Whats wrong with me?

[stbernards]

I have a problem with my husband of not yet 3 years, he is treating me very badly not physical but very emotional, and when he does say hateful things to me and some words I cant help but cry he say" there she goes again crying" or "baby" I do everything for him, cleaning, laundry breakfest supper etc and while taking care of 3 kids, I never gained alot of weight so not over weight, I still dress up or down but he always seems to mad about every little thing I do, and even if there is no money left for the week it is all my fault but never his please I need some advice, I would hate to have to get a divorse being so early in our marriage

[stbernards]

also there has been flirting with other girls by him,

[MichiganMan222]

How long has it been going on. Was it a sudden change? How did he treat you before he started treating you badly?

[NervisPervis]

He doesn't think there are any negative consequences to his actions. And there haven't been so far, have there? 3 years? Maybe you caught it early enough.

 

You need to scare the crap out of him. He needs to think he's lost you and he needs to know it was his fault. Crash his world so he can rebuild it. Maybe with you, maybe without.

 

Marriage counseling - Waste of time.

Talking to him? - See above.

Crying ? - He doesn't care.

 

I give plenty of armchair advice on a lot of topics I don't have any experiece with. But on this topic, I was your husband. I knew what the problems were, but I didn't change (see no negative consequences from above).

 

Then about 4 years ago I tried to fix what I was a rut in my marriage. My wife acted like she was playing along, but I could tell her heart wasn't in it. All I wanted in the world was my life partner and soul mate to be intimate with me again. I wanted to rekindle what I thought was a perfect marriage that just went a little astray.

 

One particular evening, I was pressuring her to talk to me. To tell me what was going on. Although she didn't use the exact words "I haven't loved you for a long time, maybe never", that was my realization. It was because I acted like your husband. All I wanted was my wife back, and in that one horrible instant, I realized I had lost her forever.

 

Abusers don't change? I changed instantly. I didn't even have to try. In that one terrible instant, my DNA changed. NO WAY was I EVER going to behave like that person who caused my marriage to end. NO WAY!! Not only did I destroy my world, but hers and my kids as well. Five people. And not only was it my fault, but the reason was because I was an a-hole.

 

I haven't said a mean thing to her since. NOT ONE. I haven't had scary temper tantrums since. Not one. But it was too late. My wife was gone. I knew she wasn't coming back. I have been a zombie ever since.

 

Crash his world. It is your ONLY chance. I know. I lived it.

[NervisPervis]

How long has it been going on. Was it a sudden change? How did he treat you before he started treating you badly?

 

Please be honest here. If he REALLY did change, go ahead and tell us. If you knew what he was like and married him anyway, hoping he'd change, please admit that as well. We owe it to others to help the not make the same mistakes we did.

[Keke1]

He doesn't think there are any negative consequences to his actions. And there haven't been so far, have there? 3 years? Maybe you caught it early enough.

 

You need to scare the crap out of him. He needs to think he's lost you and he needs to know it was his fault. Crash his world so he can rebuild it. Maybe with you, maybe without.

 

Marriage counseling - Waste of time.

Talking to him? - See above.

Crying ? - He doesn't care.

 

I give plenty of armchair advice on a lot of topics I don't have any experiece with. But on this topic, I was your husband. I knew what the problems were, but I didn't change (see no negative consequences from above).

 

Then about 4 years ago I tried to fix what I was a rut in my marriage. My wife acted like she was playing along, but I could tell her heart wasn't in it. All I wanted in the world was my life partner and soul mate to be intimate with me again. I wanted to rekindle what I thought was a perfect marriage that just went a little astray.

 

One particular evening, I was pressuring her to talk to me. To tell me what was going on. Although she didn't use the exact words "I haven't loved you for a long time, maybe never", that was my realization. It was because I acted like your husband. All I wanted was my wife back, and in that one horrible instant, I realized I had lost her forever.

 

Abusers don't change? I changed instantly. I didn't even have to try. In that one terrible instant, my DNA changed. NO WAY was I EVER going to behave like that person who caused my marriage to end. NO WAY!! Not only did I destroy my world, but hers and my kids as well. Five people. And not only was it my fault, but the reason was because I was an a-hole.

 

I haven't said a mean thing to her since. NOT ONE. I haven't had scary temper tantrums since. Not one. But it was too late. My wife was gone. I knew she wasn't coming back. I have been a zombie ever since.

 

Crash his world. It is your ONLY chance. I know. I lived it.

 

A lot of the times it is way to late. I have some changes I need to go through still. Im 29 & still learning lessons. This post also helps me. Cherish what you have.

[lukas]

The problem is not yours, it is all his. You need to take steps to leave him to show him just what will happen if he does not permanently alter his ways. If you take him back and he relapses, run and never look back