wanting to sabotage

[deena]

i have had a serious problem with jealousy in my past, real and or imagined with this guy i'm with now. we are older people late thirties.

 

well things have settled down alot and i have gotten help with my jealousy problem. still at times i think about him maybe being interested in someone from work, gym, other things like that.

 

i don't have any real reason for my doubts other then my own suspcious nature. we have gotten in some arguements tho in the past about females that he works with and he defended them over me and also with an ex girlfriend whom he defended over me.

 

i think that those ocassions have left me a bit untrusting and bitter. so sometimes i feel this urge to kiss someone or have sex with them, to kind of pay him back but i'd never tell him so it would be my own dirty little secret to keep next to me when i feel hurt, rejected, betrayed or whatever.

 

don't get me wrong, i will probably never ever do this to him, i love him with all my heart and would defend him to my death, unlike he did for me. still i feel this desire, need or urge to do something.

 

i know this is sick, but i still feel hurt that he defended these other women over me, i'd never do that him even if he was wrong, so whats wrong with me.

[Deejette]

Your guy has not actually cheated, and I think you realize that part of the problem is your insecurity within yourself. I mean, if you actually caught him on the phone with someone, saw love notes, or even witnessed flirting and physical closeness with someone else, then you would have a basis for your jealousy.

 

But if you cheat on him to get even with him just in case he has cheated or will cheat, then you will never be able to trust him either. You will know that it is easy to cheat and you will not even like yourself for doing it. Then, if he cheats on you, he will be justified. You did it to him first.

 

But this is a tangled web of unhappiness instead of a clear and free relationship where everything is up front.

 

I realize it is hard to hear him defending ex girlfriends, but he has made a choice. He is with you, not with them. That should tell you something right there.

 

So keep working on your jealousy issues and you will eventually arrive at inner peace. But if you act on your impulse to cheat it will not solve the problem.

i have had a serious problem with jealousy in my past, real and or imagined with this guy i'm with now. we are older people late thirties.

 

well things have settled down alot and i have gotten help with my jealousy problem. still at times i think about him maybe being interested in someone from work, gym, other things like that.

 

i don't have any real reason for my doubts other then my own suspcious nature. we have gotten in some arguements tho in the past about females that he works with and he defended them over me and also with an ex girlfriend whom he defended over me. i think that those ocassions have left me a bit untrusting and bitter. so sometimes i feel this urge to kiss someone or have sex with them, to kind of pay him back but i'd never tell him so it would be my own dirty little secret to keep next to me when i feel hurt, rejected, betrayed or whatever. don't get me wrong, i will probably never ever do this to him, i love him with all my heart and would defend him to my death, unlike he did for me. still i feel this desire, need or urge to do something. i know this is sick, but i still feel hurt that he defended these other women over me, i'd never do that him even if he was wrong, so whats wrong with me.