Owl Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Well...clearly he's an idiot for trusting her...and for how he's relied on technology too much to do his "snooping" for him. Sometimes you can't beat the old fashion "watch 'em from a distance" method. Now if he'd just to think to check the sign in/out logs sometime... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Well...clearly he's an idiot for trusting her...and for how he's relied on technology too much to do his "snooping" for him. Sometimes you can't beat the old fashion "watch 'em from a distance" method. Now if he'd just to think to check the sign in/out logs sometime... He tried that too. Didn't work. It is far too intermittent for himself or a PI to catch. Sign in, log out times for what? There is no such beast. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Even better, if he'd just grow a pair and realize that a spouse that has 2 be spied on all the time like this is probably not worth fighting for, maybe he'd file for divorce an let Realist deal with her 24/7. -ol' 2long He is a cake eater himself. And yes, he wants to protect what he has. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Share Posted February 23, 2013 D-O-N-E-! Over. This is not a redo thing. This is it. I'm not going to get into the details right now but this is final. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Wow, Realist. What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 What brought this on now? Link to post Share on other sites
Brian1 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 D-O-N-E-! Over. This is not a redo thing. This is it. I'm not going to get into the details right now but this is final. WOW, is right. This is the biggest shocker I have read on LS in 4 weeks, especially from a level-headed, insightful person like yourself. Something obviously HUGE and dramatic must have happened. Hopefully, soon, we can hear something. Good Luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 As The World Burns... This little drama has now become a game of brinksmanship. It is still evolving, and I'm not sure how it will play out. She took her turn at ending it the other night. Which I complied with. Hence my last post. Link to post Share on other sites
Act Two Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I'm going to be honest- this is how affairs go. BTDT- you'll be back on in a day or two until you are REALLY done, which I don't think you are (from TV viewing land ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 God, it’s so true. Affairs are just SUCH an emotional rollercoaster. Once you fly off the tracks, land in the rubble, battered and bruised and then walk away from the carnage and sit down quietly for a few days, weeks, months or years, you kind of see that the relationship you had, with all its tension, stress, amazing highs and crushing lows, is JUST like every other affair! My ex-MM I think tried to end it twice before he really went through with it, but I didn’t realise at the time that he really needed to end it for his own good and survival and happiness in his life. I felt we were SO BONDED and destined to be together forever, throughout all our previous and also future lives. And each time, when he’d come back to me (after much begging and pleading from me of course), this just cemented that view about us and how “special” we were. Wowy. Just END it. Once and for all. It will never get any better now than the best you already had with her. The good times are over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 I feel pretty stupid right about now. I'm not a person that waffles... typically. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 So what happened? Was it a move to try and gain control of the situation on her part? I'm not advocating that in any way and do not believe in those kind of games, but I think it's a dynamic that gets created in affair relationships. If you two end up back together then you both need to make an effort to give up trying to be the driver of the bus. That makes the push pull factor worse. it's best to walk away if you feel it's necessary to wrestle over being the driver. Either that or turn it into a joke between the two of you and make it a fun game instead of one that's painful. But then again, I could be completely off base because you haven't given any details. if that's the case then feel free to ignore what I've posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 So what happened? Was it a move to try and gain control of the situation on her part? I'm not advocating that in any way and do not believe in those kind of games, but I think it's a dynamic that gets created in affair relationships. If you two end up back together then you both need to make an effort to give up trying to be the driver of the bus. That makes the push pull factor worse. it's best to walk away if you feel it's necessary to wrestle over being the driver. Either that or turn it into a joke between the two of you and make it a fun game instead of one that's painful. But then again, I could be completely off base because you haven't given any details. if that's the case then feel free to ignore what I've posted. I'm not completey ready to say what took place just quite yet. But you are not too far off. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Don’t feel stupid, Realist. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, as I said. Waffling and venting and trying to understand what the hell’s happening and how you feel about it is important. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I'm not completey ready to say what took place just quite yet. But you are not too far off. Fair enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 After the weekend settled, she messages me out of the blue asking which team my daughter plays for because she would like to come watch her. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 That sounds like she's playing games...and not the same game your daughter plays either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 She did coach my daughter last year. She has a love for the sport. But it seemed about the last thing on the agenda at this point in time. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Oh, sounds like a line was being crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 I have absolutely no idea if she is reading this or not. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 She’s either… (a) Trying to maintain some sort of normality in this situation and this shows she may be ignoring what’s actually happening and is a bit delusional / in denial (b) Playing mind games with you © Trying to “stake her claim” with keeping some sort of connection to you / your daughter / the past by clinging onto that even if she knows the affair is over (d) Trying to be a “good” affair partner by showing interest in your stuff / family / daughter / life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 R, she's reading. I can guarantee it! So, I say when you're ready, speak from your heart and you can't go wrong. If she gets upset or pissed off, so be it. She's had control of the A for many yeas now, calling the shots and has been driving the bus for so long it's time for her to stop and see wtf is really going on. Really, what is the point of it all? She has a life built with her husband and she does 'live life' with him obviously. Then there's you on the side. I guess it all depends on each persons "enough is enough" stage/phase. Some will hang on and see it NOT as settling but just having the one you love in your life - at any cost. Some see it as settling and get sick of being second fiddle, sick of the roller coaster ride and the crap that goes with an A. Seems you're near your enough is enough phase, rightfully so. Eventually you BOTH need to make a decision and sh,it or get off the pot. The A cannot last forever. Sooner or later her husband is going to find out and make the decision for her (aka HE will drive the bus, which she won't like as she's had him in the dark for so long) and she's called the shots for you both for years now. If I'm off base, let me know but this is my guess of what is going on. that and she's manipulating you by involving herself around your daughter, making it more personal and harder for you to say no to her. IF that even comes close to what is going on, you should be pissed off. I am. Even if she is doing all this selfishly and not maliciously, it is just wrong. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realist3 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 She’s either… (a) Trying to maintain some sort of normality in this situation and this shows she may be ignoring what’s actually happening and is a bit delusional / in denial (b) Playing mind games with you © Trying to “stake her claim” with keeping some sort of connection to you / your daughter / the past by clinging onto that even if she knows the affair is over (d) Trying to be a “good” affair partner by showing interest in your stuff / family / daughter / life Could be any of those things. The teams have a name, which hasn't been decided yet, but they also have a numerical slot. Before I answered back she knew which numerical team she was on. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 So - she intruded on your boundary - is that what you're saying? Did she attend the game? Link to post Share on other sites
Act Two Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Listen, if you need mental reinforcement to end it, think of as it is, which is just a game. She's not your soulmate and this isn't love; you may feel in love but everything you've described so far is just a play to control each other. Check and checkmate are not terms used in living relationships. Again, btdt. I'd like to say my conscience was my only guide, but the realization that exOM and I were fast tracking it to Chris brown/Rihanna status helped seal the deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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