czen Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 Maybe this post is a bit confusing since I haven't slept much lately, but here goes: I've been thinking about this for a while, about the whole "Be whoever you want to be!" advice. I mean, can you really be whoever you want to be? I'm not talking about the obvious stuff like trying to be the next Michael Phelps when you don't have any arms, of course that isn't happening. Like me for example: Whenever I look at a TV series, I always love the character who is always looks out for himself, but in the end shows that he actually also takes care of others, if he cares about them. Like Sawyer, from the series 'Lost'. I've often tried to emulate that behaviour to a certain extent, but I've always regressed into my "I need to take care of everyone, even though I don't care about them" ways, much like that other character from 'Lost', Jack. A character which I loathe for the most part. Can you really be whoever you want to be, or do you just sometimes have to give in to who you really seem to be? Or is in my case that what I want to be just a delusion and am I actually way happier when I am not that kind of guy I aim to be,. I always feel happier when I helped somebody, but a lot of times I also just feel like "Damn, why am I helping these people, I've got more important things to do! Why can't I be more of a badass dude who always puts himself in first place?". Anyways, that's enough random rambling for one day... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 Maybe this post is a bit confusing since I haven't slept much lately, but here goes: I've been thinking about this for a while, about the whole "Be whoever you want to be!" advice. I mean, can you really be whoever you want to be? I'm not talking about the obvious stuff like trying to be the next Michael Phelps when you don't have any arms, of course that isn't happening. Like me for example: Whenever I look at a TV series, I always love the character who is always looks out for himself, but in the end shows that he actually also takes care of others, if he cares about them. Like Sawyer, from the series 'Lost'. I've often tried to emulate that behaviour to a certain extent, but I've always regressed into my "I need to take care of everyone, even though I don't care about them" ways, much like that other character from 'Lost', Jack. A character which I loathe for the most part. Can you really be whoever you want to be, or do you just sometimes have to give in to who you really seem to be? Or is in my case that what I want to be just a delusion and am I actually way happier when I am not that kind of guy I aim to be,. I always feel happier when I helped somebody, but a lot of times I also just feel like "Damn, why am I helping these people, I've got more important things to do! Why can't I be more of a badass dude who always puts himself in first place?". Anyways, that's enough random rambling for one day... It sure is...... Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 You are only what you think you are. Too often we allow others to afflict our minds with doubt We cannot be this or that; or somehow are less a person than they themselves are. This is the reason we believe we cannot be whom we ought to be. To be the man you must forget the outside critic; sure, they plant in your head doubt. But they are not in the arena, blood-soaked and mud covered. You must think always that all things are within your power to do; that you are above this, above even what others say. So yes. You can be the man you see yourself as. But not without effort. Just gotta get out into that arena of play and make yourself that man. The world only cares to beat and break you down -- don't let it. It isn't them either that you disprove. Yourself. Disprove yourself, then even they shall believe... What did Ali say? "I know you got him picked! All of you got him picked! But I am going to show you how great I am." Show them...by showing yourself in confidence, that you can attain what you want. Don't be like the other guys. That is lame, boring being a carbon copy of someone else's effort; be yourself, the man that is you. Rivaled by none, always aim for better! Feelings may make you doubt, but put these lil lies in their proper place! Effort... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author czen Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 You are only what you think you are. Too often we allow others to afflict our minds with doubt We cannot be this or that; or somehow are less a person than they themselves are. This is the reason we believe we cannot be whom we ought to be. To be the man you must forget the outside critic; sure, they plant in your head doubt. But they are not in the arena, blood-soaked and mud covered. You must think always that all things are within your power to do; that you are above this, above even what others say. So yes. You can be the man you see yourself as. But not without effort. Just gotta get out into that arena of play and make yourself that man. The world only cares to beat and break you down -- don't let it. It isn't them either that you disprove. Yourself. Disprove yourself, then even they shall believe... What did Ali say? "I know you got him picked! All of you got him picked! But I am going to show you how great I am." Show them...by showing yourself in confidence, that you can attain what you want. Don't be like the other guys. That is lame, boring being a carbon copy of someone else's effort; be yourself, the man that is you. Rivaled by none, always aim for better! Feelings may make you doubt, but put these lil lies in their proper place! Effort... Hmm, interesting. Ponder on this, I will. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 What appeals to you about this character? Is it his ability to say "no" or the way he says it? To me, being able to say "no" (or standing up for yourself) rather than doing anything to avoid conflict is the thing that appeals. Easier said than done, but a valuable skill to learn. Being who you want to be is, essentially, being yourself. Part of that is being able to say "no, this is not in my best interests". There may be other behaviours, thought patterns or feelings you'd like to change (don't we all?) in which case, it takes motivation to get your started and repetition to make it a habit, and from there it becomes ingrained. Maybe look into assertiveness training. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 i want to be rich whats stopping me? i want to be famous whats stopping me? i want to run a mile in less than 3 hours whats stopping me?] i want this . i want that. i want world peace and to be happy We ALL want what we cant have!!! I WANT a pay rise!!!!! aM Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Can you really be whoever you want to be, or do you just sometimes have to give in to who you really seem to be? You can be who you want to be, but you have to define what that is. As betterdeal asked, what is it specifically about the character that you admire? You have to answer that for yourself and think about how to implement it in your own life. You said one of the things you admire about Sawyer is that he always ends up helping people. So you got that down - you are halfway there. The part that is missing is the part about being able to stand up for yourself when you need to. To say NO when it conflicts with what you want. That's your lesson to learn next. And yes - you can absolutely get there. You can be someone who lives the life you want without letting go of your need to help people. I've always regressed into my "I need to take care of everyone, even though I don't care about them" ways Another question you need to ask is why this is. What are you gaining by taking care of someone you don't care about. Is it the validation from them? Some mindset that this is what a "good person" does? Some need to please? You need to really explore what it does for you in order to start changing it. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 i want to be rich whats stopping me? i want to be famous whats stopping me? i want to run a mile in less than 3 hours whats stopping me?] i want this . i want that. i want world peace and to be happy We ALL want what we cant have!!! I WANT a pay rise!!!!! aM Stunning insight..... point being? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 i want to be rich whats stopping me? i want to be famous whats stopping me? i want to run a mile in less than 3 hours whats stopping me?] i want this . i want that. i want world peace and to be happy We ALL want what we cant have!!! I WANT a pay rise!!!!! aM Are you real or a troll? Link to post Share on other sites
Author czen Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 You can be who you want to be, but you have to define what that is. As betterdeal asked, what is it specifically about the character that you admire? You have to answer that for yourself and think about how to implement it in your own life. You said one of the things you admire about Sawyer is that he always ends up helping people. So you got that down - you are halfway there. The part that is missing is the part about being able to stand up for yourself when you need to. To say NO when it conflicts with what you want. That's your lesson to learn next. And yes - you can absolutely get there. You can be someone who lives the life you want without letting go of your need to help people. Another question you need to ask is why this is. What are you gaining by taking care of someone you don't care about. Is it the validation from them? Some mindset that this is what a "good person" does? Some need to please? You need to really explore what it does for you in order to start changing it. Okay, I've thought about this for a while, and I think what I like the most about his character is that he is just a tough guy. He takes care of himself and the ones special to him, but he isn't gonna do much for the rest. And I've always dreamt about being that kind of guy, the one that doesn't care about being hated as long as he himself and the ones he cares about are happy. But that's also a bit of my conundrum. I've thought about it and I just LOVE helping people. I really like being that guy where people go to with their issues so they can talk to me. But you are right, I can do both. It's just that, even though I say I don't care, I DO care what everybody thinks about me. It's important to me that people think I'm cool, smart, nice, etc. Even people I don't care about. So I go out of my way to help people when they ask me to. And it gives me some satisfaction afterwards, that's true, which again makes it confusing if it was the right thing to do. Like, I live in a dorm room. And some guys play their music pretty loud, which makes studying kinda there important for me. But I refuse to go to them and tell them to turn it down. Because I barely know them and I don't want to be a burden on them. Which may sound a bit weird, because they're being the burden. But nobody else complains, so if they can deal with it, so should I, that's my logic. This all also kinda connects to my gigantic ego. I feel like I'm pretty darn awesome. So if someone should be able to make sacrifices and still make the most out of it, it should be me. And besides, I kinda want to be that guy people go to for help, it makes me feel important and necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Maybe this post is a bit confusing since I haven't slept much lately, but here goes: I've been thinking about this for a while, about the whole "Be whoever you want to be!" advice. I mean, can you really be whoever you want to be? I'm not talking about the obvious stuff like trying to be the next Michael Phelps when you don't have any arms, of course that isn't happening. Like me for example: Whenever I look at a TV series, I always love the character who is always looks out for himself, but in the end shows that he actually also takes care of others, if he cares about them. Like Sawyer, from the series 'Lost'. I've often tried to emulate that behaviour to a certain extent, but I've always regressed into my "I need to take care of everyone, even though I don't care about them" ways, much like that other character from 'Lost', Jack. A character which I loathe for the most part. Can you really be whoever you want to be, or do you just sometimes have to give in to who you really seem to be? Or is in my case that what I want to be just a delusion and am I actually way happier when I am not that kind of guy I aim to be,. I always feel happier when I helped somebody, but a lot of times I also just feel like "Damn, why am I helping these people, I've got more important things to do! Why can't I be more of a badass dude who always puts himself in first place?". Anyways, that's enough random rambling for one day... its funny because i was actually praying about this fro myself on who i am supped to help and who i am not......and i got an answer, you cant help everyone by yourself....that i cant fix people who dotn want to eb fixed......and to follow my heart and that to give help i have to accept help.....doesnt make much sense does it? it does...up until the you have to accept help because it is against my nature .......and makes me feel shame...... Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Stunning insight..... point being? you see the point so why ask??? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Are you real or a troll? i`m real take it or ignore it Ross you ask more questions on here and you listen to none of the answers See,hear and do NOTHING no i`m NOT a troll you just want to do nothing thats up to you aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) my point being... you can be anything you set yoiur mind too no one holds you back? do they??? Someone is being too noisy in your dorm room? and you don`t like it but you don`t want to say something? Why not? Is it every night or just once in a while? You have your right to what you think is right!! I`ve been goaded MANY times on here just because i speak my mind been infracted for a lot of it too doesn`t make me less wrong!! aM Edited February 18, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 You can't be whoever you want to be. If you are 6'6" you can't be a jockey and win the Kentucky Derby. What you CAN do is focus on goals that are possible for you to achieve because people similar to you have already done it. Then give it your best shot. Most people become successful due to hard work and perseverance. If you fail, you won't torture yourself with, "If only I had tried harder..." Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 i`m real take it or ignore it Ross you ask more questions on here and you listen to none of the answers See,hear and do NOTHING no i`m NOT a troll you just want to do nothing thats up to you aM This here is more proof of your stupidity. No offence. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 This here is more proof of your stupidity. No offence. so you basically call me `stupid` and then say that you didn`t mean it with the `no offence` remark???? you REALLY want to get in the ring with me ross??? i WAS going to alert the mods about what you just said But i wont, this reply i think will be enough aM Link to post Share on other sites
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