I need someones help on this one.....ASAP

[hugznkisses21]

Ok.....For everyone that has read some of my posts I have had some relationship issues in the past while....all of which have been due to my insecurity. I would like some constructive critisim of how I can overcome this. Here is my situation:

 

Im 21 hes 23, we live about 1 hour away and have been dating for 1.5 yrs. I was cheating on by my last bf not to mention have has some uneasy family problme in the past. He isn't overall an extremelly affectionate guy (neiter is his family) But to this day he makes sure he tells me everyday he loves me and misses me. When I see him he gives kisses and hugs and very sweet touches.

 

Since we live an hour away and he works in the trades with very unpredictable hous I may only see him once a week...if he isnt as busy maybe more. This in the beginning started my insercurity thinking he doesnt want to do anything with me anymore, has not ime for me, is cheating etc etc.

 

We had our one year....didnt have a lot of money, he bought me a georgous ring and stated in his card to me he wants many more years together.

 

He isnt very romatic AT ALL...I am ofcourse so I am doing all the surprises and cutsy things for him (sometimes I feel he doesnt want to do anything in return...again insecurity)

 

Time with him is a big issue with me due to how much I miss him and care for him. He is a very independant guy, loves his guy things, relaing in front of the T.V etc....and does say if he can't see me it doesnt bother him as much as me but he does miss me. He gets quite stressed and sometimes that creates tension.

 

Now for me......

 

I take this as he would RATHER be doing other things then spend this time with me. Now the thing is I know this is wrong and I am looking for help on overcoming this. Also what makes this hard is all my frinds have moved away to school so to distract me from this is hard.

 

For example...last night I knew he was working late so i got in my car drove one hour to surpirse him with a letter and a cd of song that remind me of him to cheer him up (he will be working over time all weekend and we cant get together)

 

I always text msg him to let him know im home.

 

Something as simple as him msging me back 2 hours later to say ok goodnight love you my mind starts going....was he out after I left with "her", is he really working, if hes a guy and loves sex so much and sees me once a week since we both still live at home and do get a chance to do it often, is he getting that from someone else (I mena hes a guy, and guys are horny all the time).....theses are just a few things...and it makes me feel terrible all day when I brew something like this up in my mind.

 

If u can understand what I am saying its not like I don't trust him, its like everything makes me insecure that would involve loss in my life...

 

 

Hope i didnt bore you!

 

Also....Should I be worried hes cheating? I read those article on way to tell and i got nutts...he got a new hair cut, he works long hours, i get his voicemail on his phone id say 60% of the time, he even says sometimes he is too tired for sex...

Im scared!

[zara]

From what i can tell it seems to me that you are alot more 'into' the relationship than him. I think you need to relax a little. This is a casual relationship and it would appear that your BF is happy with it just the way it is. It doesn't seem as though he is cheating on you at all, but you are both young and should have other things going on in your lives that mean you don't have to spend every bit of spare time with each other.

 

Try taking up a new sport or exercise class, take a course in something that interests you - if you have some new interests then you will have other things to take up your time and not be so frought over your BF. It will also give you more confidence and independence. It may even draw you closer together as he will see that you have other things in your life. Men feel pressured if they think you rely on them as a central feature in your life and often try to withdraw or distance themselves if they feel this is the case.

[hugznkisses21]

Thank you very much...that is a very insightful post. I know I have insecurities it is just a matter of getting so direction so that I dont alow this to ruin my relationship. Great Advice. Thanks.....

 

Anyone else?

[hugznkisses21]

Anyone?

 

Much needed input

Thanks in advance...i know its a long post sorry

[evergreatful]

Hugz. Don't be scared or afraid. By the sounds of it he is NOT cheating on you. Also by the sounds of it, you two are very different in manys and not only handle, but desire different things from a serious relationship. You seem to be a very affectionate girl who needs to have an affectionate, sensitive, romantic guy who will tell you he loves you 25+ times each day. There is nothing wrong with that at all, you are that type of girl and there are many guys out there like that. He isn't. I wouldn't call it insecurity, again I would just say that as a person you need a constant reminder of his love for you. Your boyfriend does seem like the real sensitive romantic guy. You need to understand that he may love you with all his heart but he will most likely not change. He will always be how he is, which is unsensitive and not expressive of his love for you.

 

If you do love him and see the relationship going further than just explain to him that it would be nice to have him do some things now and again to show you how he feels. Let him know that it is hard for you to feel wanted and loved by how he is. But, don't expect a huge change...ever.

 

Don't take this the wrong way but it seems like you should branch out and look for a guy who will give you what you need emotionally. You're only 21.

 

Just my advice.

[evergreatful]

Hugz. I agree with zara. Try to do more for yourself. Develop yourself as a person. Things may change with your bf or you could meet other people who are more your type.