want to thank everyone for the advice and comments. the good the bad and the ugly. H and I had a long dinner alone last night and decided we want to R. He threw away the "list". He is forgiving and has accepted me for who I am. I told him I do not want father figure. I want a H, a companion, an equal, a friend. We've got all of the tools and foundation for a wonderful marriage. It is just about realizing it and doing the work that needs to be done in order for it to succeed. I KNOW we have a very very long road ahead of us. One that will include a lot of MC and IC. It isn't going to be easy, but despite the "fantasy" world I was living in, I honestly don't feel like any part of life would be easy for us without eachother. I would love to hear advice from any couple that has R after an A tore apart their M. Or advice from anyone in general. Also, do you think the OW board is good for me to be on? I feel like it would keep bringing up memories of MOM therefor interfering with our healing. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks so much everyone! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Good for you! Best of luck on your journey to a better marriage. That's awesome. The infidelity board is probably the best place to post while you are working through all of the issues. Best wishes to you and your husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LFH Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I think that the OW/OM board is only going to be helpful to you if you need to talk about that piece. Fallout, etc, random...whatever. I think it should become the past for you honestly. I think that you have made choices, and I know that while for one will miss your "voice" on here, you've taken a path that will hopefully lead you away from your choices that lead you HERE and that's a good thing. I wish you lots of luck. I hope that the two of you have a wonderful and happy life together, that you rebuild and reclaim all that made you want to be a couple int he first place and that he wants to experience the things you want WITH you in the future. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I want to thank everyone for the advice and comments. the good the bad and the ugly. H and I had a long dinner alone last night and decided we want to R. He threw away the "list". He is forgiving and has accepted me for who I am. I told him I do not want father figure. I want a H, a companion, an equal, a friend. We've got all of the tools and foundation for a wonderful marriage. It is just about realizing it and doing the work that needs to be done in order for it to succeed. I KNOW we have a very very long road ahead of us. One that will include a lot of MC and IC. It isn't going to be easy, but despite the "fantasy" world I was living in, I honestly don't feel like any part of life would be easy for us without eachother. I would love to hear advice from any couple that has R after an A tore apart their M. Or advice from anyone in general. Also, do you think the OW board is good for me to be on? I feel like it would keep bringing up memories of MOM therefor interfering with our healing. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks so much everyone! Re the bolded, you might want to post that question under Infidelity. There are quite a few threads there having to do with reconciling an M, and not so many on the OW/OM board. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LetMeGo Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 That's so awesome to hear Loredo...Good luck for the R. Will be watching the Infidelity boards for your progress. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I am very happy for you loredo. It will be a long hard road but if you two can reach the point of a successful reconciliation, it will only provide you with a richer, fuller, happier life. And please note, that even if you two can't, you will learn many lessons along the path. Commit to IC and MC, really deep dive self development and turn over all the rocks to discover your whys. You are going to learn so much about yourself. I wish you and your husband peace, happiness, and love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Good luck Loredo x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
watergirl12 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Good news! It can be done. I have done it. (we seperated years later for other reasons) Our beautiful baby boy came out of our R. The IC and MC are a good place to start. The hard part is that your spouse needs to accept their part in the failure of the marriage. A are a symptom, not a cause. If both of your behaviors do not change, it will not work. You both HAVE to address the problems in the marriage and work on them. BOTH of you. Start your marriage over. Start new customs, and new hobbies to create new memories. This is very important. My H and I started offroading and visiting ghost towns. Those ended up being the happiest moments in our marriage. We had a great time doing it. It also brings back spark into the marriage. Do whatever it takes to earn his trust back. Whatever he needs. Give all passwords. If he asks for your work schedule, give it to him. If WS was out, and I asked to speak to whomever he was with, he willingly handed the phone over. You don't have to do this forever, but it helps in the meantime till you have forgiveness. And forgive each other. A BS won't forgive overnight. It is a process. I got a book with many quotes on forgiveness, and that helped me. We Reconciled so well, that friends even commented to me that despite the cheating being so painful for me, that we ended up better than any couple they know, who were merely existing as roommates. And I wasn't even discussing the cheating at the time, I was just telling them all the fun things we were doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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