TOTALLY UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO

[indecivesive]

help, i don't know what to do! when i met my current of almost three years now we got along great. then as we got more familliar and our true colors started to show we ended up having conflicts.

 

we have worked out several of them and for the most part now it's been pretty smooth sailing. so what am iconfused about you ask?

 

well all the problems in the past left me with alot of doubt for our relationship. i had told him several times that if we didn't work things out i was leaving to go back east.

 

well at some times when we fight i'd start thinking about going home and start to look forward to getting a new place, a new job, seeing old friends and family.

 

then we'd work things out again and i was happy. now i've had so many plans in my head that i feel sort of resentful that we are getting along so much better, so much better that we have actually talked about marriage in a year or so and invitro insemination.j

 

i don't know how to deal with these mixed up feelings now. i love him that i know but yet i was starting to forward to going home. has anyone ever had this happen and if so what did you do about it?

 

i really need advice, if i left him now for the things i was looking forward to i feel i would be turning him in for a house, new job etc. and i'd probably resent that too. so in other words i'm torn between the two.

[Tony T]

Being resentful that you are doing so much better is pretty daft (that's nuts in Britain).

 

It sounds like you've played a lot of games with your mind, sending it in one direction and then another. It also sounds like at some point you pretty much gave up on the relationship. Additionally, it sounds like you don't trust the relationship to stay good for you over time.

 

My recommendation is to remain where you are and see how your relationship fares over a period of time the length of which to be determined by you. No matter who you are, relationships will always have some difficulties but as long as no major problems arise, you are likely to be happy and contented.

 

As time goes on and the relationship remains fulfilling for you, it is likely that your mind will become settled and you won't be as confused as you are. All the days of your life you will have many options and you may be very confused about which one to take. But if you love this guy and you've done so much work to get things together, you have to think about which is worth more to you...your relationship...or a move.

 

Time is what you need here. Don't make your decision right now. Wait a bit.

 

You need to work on the resentment thing...uh, perhaps you didn't mean it quite that way. But if you are indeed upset and resentful that your relationship is going so well, this may possibly be subject matter for a movie of the week.

[indecivesive]

thanks tony, i think you are right, it is better to stay after all we've been through and also cause now my 19 year old daughter doesn't want to go back. i gues when i feel really confused and indecivesive is when things flare up and it seems that all the work we've done has been for nothing.

 

i want to keep trying, i know we have something special dispite a few problems that we have overcome, but i just doubt the relationship when it flares up, like his moods, or impatient and temper tantrums.

 

then it seems like all the work i've don'e with my problems are for nothing cause he don't seem to try as hard to work on his problems. however, i will persists, i'm not ready to give up just yet, i just want this uncertainty to go away, it confuses me more then anything. but i will stick it out until i know something for sure one way or another!

Being resentful that you are doing so much better is pretty daft (that's nuts in Britain).

 

It sounds like you've played a lot of games with your mind, sending it in one direction and then another. It also sounds like at some point you pretty much gave up on the relationship. Additionally, it sounds like you don't trust the relationship to stay good for you over time. My recommendation is to remain where you are and see how your relationship fares over a period of time the length of which to be determined by you. No matter who you are, relationships will always have some difficulties but as long as no major problems arise, you are likely to be happy and contented. As time goes on and the relationship remains fulfilling for you, it is likely that your mind will become settled and you won't be as confused as you are. All the days of your life you will have many options and you may be very confused about which one to take. But if you love this guy and you've done so much work to get things together, you have to think about which is worth more to you...your relationship...or a move. Time is what you need here. Don't make your decision right now. Wait a bit. You need to work on the resentment thing...uh, perhaps you didn't mean it quite that way. But if you are indeed upset and resentful that your relationship is going so well, this may possibly be subject matter for a movie of the week.

[Deejette]

Good that you have reached that decision. It is always easier to run away than face down the difficult problems and try to solve them. But the same patterns will rear their heads again in a new relationship as it matures and moves from the romantic phase to the more practical day-to-day life.

 

I am glad you will work things out with current one.

thanks tony, i think you are right, it is better to stay after all we've been through and also cause now my 19 year old daughter doesn't want to go back. i gues when i feel really confused and indecivesive is when things flare up and it seems that all the work we've done has been for nothing. i want to keep trying, i know we have something special dispite a few problems that we have overcome, but i just doubt the relationship when it flares up, like his moods, or impatient and temper tantrums.

 

then it seems like all the work i've don'e with my problems are for nothing cause he don't seem to try as hard to work on his problems. however, i will persists, i'm not ready to give up just yet, i just want this uncertainty to go away, it confuses me more then anything. but i will stick it out until i know something for sure one way or another!