Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 And stop fooling yourself - you didn't end it - since you're still communicating with her. I disagree. Ending something does not necessarily mean no communication. You are a proponent of one tack which is NC, but that is not the only way. I t may work for some, but it doesn't work for me. Divorces happen all the time and the people still communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 That's good of you. (seriously. I'm not being sarcastic or anything here in case anyone misinterprets that). Just be careful that in you helping her, you don't lead her to assume you're back on again, you know? (unless you think it'll be easier to GET back together with her temporarily to then kind of re-play the way you think would've been a better / more gradual way to end things initially) Also bear in mind, once you initiate a break like this, even if you do get back together? It's never the same. Especially if you end up together for the wrong reasons. That is something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I have a sincere question about this. My WH said something similar to me about his other woman. I do realize that your situation and mine are very different but this line of thinking aligned with my WH. When trying to convince me OW meant nothing to him, he said he didn't know what she expected. That he would not play daddy to her two children and our two. He had no desire for the trappings of a blended family. I was taken aback by that. She was worth pain like I have never known. Worth risking our family. Our health and emotional well being. ....but in a real life setting he wouldn't so much as take what came with being with her. I know you have stated that you both want to maintain your respective households. If it came down to it, considering your love for one another. Why would blending your families be something you could not embrace? Her children are an extension of her. Would that be a deal breaker for you? An out in the open blended family? Just curious. Again my WH's relationship with his OW is vastly different than your R. I'm just curious about that statement. Isn't it pretty clear to you by now Journee? Realist is only concerned with what makes him happy not his wife, kids, or OW. He has the chance to continue this affair with no problems since his wife doesn't give a damn; but he'd rather see the OW in pain for his ego. If she acts the way he wants her to the affair will continue. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 I have a sincere question about this. My WH said something similar to me about his other woman. I do realize that your situation and mine are very different but this line of thinking aligned with my WH. When trying to convince me OW meant nothing to him, he said he didn't know what she expected. That he would not play daddy to her two children and our two. He had no desire for the trappings of a blended family. I was taken aback by that. She was worth pain like I have never known. Worth risking our family. Our health and emotional well being. ....but in a real life setting he wouldn't so much as take what came with being with her. I know you have stated that you both want to maintain your respective households. If it came down to it, considering your love for one another. Why would blending your families be something you could not embrace? Her children are an extension of her. Would that be a deal breaker for you? An out in the open blended family? Just curious. Again my WH's relationship with his OW is vastly different than your R. I'm just curious about that statement. First and foremost I want both of our children to have a stable home. Perhaps my statement came across the wrong way. Yes, if it came down to it, I would embrace her children. It is my view that their best interest is served by having their father in their home, not starting over with a new father mid course. In all reality what would happen in the case of a divorce is that my wife wet get primary custody of our two kids and my MOW would get custody of her four kids. So, if we did end up getting together, I would be in a sense losing my own kids(despite shared custody), and gaing 4 new kids. Do I want that? No. Could I deal with it? Sure, but it would definitely create a stress for her children and for myself. It is not hard to imagine her kid's perspective of having their dad removed from their life by and large and starting with a new dad. The resentment would be through the roof towards myself, and towards their mother. That in turn would create a certain dynamic between her and myself. I just don't see how that scenario produces much of anything positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Isn't it pretty clear to you by now Journee? Realist is only concerned with what makes him happy not his wife, kids, or OW. He has the chance to continue this affair with no problems since his wife doesn't give a damn; but he'd rather see the OW in pain for his ego. If she acts the way he wants her to the affair will continue. She is in pain from my ego? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I disagree. Ending something does not necessarily mean no communication. You are a proponent of one tack which is NC, but that is not the only way. I t may work for some, but it doesn't work for me. Divorces happen all the time and the people still communicate. You seem confused - you aren't/weren't married to her. You don't have children together. Yes, I communicate with my exH - but only about our children. You seem to want to stay in touch with her to be sure she doesn't make you look bad to others. You could/should have considered that BEFORE you got tangled up in her mess. I hope the other folks here considering an affair take notice of all this chaos/drama/mess you've both created. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 She is in pain from my ego? You love to rescue - don't you? Yes, her being in pain from the thought of not having you all the time certainly is a big stroke to your ego. And you think you still need to save her from herself... You can't! But what you're really showing is how selfish you are - you're worried she will make you look bad - but hats on you. And now you get so sneaky that you've even devised a "plan" in case she stirs up more emotional damage...damage YOU helped create. Love has a funny way of showing itself, eh? Or is it "love"? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gibson_Girl Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I like this post. Just cause it brings me some comfort about my own circumstances with my ex-MM. He really did love me deeply, and I believe still does and would be with me if he could, but due to his situation and the fact we simply could not be together “properly”, our affair couldn’t continue at all. It got too hard for him. Impossible really. I feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 First and foremost I want both of our children to have a stable home. Perhaps my statement came across the wrong way. Yes, if it came down to it, I would embrace her children. It is my view that their best interest is served by having their father in their home, not starting over with a new father mid course. In all reality what would happen in the case of a divorce is that my wife wet get primary custody of our two kids and my MOW would get custody of her four kids. So, if we did end up getting together, I would be in a sense losing my own kids(despite shared custody), and gaing 4 new kids. Do I want that? No. Could I deal with it? Sure, but it would definitely create a stress for her children and for myself. It is not hard to imagine her kid's perspective of having their dad removed from their life by and large and starting with a new dad. The resentment would be through the roof towards myself, and towards their mother. That in turn would create a certain dynamic between her and myself. I just don't see how that scenario produces much of anything positive. If you don't think the kids don't see the emotional investment between the two of you - you're kidding yourself. When I'm not emotionally charged about someone - I don't stand there creating drama and a scene. I simply walk away without another thought. The kids already know. How stupid do you think they are? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 The title to the thread should read "I intend to bump my MOW back into her submissive position by punishing her for not paying more attention to me." You haven't ended a thing. All you've done is create another reason for more drama - and more ego strokes for yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 If you don't think the kids don't see the emotional investment between the two of you - you're kidding yourself. When I'm not emotionally charged about someone - I don't stand there creating drama and a scene. I simply walk away without another thought. The kids already know. How stupid do you think they are? They don't see it because it is never in front of them. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 They don't see it because it is never in front of them. They weren't on the school grounds when you two were talking a day or so ago? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 They weren't on the school grounds when you two were talking a day or so ago? Yes, but they are far too young to understand what we were talking about. They were off a long distance. They had no clue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 We weren't standing there hashing everything out in words anyoe could tell what we were talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 And I can tell what two people may be discussing from clear across campus. Body language tells everything - and kids are the most adept at reading body language! They don't need to hear a word to be able to process what's happening between two people! The way they stand, how close, facial expression, reactions to words with gestures and movement of feet. It ALL comes into play - even how you may be breathing after the conversation ends - kids are aware of ALL of it! And yes, I've studied body language to an extensive level. But for you to think they don't observe/process/realize - is being ignorant of their ability to think clearly. Kids notice a LOT of what adults never see. They feel it on a deeper level too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 These are 7 year olds. They are worried about sticks and stones and playing with friends, not reading body langauge. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 These are 7 year olds. They are worried about sticks and stones and playing with friends, not reading body langauge. Not casting any judgement on your situatuon Realist but the above.... My parents finally separated when I was in my teens and at that age, it was only in the last couple of years they were together that I was aware of problems (his affairs). However as an adult I can look back now and see problems years before. I look back and see how things were not right when I was 11, 9 and even 7. That hurts because to me, my image of my parents and childhood was not actually the truth. Children do pick up on things. They may not realise what it all means now, but in time, with maturity... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 We are talking about one instance. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 There is be no mention of the picture that was posted on this thread or anything that happened from that picture being posted, any off topic posts will result in infractions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Well, after certain events that have taken place that can't be mentioned, we have a new bus driver. Anyone that feels compelled to contact my MOW in any fashion, please do not. It is not welcomed. So far so good on the rumor dept. at school. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Well, after certain events that have taken place that can't be mentioned, we have a new bus driver. Anyone that feels compelled to contact my MOW in any fashion, please do not. It is not welcomed. So far so good on the rumor dept. at school. You are insinuating that people here would try and contact her? Yet you don't say who has been doing that. I'd like to know who here would blatantly step over the line that way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 The thing is, you won't hear the rumours right away. In a few days you'll 'feel' an oddness in the air if it has been talked about at school. Why the new bus driver at school? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 The thing is, you won't hear the rumours right away. In a few days you'll 'feel' an oddness in the air if it has been talked about at school. Why the new bus driver at school? We will see. I'm friends with a few of the rumor mongers at that place, so I hear everything that comes down the pike. There are only a couple of people I'm concerned about. The bus driver of our affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 You are insinuating that people here would try and contact her? Yet you don't say who has been doing that. I'd like to know who here would blatantly step over the line that way. If you have a question about that it is probably best that you pm me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 okay...i know I shouldn't ask, but something about this seems funny... were you having your affair on the bus? how is there a "bus driver for your affair"? It's a figure of speech. The bus was the affair. MOW was driving it. Now I am. Link to post Share on other sites
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