Echo000 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Try to be a gentleman, that good male figure in her life that proves to her not all men are bad. And she breaks your heart and leaves you to pick up the shattered pieces. Can anyone else relate to this? 5
flitzanu Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Try to be a gentleman, that good male figure in her life that proves to her not all men are bad. And she breaks your heart and leaves you to pick up the shattered pieces. Can anyone else relate to this? what does that have to do with assuming she has daddy issues? 1
carhill Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Presuming the lady communicated negatively about her male role models, something I've heard a fair amount over the decades, such revelations are part of the totality of processing one does to establish healthy boundaries. If 'daddy issues' translate to enduring inappropriate treatment, see that for the canary it is, long before serious heartbreak occurs or can occur. If you listen and watch, people generally share everything you need to know. The remainder is receiving and processing it in a healthy way. BTDT, got a few heartbreaks. Great life lessons. You will go on. 2
Author Echo000 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 what does that have to do with assuming she has daddy issues? She has literally described it herself as such. Father disowned her when she was young and was never around..has had really immature bfs in the past that cheated on her, suffered sexual abuse once, etc.
Author Echo000 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Presuming the lady communicated negatively about her male role models, something I've heard a fair amount over the decades, such revelations are part of the totality of processing one does to establish healthy boundaries. If 'daddy issues' translate to enduring inappropriate treatment, see that for the canary it is, long before serious heartbreak occurs or can occur. If you listen and watch, people generally share everything you need to know. The remainder is receiving and processing it in a healthy way. BTDT, got a few heartbreaks. Great life lessons. You will go on. Totally right, I have been thinking that all day. All the signs were there. Trouble from start really (she lied about a number of things). Should have left then, which I almost did. But she was my first love, and I thought I could just overlook it.
williamshakespeare Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Yes Echo - these girls are used to being treated in a certain way. If you try to be a good guy, be loving etc., they're simply not used to it and can't process it mentally. The 'good guy' gets dumped and ultimately she seeks another guy who will treat her like cr*p because that's her comfort zone. Very ironic - huh? Life sucks sometimes 2
Author Echo000 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 amazing- all you want to do is treat them right. and for the most part, you treat them better than right. and you end up wondering how it came to be. Your right, life is just like that sometimes. 2
mike588 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Try to be a gentleman, that good male figure in her life that proves to her not all men are bad. And she breaks your heart and leaves you to pick up the shattered pieces. Can anyone else relate to this? My now ex. had "Daddy issues"..her father died when she was 9 yrs old and she was damaged from this. We were friends many many years ago then 'hooked up" again after 15 years..She had just gotten out of a relationship she claimed was bad and was very unhappy in!! We dated for about a year... I was very very good to her...wined and dined her etc.etc. then she dumped me for the ex. Now granted I was a rebound and foolishly ignored many red flags but she did mention that she was screwed up and was only attracted to guys that weren't right for her. I'm guessing that what happened to her father played some part in her behavior other than that she was still emotionally attached to her ex?
flitzanu Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 we always go back to what we know best. i'm constantly wondering why girls are dating dbags instead of me. or, am i the dbag? but really, as was said, if she was a little f'd anyway, you were never going to "fix" her or change her perception.
todreaminblue Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Not all girls who have had a father figure who is questionable will break nice guys hearts.......does it happen sure......lots of bad crap happens to many people including when falling in love....love is a risk, why do men cheat, why do women cheat, again it seems the girl who has problems with men is the one who is being talked about here in a a less than favorable way.....a woman who has had her heart broken many times becomes not so nice,and too risky too date, sigh......women who have had not so good guys should all just go to an island somewhere and live out our days in funeral black and not try and have relationships with nice guys, hell nice guys should never fall in love, nor shoudl nice girls, chances are the more you feel the nicer you are, the harder the heart break.....relationships take two not one, when a relationship breaks, it is often the result of not being compatible in thoughts actions and or deeds, lifestyle or just not right for each other...........heaps of women break it off with nice guys with or without daddy issues....love is a risk....i am not moving to an island...desert maybe ...ill take my llama with me thankyou.....deb
cotts1 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I can 100% relate. Was dating a girl for the past 6 months who was abandoned by her father at a young age. First time I was ever in a relationship with a girl like that. I thought being a real nice guy was the way to go but I, like you, was very wrong. Out of nowhere she just broke it off. It sucks because I was totally into her. It also sucks because I feel like if I would have been more myself (a little more bad boy, apathetic) we would still be seeing each other.
Svet74 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I dont agree, I have daddy issues, but i know what a healthy relationship is. And would like to be with a guy who treats me well. Although my ex didnt. Either way it seems like the good guys dont pursue me. So should i be pursuing? lol
todreaminblue Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I can 100% relate. Was dating a girl for the past 6 months who was abandoned by her father at a young age. First time I was ever in a relationship with a girl like that. I thought being a real nice guy was the way to go but I, like you, was very wrong. Out of nowhere she just broke it off. It sucks because I was totally into her. It also sucks because I feel like if I would have been more myself (a little more bad boy, apathetic) we would still be seeing each other. just because there might be a few guys who say i can relate to havign been with a girl who has daddy issues....doesnt mean all women are all the same who have had fathers who were less than ideal or even normal for that matter....maybe its the dating a GIRL thing......and not a woman
Author Echo000 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 maybe its the dating a GIRL thing......and not a woman Exactly. Listen, females who have had really negative experiences regarding men (ESPECIALLY a father figure) often develop abandonment issues, trust issues, etc. that dont necessarily go away. Now, if the female is mature and a woman, she can be with a good guy. But if the female is a girl (and not a woman), she will look to justify her negative view on men. She will make a good guy look bad. I was nothing but good to her, really. I wasnt perfect, but I never cheated, always wanted her to be happy, etc. Yet she ALWAYS questioned me- said I constantly was checking girls out, constantly flirting, and always questioned my motives. ANY girl i was friends with, the ex would be jealous of and question. In all honesty, most of that stems from girls with daddy issues. I say this because you can find similar traits (jealousy, lack of trust, fear of abandonment, etc.) in many females who share similar experiences. So no, girls with these issues arent necessarily damaged forever. But they carry a TON of baggage, and you run a huge risk falling for this type of girl. She was my first love and I didnt know better. But honestly, if I encountered a girl with significant daddy issues, i will run for the hills
coffeebean201 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sounds like the disconnect happened when you were "proving to her that not all men were bad", rather than sharing a relationship with her. Rather than projecting the perfect male onto her, maybe she was looking more for a best friend that she loved being intimate with. But you are right, there is often a coolness to the relationships. Definitely not clingy.
CptSaveAho Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sounds like the disconnect happened when you were "proving to her that not all men were bad", rather than sharing a relationship with her. Rather than projecting the perfect male onto her, maybe she was looking more for a best friend that she loved being intimate with. But you are right, there is often a coolness to the relationships. Definitely not clingy. lol every man on the planet has dated a girl with daddy issues and had the same outcome... you can see it a zillion miles away you can't "share" a relationship with her LOL best friend being intimate with..................... typically how it works out in her mind but the guy gets hosed in the end
coffeebean201 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sounds like there were some jealousy issues. Sorry you think that guys get hosed in these situations.
todreaminblue Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Exactly. Listen, females who have had really negative experiences regarding men (ESPECIALLY a father figure) often develop abandonment issues, trust issues, etc. that dont necessarily go away. Now, if the female is mature and a woman, she can be with a good guy. But if the female is a girl (and not a woman), she will look to justify her negative view on men. She will make a good guy look bad. I was nothing but good to her, really. I wasnt perfect, but I never cheated, always wanted her to be happy, etc. Yet she ALWAYS questioned me- said I constantly was checking girls out, constantly flirting, and always questioned my motives. ANY girl i was friends with, the ex would be jealous of and question. In all honesty, most of that stems from girls with daddy issues. I say this because you can find similar traits (jealousy, lack of trust, fear of abandonment, etc.) in many females who share similar experiences. So no, girls with these issues arent necessarily damaged forever. But they carry a TON of baggage, and you run a huge risk falling for this type of girl. She was my first love and I didnt know better. But honestly, if I encountered a girl with significant daddy issues, i will run for the hills Understandable that you would want to run, if any woman or girl exhibits those traits doesnt necessarily mean she has daddy issues sometimes there just no excuses for bad behavior, you can write it off to issues about this issues about that....bad behavior is a choice someone makes....having a crap father....cant pick your family...having bad experiences or circumstances cant dwell there, or treat other people badly because of it, everyone has to progress no matter what life throws at them that way the cycle stops where it should with a person who can see right from wrong.....i sympathize with you having a bad run of it....good luck next time.....deb
cdt76 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Echo: Well, it took one last bit of contact for me to push right through pain and hope and love and go straight to anger. So I'm all good now. Back to square one, which is where I started 3 years ago when I first posted on this site. But now, the walls around my heart are much thicker, They are much taller and harder. It sucks building these things because they can't come down. However, once I realized that I was just used and thrown away like toilet paper, then NC became a no brainer. Until you actually hear it or hear them avoid saying stuff they usually say, it hits you over the head like a hammer and you are like, wow....what the ***** was I thinking? Additionally to get one last good jab in before I went silent felt brillliant! So now, the key will be refocus my thinking. Refocusing my thinking is the hardest part but it will be done. No more memories. No more thinking back. No more sitting around hoping for what will never come. NO MORE! Truth be told, it also helps to not post here. At some point probably this week or next, I'll start reading posts in other threads not involving break ups or coping. No sense in rehashing and bringing to the forefont all the crap that needs to be buried and stay dead. No reason to continue to write about feelings that should not be thought about. Some may call this repression, however, I call it healing. I was used for car insurance, telephone, dates, outings, child care, emotional support during a rough time. All of that is now irrelevant. Anger will live where love once did until I'm able to move out the anger and replace it with contentment. That takes awhile. However, it will happen! Oh and Echo....BOXING is a freaking awesome way to deal with anger! Good luck brother. 1
Author Echo000 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Thanks cdt76, Totally understand the anger. This stuff is absurd, and im tired of making excuses or trying to "understand" why my ex was such a child the whole time. I wanted a woman, and I take responsibility for settling for a girl. Time to pick oneself up and move on. Let the ex sink into an abyss of forgotten time. 1
cdt76 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I don't know if you seek out younger women because they tend to be in much better shape but I do. The problem I see with that is that they are not in the same mental, emotional and physical state that we are in. I'm ready to settle down. Find the one and make it a lifetime. Apparently I was just a stop gap to this girl. I was a free ride and party and help and support. She was offering only sex in return and no emotional connection. I had no idea but that's what happened. So I don't know Echo...the anger keeps me from letting go or forgiving. I hate being used or lied to or cheated on and that seems to be the standard operating proceedure in my life. How do you deal with it?
Author Echo000 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Yeah this girl was only one year younger then me, but about 10 years my junior in terms of maturity. She was a child- totally jealous, rude, selfish, etc. And in a way, I feel like she totally used me as a place to dump her emotional baggage. She made so many mistakes, and I always forgave her and moved forward even though it wasnt easy. But toward the end, she had no problem labeling and judging me for anything I did that she deemed "not okay". Yeah I totally get the anger- I feel it every day (along with every other emotion). How do I deal with it? One day at a time, and I keep myself as busy as possible. I speak to my friends daily, and try to focus on goals and dreams that I have (even though I struggle to find something I really want). Its hard man, straight up. The girl did a number on me.
Hyouri Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Gf(20yo, I'm 25) has "Daddy issues". Her Dad divorced like 12 year ago, but the her mother still talks bad about him all the time and vents on past things. (she lives with her mom) LDR is ending for us soon(I'm coming home), but I think the relationship has gone. She never traveled to me, she "doesn't feel the spark" anymore. She's afraid to make love with me, she doesn't care much about us(never planned anything that we would do together ) I feel like she has no respect for me, nor does she values me. Extremly selfish and wants a lot of attention. The best thing she mentioned when going to the IT school that "there would be a lot of guys and I'll be the only woman!". I don't know what should I do, but as the topic title says: She is breaking my heart, because I love her very much. But as of now, it seems it's only one-sided. Edited February 13, 2013 by Hyouri
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