Does it matter how your xMM/xMW think of you now?i

[LFH]

There's no cent LFH. It seems obvious but few get it. The OW and WS are equal. Anything she can say about him is true of her. And vice versa. You can't side with one because they are the same. For everything he did that was terrible to his wife the OW wanted him to. For everything the OW did to the wife he allowed it. They are morally in exactly the same boat. Its funny how one side is so sanctimonious about the other when underneath its almost always they one wanted out of the affair and the other didn't. One was rejected and doesn't like it. And on that basis the obfuscation of the obvious begins.

 

The way OW run MM off the board with such venom is amusing because they wanted him to do exactly what he did just to someone else.

 

I don't give a darn how much you hate us. Frankly, I'm just tired of having to hear about it in EVERY thread. It's become threadjacking for you to just post because you don't add anythinig to the topic.

[TheOW]

There's no cent LFH. It seems obvious but few get it. The OW and WS are equal. Anything she can say about him is true of her. And vice versa. You can't side with one because they are the same. For everything he did that was terrible to his wife the OW wanted him to. For everything the OW did to the wife he allowed it. They are morally in exactly the same boat. Its funny how one side is so sanctimonious about the other when underneath its almost always they one wanted out of the affair and the other didn't. One was rejected and doesn't like it. And on that basis the obfuscation of the obvious begins.

 

The way OW run MM off the board with such venom is amusing because they wanted him to do exactly what he did just to someone else.

 

The OW and WS are equal ?? did u just type that ? I have read many many posts where you almost always applaud the WS for doing the right thing by stabbing his OW in the heart and leaving her in the gutter. Get a grip you horrible nasty little person I have had enough of you and you disgusting posts. You are a complete fantasist and I dont believe any of your "stories" I think u are a BS who is venting her anger towards OW, these stories about your sister ? I think thats actually you !!

[LFH]

The OW and WS are equal ?? did u just type that ? I have read many many posts where you almost always applaud the WS for doing the right thing by stabbing his OW in the heart and leaving her in the gutter. Get a grip you horrible nasty little person I have had enough of you and you disgusting posts. You are a complete fantasist and I dont believe any of your "stories" I think u are a BS who is venting her anger towards OW, these stories about your sister ? I think thats actually you !!

 

I think we ALL know that's probably the case. If it makes her happy to post the situations about her "BIL" or "Dad" or "Neighbor down the street" or "cousin" or "little boy who sat behind me in 2nd grade" then we should let her, and just be glad that we aren't so consumed with hatred that it becomes the focus of our lives.

 

I post a lot. I post from my phone, I check in here and there especially if there is a situation I find interesting or a thread that I am curious about, but I'm ACTIVELY engaged in an affair plus I currently have extra time on my hands

 

I can't imagine investing that kind of energy in something that didn't DIRECTLY impact me personally.

[TheOW]

I think we ALL know that's probably the case. If it makes her happy to post the situations about her "BIL" or "Dad" or "Neighbor down the street" or "cousin" or "little boy who sat behind me in 2nd grade" then we should let her, and just be glad that we aren't so consumed with hatred that it becomes the focus of our lives.

 

I post a lot. I post from my phone, I check in here and there especially if there is a situation I find interesting or a thread that I am curious about, but I'm ACTIVELY engaged in an affair plus I currently have extra time on my hands

 

I can't imagine investing that kind of energy in something that didn't DIRECTLY impact me personally.

 

Yes i am also in an active affair and I am married but thats OUR choice. I enjoy reading these threads especially when i am feeling down or i feel im becoming too "involved" within the affair these threads help me to stand back abit (if u know what i mean) But posts from this woman do not help myself or others and she is putting alot of people off posting their stories on here altogether, many have already said that.

[wanting more]

Yes i am also in an active affair and I am married but thats OUR choice. I enjoy reading these threads especially when i am feeling down or i feel im becoming too "involved" within the affair these threads help me to stand back abit (if u know what i mean) But posts from this woman do not help myself or others and she is putting alot of people off posting their stories on here altogether, many have already said that.

 

I agree. There's such a diversity of people on here. If you're in an A now and happy with it, someone posting on here ugly nasty things will not change your mind about your situation. A person just coming out of an A, good or ugly is looking for advice, help on how to deal with things. Such mean posts are not going to encourage them to keep coming back. At a tons when they need someone the most. This particular poster shouldn't be on here. It's not support she's offering.

[Got it]

I think we ALL know that's probably the case. If it makes her happy to post the situations about her "BIL" or "Dad" or "Neighbor down the street" or "cousin" or "little boy who sat behind me in 2nd grade" then we should let her, and just be glad that we aren't so consumed with hatred that it becomes the focus of our lives.

 

I post a lot. I post from my phone, I check in here and there especially if there is a situation I find interesting or a thread that I am curious about, but I'm ACTIVELY engaged in an affair plus I currently have extra time on my hands

 

I can't imagine investing that kind of energy in something that didn't DIRECTLY impact me personally.

 

My thoughts exactly!

[Catplates]

There's no cent LFH. It seems obvious but few get it. The OW and WS are equal. Anything she can say about him is true of her. And vice versa. You can't side with one because they are the same. For everything he did that was terrible to his wife the OW wanted him to. For everything the OW did to the wife he allowed it. They are morally in exactly the same boat. Its funny how one side is so sanctimonious about the other when underneath its almost always they one wanted out of the affair and the other didn't. One was rejected and doesn't like it. And on that basis the obfuscation of the obvious begins.

 

The way OW run MM off the board with such venom is amusing because they wanted him to do exactly what he did just to someone else.

 

 

YOu might also read that some OW have no idea about their status , often for years. I think those OW/Om are justified in feeling angry.

It isn't very amusing and I think it's downright miserable of you to say so.

YOu admit yourself you have no idea how it feels.

 

If you aren't here to give support on the forum, which is after all its purpose, why don't you take a flying leap onto another forum. I for one would be pleased to see your tail end.

[ComingInHot]

"The way OW run MM off the board with such venom is amusing because they wanted him to do exactly what he did just to someone else."

 

(I've read this happening and you do make a point in some cases)

 

I would like to say (even though off topic) that the direction of this thread just goes to show ALL of us how horrible A's are for everyone.

 

It kills me inside. Literally makes my stomach turn and heart race to read the anger and hurt of betrayal from ALL sides and yes that means the WS too.

 

All of the emotions are justified but none of the "hostility" warranted (if that makes any sense.

 

But I truly "GET" how damaging the A is to everyone and the anger and resentment that carries on well after it is over by reading how some of these threads go.

 

My heart is SO sorry for all our pain!

[FightClub]

This is a very good question for reflection and where someone might be at post-affair, former OM here.

 

After the EA and one-time PA ended, I went to her hometown to possibly meet up and clear the air and then go NC. She never showed up and sent text messages about ending everything instead of seeing me.

 

Putting that into perspective, early NC was spent exploring the idea and questions of, ' what did/does she think of me?' or ' where do I go from this point? does she care?' were important to me in that moment.

 

I never broke NC to find out, she did break it to send me a long-erratic e-mail of feelings, to which I simply deleted and blocked.

 

In retrospect, going on three years post-affair, I don't really care what she thinks or feels about me at this point in my life, I believe it also stems from the fact I don't wish to revisit that past anymore.

 

I do however wish her well and hope life works out for the best, everything happens for a reason. I'm not proud of the affair itself but I am happy that life has moved on and that experience changed me for the better, to go on and do better things than I previously imagined when I was in the affair.

 

All we can do is live and look forward to the next opportunity for happiness, honest and true without embarking on an affair.

 

-FC

Edited February 6, 2013 by FightClub

[LFH]

There's no cent LFH.

What does that mean? Is it a typo? I've been trying to figure that out every time I come back and reread this? No snark meant, but what does that mean?

It seems obvious but few get it. The OW and WS are equal. Anything she can say about him is true of her. And vice versa.

Ok, He's awesome. That means I'm awesome! FABULOUS! Thanks for the kudos!

You can't side with one because they are the same.

I can side with whoever I want. But I think taking "sides" is silly. Everyone should be respected. You treat the people on this forum terribly and I think you should admit it.

 

For everything he did that was terrible to his wife the OW wanted him to.

Not true. I could find dozens of posts talking about something a WS wanted to do that the OW told him no, don't you dare, or "no way am I doing that." The responsibility for their actions needs to be on them, they're big boys and girls. I take FULL responsibilty for my part but I don't take responsibilty for his.

 

For everything the OW did to the wife he allowed it.

Like...what? Because I'm pretty sure we're talking about individuals here and no one tells me what I'm allowed to do. I think a lot of people are the same way.

They are morally in exactly the same boat. Its funny how one side is so sanctimonious about the other when underneath its almost always they one wanted out of the affair and the other didn't. One was rejected and doesn't like it. And on that basis the obfuscation of the obvious begins.

Morally we are not in the same boat. I have not compromise my morals. At no point do I need to tell lies. At no point have I betrayed anyone I care about. Have I wrong someone, obviously yes, by participating, but I did not violate my own moral code because that includes not telling lies, not hiding things from people I care about and not betraying myself.

So, while I have done wrong, I have never once violated those standards that are important to me.

I also don't believe in god in case that factors in some how.

 

The way OW run MM off the board with such venom is amusing because they wanted him to do exactly what he did just to someone else.

Personally, I've always welcome the MM to the board provided they are civil and respectful. The same that I think many BS have much to contribute if they are civil and respectful. I think each side has a lot to offer if people are willing to listen.

[stevie_23]

I want MORE MM here posting, because I want to learn more about their feelings and specific situations so I can apply it to my own situation.

[Catplates]

The OW and WS are equal ?? did u just type that ? I have read many many posts where you almost always applaud the WS for doing the right thing by stabbing his OW in the heart and leaving her in the gutter. Get a grip you horrible nasty little person I have had enough of you and you disgusting posts. You are a complete fantasist and I dont believe any of your "stories" I think u are a BS who is venting her anger towards OW, these stories about your sister ? I think thats actually you !!

 

I have to agree with you here... there is venom and spite oozing her posts. Why would anybody come on here and post about a sister???

[stevie_23]

I've wondered this for a while. I assume too that it's actually her she's talking about all the time, or else she is just AMAZINGLY close to her sister, or her sister died or something as a result so she can't forgive or forget what happened.

 

And in fact, it's the saddest thing. We are all here to TRY to move forward in our lives. To gather some sort of understanding of our situations and our feelings and the actions of ourselves and others, so we can be happier and better people and have good relationships with whomever we choose to have them with. And yet...SOME people seem unable to even WANT to move forward.

 

People who post repeatedly about the same things, over and over and OVER again, are refusing to move forward in their lives. Why would anyone WANT to be filled with such pain that it comes out constantly in an online forum in the form of anger and bitterness to that extent??

 

I can see that in a year's time, some of us will not be here anymore. We will have moved on sufficiently that we no longer feel the need to post here for support or learning. Others will stay as it is part of their social community and they like to assist others and also everyone needs support and help at any time in their life in terms of relationships and it can be an excellent place for that. And yet...there will be certain people who will remain here, seemingly forever...STILL not having moved on. STILL posting about the same things. Very, very sad.

[spice4life]

The OW and WS are equal ?? did u just type that ? I have read many many posts where you almost always applaud the WS for doing the right thing by stabbing his OW in the heart and leaving her in the gutter. Get a grip you horrible nasty little person I have had enough of you and you disgusting posts. You are a complete fantasist and I dont believe any of your "stories" I think u are a BS who is venting her anger towards OW, these stories about your sister ? I think thats actually you !!

 

I completely agree. The whole OW and WS are equal got me too .. lol. Hypocritical much? She reminds me of a BS that used this forum a while back as her own personal whipping post. It actually forced the current moderation policies. Either she is a BS or is just playing a game to win points while rattling peoples cages. Her character is to identify with the victim and refute what any OW says at all cost .. even if it means she contradicts herself.

 

Regarding the opening post, no, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I'm fine with it now and have left all that A angst behind.

Edited February 7, 2013 by spice4life

[Got it]

I completely agree. The whole OW and WS are equal got me too .. lol. Hypocritical much? She reminds me of a BS that used this forum a while back as her own personal whipping post. It actually forced the current moderation policies. Either she is a BS or is just playing a game to win points while rattling peoples cages. Her character is to identify with the victim and refute what any OW says at all cost .. even if it means she contradicts herself.

 

Regarding the opening post, no, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I'm fine with it now and have left all that A angst behind.

 

But it makes little sense. Why lie about being not being a BS, she would actually get more sympathy that way and a lot more understanding, and two she is so extreme very few people, on either side of the fence ever agree with her. So it is this lone, sad, ANGER, obsessive voice spouting the same drivel and misery over and over again, puking all over this forum.

 

Take about a freaking sad life. And if this is really about her sister, jeez what does her spouse think with her spending so much time on the internet and so obsessive about affairs! You know that man is sweating bullets (if he even exists)!

[LFH]

But it makes little sense. Why lie about being not being a BS, she would actually get more sympathy that way and a lot more understanding, and two she is so extreme very few people, on either side of the fence ever agree with her. So it is this lone, sad, ANGER, obsessive voice spouting the same drivel and misery over and over again, puking all over this forum.

 

Take about a freaking sad life. And if this is really about her sister, jeez what does her spouse think with her spending so much time on the internet and so obsessive about affairs! You know that man is sweating bullets (if he even exists)!

 

She's posted 3 situations and 2 analogies that tie her to a different story that was posted here at one time. She says she "borrowed" those analogies and references...

[SunshineToday]

wow everyone is really piling on MFH.

 

She gives real life advice that sometimes may be hard to hear, but to now speculate about her life is out of bounds. IMHO

[spice4life]

But it makes little sense. Why lie about being not being a BS, she would actually get more sympathy that way and a lot more understanding, and two she is so extreme very few people, on either side of the fence ever agree with her. So it is this lone, sad, ANGER, obsessive voice spouting the same drivel and misery over and over again, puking all over this forum.

 

Take about a freaking sad life. And if this is really about her sister, jeez what does her spouse think with her spending so much time on the internet and so obsessive about affairs! You know that man is sweating bullets (if he even exists)!

 

I hear ya; it doesn't make any sense, but I can't think of any other explanation...lol.

[Got it]

wow everyone is really piling on MFH.

 

She gives real life advice that sometimes may be hard to hear, but to now speculate about her life is out of bounds. IMHO

 

Really? Are you surprised? Really?

 

Real life huh? How do you know?

[waterwoman]

Well I asked H. Bearing in mind the fact that as he cheated I have to mentally add a disclaimer to anything he says about the A (Disclaimer: this statement may or may not be 100% honest ). But fwiw this is what he said:

 

During the affair he was in love with her. Totally smitten. They got very close in a work context and when she said ILY he was blown away. It took him 3 days to say the same thing to her. At the same time he still loved me a great deal (hmmmmm...OK - I personally think I had become emotional wallpaper during that time).

 

If the affair had continued, although he had no intention to leave me at all, he reckons it would have got totally physical and the pressure to make a decision (in her favour) would have increased. He doesn't like to think about or discuss that very much.

 

Now, he cares about her and misses her friendship but feels nothing more than that. D-day was horrible for both of us but it gave him enough of a jolt to realise where his priorities lie - I'm not naive enough to think our marriage was perfect but the work we have been doing since is making it much much better.

 

We started out with very different view of the 6 m he was in the affair. For him it was exciting and romantic. For me it was painful, dark and confused. We have both been able to align our views a little. I can at least appreciate how he felt a bit. H sees the affair as a mistake, something he deeply regrets, something that caused too much pain, but nothing will alter the fact that he still cares about her and wishes she could still be a friend.

 

I don't know if that helps anyone. I hope it does. x

[LFH]

wow everyone is really piling on MFH.

 

She gives real life advice that sometimes may be hard to hear, but to now speculate about her life is out of bounds. IMHO

 

No, we're "pilling" on her because she jumps on each of us no matter what we post, no matter how we post it, she's inconsistent with not only her advice but her views and the only thing she's ever solid on is her hatred.

 

I'll make the same statement that has been said to me at least 20 times.

If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to post, and by posting she should accept that she's not always going to like what is said to her. If she doesn't like the climate then maybe LS is not the place for her.

 

And people speculate about MY life every day so seems like par for the course around here.

[wanting more]

She joined LS ONE Month ago. She averages 14.5 posts a day. That is triple most anyone else, on this thread. She has said before that the OW is trash and she must admit that, OW don't reform, OW are crazy. Shes very very opinionated and will speculate on our lives. Why wouldn't we speculate on hers?

[LFH]

She joined LS ONE Month ago. She averages 14.5 posts a day. That is triple most anyone else, on this thread. She has said before that the OW is trash and she must admit that, OW don't reform, OW are crazy. Shes very very opinionated and will speculate on our lives. Why wouldn't we speculate on hers?

 

One month this time.

[TheOW]

wow everyone is really piling on MFH.

 

She gives real life advice that sometimes may be hard to hear, but to now speculate about her life is out of bounds. IMHO

 

Just like she speculates about our lives huh ? Just like she compares us to rapists and murderers ? Now that is out of bounds !!

[ComingInHot]

Ow,Cat & LHF;

I can read why your questioning MHF...

 

But I posted about my friend's situation & how it affected my w/regards to her infidelity, so I can see her posting about how infidelity affects her especially because she says it's her own sister suffering the affects of an A.

 

I can understand her anger yet not at all OW. Still I can understand her non support of anyone cheating/engaging w/a MS too.

 

Guess what I am saying is it probably is that she is talking about the destruction from her sister's husband's A. I say this w/respect*