Butterflies DO exist after MM!

[neveragain34]

To the OW/OW who are no longer in their A...Remember that giddy butterfly feeling you got in your stomach when you first met your MP? The same feeling you thought would never exist again after it ended, as every emotion seemed to be sucked out of you? Well guess what, it WILL come back! After forcing myself to start dating again, I was ready to throw in the towel after having one horrible date after the other. That changed on Thursday; I finally had a date with someone I actually like!! We went out again Friday night, tonight, and are having lunch on Monday. I can't wait! The butterflies are back!!! Kinda scary at the same time (fear of getting hurt again), so I am definitely going to be more cautious with this one.

 

Just wanted to share that with those of you that think you'll never find that feeling again. You will; just be patient. And if it doesn't work out with the next person you have butterflies for, at least you know you're still capable of feeling again, as everything seems so numbing after the A.

[whichwayisup]

Just wanted to share that with those of you that think you'll never find that feeling again. You will; just be patient. And if it doesn't work out with the next person you have butterflies for, at least you know you're still capable of feeling again, as everything seems so numbing after the A.

Everybody feels this way after a break up, even if one never had an A and it was a regular one on one relationship - It takes time to heal and be ready to let oneself fall for another person.

 

Good for you! Enjoy the new guy!

[skywriter]

To the OW/OW who are no longer in their A...Remember that giddy butterfly feeling you got in your stomach when you first met your MP? The same feeling you thought would never exist again after it ended, as every emotion seemed to be sucked out of you? Well guess what, it WILL come back! After forcing myself to start dating again, I was ready to throw in the towel after having one horrible date after the other. That changed on Thursday; I finally had a date with someone I actually like!! We went out again Friday night, tonight, and are having lunch on Monday. I can't wait! The butterflies are back!!! Kinda scary at the same time (fear of getting hurt again), so I am definitely going to be more cautious with this one.

 

Just wanted to share that with those of you that think you'll never find that feeling again. You will; just be patient. And if it doesn't work out with the next person you have butterflies for, at least you know you're still capable of feeling again, as everything seems so numbing after the A.

 

 

Neveragain 34,

 

I am so, so, happy for you. I understand abt the butterflies because I experienced that feeling with the exMM, even told the exmm.

 

I am seeing someone too, never have felt the butterflies. The difference is, I've known this man for over twenty yrs and we are like old friends.

 

He may not give me the tingle in my stomach, but I have to be careful not to tell him I like this or that because the next day, He'll have gone out and bought it for me.

 

I also have the comfort of knowing if he says, lets go out on Thursday night, that I won't get a call saying I can't or just a no show.

[neveragain34]

Everybody feels this way after a break up, even if one never had an A and it was a regular one on one relationship

 

Very true! However, I found the A breakup to be much worse than past breakups of regular relationships. I ended an engagement 3 months before the wedding once and it wasn't as excruciating as the A breakup. For me I guess the A breakup was so hard because it forced me to look at things about myself I had been ignoring for so long. This self-analyzation turned out to be a good thing though because it's given me a new strength and confidence to take into any new relationships.

 

I don't thrive on the attention of charmers anymore and compliments like I did with the MM. In fact, the horrible dates I recently had were throwing out stupid lines like calling me a supermodel and saying they have never met anyone so amazing; I just found it repulsive and cheesy. In the past I would have ate it up and come back for more. I love being around new guy because we have so much in common, finish each other sentences, everything feels so natural, etc. He is truly getting to know me without feeding me a bunch of crap or trying to rush things like the exMM did. ExMM asked me to be his girlfriend after only 4 days of knowing him; this should have been a red flag for me!

 

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes! I feel like I'm in a good place right now for the first time in months.

[spice4life]

That's awesome, neveragain! Best wishes with the new guy!

 

That's so nice that he is taking his time and wanting to get to know you for who you are. Keep up the good work!

[MissBee]

To the OW/OW who are no longer in their A...Remember that giddy butterfly feeling you got in your stomach when you first met your MP? The same feeling you thought would never exist again after it ended, as every emotion seemed to be sucked out of you? Well guess what, it WILL come back! After forcing myself to start dating again, I was ready to throw in the towel after having one horrible date after the other. That changed on Thursday; I finally had a date with someone I actually like!! We went out again Friday night, tonight, and are having lunch on Monday. I can't wait! The butterflies are back!!! Kinda scary at the same time (fear of getting hurt again), so I am definitely going to be more cautious with this one.

 

Just wanted to share that with those of you that think you'll never find that feeling again. You will; just be patient. And if it doesn't work out with the next person you have butterflies for, at least you know you're still capable of feeling again, as everything seems so numbing after the A.

 

I'm so happy for you!

 

Great message.

 

I think it's normal after most relationships, where you really invested emotionally, to feel like you'll NEVER love someone as much and never feel that way again and it's really difficult to imagine a new love, as this person doesn't as yet exist...and all you have is the pain of right now. It's hard. But having lived and loved more than once...I do remind myself that NO ONE is your last chance! Not a MP, not a single person. You can always love and feel butterflies again...it just takes time.

 

I don't believe in "one true love" and I certainly believe if a man is one of my potential matches, but he's married, then he's simply not for me. He may belong to the pool of potentially great matches for me...but I am not going to brand him as "IT". This outlook has really helped me to process heartbreak and with how I approach relationships. Because I believe there isn't just one "ONE" I don't feel the need to cling to a relationship or try to make it work at all cost, even when it's not working. I'm a lot happier and can let things go with the hope that something better is out there if this current situation isn't working.

[neveragain34]

I don't believe in "one true love" and I certainly believe if a man is one of my potential matches, but he's married, then he's simply not for me. He may belong to the pool of potentially great matches for me...but I am not going to brand him as "IT". This outlook has really helped me to process heartbreak and with how I approach relationships. Because I believe there isn't just one "ONE" I don't feel the need to cling to a relationship or try to make it work at all cost, even when it's not working. I'm a lot happier and can let things go with the hope that something better is out there if this current situation isn't working.

 

This is a great way of thinking! I think I am starting to see it from a similar perspective, as I know I'll be fine if this doesn't work out, there will be others. And I'm definitely staying away from MM!!

[LetMeGo]

Always nice to hear the good things after ending an A...Really happy for you.

 

Now to get out and catch some butterflies for myself.

[MissBee]

Neveragain 34,

 

I am so, so, happy for you. I understand abt the butterflies because I experienced that feeling with the exMM, even told the exmm.

 

I am seeing someone too, never have felt the butterflies. The difference is, I've known this man for over twenty yrs and we are like old friends.

 

He may not give me the tingle in my stomach, but I have to be careful not to tell him I like this or that because the next day, He'll have gone out and bought it for me.

 

I also have the comfort of knowing if he says, lets go out on Thursday night, that I won't get a call saying I can't or just a no show.

 

It's so interesting that you brought that up. I read an article discussing how butterflies were overrated and sometimes butterflies are confused with the anxieties and uncertainty of chaotic relationships. The author was talking about women who habitually date unavailable men always feel butterflies for these men who are unreliable, married to someone else or otherwise will never provide a secure relationship...and they don't feel that butterfly/anxiety/excitement for men who will actually provide that, so chase the butterflies and just end up with the same kinds of "exciting" guys who cause them pain. Then they believe that safe guys are boring and that they're only attracted to (based on butterflies) those other guys.

 

I was such a person and it's hard to unlearn when all you've known is that butterflies is passion, excitement to shift your orientation to maybe no putting that foremost. Not that butterflies are always bad things but it certainly isn't a guaranteed good sign esp if you check your history and realize every butterfly feeling led to nowhere. I'm so glad you're dating a reliable man who has been a friend, it seems many of the good relationships I've heard about started in such an innocuous way and wild, passionate whirlwind ones, from my own experience, are sure as hell addictive and exciting but then what?

[loredo21]

Awww YAY!

[neveragain34]

It's so interesting that you brought that up. I read an article discussing how butterflies were overrated and sometimes butterflies are confused with the anxieties and uncertainty of chaotic relationships. The author was talking about women who habitually date unavailable men always feel butterflies for these men who are unreliable, married to someone else or otherwise will never provide a secure relationship...and they don't feel that butterfly/anxiety/excitement for men who will actually provide that, so chase the butterflies and just end up with the same kinds of "exciting" guys who cause them pain. Then they believe that safe guys are boring and that they're only attracted to (based on butterflies) those other guys.

 

I was such a person and it's hard to unlearn when all you've known is that butterflies is passion, excitement to shift your orientation to maybe no putting that foremost. Not that butterflies are always bad things but it certainly isn't a guaranteed good sign esp if you check your history and realize every butterfly feeling led to nowhere. I'm so glad you're dating a reliable man who has been a friend, it seems many of the good relationships I've heard about started in such an innocuous way and wild, passionate whirlwind ones, from my own experience, are sure as hell addictive and exciting but then what?

 

These are definitely good butterflies; more like a happy, giddy feeling, rather than anxiety! Can totally relate to whirlwind romances and wild passion. That's exactly how it started with exMM and ended up in shambles. Taking it slow with this one for sure, but still exited by the potential I see here and even more exited at the fact that I am able to feel something again!! We are meeting for lunch tomorrow which will be date 4.

[OW5431]

It's so interesting that you brought that up. I read an article discussing how butterflies were overrated and sometimes butterflies are confused with the anxieties and uncertainty of chaotic relationships. The author was talking about women who habitually date unavailable men always feel butterflies for these men who are unreliable, married to someone else or otherwise will never provide a secure relationship...and they don't feel that butterfly/anxiety/excitement for men who will actually provide that, so chase the butterflies and just end up with the same kinds of "exciting" guys who cause them pain. Then they believe that safe guys are boring and that they're only attracted to (based on butterflies) those other guys.

 

I was such a person and it's hard to unlearn when all you've known is that butterflies is passion, excitement to shift your orientation to maybe no putting that foremost. Not that butterflies are always bad things but it certainly isn't a guaranteed good sign esp if you check your history and realize every butterfly feeling led to nowhere. I'm so glad you're dating a reliable man who has been a friend, it seems many of the good relationships I've heard about started in such an innocuous way and wild, passionate whirlwind ones, from my own experience, are sure as hell addictive and exciting but then what?

 

Where did you read that article? Would love a link. Applies to my situation exactly.