Can't find girls I'm interested in at university

[furiousgreen]

Hello,

 

I'm a male freshman at university. I've never had a girlfriend, and my only romantic experience was a girl making out with me near the end of high school. Stupid as I am, I took it too seriously and was really hurt when I tried to contact her and she didn't respond.

 

I've never really had any close female friends, for whatever reason. I notice that the girls I've best gotten along with on a friendly basis were fairly religious (I'm not), whereas the aforementioned girl from high school was quite the hippy.

 

I have a small group of good friends at university, all of them older than I. We like to have meandering philosophical conversations; not the typical activities of college students when they go out, I guess I don't meet any girls through them.

 

When I meet girls in class our conversations don't usually go beyond academics and small talk. I just don't have much in common with them; not to sound pretentious, but it seems like most of them aren't interested in much beyond university life or popular culture.

 

I'm shy, but not paralyzingly so. I probably do come off as awkward though. I feel like an outsider in almost any group. On the one hand I'm in the hard sciences and academically motivated; on the other I'm very politically minded (progressively so), and it seems like the two groups don't tend to intersect.

 

There was only one girl I was interested in since starting university, and at first I think she was too. It appears that she resents me now though, probably because of politics getting in the way. I don't like her anymore anyway.

 

Besides the huge intimidation I feel at the prospect of asking out a girl, I really don't know what I want. It would just be nice to meet a kind girl with whom I connected emotionally and intellectually.

 

It's just looking exceedingly unlikely that I'll meet someone in the near future, although I would really like to. I'm in some clubs although I don't attend meetings very often.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated

Edited February 3, 2013 by furiousgreen

[lover4721]

I don't have all the answers to your problems - but I am the same way!

 

Not too religious and a bit quiet. I care what people think of me, and that is why I don't take too many chances to talk to some of the women at my college...

 

I'd like to transfer to a larger campus, larger than my 35,000 student college. Maybe Ohio State University?

 

You just have to show someone that you're interested in them and be confident lol. We aren't too outgoing - we keep things to ourselves before meeting someone. I'd rather like it if I knew someone was interested in me, and then become myself around them.

 

But most woman have had very hard times with previous guys and they just won't allow someone to come in and show them what's up... They probably assume they would just get hurt, or become used. So showing an interest in someone, and her personality and such, would become a great start!

 

I'm sill single lol. I usually have a lot of respect for people, and when people see that, I always get "I don't deserve you." Like the other day, this girl was talking about how young teens get out of high school - pregnant. I said I'd never really look down on someone like that - I like seeing responsibility. I've also got asked many many times why I was single... I asked why, and they said I was just so nice! They thought there was a trick haha.

 

So it's hard to really find someone when you're a bit too nice :/ But then, when someone likes YOU, and you don't like them - you aren't too friendly and happy and all, and they like you more because you put them off and play hard to get. That is why most guys always get new girlfriends, one after the other. OR when you see some girl on facebook talking about how she is 'done' but then she is dating the kid the next day! It is because he moved on and now she knows she is going to lose him. OR when guys want to talk a conflict out naturally, instead of playing the ignore method. Most girls wouldn't respond when most guys want to talk it out. OH but if you ignore her, she will come back! IT's backwards... It's a mystery!

 

I say just take an interest in other people. Ask questions about their life - since we all have a story to tell, and I believe if we find someone to tell it to and have them willing to really listen - it could make a bonding partner. Even take an interest in her goals! If you find a friend, take interest in what she enjoys to do and learn. I do know helping someone reach their goals, really sparks something up.

 

Always be there for someone, willing to talk! Smile often! Great body image! Be more confident in where your life is heading! I looked on here for research because I get a few people messaging me and saying hi, and they like me, but I don't really like them. However, when I like someone, they don't like me. And that is the reason why I mentioned about being nice. It seems like when I don't have a lot of communication to someone, they begin to like me and we have never met! But those I know that I like, they don't like me back for some reason. I think because I am more friendly, talk more often, etc. Not really sure. I looked it up on here and they have said, most quiet guys don't have self-confidence. Maybe they don't smile often? I have heard that someone's smile says a lot about who they are... A lot of guys on here talked about smiling and how it had gotten many woman's attention at the one bar. We got some testing to do!

 

And don't mess things up! If you get an opportunity with someone, take it. I messed up a PERFECT relationship. It was insane! It was perfect. But I was too shy to even meet her. And she was playing me as well... haha. But she regrets everything now and really wishes she would have done things differently. It's been a year since that. We get so many opportunities and never take them, and I think taking them is important. I know for a fact, every time I had become shy to do something, or if wanted to make sure they liked me for who I am - I missed out on a great amount of opportunities. :/ I would get back right now and change a lot of things... I was just so dumb. I kept waiting for them to show me they liked me more than I had thought, and then I'd initiate contact. It isn't just all that - I work very strangely. I would become very discouraged if I were rejected and I guess avoid that!

 

I hope more people offer better advice lol. Maybe not, because most members on here take quotes out of everyone's post and replies with their comments. So this may not be the best forum to seek advice! I know a few people that are helpful, but the post I read earlier showed me the other few people that aren't too respectful of other posts. They pin-point out everything you say that is wrong. It's a great community.

 

The link below - that thread includes helpful members!

Good luck!

 

EDIT: Ah, so I looked around and other people can't find anyone. They have listed many resources to improve some parts of your dating 'resume'.

Like body language and such!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/370871-virginity-bothering-me-little-bit

 

That thread - you could see where I got the 'helpful' members theory from. They provide resources and they contribute to someone, by providing factual information.

Whereas another thread, they completely destroyed this mans personality. Although, he deserved it because he came off as very rude talking about basically how females are the problem for everything, and they are just animals lol. Similar to people that believe the President is the problem of our country! Without any regard to the laws in place to protect everything, or the Federal Reserve System. You know... So you need to watch out when researching on here! Find people that actually offer solutions and then you found yourself a good thread with lots of tips! Don't follow tips on threads with members taking down someone else's personality, without ANY regard of how they were born or the type of person they are.

 

 

Allan Pease seems informative Look him up on YouTube!

 

 

Oh and I always get rejected as well - when you talk to a woman or message her somewhere and they don't respond. I guess it's just natural or they want someone asking for nudes instead. Who knows!

 

Again, good luck! I hope more helpful members could help you!

Edited February 3, 2013 by lover4721

[pink_sugar]

I've never really been interested in guys my own age (hence in school). Most guys I've been attracted to were at work and not in school. Mostly because I'm fairly mature for my age and never been into the partying scheme.

[ooglesnboogles]

Furious Green, we should make a club that spans across America for all the people like us! I know how you feel. I came into this semester so excited since everything seemed to be falling into place: My confidence is up, I'm dropping weight everyday, I look better, I feel better. I walked into each class looking around thinking "Where is she? Where is the girl I'm looking for?" and after each class, I left thinking "Well, maybe in the next one." There are very few girls who are actually my age, for starters. Then those who are aren't what I'm looking for. And that's after broadening up my standards (which aren't really strict as it is). So I felt a little down about that, but I've just decided I'll spend more time on campus and see what I can find.

 

The one girl (hell the one person) I've ever met who I instantly felt at home with, I met here. But she had a boyfriend. I mean, talking to her felt totally natural, I didn't feel pressured or tense like I normally do when talking to girls I like. But I guess it wasn't in the cards.

 

Gotta run to class, but I have more to add later!

[lukas]

I was exactly like you back then, in the exact same situation when I started university. There were girls I was interested in but things just never seemed to go the way I wanted, I think in some cases I actually just waited too long due to my nervous and overcautious nature.

 

Things really changed for me in graduate school though only after I began to go out and get drunk every single night. I don't advise this strategy due to the health effects it has and just how ****ty it feels to be perpetually hung over.... But what it does do is lifts a lot of the mental barriers you would have when talking to total strangers....

 

My first real girlfriend resulted from a drunken hookup oddly enough. When I first met her I thought she was a lesbian and a giant b*tch. That one drunken evening really changed my opinions of her for whatever reason, she wasn't what I had thought she was.

 

Just saying things appear in mysterious ways but you do have to get out of your comfort zone to be able to find something!

 

Hope that helps

[Nik1]

Just get comfortable with the fact that most girls are dullards and lower your standards. Just remember, when you're fighting to stay awake while talking to her, just keep telling yourself: "I might get a blowjob, I might get a blowjob..."

[uglie_mq]

LOL!!!!!!!!! That's so funny!

[furiousgreen]

Thank you for the advice everyone. Can't really say I'm encouraged by it though :/

 

I don't like the idea of "standards", as if though I'm above some class of people. It's just that I need to find someone compatible.

 

I just don't understand how so many people connect on such a superficial level. I hear people longing after others they've only seen in class a few times and know nothing about. I can't see myself asking out a girl until I know her fairly well.

[nowwhatnow]

wow i am like the same as you. hard to find guys i really connect with. and finally when i did he was not ready for a relationship.

 

too bad you dont go to my college!

[Shaun-Dro]

I don't have all the answers to your problems - but I am the same way!

 

Not too religious and a bit quiet. I care what people think of me, and that is why I don't take too many chances to talk to some of the women at my college...

 

I'd like to transfer to a larger campus, larger than my 35,000 student college. Maybe Ohio State University?

 

You just have to show someone that you're interested in them and be confident lol. We aren't too outgoing - we keep things to ourselves before meeting someone. I'd rather like it if I knew someone was interested in me, and then become myself around them.

 

But most woman have had very hard times with previous guys and they just won't allow someone to come in and show them what's up... They probably assume they would just get hurt, or become used. So showing an interest in someone, and her personality and such, would become a great start!

 

I'm sill single lol. I usually have a lot of respect for people, and when people see that, I always get "I don't deserve you." Like the other day, this girl was talking about how young teens get out of high school - pregnant. I said I'd never really look down on someone like that - I like seeing responsibility. I've also got asked many many times why I was single... I asked why, and they said I was just so nice! They thought there was a trick haha.

 

So it's hard to really find someone when you're a bit too nice :/ But then, when someone likes YOU, and you don't like them - you aren't too friendly and happy and all, and they like you more because you put them off and play hard to get. That is why most guys always get new girlfriends, one after the other. OR when you see some girl on facebook talking about how she is 'done' but then she is dating the kid the next day! It is because he moved on and now she knows she is going to lose him. OR when guys want to talk a conflict out naturally, instead of playing the ignore method. Most girls wouldn't respond when most guys want to talk it out. OH but if you ignore her, she will come back! IT's backwards... It's a mystery!

 

Your thread is way too long to read. That's one of your major faults right there as a guy: you talk too much! Nothing will run a girl off faster. Your confidence can only shine through when you don't say much, and yet have a strong disposition about yourself. Every woman is drawn to that.

 

And yes, ignoring them will also get them hot and bothered, but it usually works best after you've either already bedded them, or charmed them into a state of confusion. After you cut out the lights on them, they'll wonder if they did something wrong, and will most likely chase you.

 

Don't be fooled into only believing that young dames fall for this. I've seen 30-40 year olds do it as well. It's their weakness. Women love what they cant figure out. It works wonders on their emotions, since they're naturally weak-minded by nature, driven solely by emotions, so once you're able to manipulate that, you're in deep with them.