How does one become more emotionally stable?

[RachR]

I'm not exactly the most emotionally stable person. And I'm sure as heck not lately. How does someone become more emotionally stable in their daily life in general?

[skweezd]

How's your diet? I've noticed people who consume high amounts of sugars or bad foods usually fluctuate. Also when I felt off balanced after a bad break up, I dove into exercise and volunteering at a youth basketball program. Have you tried yoga or meditation? If you haven't had a life changing event and eat well and still feel off center, try going to GNC and inquiring about mood stabilizing supplements. Very last resort would be medication from doctor. I have used anti-anxiety meds in the past and they do help. Good luck.

[pie2]

What do you mean by unstable?

 

What triggers the instability?

[RachR]

What do you mean by unstable?

 

What triggers the instability?

 

Well, I don't cope well with stress and I get highly anxious. I sometimes have trouble sleeping because I'm too anxious. I also overanalyze things. I have mood swings. I am often very emotionally reactive, although a few times lately I have stopped myself from being reactive and been rational. I also deal with depressive feelings. I have my moments of calmness but this is my general emotional state.

 

Anyway, I think most of this is rooted in some self esteem and self confidence issues. It's triggered the most when I feel like I'm not good enough and when I perceive someone I want to accept me is rejecting me (even if they actually aren't).

 

I'm hoping people can give me some practical ways to cope.

[RachR]

How's your diet? I've noticed people who consume high amounts of sugars or bad foods usually fluctuate. Also when I felt off balanced after a bad break up, I dove into exercise and volunteering at a youth basketball program. Have you tried yoga or meditation? If you haven't had a life changing event and eat well and still feel off center, try going to GNC and inquiring about mood stabilizing supplements. Very last resort would be medication from doctor. I have used anti-anxiety meds in the past and they do help. Good luck.

 

Thanks, I do find I feel more "stable" when I'm eating cleaner and less junk, I believe because of eating less sugar, like you said. So that's a good point. I don't exercise either, I would like to take up running though (starting out with walking). I'd rather not have to go on meds.

[pie2]

Well, I don't cope well with stress and I get highly anxious. I sometimes have trouble sleeping because I'm too anxious. I also overanalyze things. I have mood swings. I am often very emotionally reactive, although a few times lately I have stopped myself from being reactive and been rational. I also deal with depressive feelings. I have my moments of calmness but this is my general emotional state.

 

What you wrote (in bold) is so crucial! You really do have the coping skills you're looking for, and it's just a matter of perfecting them. You don't have to go into details on this forum, but ask yourself what were the details surrounding the incident that allowed you to change your reaction to a stressor?

 

If you could narrow down when you are triggered, and how you employ adaptive coping skills, you'll have more insight into how to replicate the pattern.

 

I recommend keeping a journal for awhile, especially when you have a episode of anxiety or depression. What events happened before, what where your feelings, and how did you react.

 

I imagine you'll begin to see a pattern, and will be able to prevent your moods from escalating (or depressing).

 

Just don't get discouraged. Changing these patterns of thought and behavior takes a long time, and isn't black and white. As skweezed mentioned, diet is a factor, as well as sleep, personal life, your job, etc. Exercise is a great way to help stabilize mood!!!

 

Like I said, you have the tools...now practice makes perfect.

[2sure]

Yoga, running, celexa. It's what works for me. And it took me years to figure it out.

[pink_sugar]

I know what you mean. I am a crying emotional type...but even eating right, I am very highly anxious. I'm pretty sure I have an anxiety disorder. Try indulging in favorite hobbies, exercise more, eat right and if you're still having a lot of anxiety, consider medication for those times when you just absolutely have trouble controlling it.

[skweezd]

See if you can catch a documentary called Hungry for Change.

[stevie_23]

I’m also not the most emotionally stable of people.

 

In terms of having trouble sleeping and over-analysing things, thinking too much and repetitive thoughts, it sounds as if you’re anxious in general. This usually comes from fearing something bad will happen to you and being insecure about who you are.

 

In terms of being emotionally reactive, is this with EVERYTHING? Like if something good happens, do you overreact positively? Or is it just negative things? I would assume, based on my own experience that being emotionally reactive to negative things such as being hurt, would stem from fearing and feeling threatened by something impacting on your happiness and self worth in general.

 

Also, in terms of reacting to things in an angry way, this all comes from fear and hurt too. Anger is not its own singular emotion, I think. If you’ve been hurt, or fear being hurt, or feel threatened in a way that you think someone’s actions or feelings may hurt you, you can react in anger.

 

I used to have quite a few anger issues which stemmed from feeling embarrassed, defensive, rejected, inferior, hurt, or like my self worth and respect was being threatened. I would throw actual “tantrums”, and be very verbally abusive to those closest to me. After a while I realised HEY, I don’t HAVE to indulge in this. I DO have a choice in how I behave and express my feelings. I realised (finally) that I was prolonging a fairly neutral and no big deal situation into a HUGE and unpleasant experience that was just unnecessary. I also realised I’d never behave that way towards or in front of my parents, friends and work colleagues, so why let myself treat my partners like that? It made me realise I AM in control if I choose to be.

 

In terms of any suggestions to improve this…I’d suggest counseling. Trying to work out when and why you feel these things, and then working on methods to reduce the intensity and frequency of the feelings, and thus the reactions.

 

Also, as some people have mentioned, eating a healthy, more natural diet is really good for evening out your blood sugar and moods in general. I’ve found this myself. Also, exercise is good not only for overall health but also for channeling your excess energy into a physical form as opposed to having to get it out just in an emotional way.

 

Also, if you’re not interested in trying anti-anxiety medication, how about St John’s Wart. It can be quite effective in relaxing people in a subtle way and enabling them to cope better with stress and tension and emotions.

 

And also, not everyone is naturally calm, and that’s ok. Everyone’s different. It’s only when it causes you discomfort and unhappiness (which it obviously is) that it’s a problem.

[SpiralOut]

I have a lot of anxiety that comes from lack of self-confidence. My coping strategy is to confront what I hate about myself. It creates a new type of stress - the stress that comes from facing my fears - but it helps me to deal with the other stress, the kind that comes from feeling crappy about myself.

 

Yoga has helped me tremendously. It allows you to accept your thoughts and set them aside, rather than pushing them away or ruminating on them. It encourages a mindset of accepting yourself as you are but still pushing yourself a little further to make gradual improvements.

[RachR]

Thank you for your responses and suggestions! I think they will truly help.

 

I also see a several people recommended yoga and eating more natural foods. Body does affect mind, so that's important too. I think I'll even check out that St. John's Wort. I carry so much tension in my shoulders and neck, it seems I'm always tense there now, it's hard to make it go away. Tense mind...tense body.

 

In terms of being emotionally reactive, is this with EVERYTHING? Like if something good happens, do you overreact positively? Or is it just negative things? I would assume, based on my own experience that being emotionally reactive to negative things such as being hurt, would stem from fearing and feeling threatened by something impacting on your happiness and self worth in general.

 

I overreact just with negative things. It's like something gets triggered that sets me off.

 

I need to be mindful, patient and consistent so I can change this.

[rys]

for me, before i complain or react negatively, i count 1-10 haha

 

when there's a problem, i ask myself : "is this the end of the world?"

 

i stay away from fb. i check once a day, like 5mins max to check if a relative or a friend has pm'd me.

 

emotionally reactive- i get excited with good news. with bad news- i'm back to counting 1-10 haha

[candie13]

Yoga and meditation, to begin with - they can help on the anxiety and sleep. Understanding the source of your fears and making active steps to fight them - is it a self esteem issue? Is it fear? what are you afraid of / stressed or anxious about?

 

I think if you're really serious about making changes about yourself, you should invest time, money and efforts in seeing a good coach for a few weeks, and getting some good self help books. Work consistently in putting them in practice. Have someone monitor you - help you on your way. It never happens over night and it takes a lot of effort to fundamentally improve yourself. Best of luck