Wife kissed another guy

[trewvw]

I've been having my suspicions for some time now. My wife had a very long drawn out and emotional breakup with her ex. After which she dated various other people then we met and things were great. From the beginning she made a strong effort to stay in touch with her ex. Initially it bothered me a great deal - which she was well aware of and the amount of contact was irregular but never more than once a week. It was primarily over the phone and email with occasional meetings at bars or outings (once a year maybe twice). As far as I know.

 

One time she did not mention that she had "run into him" at a bar when I was away for the weekend after I found out. She swore she was going to tell me, that nothing happened, etc., etc. So I let it go after a while.

 

Needless to say we've been having problems of our own. Some of which I'm to blame for others are just relationship growing pains so to speak.

 

She recently had a night out on the town with her buddies (all girls) and had a lot to drink and a lot of fun. I was downloading pictures from our digital camera when I came across some from that night the girls had taken. There were several of her dancing with some guy (this didn't really bother me) and some other pics. The one that really got me was her and the guy cheek to cheek hugging looking at the camera. There was something about the look on her face that got me thinking.

 

 

So I start snooping (bad thing to do I know but I had red flags flying so...) I read through her emails. Turns out she apparently kissed the guy too. Nobody really witnessed it and she doesn't clearly remember it. There were no details on what kind of kiss but from the wording it was more than a peck on the cheek. Needless to say I'm quite P.O.ed right now. Apparently she told the guy at the end of the night that she was married and he walked away upset. A friend made a comment to her in an email that "you seemed more upset than he did. Not sure if it's because of what happened or because of what didn't" I couldn't find her response to that comment.

 

So now what do I do? I'm going to download the pictures to our computer and then ask her "who is this guy" and take it from there. She will certainly just play it off as "oh just some guy buying us drinks.." Which still doesn't bring the issue to light. If I confront her directly she may get quite pissed off about my invasion of privacy, which she has a right to be - but to be fair I think her transgression far exceeds mine. The point is I want this to be a discussion about our relationship problems. I don't want to give her a chance to bring something else into it. Yes she is good at arguing.

 

I normally never snoop, but like I said, when I came across that picture I saw red flags everywhere. Anyone have a good idea how I can force this into the open. Maybe I'm just not thinking to well right now. Still in shock....

[Moose]

You certainly have a right to be pissed, I would be too. I wouldn't worry about her getting upset about your snooping either. You stumbled on the pic while your were downloading from YOUR camera. That's all the evidence you need right there. I'd ask her who the guy was and tell her you don't appreciate her being that close to another man. Then ask her how she would feel if she found a picture of you doing the exact thing with another woman? She'll avoid answering, but insist that she does.

 

When she lies about it, which she will if you don't bring up the emails, then and only then tell her you know about them. Man, I would be so hacked off!!!! Try to control your anger, but let her know that what she did hurt.

[amer]

Dancing and flirting with the guys at the bar as if she were single.

 

You should address that right off.

 

You should be pissed! She should be contrite. But I bet she won't be.

 

There is no way I would allow my wife to go dancing at a bar without me present.

 

Booze and guys trying to get laid combined with too drunk married chicks ALWAYS means trouble.

 

 

There are some things married people stop doing. The easiest thing to understand, hello, is to stop acting single!

[TMCM]

If I confront her directly she may get quite pissed off about my invasion of privacy, which she has a right to be - but to be fair I think her transgression far exceeds mine.

 

The issue of invasion of privacy is really a red herring. If you don't beleive this, then before you confront her do the following experiment and go ask her that if she discovered evidence that you were having an affair or hiding important financial assets from her whether she would feel bad for invading your privacy.

 

Privacy has no place in a marriage and those spouses that beleive otherwise do so because they want privacy for THEMSELVES and NOT for their spouse.

 

As Dr Phil Mcgraw says "Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing".

 

I wish you the best.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I think you have major problems because apparently your wife has very little boundaries in your marriage. First, she apparently continues to have contact with her ex which is ridiculous. She is married to you now. Second, she does not tell you that she runs into the ex at a bar. Why is she at a bar. Third, a night out with the girls at a bar and she is kissing another man. Good grief.

How do you think she would be reacting if the roles were reversed? She acts like she is still single. You have made a tremendous mistake by not establishing boundaries in your marriage at the beginning. I would be very pissed. It also seems she has no problem hiding the truth from you. It sounds like it will be a matter of time until she finds someone else or the ex to cheat on you. I suggest immediate marriage counseling. Your wife does not act like she is married and she is making a fool of you and showing you very little respect as her husband.

[awife]

Hi guys, a wife here.

 

First, dude the world is not black and white. before you start to point the finger at your wife,look at the 3 pointing back at ya!!

What are you doing or not doing that would make it necessary for your wife to even entertain her ex. Women don't as a rule entertain other men, unless there is a problem at home.

 

Second, what would make you invade her privacy, life is not an open book and I challenge anyone who says it is to post their worst sin ever or the worst thing that they've ever done on this site. I'm sure I'll get very few takers even myself. Privacy has a place in all facets of life including a marriage. DO YOU TELL YOUR WIFE EVERYTHING, or is it sometimes better to simply keep your mouth shut.

 

Lastly, have you asked her about the night? What exactly happened? Dancing with another man is not an issue unless you are insecure in your marriage, with yourself or you wife's commitment to you. Is this a pattern or an isolated incident. Jealousy has no place in a marriage. And, you can't spell jealousy without the word lousy, do you really want to be lousy???

 

AND A PS TO ALL THE GUYS THAT ANSWERED....

 

GOING TO A BAR EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE IS NOT A PROBLEM, EVERYBODY CUTS LOOSE AND "EVERYBODY" HAS A VICE.

"ALL HAVE SINNED AND COME SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD" & "LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE"

 

Don't throw stones and don't just look to be justified for invading her privacy, you were both wrong.

 

good luck!!!!! & GOD BLESS

[TMCM]

Originally posted by awife

Hi guys, a wife here.

 

First, dude the world is not black and white. before you start to point the finger at your wife,look at the 3 pointing back at ya!!

What are you doing or not doing that would make it necessary for your wife to even entertain her ex. Women don't as a rule entertain other men, unless there is a problem at home.

 

Oh and I suppose that men don't have problems at home with their wives? Does that mean that a married man is then justified in going out and fooling around with his ex?

 

Second, what would make you invade her privacy, life is not an open book and I challenge anyone who says it is to post their worst sin ever or the worst thing that they've ever done on this site. I'm sure I'll get very few takers even myself. Privacy has a place in all facets of life including a marriage. DO YOU TELL YOUR WIFE EVERYTHING, or is it sometimes better to simply keep your mouth shut.

 

The outcry of a violation of privacy from a spouse such as yourself is very typical of the majority of spouses who are cheating behind their spouses back. I wonder if you are one of them.

 

Would you still be such an outspoken privacy-in-the-marriage advocate if you found out that your husband was cheating on you [or doing other harmful things to the marriage] and he accused you of invading his privacy?

 

The only person I OWE the revelation of my worst sin IS MY WIFE and vice versa. If I do choose to publish my worst sin on this board it is because I want help and not because I am goaded by the likes of you.

 

PRIVACY IS THE LAST REFUGE OF AN UNFAITHFUL SPOUSE

 

 

AND A PS TO ALL THE GUYS THAT ANSWERED....

 

GOING TO A BAR EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE IS NOT A PROBLEM, EVERYBODY CUTS LOOSE AND "EVERYBODY" HAS A VICE.

"ALL HAVE SINNED AND COME SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD" & "LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE"

 

Don't throw stones and don't just look to be justified for invading her privacy, you were both wrong.

 

good luck!!!!! & GOD BLESS

 

It's funny that you quote Jesus' statement 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone' and YET FAIL TO INCLUDE Jesus' last words to the unfaithful wife: 'GO AND SIN NO MORE'.

[Samuel62]

Inappropriate contact with any other man is not something to excuse.

 

I'd suggest simply telling her what you think inappropriate means, how it makes you feel, and exactly what will happen if she does anything like that again.

 

As for invading her privacy, that's just delaying the invevitable confrontation.......