Nc with ex

[Amo5590]

Ok well my ex dumped me 7 weeks ago, in that time longest we have gone apart from each other is 5 days, anyway she left me saying she doesn't feel we get along anymore and she doesn't see a future with me, but she said she will always love me, anyway after she wouldn't give me proper closure I just stopped talking to her. Then she rang me upset and said te break up is hard on me too, I said u made ur bed you have to lay in it and she said she got upset I didn't wish her happy new years, anyway we eventually saw each other, have a lot of intimacy, sex, hooking up mucking around, which we both agreed shouldn't be happening and we need space cuz she is confused, so we kept breaking contact, flirting seeing each other doing the same stuff, then I began to get confused like why is. This happening when she doesn't want me, she kept telling me she loved me, but doesn't see a future with me cuz I never change. Eventually we had a fight she was calling me and texting me I was asleep and didn't answer, she then wrote a text saying its over your never hear for me blah blah , I clicked it at her, then said I wanna talk tOo u, I was ready to walk away, then she gave me a letter saying how she misses me everyday and loves me, and stuff and said we need time apart to sort out feelings and whT we want, and in the letter she wrote things she didn't like about me that made her want to call it quits, I saw this as a step forward, then we broke no contact again same stuff happened, then I told her I'm confused I don't get it u don't want to be with me but all this is hapPening, I feel like I'm being used, then she was like look I'm sorry I won't talk to u until I know what I want ok, I was like don't be silly, I just don't get you sometimes. SO I saw her that night to speak about it, then same stuff happened sex and intimacy then I told her, we obviously have feelings still, I don't see why we can't try, then she clicked it, I don't see a future with u, I don't know why this keep happening, we broke up we shouldn't be talking or anything we just need to not talk for abit to sort our feelings out, I said if u don't want to be with me then go and she was like fine, then she was like let's have time apart, u was being a ******* cuz I was confused and angry. Then we went no contact and I realized a lot of things, like why would she want to be with me, cuz she still loves me and misses me, if I don't show change and a relationship that can work she won't want to give it a try. So I wanted to apologize to her and I said the break up is still fresh and it's hurts and we both need time to heal abit, she contacted me asking a random question, then I said I wanted to talk to her about what I wanted to say and she clicked it, no I don't wanna hear it, I have heard all u need to say, I don't want to see u, we will have sex and I'll never move on so no, then I said if u want to all u had to do was tell me, she kinda ignored it, I said I really wanted to say its but ok.I wrote it to her I needed to get it off my chest, I said all I said before, and said if u know u want to move on don't reply to me if not call, she called we spoke and she said I'm pushing her away, don't I know what space means all u do is repeat urself blah blah , had a fight she hung up on me, she told me it annoys her whe I blame her and ****, I said I was not blaming u it's both our fault I said look we are angry everything is so fresh so we won't talk now. And that's that but I don't know if she is moving on or not, I need to work a lot o myself which I am, but I'm confused, I went 4 days nc, then I needed something she had of mine I asked her to drop it off or put it in them letterbox and I never heard from her since, I'm just gonna stay in no contact but I'm soo confused space will only see how she truely feels, I feel like she is not Dojng to talk to me again, she has showed a lot of Jealousy since leaving me too and got angry when I deleted her off fb lol we were together for 3 years any advice ?