"Couples our Age Don't Go Out Anymore"

[venusianx13]

How often DO you go out? Does he seem reluctant to go out at all, or was it just this one time that he seemed reluctant?

 

 

I apologize, I tried to answer your questions in prior posts, but I think it all just got too chaotic. As for lik, he doesn't intimidate me...

 

We have a casual date maybe once a month. It's not usually a planned thing, though...it's more like, "We don't feel like cooking dinner tonight," or "there's no food in the house," so we go out. However, this dancing thing is something I've mentioned for the past few months as something I'd enjoy doing again, but something else of priority usually comes up and trumps the plan. Is he reluctant? Well, he's not the best dancer; stepped all over my feet the first time we went, but it was still fun. This past weekend I was downright disappointed, as I really thought we were going to go. In all fairness, though, bf has promised that we'd go dancing next weekend, and we might try to go see a Tool cover band this weekend, lol. I'm not the type of person who needs to go out every weekend by any means, but it just so happens that this band I've been wanting to catch will be in the area.

Edited February 7, 2013 by venusianx13

[Els]

I apologize, I tried to answer your questions in prior posts, but I think it all just got too chaotic.

 

No problems, hun.

 

We have a casual date maybe once a month. It's not usually a planned thing, though...it's more like, "We don't feel like cooking dinner tonight," or "there's no food in the house," so we go out. However, this dancing thing is something I've mentioned for the past few months as something I'd enjoy doing again, but something else of priority usually comes up and trumps the plan. This past weekend I was downright disappointed, as I really thought we were going to go. In all fairness, though, bf has promised that we'd go dancing next weekend, and we might try to go see a Tool cover band this weekend, lol. I'm not the type of person who needs to go out every weekend by any means, but it just so happens that this band I've been wanting to catch will be in the area.

 

Hey, if he suggested all that off his own bat, I'd just brush it off as him genuinely being too tired for dancing this week. So yeah, I'd let it go as long as he doesn't keep turning down outings.

 

I really want to reiterate that I don't think you're expecting too much, though. One date a month, at your age and with no young children, is a bit on the low side even (though it's totally fine as long as you're both happy with it).

[Nyla]

I sincerely recommend reporting Lik instead of taking his bait and allowing him to derail any thread he pleases to fit his own rather unsubtle agenda.

 

OP, would you care to answer my questions, please?

 

You are right.

[Els]

You are right.

 

Thanks.

 

I very much agree with your previous post, too. IMO letting 'date time' dry up due to marital/life/children obligations later in life is as horrible an idea as letting sex dry up, and very often produces equivalent results. It's natural for the frequency of either to decrease a little, but it's still important to make the effort to do them. Date time enhances the emotional connection and sex enhances the sexual connection, people need both to remain attracted to one another, and it benefits everyone in the family when the husband and wife are still in love.

[BetheButterfly]

My boyfriend is a few months older than I am; we are both 30. This past weekend, while my son was at his dad's, I had wanted to go out dancing with my boyfriend. I ran it by him in the morning, and he seemed cool with it.

 

Yay dancing!!! (I'm not a good dancer but I LOVE dancing!)

 

After dinner, I started discussing what time we should leave and so forth, and my boyfriend confessed that he was too tired (which in and of itself was understandable) but went on to say: "And besides, people our age don't really go out anymore. We stay home with the kids and enjoy cozy nights in." Most of the time, I'm fine with that. No problem. We actually do that with my son quite often. But... we're 30!! I've never heard of 30 being old, or am I misinformed?

 

You are not misinformed lol. I'm 35 and I don't think being older means just staying at home. My Papaw and his wife are 70 somethings and they go out and have lots of fun! They don't go to clubs but they go out and socialize with other people.

 

Old can be a concept that evades many people.

I got pretty perturbed at him, and said, "Well hey, we aren't married yet, and I'm not old, so I still like to have fun sometimes." And by fun, I don't even mean getting drunk or flirting around- I simply enjoy dancing and having an adventure here and there.

 

Hey! You can still have fun even when married!!! Sure it's important to have fun and yeah having fun has many meanings which most definitely don't have to include drinking alcohol or flirting with anybody else.

 

Where does he get this idea from?!

 

people who think that having more years means doing less?

 

It isn't a huge problem for me, because he's so wonderful, but this... is just silly.

 

I agree

 

Once we are married, I will be perfectly content to stay in most nights, and as I see (more) children in our future, it will be harder to go out. But for now, the way I see it is: We're still young, and we AREN'T married yet... so what wrong with having fun now before it becomes harder to do so in the future?

 

You can still have fun even married and even when you reach your 70s and yeah maybe even in the 90s too...

 

I think it's understandable not to go out when he's tired. I wonder if he needs more sleep and that can help him feel better and more energized to do fun things with you when he's awake?

[Emilia]

 

I think you are discounting the possibility I have raised, which he is insecure about your level of commitment. The dancing is symbolic to the deeper issue.

 

Do you live in Afghanistan?

[Els]

Do you live in Afghanistan?

 

He probably just wishes he did.

[venusianx13]

Do you live in Afghanistan?

 

 

Exactly the reason why he doesn't intimidate me.

 

And thanks, everyone, for your responses!

[venusianx13]

The two of you sound somewhat incompatible. You like to go out, he doesn't sound like he really likes it as much. Maybe he was just being accomodating to your wishes during the "honeymoon phase" which is now according to you starting to wear off. Maybe he is like Nyla's husband and prefers a stay-at-home girl like her? You need to sit down and have a talk with him and discuss these things.

 

perhaps he really was only trying to appease me in the early stages of our dating. Even if that's true, it's not a deal-breaker for me. As I've continuously stated, I don't go out much, but I get an itch for adventure from time to time. There's nothing that would point to incompatibility about that. My bf enjoys skiing (wants to take me, but I'm a little hesitant). This doesn't mean we're incompatible. With all due respect, this is the healthiest, most serious, and most loving relationship I've ever had. I'd dare say he wouldn't prefer any other type of girl over me.

[venusianx13]

Some people treat every difference in a relationship as a battle that they have to win. Hopefully that's not you because that kind of attitude doesn't make for a calm marriage.

 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm very easy-going about things. I don't care what movie we watch, what we do for dinner, etc. As long as my partner is happy, I'm happy. I don't often argue with my boyfriend, and if we do have a disagreement, things don't go into battle mode. I actually posed this thread here because I was so taken aback by the "Couples our age..." comment, because I don't think we're old at all. And just because I disagree with you does not mean I have overlooked your words. I read what you said, and I appreciate the input. That said, though, yes, I'd like to find out if my boyfriend simply does not enjoy going out ever... though I don't think that's true, as he initiated wanting to go to a show together this weekend, and was fine for taking me dancing next. But yes, I'd like to discuss this with him and get to the bottom of it. Tonight, if the situation permits (we may not have any alone time, as he has family visiting).

[venusianx13]

 

In these situations over minor issues, it's usually best if the woman defers to the man's wishes and choose their battles wisely since being viewed as a "nagging wife" (even if the woman thinks she's justified) is just a total no-win situation for the woman.

 

At least you have to pretend to agree with him until you're actually married. Then you can go off and do whatever you want I guess like a lot of women seem to after getting married.

 

 

How did my seemingly innocuous post come to THIS? These ideas are not worth engaging any further. I'm sorry for whatever personal circumstance has brought you to these conclusions, and I mean that in all sincerity.

 

Let's put this thread to rest, folks.

[Els]

perhaps he really was only trying to appease me in the early stages of our dating. Even if that's true, it's not a deal-breaker for me. As I've continuously stated, I don't go out much, but I get an itch for adventure from time to time. There's nothing that would point to incompatibility about that. My bf enjoys skiing (wants to take me, but I'm a little hesitant). This doesn't mean we're incompatible. With all due respect, this is the healthiest, most serious, and most loving relationship I've ever had. I'd dare say he wouldn't prefer any other type of girl over me.

 

There will always be some difference between you and your partner, because you're not clones. As long as you're able to compromise and work things out in a healthy manner, I'm sure you'll be fine.

 

I also have no idea why threads about going out and sexless marriages seem to be troll-magnets. I'm sorry. It seems that some people's idea of an ideal relationship would be one in which the woman has no life of her own, never wants to go out, and only wants to cook and clean for him and service his sexual needs everyday.

 

And we wonder why those dudes end up bitter. I would be bitter too if I believed I was entitled to a unicorn and still hadn't found one.

[Emilia]

 

How many men out there, really, who are succesfully employed, hard working, reasonably good health, reasonably attractive, not too old or two young, not already "taken" in a relationship, not just looking for booty calls, not an immature Peter Pan syndrome, not a huge amount of baggage from their own past relationships, who are willing to make a lifetime commitment to a single mom?

 

Few and far between. Very few. Very far between.

 

The reason why you are wrong is that the above is not that case. There are plenty of decent guys out there who have their s**t together and who are relationship material. A LOT of them like going out too to socialise, to experience new things, to push their comfort zone, to explore. This is partly what makes them relationship material in the first place! Both my mother and my sister are in relationships with men like this and I've mainly dated men like this. Partly because none of us are interested in couch potatoes and we are active. Like attracts like.

 

It doesn't have to be the 'Do you want to go out with a neurotic player and hang out in bars lots or do you want a homebody who is boring but brings in a steady paycheque.'

 

Plenty of people manage to maintain an interest about their surroundings throughout their lives and don't just want to drink beer sitting on the sofa watching football.

 

After all, if your assumption was true, theatres and opera houses wouldn't be full of middle aged people since they aren't supposed to go out anymore!

Edited February 8, 2013 by Emilia

[Emilia]

How did my seemingly innocuous post come to THIS? These ideas are not worth engaging any further. I'm sorry for whatever personal circumstance has brought you to these conclusions, and I mean that in all sincerity.

 

Let's put this thread to rest, folks.

 

I'm guessing you hit a few nerves with your thread. We now have the couch potato brigade out defending their right to be lazy and disinterested in anything that doesn't involve their favourite television programmes.

 

You can ask the mods to close the thread if you wish through the 'alert us' button.