Social Media - Big happy family

[promises]

No, no, no - you're looking at this all wrong! You escaped from the hell of being with a cheater! Let them be together, who cares? It's only a matter of time before he's out cheating again. You will hurt, you will get over it. And you will be happier then, when you realize you don't have the cheater in your life anymore!

 

Thank you.. It makes sense to me when my thoughts are straight. I like when they are..

[promises]

Why do you care? Why do you speak for XMM? No wonder you are where you are right now, he does not care what you think for him or not, as he has got what he wanted to get from you.

 

YOu are no place to judge their marriage, if they knew you are looking at the internet page, guess what they would think about you?

 

Your mindset needs to be focusing on YOU, only YOU...otherwise you will continue and non-stop being (feel like) victim, being pathetic, poor me...etc.

 

 

I'm far from pathetic.. But, not embracing moving forward is only detrimental to my life.

[Spark1111]

Just because she is a wife does not make me automatically think she is a wonderful woman. She belittled him in public, used a situation in their lives for personal gain and sold the story to a magazine. She asks for the moon and doesn't work. Never had. He meanwhile works three jobs and many many times declared he has always felt like her puppet not partner and is constantly belittled which I have heard first hand.

 

Cheating is wrong. It's also wrong to not honor and respect your spouse.

 

ALSO THEIR messed up dynamic lead him to me. Ultimately

 

I don't care what she thinks of me.

 

So why did he never do anything about it? he really, really presents well as a victim, Does't he?

 

he has you STILL really disliking her, blaming her, even now.

 

yet, where is he?

 

How bad could she be promises if he's holding her hand on FB?

 

Put the blame where it belongs and stop drinking the koolaid....his koolaid.

[neveragain34]

I'm far from pathetic.. But, not embracing moving forward is only detrimental to my life.

 

Just because she is a wife does not make me automatically think she is a wonderful woman. She belittled him in public, used a situation in their lives for personal gain and sold the story to a magazine. She asks for the moon and doesn't work. Never had. He meanwhile works three jobs and many many times declared he has always felt like her puppet not partner and is constantly belittled which I have heard.

 

If she is so horrible, then why hasn't he left her? He obviously likes being treated this way and has chosen to stay. His mindset is probably very similar to that of an OW who chooses to stay with a lying, cheating, manupulative MM, making excuse after excuse for them and their reasons for staying.

[neveragain34]

^^^I only quoted the second part; don't know how two quotes got in there. Sorry!

[promises]

So why did he never do anything about it? he really, really presents well as a victim, Does't he?

 

he has you STILL really disliking her, blaming her, even now.

 

yet, where is he?

 

How bad could she be promises if he's holding her hand on FB?

 

Put the blame where it belongs and stop drinking the koolaid....his koolaid.

 

I know.

I just want to be happy and honestly not feel so lonely. It's isolating being the OW.

Terribly isolating. And what is now is me rebuilding my life. And it's alone.

I was getting healthy physically when he started his wooing and I just feel like I now have this emotional crap to dig out of as well. It wasn't nice of him to do that when he knew of my circumstances.

 

Anyway. At the end of the day I am just a woman hopeful for love. I still have that.

[Spark1111]

If she is so horrible, then why hasn't he left her? He obviously likes being treated this way and has chosen to stay. His mindset is probably very similar to that of an OW who chooses to stay with a lying, cheating, manupulative MM, making excuse after excuse for them and their reasons for staying.

 

EXACTLY, or she was never that terrible to begin with. whatever he was complaining of to you, it apparently was not a deal breaker for him!

 

typical of many of them, he took molehills and made mountains out of it, and it can feel very validating to have someone pour empathy all over you for it, but if he found that so terrible, he would have left.

[promises]

If she is so horrible, then why hasn't he left her? He obviously likes being treated this way and has chosen to stay. His mindset is probably very similar to that of an OW who chooses to stay with a lying, cheating, manupulative MM, making excuse after excuse for them and their reasons for staying.

 

He stays because he probably made it seem worse to get me more attached to him.

[promises]

EXACTLY, or she was never that terrible to begin with. whatever he was complaining of to you, it apparently was not a deal breaker for him!

 

typical of many of them, he took molehills and made mountains out of it, and it can feel very validating to have someone pour empathy all over you for it, but if he found that so terrible, he would have left.

 

 

Ok, explain why this behavior is acceptable as a wife? You know your husband did this and it's ok. You know he must've lied about you and it's ok. ((not you-just from the wifes perspective))

[sweet_pea]

I know.

I just want to be happy and honestly not feel so lonely. It's isolating being the OW.

Terribly isolating. And what is now is me rebuilding my life. And it's alone.

I was getting healthy physically when he started his wooing and I just feel like I now have this emotional crap to dig out of as well. It wasn't nice of him to do that when he knew of my circumstances.

 

Anyway. At the end of the day I am just a woman hopeful for love. I still have that.

 

Focus on that. Focus on YOUR happiness. On how wonderful of a woman YOU are. I know it's hard, but keep that hope for love alive, girlfriend!!

[promises]

Yes you need to forgive yourself ultimately but cheap forgiveness isn't worth much. That's just dressed up defensiveness and letting off the hook. That's what some BS do in DDay and live to regret.

 

You are this person because youre still doing it. Still taking his part, still siding with him, still demonizing her, still hoping at some level he will come back at least so she doesn't have him, so at least you have the option.

 

Own it. Be mortified for what you did to her. Blame him for what he disto both of you and be glad you don't have him. Hope he mans up for her and makes her feel like he made you feel once. I bet her perceived faults are because he doesn't/didn't do that.

 

Then when you have stopped lashing out at her, stopped focusing on him- then forgive yourself. Then you will no longer be this person who gets into other peoples marriages.

 

I never was this person. Listen, I will say that I was at my absolute weakest most vulnerable state in life.

 

I will not be mortified by it because of the facts. No way. Step in my shoes and say given the circumstances you wouldn't have been vulnerable.

[promises]

It sounds awfully like you still want it from him though. If he divorced her and then contacted you, even if you never trusted him and didn't go back to him- you'd feel great that he must have meant it and that she got her desserts. And those are ugly thoughts about another woman's marriage.

 

I knew you were still blaming her, the malice just jumps off the page. You need to stop believing she was a bad wife. If she was a bad wife that's his problem, but she still never deserved what either of you did.

 

 

I can have my opinions. But, ultimately no I never wanted to be the reason for breaking up a marriage. Believe that or not.

[woinlove]

I never was this person. Listen, I will say that I was at my absolute weakest most vulnerable state in life.

 

I will not be mortified by it because of the facts. No way. Step in my shoes and say given the circumstances you wouldn't have been vulnerable.

 

I don't know, promises. Sounds like you could go through all this again if you feel like that. You never know what life will throw at you, so many things out of our control. Personally, I found I needed to change to be confident that I would treat both myself and others better in the future, even when life throws me something terrible. Recognizing that I don't have control over many things, but I do have control over the choices I make in who I bring into my life in a romantic way, is what ultimately brought me more happiness. Perhaps something there for you to think about.

[Decorative]

Ok, explain why this behavior is acceptable as a wife? You know your husband did this and it's ok. You know he must've lied about you and it's ok. ((not you-just from the wifes perspective))

 

Nobody said it's okay.

 

That's why truly successful reconciliations are a giant amount of work and effort and the wayward has to turn themselves inside out to fix what's hurting inside them.

 

And the betrayed spouse has to work hard at their issues. Their goals. And what they want ahead.

 

It's not easy.

 

And what he did is not okay.

[promises]

I don't know, promises. Sounds like you could go through all this again if you feel like that. You never know what life will throw at you, so many things out of our control. Personally, I found I needed to change to be confident that I would treat both myself and others better in the future, even when life throws me something terrible. Recognizing that I don't have control over many things, but I do have control over the choices I make in who I bring into my life in a romantic way, is what ultimately brought me more happiness. Perhaps something there for you to think about.

 

I agree we can always only get better.

 

I lost two years of my life to disease and being bed ridden in pain. I lost four organs and reconstruction of three others. I learned to walk again and have just begun larger physical movement. I fought that entire illness along side my doctors to and in the process of the illness and surgeries, the doctors tried to save my ability to have children. I lost that battle but saved my own life. I was just beginning to go back to work and stretch my life beyond a hospital bed when he pursued me. I was completely not understanding my own new identity...

 

I rejected his advances but he was slow and deliberate. Yes, he used his children photos and stories to play at my heart but he also gave me a friend I desperately needed.

 

These are extreme circumstances. If I had been healthy no way in hell would've I been in this position. And yes, he was calculated about all of it.

[promises]

Great. So your next post will be that you're glad she seems happy, she deserves for him to be on his knees to her and you're grateful your interference hasn't ruined her life. I look forward to that post. I will double like it.

 

 

Hope that you do. Double like something.

[woinlove]

I'm glad you survived all that, promises. That shows your strength. Family and friends are most needed when we face such extreme challenges. New romantic interests hardly ever are the solution at such times, never mind with a MM. Maybe you see that now.

[promises]

I'm glad you survived all that, promises. That shows your strength. Family and friends are most needed when we face such extreme challenges. New romantic interests hardly ever are the solution at such times, never mind with a MM. Maybe you see that now.

 

I see it. Yes. I just won't shame myself. I've been through enough and yes, I just need to find a way to move forward.

 

I know in my heart this was a blessing. Just trying to understand what ALL of it was for.

[Journee]

I agree we can always only get better.

 

I lost two years of my life to disease and being bed ridden in pain. I lost four organs and reconstruction of three others. I learned to walk again and have just begun larger physical movement. I fought that entire illness along side my doctors to and in the process of the illness and surgeries, the doctors tried to save my ability to have children. I lost that battle but saved my own life. I was just beginning to go back to work and stretch my life beyond a hospital bed when he pursued me. I was completely not understanding my own new identity...

 

I rejected his advances but he was slow and deliberate. Yes, he used his children photos and stories to play at my heart but he also gave me a friend I desperately needed.

 

These are extreme circumstances. If I had been healthy no way in hell would've I been in this position. And yes, he was calculated about all of it.

 

 

 

I completely understand extreme circumstances. They can thin out the thickest of boundaries. The wonderful part about second chances at life and love are the lessons learned. I am very happy that you are healthy physically. How terrifying it is to know one has no control of what is happening within their own body. I hope that you take full control of your life in all other aspects.

 

I feel your pain in the frustration of loving someone who has hurt you so deeply. My MM is my very own husband. The pain searing hot. I hate for anyone to hurt but please know that there is life after this. You have fought a tremendous fight for your life Promises. My God girl, keep fighting!

 

Don't go looking for pain in social media. Digital fetter. Move ahead at your own pace but keep it constant.

 

Good luck

[promises]

I completely understand extreme circumstances. They can thin out the thickest of boundaries. The wonderful part about second chances at life and love are the lessons learned. I am very happy that you are healthy physically. How terrifying it is to know one has no control of what is happening within their own body. I hope that you take full control of your life in all other aspects.

 

I feel your pain in the frustration of loving someone who has hurt you so deeply. My MM is my very own husband. The pain searing hot. I hate for anyone to hurt but please know that there is life after this. You have fought a tremendous fight for your life Promises. My God girl, keep fighting!

 

Don't go looking for pain in social media. Digital fetter. Move ahead at your own pace but keep it constant.

 

Good luck

 

Thank you, Journee. I have always respected your posts.

[Realist3]

Doubt that he meant that? Maybe he did but all he has succeeded at is putting a thought back in mind and heart. How is that fair when he's wooing his W back to his good graces??

 

Look, he is going to make his life look as good as he can to his wife and likely to the family that follows him on social media. That hasno relation to whatis actually going on in his mind.

[promises]

There is a reason this sour grapes bugs me. I went to BILs office to deliver some papers he needed to sign so my sister had money to live on. This is a couple of months past DDay. His secretary let me into his office and I'm sitting on the chair against the outer wall. He doesn't know yet that I've arrived.

 

He comes along the corridor and xOW steps out of the bathroom and runs up. She's begging, crying for him to talk to her, tell her he meant it, that he's only stayjg for the kids. He says very harshly "No, I love my wife. I hate what I did with you. I'm not going to be that person. I want you to leave I've nothing to say." She said her kids missed him. He ignored her and he went into his office and slammed the door in her face. (he was petty shocked to see me too). She ran down the fire stairs screaming "I bet your marriage is perfect again like it was before me" and disappeared.

 

And all I could think was "who does she think she is?". She should be grateful IF his marriage was great because then the innocent would be less hurt.

 

Don't be like her promises.

 

No offense but you BIL sounds like an a-h#le.

[woinlove]

I see it. Yes. I just won't shame myself. I've been through enough and yes, I just need to find a way to move forward.

 

I know in my heart this was a blessing. Just trying to understand what ALL of it was for.

 

I don't think there is any shame in learning and changing from our poor decisions. I think you are seeing there is not much to learn by trying to peer into their M. Much more to learn from looking inward. That was my route to greater happiness and moving forward and I'm glad I took it.

[promises]

Look, he is going to make his life look as good as he can to his wife and likely to the family that follows him on social media. That hasno relation to whatis actually going on in his mind.

 

 

I agree. From what he mentioned since he moved home cars have been purchased travel has happened and life goes on. His words, 'I have too much invested.' . I don't WANT TO hate him. I want to accept the circumstances as they are and that he does love his wife and has a family to raise but, there was love for me. I just need to move on.

[MissBee]

We have a very large number of people in common. A good friend is also friends with them. I was with her and she showed me.

 

I have them both blocked right and left everywhere.

 

It kills me that I am the only one hurting here and life is so great for him.

 

Why would your friend do that? That's so inconsiderate. When I was in NC with my ex I made sure to request my friends not update me on his life, as that defeats the purpose. I think it would be helpful, if your friends can't intuit that on their own, to ask them to refrain from telling you about his life.

 

Anyway, I know how you feel. But the truth is EVERYONE only puts up what they want people to see on FB. Most people are only gonna portray their happiness for all to see, regardless of if it's completely true or a front. He's been reaching out to you so clearly all isn't well in paradise, although on FB it's painted that way.I know it seem like life would be better if he felt badly too and was hurting....but your pain is not tied to his own, neither is your happiness.

 

Be glad you're done with him and aren't married to a man only pretending to reconcile. Avoid worrying about his happiness or lack thereof. Consider yourself as having dodged a bullet and focus on making your own life genuinely happy and soon his FB life will be far from your thoughts.