extremely unhappy but wanting to stay for child.

[consumed_343]

Sorry for the long post, and thanks in advance for the replies.

 

Its been 5yrs since my ex and I broke up, and about 3 1/2 yrs since I've seen her, I'm with someone new and have a child with her, but I've never been able to stop thinking about my ex. I even still dream about my ex almost every 2nd night, might not always be a romantic get together in my dreams, but she's there whatever that signify's.

 

I miss parts of what I had with my ex a lot, and the fact I'm often unhappy now amplify's that. My ex and I were always goofy, extremely affectionate, even when we broke up we walked around the grocery store fused together. My current gf hates affection, I can count on one hand the quick pecks we give each other every week. At night we're each on our own side of the bed, she doesn't want anyone touching her, it kills me. Its definitely a cold relationship, of course she doesn't see it that way, mostly because it doesn't phase her. So why do I stay? I'm guessing I'm not the only one but I try to make things work for my child. I can't stand the though of some other guy teaching my child things I should be teaching them, taking her places I should be, it would devastate me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. We've been to counseling, we've had are arguments about affection, and intimacy happens about once a year.

 

I also find things hard, or depressing because my ex and the good times we had which I completely lack now are so often filling my head. I guess I miss her, maybe I never gave myself enough time to get over her. I'm just really unhappy these days. If anyone even asked me I'm not even sure I can say I'm "in love" with my current gf". I think I believe that if I just keep given 150% maybe things will change, or feelings will grow. I love my kid, and I think maybe I need to be unhappy so he can have 2 parents together. Not that it matters but maybe worth mentioning my ex is now married, and has a child. (Although I heard from someone over a year ago that it wasn't going well)

 

There are times I have seriously thought about proposing, but then our total lack of affection, or rather hers, and the zero intamacy reminds me why I don't want to right now. I just want to be with someone who wants to be affectionate, wants to goof around, or at least laugh here and there about things, watch movies once in a blue moon.

 

But my kid smiles at me and I can't think to break her heart, and have some other guy be her 2nd dad.

Edited February 7, 2013 by consumed_343

[consumed_343]

Just to add to my post, taking care of our daughter has been extremely taxing on my gf, nursing etc... Not sleeping, and getting up frequently, but our affection and intamacy issue stem long before we had our child. She has told me a few times now that she has nothing to give me, emotionally and physically, but I still think she needs to try. At least emotionally have something for me. I've told her I feel like room mates and ask how she doesn't feel the same, but she isn't phased by our problems at all. She has said maybe in the future she'll have a piece of herself to give me but right now she's empty. Its definately now easy to deal with, day after day, going to sleep without even a peck most nights, zero affection, even extremely simple (non flirtatious) conversations I have at work with other female co workers are more than I get from her. Her family is super great though, her parents I have a great relationship with, can call them anytime and talk about whatever. I just don't know how long to keep going, or waiting. Of course she isn't my ex and my ex isn't her, but a hug or a good kiss once in a blue moon... She is extremely thoughtful though, and I love that about her. I forget a ton, and she's always there for me, but that's just not enought in itself to keep this afloat.