She's lost track of the number of times she has cheated...

[Absolute0]

Well I'd be lying if I said I felt comfortable about what I'm about to post. My girlfriend and i have been together for about a year and a half. Back in march my girlfriend admitted that she was seeing another guy at the same time as we originally met and admitted to sleeping with him the week that we became exclusive. Insert jealously and awkwardness for a few weeks and I finally got over it.

 

It was in October when my entire reality came crashing down on me. We were lying in bed talking and she wanted to see my phone. So i agreed, on condition that i see hers. Ironically her own jealously led to me seeing she was talking frequently with an ex boyfriend of hers. After repeatedly questioning her on it, she started tearing up, grabbed my clothes and told me i had to leave. Turns out while she was visiting her sister over the summer, she slept with her ex. It took me until about december to start adjusting and the feelings of jealousy to subside.

 

Then midway through december she was showing me some pictures on her phone when she received a random text message that displayed in the notification bar. I dont remember the exact words but i ended up questioning her and she ends up saying that she got ahold of a couple old friends and finally admits that she not only snuck off after i left one night but went to drink with him

 

After asking how many times this has happened she claims it was just a few but she swore up and down she didnt cheat.

 

Not even a week later she says her friend Alek messaged her. I heard the name once or twice and she starts acting a little strange. She ends up telling the guy to stop texting her(and im assuming hes drunk) so he ends up blowing up and says that its her boyfriend talking(me) then says basically "you know your slut girlfriend ****ed my friend the last time we hung out ask the stupid bitch about it. I hope your relationship falls apart" blah blah.

 

My girlfriend denies it for over an hour before finally saying i dont think i slept with his friend but im not sure. I remember sitting outside smoking a cigaratte and thats it, i must have blacked out"

 

So by this time i told her its over, but by the next night were back together.

 

As if it werent ****ed up enough all ready i end up finding out she slept with two of her guy friends earlier in the year . I dont know if its her drinking problem or some traumatic event from her childhood but i just cannot understand what the problem is. Anyways were currently together and about a week ago i finally gleaned the truth out of her. She claims shes so sorry but shes slept with 12–15 guys near the beginning of the year. She admits that she basically snuck off any time i wasnt around. When i asked for an exact number she says she lost count but she doesnt want to be that person anymore and that shes been "loyal" since june.

 

Holy hell im so sorry for writing so much but i truly love her and im scared she will do something stupid if i break it off with her. Seeing her in tears as she confessed everything was brutal but im completely devastated. I trusted her all this time but im not sure if im fooling myself trying to believe she has changed. And even if she has changed i dont know that i could ever trust her again.

 

Do people change? Or is this girl a lost cause from day one? Im honestly too embarassed to tell any of my friends what happened, so im just hoping maybe someone here might know.

[silvermercy]

I was about to say she clearly has issues for cheating for so long but as the post progressed I'm inclined to say you have major issues, too, for putting up with it for so long.

 

I mean seriously... she hasn't cheated since June (that you know of)!? Oh well... that makes everything fine then!!

[loversquarrel]

First of all, stop making excuses for her. Whether she has past problems or not she still has a choice in what she presently does. She is repeatedly hurting you and that's who you have to take care of.

 

Secondly, not only is she emotionally abusive toward you but she is also repeatedly putting your health at risk. She doesn't even care about herself, why would she care about you?

 

She will NOT change. She is using you as her "security" and stability.

 

I can almost guarantee she has some serious underlying issues, but that's not a reason to stay nor an excuse for her behavior. You can't trust her and need to get help for yourself and recognize your own co-dependency issue with this girl.

 

Lastly, she wanted to check your phone not out of jealousy but rather out of her lack of trust for you. You see, if its one thing about liars, they always think they're being lied to.

[Toddbt12y1]

Serial cheats rarely change....

[Balzac]

While I get your question, I appreciate your embarrassment, focus on YOU.

The issue is your personal boundaries. In the dating world, many partners will disappoint because we have solid personal boundaries. Why they fall short of our ethical standard is of no importance.

[Bryanp]

Are you out of your mind? Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD?

You need to be tested immediately and move on from her. She is toxic to you. She clearly has no respect for you and your relationship. Good God man, if you do not respect yourself then who will? Are you proud that she is your girlfriend.

 

I strongly suggest counseling for you to understand why you would accept such humiliation and disrespect from her. You would have to have serious issues to remain in such a relationship that clearly is not exclusive for her.

[pbjbear]

No brainer.

 

Leave her and dont look back.

 

Perhaps you should examine the reasons why you would stay with someone with such ****ty character

[sabre80]

wow, another guy happy to be a door mat and take a spunk rag for a girlfriend...I'm shocked when I see things like this.....

 

Honestly OP, is this how much you think of yourself to be with a girl with such morals and values...Don't you have any standards?

 

grow up, beg, steal or borrow a spine and get rid of this thing ASAP...

 

Honestly, get out of this now, and move on with your life and find someone that loves you, not someone that uses you and doesn't care...

 

 

Not to find humour in another's misery but this has got to be the funniest way I have heard this put.

[veggirl]

Wow man what is wrong with you?! Not only should you dump her immediately but I'd be tempted to totally put her on blast!! What a skank, you should def get tested I am sure she was not using protection with those "12-15 people"....shiiit please grow some balls and tell her to kick rocks.

 

You should legitimately look into getting some therapy for your MASSIVE lack of self-respect.

[CautionaryTale]

Your post has made me lose a small amount of hope for human kind, OP...

 

Please leave her. The worst she'll do is go out and screw 10 - 15 more people.

 

Oh and that's the best she'll do if you stay.

 

I don't even know what to say to this. I'm a pretty warm and fuzzy, butterflies, rainbows, and lollipops type of person but, wow. Just wow.

 

You can't believe THIS is the best you can do. You just can't...

[Darren Steez]

SupaSexySally's boyfriend? If so it spins a different tale than she told...or maybe they're the same person...

[MichiganMan222]

If you decide to stay with her, at least have her start charging these guys to help with the rent.

[lukas]

If you stay with here you will go down a road of irreparable emotional injury. You need to think about how it will make you feel and how it will affect your health and safety if she continues with this type of indiscretion in the future.

 

Also, what if she were to get pregnant? Would you want to raise another man's child?

[GSB81]

I kinda think this is the kind of guy my ex wanted me to be. A poor, blind, trusting, forgiving fool. Im not, so it didn't work out.

[Woggle]

Wow a full 7 months. She is a new woman reborn.

[Quiet Storm]

Her issues may likely stem from childhood abuse, but that doesn't excuse the behavior. You can empathize with her past, but be smart enough to know that she is not a good candidate for a girlfriend.

 

You brought up possible past abuse and the fact that you are worried about what she might do if you broke up with her. Constant lying, promiscous behavior, substance abuse, suicide threats or self harm (cutting) are all symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, which is very difficult to treat. My sister has it. She cheated on her husband, multiple suicide threats & attempts, self medicated with alcohol, lost her marriage and custody of her son. She was inpatient in one of the best psych hospitals in the country and hasn't improved. She can seem perfectly normal, though. She knows how to pretend she's normal.

 

If you stay in this relationship, it will be nothing but one drama after another. She craves external validation from men. She is like a bucket with a hole it it, she will constantly need more and more to feel fulfilled. You could be the most perfect boyfriend in the world, and she will still cheat & lie because it's in her character.

 

I know you are just dating but please do not have any kids with her. These type of women do not make good mothers because their own issues make them too selfish to be capable of caring for others. Her focus is feeling good and filling those bottomless holes. She won't make a good wife or mom because her own needs, even if irrational or self destructive, will always be a priority over her loved ones.

 

I would also look inward at your own behavior. Why don't you think you deserve better? Why do you keep trying to trust someone that has proven to be untrustworthy? If you know you deserve better, then why do you continue to tolerate unacceptable behavior?

 

Actions speak louder than words. She is showing you with her actions what type of person she is. It's up to you to listen. Listen to her actions, and listen to your gut feelings. You say in the past when you found out something, you would be upset, but you would get over it. It is likely that you never really got over it, but simply buried the pain because you wanted the relationship to continue. You slipped into denial because you didn't want to face what kind of person she is. That isn't healthy. She is not good for you, and I think you know that.

[ChessPieceFace]

Get checked for STDs. Then find yourself a girl who is worth dating.

[animalover]

Well I'd be lying if I said I felt comfortable about what I'm about to post. My girlfriend and i have been together for about a year and a half. Back in march my girlfriend admitted that she was seeing another guy at the same time as we originally met and admitted to sleeping with him the week that we became exclusive. Insert jealously and awkwardness for a few weeks and I finally got over it.

 

It was in October when my entire reality came crashing down on me. We were lying in bed talking and she wanted to see my phone. So i agreed, on condition that i see hers. Ironically her own jealously led to me seeing she was talking frequently with an ex boyfriend of hers. After repeatedly questioning her on it, she started tearing up, grabbed my clothes and told me i had to leave. Turns out while she was visiting her sister over the summer, she slept with her ex. It took me until about december to start adjusting and the feelings of jealousy to subside.

 

Then midway through december she was showing me some pictures on her phone when she received a random text message that displayed in the notification bar. I dont remember the exact words but i ended up questioning her and she ends up saying that she got ahold of a couple old friends and finally admits that she not only snuck off after i left one night but went to drink with him

 

After asking how many times this has happened she claims it was just a few but she swore up and down she didnt cheat.

 

Not even a week later she says her friend Alek messaged her. I heard the name once or twice and she starts acting a little strange. She ends up telling the guy to stop texting her(and im assuming hes drunk) so he ends up blowing up and says that its her boyfriend talking(me) then says basically "you know your slut girlfriend ****ed my friend the last time we hung out ask the stupid bitch about it. I hope your relationship falls apart" blah blah.

 

My girlfriend denies it for over an hour before finally saying i dont think i slept with his friend but im not sure. I remember sitting outside smoking a cigaratte and thats it, i must have blacked out"

 

So by this time i told her its over, but by the next night were back together.

 

As if it werent ****ed up enough all ready i end up finding out she slept with two of her guy friends earlier in the year . I dont know if its her drinking problem or some traumatic event from her childhood but i just cannot understand what the problem is. Anyways were currently together and about a week ago i finally gleaned the truth out of her. She claims shes so sorry but shes slept with 12–15 guys near the beginning of the year. She admits that she basically snuck off any time i wasnt around. When i asked for an exact number she says she lost count but she doesnt want to be that person anymore and that shes been "loyal" since june.

 

Holy hell im so sorry for writing so much but i truly love her and im scared she will do something stupid if i break it off with her. Seeing her in tears as she confessed everything was brutal but im completely devastated. I trusted her all this time but im not sure if im fooling myself trying to believe she has changed. And even if she has changed i dont know that i could ever trust her again.

 

Do people change? Or is this girl a lost cause from day one? Im honestly too embarassed to tell any of my friends what happened, so im just hoping maybe someone here might know.

 

It is long ago that you stopped to be a victim and became a volunteer... if you don't respect yourself... she won't do that either!!

I never understand how people can be treated like dump and still keep around the one who is torturing them.... you need to build some self respect and dump this woman... she is totally bad news!

[131313]

I hope you come back and give an update. I usually lurk around this site just reading but I made a profile so I could post something here. I am in almost your exact situation, and I am wrestling with the fact that it seems that the cheater has "changed" and now is loyal, so I am supposed to forgive the past and move on.

 

The last time he cheated on me was supposedly last August. I feel like a complete idiot and have no idea why I didn't dump his ass back then but here we are, 6 months later, and I still feel like ****. I finally left a few days ago, and now he keeps begging for me to come home, saying how he is a different person now and all that.

 

I hope you are hanging in there I know how hard this must be for you.

[animalover]

I hope you come back and give an update. I usually lurk around this site just reading but I made a profile so I could post something here. I am in almost your exact situation, and I am wrestling with the fact that it seems that the cheater has "changed" and now is loyal, so I am supposed to forgive the past and move on.

 

The last time he cheated on me was supposedly last August. I feel like a complete idiot and have no idea why I didn't dump his ass back then but here we are, 6 months later, and I still feel like ****. I finally left a few days ago, and now he keeps begging for me to come home, saying how he is a different person now and all that.

 

I hope you are hanging in there I know how hard this must be for you.

 

misery loves company....