bf making comments about other women -- should I chill out?

[unreasonable gf]

My bf is very open and I completely trust him. Problem is, he'll make comments about women that make me jealous. For example:

 

- I talked about a type of pants I want to get and he said "I like the way womens' butts look in that"

- He openly drools over Halle Berry and Britney Spears

- He jokes that women at checkout counters (like the supermarket) should flirt with him, like it's part of their job description

 

(that's a good sample of the types of things that get me going)

 

I feel silly even saying these, esp. compared to what other people here are going thru. I feel threatened when he makes these comments cuz to me it feels like he'll screw anything (Halle and Britney excepted of course, obviously he'd have to work hard for them) and that I'm not special.

 

We watch porn together, so I don't have a problem with him fantasizing about other women, it's just when it gets out of fantasy and more into our lives, I start to feel insecure.

 

I read a thread recently and it sounds like some of you gals cope with this pretty well, for example by making comments about women yourselves. Was that hard to learn to accept the leering?

 

Also guys -- why does he say this stuff? Should I feel happy that he's open with me? Or is he trying to make me jealous?

 

I don't say stuff about other guys I find attractive around him as a policy, just cuz I think it sounds mean. Problem is, I'm tempted to start saying things about other guys to get back at him, and I don't want to do that.

[honey2005]

Lol that sounds like how I used to be exactly:p. My boyfriend is VERY open and honest about everything (sometimes a little too honest:p) so when he finds someone else attractive or something, he will just tell me straight out. He doesn't expect me to get upset because he feels like he can tell me anything. It used to bother me alot but then I realized that:

1.) He is really honest so if something did happen with him and another girl I know he would tell me immediately.

2.) Even though he finds all these other girls attractive I am the one's he's with and has been with for a long time.

 

I think I would be more worried if he starts keeping secrets from you.

[SoleMate]

You trust him. And let's be real...Britney and Halle are not really competition for you, are they? (Britney should have her hands full...she just snagged someone else's guy...and he is the father of one child, soon to be two, by another woman.)

 

He jokes that women at checkout counters (like the supermarket) should flirt with him, like it's part of their job description...to me it feels like he'll screw anything

Well, that was quite a leap. To me, there is a world of difference between harmless flirting and "screwing anything". Flirting is like the lifeblood of society. It says, "I noticed you're a girl, and I hope you noticed I'm a guy." That's as far as it goes. It can add an honest thrill to life.

 

Of course, there is a line not to cross.

 

OK: Checking out Halle Berry on a magazine cover

NOT OK: Feeling up the woman at the grocery store

 

OK: Saying that he likes the way women look in low cut jeans

BETTER: Saying that he thinks you'd look hot in lowcut jeans

NOT OK: Secretly planning to peel the lowcut jeans off his next door neighbor when you're out of town

 

OK: Giving a charming smile to many of the women he meets

[unreasonable gf]

I think ya'll are right. And he's totally not feeling up anyone, not even Britney.

 

One thing I forgot to mention is that, the one time a girl has come onto him when I was around, he went out of his way to be very clear that he was with me and that made me feel wonderful. That's been a problem with guys in the past -- I felt that they didn't do enough to discourage sexual advances. Not so with this guy, he makes it very clear he's mine when it counts.

[lifeisloveispain]

Sounds to me like this guy is alright. Like you said, the one time a girl did really try to start something up with him, he made it clear he was with you. Guess he's just a little too honest.

 

Saying he likes the way women look in those kind of jeans is ok. Think about it. You're a woman, right? So, if he likes the way women look in those kind of jeans, he obviously likes the way you look in those jeans. Make sense?

 

For me, my list of celebrity girls I'd love to get a little personal with is way more than two. In fact, my significant other has told me that if by some miraculous cosmic force one of these famous girls did meet me and decide to take me back to her place, that's ok. Cause it will NEVER happen. She just wishes I could get pregnant, cause then she'd have a maternity suit!

 

Finally, I don't know about supermarket check out girls, but I worked at a restaurant for awhile, and it was pretty common knowledge that the waitresses there flirted with the single guys. It WAS part of their job, sort of - gets them better tips sometimes. Now, I've never heard of tipping a supermarket clerk, but anyways, that's not so weird. He's just kidding around.

 

Be glad you've got a guy who's so comfortable with you he feels that he can kid around and not have you get mad, and who's so honest with you. And like honey2005 said, you're the one he's with.

 

-lifeisloveispain

[ltomlinson81]

My boyfriend used to make those kinds of comments all the time. And then he cheated on me. Maybe this type of behavior is not connected, but it could be.