Baby Mess...

[LostInWords]

I don't know where to start.

 

Late December, I had a miscarriage. My husband and I were so excited about the pregnancy. I am a first time mom, so I was elated. I had started documenting in a journal and doing all the things (I now believe) one should not do until much later in a pregnancy. Although, there are no guarantees either way.

 

I knew something was wrong for a few weeks, but calls to the doctor got me nowhere and I ended up in a 24 hour evaluation unit. Miscarriage diagnosed, three weeks later the horrible experience ends. There were so many challenges of emotional and physical pain. Those of which have subsided now. Sure, when I think about it it makes me sad.

 

Anyway, the real reason for this thread is that my husband now wants to wait to have a baby. He says we should spend more time together being us and can bring a baby into the world later. That scares me on so many levels.

 

I believe I have a window after a miscarriage where my chances have decreased for another miscarriage (could be wrong), I fear I will now never have a child, I had one loss and I cannot fathom another. The list goes on. What am I suppose to do? I have talked with him, tried to devise a plan. I have done all of these things. I'm so lost, scared and confused.

[TigerCub]

I don't know where to start.

 

Late December, I had a miscarriage. My husband and I were so excited about the pregnancy. I am a first time mom, so I was elated. I had started documenting in a journal and doing all the things (I now believe) one should not do until much later in a pregnancy. Although, there are no guarantees either way.

 

I knew something was wrong for a few weeks, but calls to the doctor got me nowhere and I ended up in a 24 hour evaluation unit. Miscarriage diagnosed, three weeks later the horrible experience ends. There were so many challenges of emotional and physical pain. Those of which have subsided now. Sure, when I think about it it makes me sad.

 

Anyway, the real reason for this thread is that my husband now wants to wait to have a baby. He says we should spend more time together being us and can bring a baby into the world later. That scares me on so many levels.

 

I believe I have a window after a miscarriage where my chances have decreased for another miscarriage (could be wrong), I fear I will now never have a child, I had one loss and I cannot fathom another. The list goes on. What am I suppose to do? I have talked with him, tried to devise a plan. I have done all of these things. I'm so lost, scared and confused.

 

Hi

 

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

Maybe your husband wants to slow things down on the baby track right now because of what I've put in bold.

Maybe he feels the same way about the loss and he's afraid to get hurt again, and most likely he's afraid of what a possible 2nd loss would do to you emotionally and physically.

 

I don't know much about miscarriages so I can't tell you if your chances of getting pregnant now are better or not.

 

How old are you? I only ask because you mentioned running out of time.

 

I would only suggest that you talk to him frankly about it and see why he wants to slow things down.

[CarboniteCammy]

I had a miscarriage in August of 2011. I was only 6 weeks along, but it was still pretty horrible. The doctor said that something "just didn't come together right" and I assume he meant on the chormosomal level. I was devestated.

 

I started bleeding one day after running on the treadmill at the gym and went to the hospital the next morning. I stopped bleeding after a week.

 

The next month, we were pregnant again. We weren't even trying. I didn't know that women were very fertile after a miscarriage and BOOM! Now we've got the little dude. He's seven months old now.

[Krytie TV]

I think your husband may have a good idea. In my own humble opinion, if I were your husband, I would be afraid of you placing too much pressure and importance on trying to get pregnant again right away. What if it failed? With all of the added pressure, how much undue stress would you be putting yourself through and for what reason, to prove that you can?

 

Take a bit of time. Get back to being able to live and enjoy life without a child so that when you try again, should it fail, you haven't placed your entire worth into the effort to have a baby.

[tiredmomma]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I went through the same thing. I was 10 weeks along and I opted not to have a D + C but rather let it pass naturally at home. I just felt like I owed it that much... it was much more emotional that way, but it was also what I personally needed to heal properly.

 

In my case, it was my 2nd pregnancy. I can tell you that two months later I was pregnant again (I only waited one cycle). I know that everyone is different, and you may need more time. Take as much time as you need until you feel ready. I just wanted to let you know that I did end up successful pregnant almost immediately afterwards. But, I will also tell you it never leaves you. With my 2nd and 3rd children, I was always horrified going for that early ultrasound, fearing that I'd be facing another miscarriage. Though you will heal, you never truly get over it, or at least I didn't.

 

You are not broken in any way. But don't pressure yourself either. I think that you should try again, but try once you know you won't feel any pressure and that you have healed as best as you can. You'll know when you are ready. Many women have gone through this. Hang in there!

[BehindTheseHazelEyes]

LIW,

 

I suffered two miscarriages in my life. I know how very sad it is. I am lucky to have two children that I brought to term.

 

I will say this, if your husband is not ready for fatherhood, listen to him. See a counselor if you two need to.

 

Parenthood will happen when it's right. Don't force it.

[moomin]

check with him too to ensure he inst saying what he may think you want to hear too.

[pink_sugar]

I am so sorry to hear this happened. I need a bit of clarification here. You say you knew something was wrong for 3 weeks...does this mean you knew you were pregnant at 3 weeks along? Or were you 9 weeks when you lost the baby? Anyways, I know it's hard, but miscarriage is quite common within the first 3 months. I believe it is a whooping 30% chance. Give it some time, you will get pregnant again when the time is right. Your husband may be dealing with the loss in his own way...it may be his way of saying he wants some time before trying again and wants you to be mentally ready before trying again.