Tenacity Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Oh it's OK. The anger.........omg, that was so hard. I was freakin furious, I mean furious and it wasn't something that went away soon or easily. I can't imagine the level of anger that must have been present for that magnitude of betrayal. I agree - there must be a special place in hell for these people. My ex-MM lied to me while he was separated about his lack of intention to divorce for years, but at least I knew he was married. And I was still mad enough to want to slowly saw off certain parts of his body with a dull and rusty knife infected with a highly resistant strain of staphylococcus aureus. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 yea, I was a very lucky girl to be so loved by him. He only destroys the lives of special girls fyi Brian - I actually think that you are very therapeutic for me.... I wonder why. Maybe Pierre knows.....calling Pierre... Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Tenacity Your post made me remember something funny.... I had started to get used to the x-MM ignoring me off and on for punishment. Because of that, I was hardly texting him at all anymore, only when he sent text first. I could never even remember if I was in the middle of being ignored or not. So then he sent me an angry text about the fact that I was not texting, saying that in the "old days" I used to care about him and text - that I must not care or love him anymore since not texting much anymore!!!! WTF...honestly, I guess if I had been a better OW, I would have put the ignore schedule in my calendar. Impossible to keep track of it in my tiny OW brain That's totally hilarious! I can just see it... blocking off entire sections on the calendar of your cell phone so you know whether it was "allowed" to send him a text on any given day. Maybe you could even program your cell phone to automatically notify you if you try to send a text on the wrong day It's just insanity. My ex used to pull the same thing - when he was ignoring me for punishment I had better not contact him, but all other times he was mad if I didn't text often enough or respond fast enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 That's totally hilarious! I can just see it... blocking off entire sections on the calendar of your cell phone so you know whether it was "allowed" to send him a text on any given day. Maybe you could even program your cell phone to automatically notify you if you try to send a text on the wrong day It's just insanity. My ex used to pull the same thing - when he was ignoring me for punishment I had better not contact him, but all other times he was mad if I didn't text often enough or respond fast enough. Controlling behavior and insecurity are wings of the same bird.:laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Controlling behavior and insecurity are wings of the same bird.:laugh: Hmmm Pierre. Whose wings are we referring to here? His controlling behavior and his insecurity? Or my insecurity and need for "external validation"? I think we need more birds. There must be a whole flock of them to cover all of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 OMG LadyGrey My x-MM was such a victim. He was the ultimate martyr!! He felt he was persecuted and deserved a bit of happiness in this lfe which gave him the right to chase that happiness no matter what. He told me that he married wife because he had to do that to escape the abuse of his dad. (I think it is a Middle Eastern thing that they have to live at home til married). 2 weeks after wedding, he said he knew it was mistake and he did not love her. flashforward 16 YEARS...and he is still trying to find new happiness. He says I am that happiness and I just have to wait another 1.5 years or so for him to fix everything hahaha). he says he moved to an apt a few weeks ago finally- after a 6 year in home separation...(hahaha) and that he has no furniture and sleeps on air mattress that cost him 128$. This guy makes 10k/month after taxes so why can't he afford real bed? Idk...all so insane...gives me headache to think about it actually.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Honestly Tenacity...you are too nice.... I want more pain than that for my x-MM maybe some rats knawing (sp?) on the dying flesh as I cut? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Hmmm Pierre. Whose wings are we referring to here? His controlling behavior and his insecurity? Or my insecurity and need for "external validation"? I think we need more birds. There must be a whole flock of them to cover all of it. I meant to say that sometimes highly insecure anxious people become controlling. How is Brian helping you? By saying MOM loved you? Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Honestly Tenacity...you are too nice.... I want more pain than that for my x-MM maybe some rats knawing (sp?) on the dying flesh as I cut? That's similar to what I was thinking - as the end result to the knife would be a nice case of necrotizing fasciitis (flesh-eating bacteria disease) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I meant to say that sometimes highly insecure anxious people become controlling. Yes, he was insecure, no doubt about it. As was I. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Pierre Definitely not!!! wow...I think insane for brian to say that x-MM loved me. I think that brian reminds me of all the insanity of an MM and the delusions. Now that I am in NC, I don't hear it anymore from x-MM....but he lives on in brian. I can see it now. And I feel the pain of his OW and wife. It is odd...am I the only one that feels like an OW and a wife (wives usually do not know what is going on for years) pls. don't tell me that I can't talk to brian anymore.... he is so helpful... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 I like the way you think tenacity perhaps you, I and LadyGrey can start a business for needy OW and wives:laugh: Pierre--if you read this---I am in anger stage:confused: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 You were in love because he filled all your needs and that is a drug. Doesn't everybody seek validation? WhetherI like it or not, my nature is to want to be loved. Are there people who are different (besides sociopaths)? The same thing happened to me, and I am not ashamed. I was in love and reckless. I took a big risk and I lost. The next time I will be much more careful, but I have no shame. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Soni Sagra I actually did say something like that at one point during my insanity after finding out he was married. He said that if I really loved him, then I would wait forever, be willing to even be homeless for him, be ok with having nothing.... He was all about the tests.!! I feel the need to argue with your xMM. We women are the ones with the precious eggs. Our time is more valuable. We have everything to give and everything to lose. The man is the one who needs to prove himself. It's outrageous and insulting. And why am I arguing with a narcissist? I'm totally down for the pitchfork ambush. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brian1 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Brian I thought I was happy also when I thought I had a real monogamous relationship for 3 years. Discovering that was all a lie is the worst thing ever and makes you feel really stupid. I am in pain now but I would never want to go back to that fake happiness. I value truth. you are fooling yourself if you think everyone is happy. and fyi- money is not happiness. you throw that around so much and I think you believe that. I understand you were in love under false pretenses. And once that comes to light it's hard to get over. I don't follow your comment about everyone being happy. And as far as money being happiness, I never use money to control anyone or so called "buy someones love". I use money in my relationship to make sure my daughter has the opportunities she deserves. I realize her full time access to her father is much, much more valuable to her than anything money can buy. Money is like sugar, it makes good things sweeter but not good. Link to post Share on other sites
Brian1 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 honestly brian, you are killing me!!! imagine the relationship we could have - your cold and calculating ways and my over emotional nature...... You're very kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Pierre Definitely not!!! wow...I think insane for brian to say that x-MM loved me. I, like you, am trying to make sense of the situation with the man who lied about being married. This is the explanation that I've come up with that makes any sense. He was in love with the way I made him feel. I had qualities. He enjoyed my conversation, I was caring, pretty, and I massaged his ego. He got addicted. This sort of "love" for what he was getting was powerful. But he could not have cared deeply for me in any non-selfish way. Somebody who truly felt an empathetic love for me would never have allowed me to fall into this horrible situation. They would be willing to lose me in order to do what's right by me. Is this overly idealistic, or do such men exist? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Eggplant. I have no idea how to respond to you. How long ago was this? You sound so cold and uncaring...did you have to become that way to get over it? I don't think things so black and white. If i have a choice, I would choose all this pain and want to still remain emotional (not over emotiona brian!!!) , not so cut and dry about things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Eggplant!! I will send you details of the invasion of canada shortly. we are going to make a small detour to the mountain to pick up brian:laugh: (as soon as he tells me where he lives lol) I think his OW and wife will appreciate that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I do not believe everyone seeks validation outside of themselves. Especially adults who are fairly healthy. So if nobody ever wanted to date you, and they all rejected you, you wouldn't be affected... Or if they all loved you and admired you, your ego wouldn't be affected? I agree that "fairly healthy" people are resilient and able to ride highs and lows. But to some degree, don't you think people are programmed to look for acceptance? Link to post Share on other sites
Brian1 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I, like you, am trying to make sense of the situation with the man who lied about being married. This is the explanation that I've come up with that makes any sense. He was in love with the way I made him feel. I had qualities. He enjoyed my conversation, I was caring, pretty, and I massaged his ego. He got addicted. This sort of "love" for what he was getting was powerful. But he could not have cared deeply for me in any non-selfish way. Somebody who truly felt an empathetic love for me would never have allowed me to fall into this horrible situation. They would be willing to lose me in order to do what's right by me. Is this overly idealistic, or do such men exist? You are exactly right, eggplant. Such men do exist. 5 years ago I was one of those but now, unfortunately, I'm on the other team of selfish, narcissistic, lying, deceiving, good for nothing men. (As many angels have stated). Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 You are exactly right, eggplant. Such men do exist. 5 years ago I was one of those but now, unfortunately, I'm on the other team of selfish, narcissistic, lying, deceiving, good for nothing men. (As many angels have stated). Not all men who have affairs are selfish, narcissistic, lying, deceiving, good for nothing men. At least not forever. It's what you do about it ultimately that makes all the difference. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Acheron Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Brian And yet your daughter does not have full time access to you. She has to deny you are her father in public. you said you think everyone in your life is happy. that is why i said my thing. (can you tell me how to do that quote thing so it shows in box what others say? I am clueless and too lazy to look it up. I never thought i would be on forum or anything) no, you use money to control. admit it brian. money is powerful. If i was dependant on you like your OW is, I would be really scared. Just being honest. If you want to negate the whole money thing, then go to a lawyer and set up some kind of trust for them..that you cannot change. instead of giving monthly or whatever, give her full control and then let's see what happens on that mountain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brian1 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Eggplant!! I will send you details of the invasion of canada shortly. we are going to make a small detour to the mountain to pick up brian:laugh: (as soon as he tells me where he lives lol) I think his OW and wife will appreciate that.... Yeah, that would be great! I'll invite my OW and my wife, but my daughter stays behind. This sounds like it could be a fun trip to the Great White North... Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Eggplant. I have no idea how to respond to you. How long ago was this? You sound so cold and uncaring...did you have to become that way to get over it? I don't think things so black and white. If i have a choice, I would choose all this pain and want to still remain emotional (not over emotiona brian!!!) , not so cut and dry about things. It's as though I have split personalities. I'm an engineer. It's not that I'm cold and uncaring. I'm just really, really logical. Except with the relationship I just had. The emotional part of my brain emerged and took over and the rational part was gagged, bound, and kicking. HaHa! When I find somebody with integrity, I will go all in emotionally again. Link to post Share on other sites
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