Amber-rain Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Ugh.. Where do start? I know his wife, he chose her over me.. We have been talking on texts, email, phone for months, seems like old times and all the feelings I had for him are back. But now we are long distance and planning a visit once their divorce is final... Is there any chance this will work? I spent years getting over him the first time.. I have been thinking of him for > 10 years and so afraid to get hurt again but know there is something there! What happens when she finds out he is talking to me again? Link to post Share on other sites
stillbyMyself Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Why does it matter to you what she thinks, if they are in the process of getting a divorce? Why do you want to be with someone who didn't chose you when he had the chance? You might just be a fill-in until the next best thing comes around for him. Sorry, but I think you are setting yourself up for all those bad feeling to come back again when he finds someone he wants more. Look for someone who chooses you first and over everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amber-rain Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 Thanks for responding! Yes i tell myself that all the time, that I wish he had chosen me over her but I wouldn't have chosen me over her either... She was beautiful, very fit, outgoing, flirty. I was shy, overweight, and not so pretty. I feel like in the last 10 years though I have come into my own. So I feel slightly more confident. I think he friend-zoned me before and that doesn't appear to me happening now. But if I meet him this soon, will I only become the rebound girl?? I guess I wondered about her because he says how complicated this all is and I agree. She and I used to be friendly until they got together. They have children so if he and I got together I think it is important that we can get along.. Is that possible?? He left her. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 It sounds like you're putting the cart before the horse...you haven't even seen him for over 10 years, and you are concerned about getting along with his exW? While I don't doubt that you still have feelings for the guy you knew back then, I don't think it would be unreasonable to assume that, based on your posts, you also have some unresolved feelings of being rejected. For that reason, I suggest that you be very careful to not let your desire to finally "win" him--& the hope that you can make his wife feel like you did years ago--blind you from the reality of who he is today. Even though you knew him "then" doesn't mean that he has remained unchanged. Remember, you have no idea what went on in their marriage or what brought about their divorce aside from what HE has told you. As far as being a rebound, that is a risk you take when becoming involved with someone who has recently broken up, separated or divorced. At first, the security of having someone else there to fill the space once filled by their ex is comforting to them, but after the dust settles, it's not uncommon for them to want to experience the freedom of being single. It doesn't always work that way, but it is definitely something you should keep in mind. Protect your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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