johnnyboy Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 I have been with my girlfriend for three years. We love eachother very very much and this last week was our last week together before she went off to school. I am going to the University of Michigan-Dearborn and she is going to Hope College. I thought this would be easy, that everything would work out. I've been planning this day forever in my head. But today she left and i feel like a trainwreck!!! Letting go of her hand and kissing her off was torture. I just have to keep on telling myself, SHES NOT GONE SHES ONLY AWAY. If there are any experts out there, I would like a couple questions answered: 1. What can i do to take away all this pain? 2. What are good ways to keep this relationship alive? Alongside these questions I definately would not mind any other advice that could be given to me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 It can be hard to be without the person you love but her love is always with you. Here are some links on keeping LDRS: http://www.etoile.co.uk/Love/Long.html http://sc.essortment.com/longdistancere_rewa.htm http://www.personal.psu.edu/faculty/s/a/sar242/ldr.html Link to post Share on other sites
MeToo Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Johnnyboy, The websites that moimeme gave ate notable ones. Browse them. They are filled with those “little things” that makes a LDR more interesting AND memorable. You wrote, “[color=blue]I have been with my girlfriend for three years.[/color]” Harrah for you. The both of you “do” know something about each other ([color=blue]what she likes; what you like[/color])). I had a LDR from April 1990 to July 1994. I found out that the “[color=red]love factor[/color]” was all-important during this time. Believe me, you are tested on all fronts (distance, conversations, and little things that shows just how much affection you have for the other). Be creative, johnnyboy. Call her to she just how she is doing and be creative from this conversation. Example, She might share with you her “loneliness” for neighborhood friends. Tell some of her friend to call her. Explain to them just how she misses their conversations. But above all else, don’t be critical of what she says to you. Remember, she is as lonely as you are. At this delicate time, a prince charming could easily ride up and “rescue” your princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnnyboy Posted August 29, 2004 Author Share Posted August 29, 2004 "Remember, she is as lonely as you are. At this delicate time, a prince charming could easily ride up and “rescue” your princess." I would hate for this to happen! i would hate myself if i ever lost my girl. she is not only my girlfriend she is my best friend and i would feel so emptier than i do now if she left my life for good. I cant rid myself of these feelings of upset stomach and i can barely keep myself from crying the only thing that helps is when i stay focused on other things and keep my mind off of how far she is away from me. I think a webcam for both of us will be great but what else could i do to help us out? Link to post Share on other sites
MeToo Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Johnnyboy, That statement I posted is a true one. “[color=blue]At this delicate time, a prince charming could easily ride up and “rescue” your princess[/color].” I have two (2) other friends who were not so fortunate in their LDR. They both have moved on now but I can’t forget how they “suffered” when their LDR ended (Very heart wrenching). In both cases, the “little things” they sacrificed. Instead, one chose to pursue an “I Love You” approach while the other chose a “Tangible Thing – Cards” which expressed an I love you theme. In both cases, they forgot the things that “held up” a LDR – Familiarity. Sure the other half knew they were loved. But the other half needed something more. In my opinion, they needed conformation of the relationship AND you in that relationship. In other words, “They Needed To Know You Were In Their Corner”. In both cases, “Prince Charming” rode up and “SWISH”, THEY WERE GONE! ([color=red]My wife is tugging at my shirt sleeve saying she has something to offer you[/color]) [color=blue]This is a wonderful man I have here (he’s blushing, girls!). When I left Chicago in 1990, I was scared! I knew no one. When I was settled, this wonderful man called me and we talked for an hour (I didn’t want to hang-up!). He “reassured” me of his support (just being there in mind) and vowed to always be there when I needed him. He expressed his love for me and promised me he will wait for me if I will have him (doesn’t that bring tears to your eyes?). At that time, the “love-Factor” he mention, took off into the stratosphere for me (he’s blushing again, girls). During the course of four years, he kept me up on old friends, what’s happening at home the newspapers don’t write about, and ofcourse, himself. I love this man. He has always been there for me no matter what the “conflict” I was experiencing during those four years. Prince Charming! They have nothing on this man! Sure they came riding up in all their glory. But even though my man was not there in body, his spirit was right beside me. Prince Charming was never a real threat to this relationship. In fact, I never gave them a “chance” to get started. Once I returned for good and looked into this man’s eye, I knew this was the person I wanted to spend my life with. (I have to stop now. I feel the tears coming.)[/color] So you see, johnnyboy, LDR are not as bad as “some” people make them out to be. Go ahead and get that web cam. Be creative ([color=indigo]I can’t stress this enough[/color]). Let her know you will be there for the support. And above all, talk to her often (by letter, phone, and cards). Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Metoo.... LOL its funny your name is metoo because after I read your story and then wiped my tears I was saying metoo! I had posted before because I needed advice about my LDR. And he came down this weekend and everything was great and I expressed how I couldn't handle and LDR and I missed him and pain was too much. His exact words were the same as yours. He said I love you and I will wait for you if you wait for me. And This is as hard for me as it is for you. I needed that reassurance. I went to sleep so happy. And Johnny I'm right with you. I don't think theres anything that can take the pain away. What I do is just count down the days till I can see him again. We both talk on AIM, we have webcams,, and we talk on the phone and write eachother e-mails. I try to keep busy at work and here on LS and spend lots of times with my friends because they help me feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnnyboy Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 you know eternallyconfused, you sound like someone that i could chat with when i'm feeling down. reading yours and the post before it together makes me feel better. it sounds like you know what you are talking about. thanks for the help and i was wondering how often you get to see you other. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Well he's 8 hours away from me.. So it's not that bad. But it's a lot of money for tolls and gas so I get to see him like 2 a month maybe if I'm lucky. I don't have a car so cant drive up there but I'm looking into private charter planes that can take me there for like 60 bucks. And yeah we are going through the same thing whenever you feel the need to chat Pm me ill give you my e-mail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnnyboy Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 also, i know my girl loves me. the thing is she has never had a problem with meeting new friends and becoming lonely like i do. i know she loves me but her personality isnt the type to be open. she has a hard time expressing herself and at times doesnt know how to give reassurance. i trust her but now that shes 3 hours i am gonna have a difficult time knowing how she feels. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Communication is number one. Just learned that last night. I thought we had great communication till I got drunk last night and emotional and called him crying and telling him I couldn't take it anymore. It was hard and things were said but we needed it. My bf isn't open either (im his first gf) so he has problems letting me know how he feels or getting all mushy and stuff. But I make him open. lol I ask him questions str8 up and he answers and its been ok so far. My advice is as soon as you feel something or the need to know something do not hesitate to talk about it. Call her and ask her how she feels about things. Don't hold things in because then it just escalates and things just blow up (like last night for me) And you have to trust her. I know for a fact while I'm with him I will not do anything to hurt him or mess up our relationship. And I just have to have faith that he feels the same and thats what you need with your gf. Link to post Share on other sites
MeToo Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 [color=darkred]For Some Reason, The Reply Post Yesterday Did Not Appear Here[/color] EternallyConfused It seems like you and your “other half” has found the right ingredients. When he came down for that visit you wrote about, you were right in expressing your concerns with not being able to “handle” your LDR. “[color=red]Men are from Mars[/color]”. We need to know these things “verbally”. Only then can we “soothe the fevered brow” so to speak. Holding it inside can only “complicate the LDR issue”. ([color=red]Once again, my “other half” has something to share.[/color]) [color=blue]EternallyConfused, I know and feel your dilemma. I’ve been there; done that! It hurts emotionally. The kind of hurt that doesn’t disappear no matter how busy you try to keep yourself. Your mind is searching for a way out of this pain. It’s like a knife stuck in your heart. A knife you cannot remove. I needed this man’s (my man that is) gentle talk and soft warm eyes. When he came to see and be with me for a weekend (July, 1990), I was so happy. On seeing him at the airport , with that warm smile, it was like getting a refill of love that my very soul needed. But when that weekend ended, I cried all the way to the airport and back home again. What I’m trying to say, EternallyConfused, is I had my SoulMate all the time and didn’t even know it. Evaluate what you have found in him to help you through this stressful time. Share with him those things that means a lot to you. As he always have said to me, “[color=darkred]Women are from Venus[/color]”. You have got to give him a chance to try and fix what you have that is broken. Men are like that. They need to know explicitly from you what is wrong. If you just show signs of what’s wrong, he will miss it and that’s not fair to him or any man. Hear me, girl! I know what I’m talking about![/color] With her entry, I’ll end this post. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Thank you sooo much. Thats what he tells me that hes found his soulmate as well. And its true my hurt was beyond any pain i've felt before when he had to get in the car and leave AGAIN and I had to just stand there and wave goodbye and try my hardest to not break into tears again. But we have talked things out and have promised to be in this together and promised to go through this together no matter what comes our way. And honestly in the bottom of my heart,,, sure I have my worries but I just feel like if everything will work in the end. And like he says "Baby when it's all over with you know where I'm coming and that's home" sigh. Its gonna be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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