is it fate?

[loved by 2]

To cut right to the chase.....I'm in a relationship right now and have been for 5 months. He loves me, I love him. His family treats me like I'm the daughter in law. My boyfriend wants to get married, have kids, the whole nine yards. I'm 19 years old. We've talked about it and always say maybe one day. About 2 months ago someone who I haven't spoken with in a long time called me. This person I used to date back when I was 13 and he was 16. I've known him for 6 years. Our relationship was on and off as we grew up. He lived 15 minutes from my house and I never saw him. We would go months without talking, but when we did, it was like we had never let time get inbetween us. I've always wanted to be with him, he with me. The timing was just always off. I would call him and he would be in a relationship, he would call me, and I was in a relationship. We did this for 6 years. Now, he's not in a relationship and I am. He's called to tell me that he's in love with me and wouldn't want nothing more in the world than to be with me. I can't stop thinking of him. I think of him constantly. We tried the friends thing once when he was with his girlfriend and ended up making love. That was like a year ago. Things are so weird between us. It's like the heavens are trying to put us together. So many coincidences. He went to a concert that I went to and was sitting not more than 6 rows away from me on the same side. We listen to the same songs, call each other, and then tell each other how they remind us of our relationship without knowing. Even though we never saw each other months at a time, we always had the other in the back of our mind. And when we talked it was wonderful. There's so much other stuff that I won't mention. What do I do? Do I trust in fate? My boyfriend and I go to the same school, have every class together, I see him practically everyday currently, and go to confirmation class together. It would be hard to break up with him. But I am so attracted to my one friend. I want more and so does he. Do I risk everything for this? I know my boyfriend loves me, but so does my one friend, dear friend, who I always have wanted to be with. I've been thiking about this for a week now. I'm stumped on what to do and when I think I've got the answer, it always changes. One thing you must know, if I didn't see my boyfriend so much it would definitly make my decision a lot easier. Breaking up with him and then seeing him all the time hurt would kill me.

[Tony T]

I don't see that you have a choice in the matter. If you do anything other than go with this guy you used to date, you will forever be haunted by thoughts of what might have been.

 

You do not say much about your feelings for your current boyfriend but I really don't think you would be obsessing so much with this other friend if you weren't really fixed on giving it a try.

 

In any case, I don't think you were meant to be with the guy you're with now because if you were, you would simply not be in the quandry you're in. Love is a gamble and it seems your feelings are directed at taking a gamble in the direction of getting together with your longtime love.

 

Go with your feelings. Don't worry about the awkwardness of being around your current guy everyday if you break up. You need to do what you feel will make you happy over the long haul.

 

Now, you can either spare your current guy's feelings by NOT telling him why you want to break up...or you can just come right out with the information. It's not going to be pleasant but I'm sure he would not want to be with you knowing most of your thoughts are with someone else.

[Deejette]

I agree with Tony, that you should go with your feelings. It sounds like you love your current boyfriend but that you love and are in love with the other guy.

 

Part of the interesting feeling you have for the other guy may be that you have never been available for each other. That makes the yearning that you both feel very strong. The fact that you want each other but can't have each other is a very romantic situation.

 

Whereas, with your current boyfriend, you see him every day for lots of time. That doesn't leave much time for yearning. You have to ask yourself if the unavailability of the other guy is part of the mystique you feel.

 

As far as not wanting to hurt your current bf, that is not a great reason for staying with someone. I used to do that. I didn't want to hurt someone, so I cheated on them instead. That is weird logic and it can come out later and even hurt the person you were trying not to hurt, more.

I don't see that you have a choice in the matter. If you do anything other than go with this guy you used to date, you will forever be haunted by thoughts of what might have been. You do not say much about your feelings for your current boyfriend but I really don't think you would be obsessing so much with this other friend if you weren't really fixed on giving it a try. In any case, I don't think you were meant to be with the guy you're with now because if you were, you would simply not be in the quandry you're in. Love is a gamble and it seems your feelings are directed at taking a gamble in the direction of getting together with your longtime love. Go with your feelings. Don't worry about the awkwardness of being around your current guy everyday if you break up. You need to do what you feel will make you happy over the long haul.

 

Now, you can either spare your current guy's feelings by NOT telling him why you want to break up...or you can just come right out with the information. It's not going to be pleasant but I'm sure he would not want to be with you knowing most of your thoughts are with someone else.