I ended my affair last night.

[Realist3]

At least for the time being. And so far it feels great. I'm not going to deny it was difficult, and I won't deny the initial sadness in our discussion last night. It won't be a sadness that ends with last night, but it was something I had decided heading into December. I told her then I was tired of the rollercoaster of emotions she was putting me through, and she definitely amped up the instensity during the past two months, but this past weekend's withdrawal allowed me to make the decision.

 

"What????"

 

"Was that meant for me???"

 

"Did I miss something? We just had a great month."

 

"Please, please don't do this. Meet me right now. Everyone is asleep. You are not doing this over text. You don't mean this! You know where, I will be there in 5 minutes."

 

So we met, and I told her I wanted a break for now. As much as I love her and always will, I just got tired of all of everything it took to make this work. In all likelyhood this will resume after a period of time, but as of right now I actually feel a sense of liberation. And the fact that we will still be great friends makes it less difficult.

 

The only reason that I posted this here was because it was discussions here, when I put my thoughts down in print that allowed me to jump the hump. The 'routine' discussion really did it for me.

[Realist3]

Our meeting here at school in about an hour should be quite interesting.

[Yellowteacup]

Good for you.

 

I wish to be that courageous soon.

[LFH]

I think it's good you made a choice that works for you and that you are feeling good about.

 

Good luck!

[loredo21]

that's a big step Realist! You know this is going to be one of the most difficult times in your life. I am glad you came here and posted about it. I hope everyone can be supportive to you in this time and give you valid, and intelligent advice. Good luck! I understand what you meant in a PP about not being sick of the "routine" but the roller coaster of emotions. I think that the roller coaster of emotions just became the routine. Kind of opposite of what a lot of us view as routine, but it's interesting to see another scenario.

[Realist3]

I think it's good you made a choice that works for you and that you are feeling good about.

 

Good luck!

 

Since I have been thinking about it for a bit it made it easier. And yes, it does feel good. We will see how it plays out in the near future, but as I said since we agreed to remain friends I'm not sure how long this break will last, but I needed it.

[Pierre]

At least for the time being. And so far it feels great. I'm not going to deny it was difficult, and I won't deny the initial sadness in our discussion last night. It won't be a sadness that ends with last night, but it was something I had decided heading into December. I told her then I was tired of the rollercoaster of emotions she was putting me through, and she definitely amped up the instensity during the past two months, but this past weekend's withdrawal allowed me to make the decision.

 

"What????"

 

"Was that meant for me???"

 

"Did I miss something? We just had a great month."

 

"Please, please don't do this. Meet me right now. Everyone is asleep. You are not doing this over text. You don't mean this! You know where, I will be there in 5 minutes."

 

So we met, and I told her I wanted a break for now. As much as I love her and always will, I just got tired of all of everything it took to make this work. In all likelyhood this will resume after a period of time, but as of right now I actually feel a sense of liberation. And the fact that we will still be great friends makes it less difficult.

 

The only reason that I posted this here was because it was discussions here, when I put my thoughts down in print that allowed me to jump the hump. The 'routine' discussion really did it for me.

 

You will be back having sex with her very soon. This "to and fro" aspects of relationships increases the romance tension. This is just an exercise and not the real deal.

[Realist3]

that's a big step Realist! You know this is going to be one of the most difficult times in your life. I am glad you came here and posted about it. I hope everyone can be supportive to you in this time and give you valid, and intelligent advice. Good luck! I understand what you meant in a PP about not being sick of the "routine" but the roller coaster of emotions. I think that the roller coaster of emotions just became the routine. Kind of opposite of what a lot of us view as routine, but it's interesting to see another scenario.

 

Thanks for that post, loredo.

[Realist3]

Pierre,

 

You will be back having sex with her very soon. This "to and fro" aspects of relationships increases the romance tension. This is just an exercise and not the real deal.

• 
  

• I don't doubt that one bit. But right now I'm riding this feeling for all its worth.
  

[jwi71]

At least for the time being. And so far it feels great. I'm not going to deny it was difficult, and I won't deny the initial sadness in our discussion last night. It won't be a sadness that ends with last night, but it was something I had decided heading into December. I told her then I was tired of the rollercoaster of emotions she was putting me through, and she definitely amped up the instensity during the past two months, but this past weekend's withdrawal allowed me to make the decision.

 

"What????"

 

"Was that meant for me???"

 

"Did I miss something? We just had a great month."

 

"Please, please don't do this. Meet me right now. Everyone is asleep. You are not doing this over text. You don't mean this! You know where, I will be there in 5 minutes."

 

So we met, and I told her I wanted a break for now. As much as I love her and always will, I just got tired of all of everything it took to make this work. In all likelyhood this will resume after a period of time, but as of right now I actually feel a sense of liberation. And the fact that we will still be great friends makes it less difficult.

 

The only reason that I posted this here was because it was discussions here, when I put my thoughts down in print that allowed me to jump the hump. The 'routine' discussion really did it for me.

 

This is a shock.

 

Why did you end it?

 

Two of your kids knew...your W told you to "keep it out of my face"...what on Earth brought this about? Did I miss something?

[Realist3]

This is a shock.

 

Why did you end it?

 

Two of your kids knew...your W told you to "keep it out of my face"...what on Earth brought this about? Did I miss something?

 

 

Snowfun summed it up pretty well.

 

My MOW did the exact same thing. I could tell immediately when it was about to happen. It could be up to three or four months of intensity and the next day it's as if it never happened. I can totally empathise with your messed up emotions. Each dips hurts more than the previous one and I'd always think "I can't take another". Then the intensity would come back and I'd forget all about the dip. Had this continued indefinitely I do think I would have ended it myself, eventually. It was getting too much to take.

[jwi71]

Ah...yes, I missed that. Clearly.

 

So what makes you think this isn't just another break?

 

What will you do to fill the rapidly expanding void?

 

What did this A provide that was missing in your M or life (or both)?

 

What actions will take then? Might I suggest preventing such a void from appearing?

[Pierre]

Pierre,

 

 

• 
  

• I don't doubt that one bit. But right now I'm riding this feeling for all its worth.
  

 

All lovers go through that stage. Then, when they come back and have incredible sex they will say to themselves: "at least we tried". :D

 

"its was meant to be":)

[whichwayisup]

I read the other day that your MW was up and down, and you were getting tired of the drama she was creating.

 

You did the right thing for yourself Realist.

[whichwayisup]

Pierre,

 

 

• 
  

• I don't doubt that one bit. But right now I'm riding this feeling for all its worth.
  

 

Basically if you want space from the intensity and drama - DO not have sex with her. Do all that you can in the upcoming weeks to keep busy and unavailable. If possible, detach a bit from her so you can take a step back and see if she's worth fighting for, waiting for or even picking up the A again in the future..

 

She isn't going to make this easy for you, she is SO used to having two men fulfill her needs, its' going to be hard for her not to have you around. I HOPE she respects your decision and backs off too, though something tells me she won't. She's needy and desparate..

 

Friendship is one thing, but do you really want to go hang out 'as friends' so soon after ending the A (or putting it on hold?) Why not take this time to have space and enjoy not having to deal with her drama and that intensity that you're so sick of. You might actually see life is easier and simpler, feel better all around and not have her stuck in your head 24/7.

[Pierre]

I read the other day that your MW was up and down, and you were getting tired of the drama she was creating.

 

You did the right thing for yourself Realist.

 

I agree, a high maintenance OW is not a good thing.

[HappyAtLast]

I agree, a high maintenance OW is not a good thing.

 

High-maintenance is fine with me, it just shows that the OW thinks highly of herself. It is the "drama-creating" OW to whom I would have objected.

Edited February 6, 2013 by HappyAtLast
typographical error

[veryhappy]

How sweet of you to end your A by text with no warning before she was going to sleep. I suppose it was meant to have a calming effect and giving her sweet dreams.

 

A gesture like this combined with my experiences make me wonder if some of the drama wasn't fueled by you. I can tell you most affairs go through some sort of cycle, and it's that up and down that makes it impossible to continue.

 

Congratulations on get if rid of the dramatic OW. What's next?

[Furious]

 

At least for the time being.

 

 

In all likelyhood this will resume after a period of time,

 

 

The 'routine' discussion really did it for me.

 

 

Realist, your thread is titled, "I ended my affair last night" In actuality, it sounds more like "taking a break from the affair"

 

The big break up will usually spice up the affair routine.

 

Realist, do you really want to end the affair?

[Realist3]

That's not really breaking up if you're playing games.

 

If you are actually breaking up, there should be no contact, or at least as low as your school volunteering schedule allows.

 

And didn't you say you used games to communicate with her privately to escape detection?

 

So maybe you should retitle the thread, because all you've really done is just call a temporary halt to the sex, so the tension can build back up/ and or keep the OW in line since she was getting a bit much to handle.

 

We would never be NC. That has been long established. Doesn't mean we aren't in a break.

[lollipop29]

Congratulations! It might help psychologically to view it as a temporary thing; it's less painful that way. But for your sake, I hope you don't give in again. It's just so much to handle!

[Realist3]

Realist, your thread is titled, "I ended my affair last night" In actuality, it sounds more like "taking a break from the affair"

 

The big break up will usually spice up the affair routine.

 

Realist, do you really want to end the affair?

 

I do. And I did. We typically shared 60-70 texts a day. I made it clear the physical and emotional side was over. No texts today. Avoided me at school, didn't even see her.

 

Like I said, it may be a break, but it is a break I am insisting on for a long while.

 

I don't mind if she plays a game with me, I play with a lot of people. If she needs to contact me, she can as a friend. But in terms of the affair it is over.

[2sunny]

High-maintenance is fine with me, it just shows that the OW thinks highly of herself. It is the "drama-creating" OW to whom I would have objected.

 

News flash...

 

Women that think highly of themselves aren't high maintenance.

 

Women who are self assured are content and happy all on their own. No need for "drama".

 

IF they want/need something - they earn it themselves.

 

High maintenance energy people suck the life out of others - it's an attempt to grab MORE of YOUR attention. That's a negative energy path.

 

Making up for that crappy behavior by offering make up sex is just another form of manipulation - if you participate - you're just willing to reward her bad behavior (drama).

[Decorative]

We would never be NC. That has been long established. Doesn't mean we aren't in a break.

 

Then you'll be in this push me pull you mess forever.

 

Have fun with that. You clearly like drama as much as she does. It's a match!

[Realist3]

I read the other day that your MW was up and down, and you were getting tired of the drama she was creating.

 

You did the right thing for yourself Realist.

 

Thank you. That is why I did it. I'm tired of the drama. I know it was sudden to her, and I brought it up before. Once it happened again this weekend that was it.