What does the dumper go through?

[purpledust]

what stages does a dumper go through assuming that the dumper loved the dumpee ( dumper even proposed a marriage) but broke it off for his ex as he thought that they were incompatible and it was for the best for both of them?

[GingerVixen]

I've already dumped and been dumped in my life so I can tell you this: when we dump someone, especially if we like them at least a little bit , we do it feeling indecision. We're not even sure if that's the right thing to do but we do it.

 

I've dumped someone I really liked and regretted it later. The stages I went through were:

 

1. I REALLY NEED TO DUMP HIM : that's when you feel the urge to dump the person, whatever reason it is. You do it.

 

2. OH GOD WHAT DID I DO : That feeling can come immediately after you dump the person, or maybe days, weeks or months after. You regret it a lot.

 

3. LET'S FOCUS: You regret doing it but you think that if you dumped the person you had a reason for it. That's the stage when you think about the pros and cons of that relationship and what made you break up with the person. Then you think "oh maybe that was the right thing to do"and forget about it.

 

4. DEPRESSION: Time passes by and you feel that your days are grey and you just don't feel excited about other people and activities anymore. You ask yourself why, and you realize that you miss the person so ****ing much. You cry like a desperate baby and you just want the person to talk to you again so that you can have her again.

 

5. ANGER: You're ****ing angry because you see the dumped person moving on (or pretending that he's moving on, which is what most dumped people do - pretending) and you believe in that fake behavior your ex displays and feels angry because he won't try to win you back and you're now mourning and regretting everything you did. You hate him again. You feel you did the right thing by dumping him.

 

6. MILDER DEPRESSION: Now the depression comes in a lighter way. Time passes by in a very boring way. You know everything is because you unfortunately misses the person. You wish he talked to you again but he doesn't and you somehow understands his attitude.

 

7. FAKE ACCEPTANCE: You accept that the person just doesn't want you in his life anymore. Maybe you weren't meant to be. Better move on...

 

8. STUPID THINGS HAPPEN: This is when you miss the person AGAIN and that's when you most of the times try to win the person back. That's when I've tried to win my ex bf back. He didn't want me back.I felt absurdly stupid.

 

9. HATRED: You now feel a terrible mix of love and hate for the person, and also feels stupid about yourself. Your self esteem is nothing right now.

 

10. I DON'T CARE, I WANT HIM BACK: You talk to the person again. You want him again. He doesn't give a damn but you don't give a damn either. You just want him back, you tell him everything and you don't feel stupid anymore, you learn who to deal with this.

 

11. TRUE ACCEPTANCE: You finally accept that you were not meant to be. You see that it was right to break up with that person and that you can perfectly live without him. Sometimes he can break NC but now you're the one who doesn't give a damn. You've cried and suffered so much that you're now literally exhausted and tired of the drama, you want to get rid of this stupid past. Attachment is a terrible thing. You get rid of the pain, set yourself free and now you're ready for a new love.

[na49]

Ginger, I read that and am wondering if my ex is feeling the same way. Like she believes that I've moved on and wants me. If she wanted me, she'd contact me though, right? I blocked her number, but she'd find a way.. right?

 

God, I'm having a horrible night tonight...

[GingerVixen]

Ginger, I read that and am wondering if my ex is feeling the same way. Like she believes that I've moved on and wants me. If she wanted me, she'd contact me though, right? I blocked her number, but she'd find a way.. right?

 

God, I'm having a horrible night tonight...

 

Don't block her number, because if she tries to talk to you again, and realizes you've blocked her, she will hate you forever because she'll think you hate her now.

When did she break up with you?

[na49]

Don't block her number, because if she tries to talk to you again, and realizes you've blocked her, she will hate you forever because she'll think you hate her now.

When did she break up with you?

 

I already did block her

 

She broke up with me 4 months ago.

[GingerVixen]

I already did block her

 

She broke up with me 4 months ago.

 

Can't you unblock her number?

 

When did you block it?

 

4 months in complete NC? She didn't say a single word? What has she been doing lately?

[na49]

She was feeding me what I thought was breadcrumbs and said "we need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you" so I told her "theres nothing we need to talk about. please leave me alone" and blocked her.

 

F*CK! I'm regretting that decision now. I want to unblock her and explain myself. No it's been 3 months NC unless you count the one text i sent telling her to leave me alone as breaking it. In which case a month.

[316]

Ginger, I read that and am wondering if my ex is feeling the same way. Like she believes that I've moved on and wants me. If she wanted me, she'd contact me though, right? I blocked her number, but she'd find a way.. right?

 

God, I'm having a horrible night tonight...

 

Make no mistake about it if the dumper truly wants you back they will do everything in their power to contact you.

[GingerVixen]

She was feeding me what I thought was breadcrumbs and said "we need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you" so I told her "theres nothing we need to talk about. please leave me alone" and blocked her.

 

F*CK! I'm regretting that decision now. I want to unblock her and explain myself. No it's been 3 months NC unless you count the one text i sent telling her to leave me alone as breaking it. In which case a month.

 

 

Hmm, yeah, you've made a bad decision, I'm sorry. The guy I wanted to win back wasn't that clear to me, he was polite but he would never talk to me , I would always initiate a conversation but he would NEVER initiate a conversation himself. He never told me "DONT EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN". And even so, I WAS TERRIBLY hurt. I've cried for MONTHS. Seriously, I've cried almost every day or at least every week from May to November last year.

 

So maybe she's really really hurt right now. What's more: she may have felt so hurt that now she's moved on. But maybe not. What can you do? Well, you must have the guts to unblock her and talk to her. I don't think she'll be really available now, she may think you're just trying to play with her feelings. But show her that you TRULY regret it and want her back, that you told her that you didnt want to talk to her because you were angry and insecure and now you've thought over it and realized how stupid you were... maybe she'll understand.

 

ps- my sincere hugs to you. I know this hurts a lot. I've been through it.

[destroyed4sho]

She was feeding me what I thought was breadcrumbs and said "we need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you" so I told her "theres nothing we need to talk about. please leave me alone" and blocked her.

 

F*CK! I'm regretting that decision now. I want to unblock her and explain myself. No it's been 3 months NC unless you count the one text i sent telling her to leave me alone as breaking it. In which case a month.

 

OMGGG STOPPPP!!

 

First of all, her story is NOT typical of a dumper. It sounds like a dumper that turned into the dumpee after the dumpee wanted NOTHING to do with her and rightly so.

 

Also, I guarantee you that if Gingervixen HAD gotten a response back from her ex claiming he wanted to give it another chance, she would have immediately had a change of heart and disappeared!! - unnecessarily causing further pain.

 

I know that Gingervixen will say that if he had gotten back to her, she would of responded, reconciled, lived happily ever after, etc.... because that is HER reality right now after being rejected.

 

I often feel insecure about my actions too and tempted to text my ex but then I read things like this below and it brings me back into reality.

(And yeah it hurts like hell and I don't wish this empty feeling of despair onto anyone. And yeah ofcourse I STILL fantasize that my ex will come knocking on my door apologizing.)

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/371197-should-i-give-one-more-shot-move

[stevie_23]

Well, I’ve actually never been a dumper (been a dumpee twice), but I would assume the dumper would feel the following (of course depending on why the relationship ended)…

 

- If the dumper has fallen out of love with the dumpee, this would have happened on a gradual and long term basis and it would’ve taken a while for them to admit their feelings even to themselves. They would start to move on / be distant emotionally (at least on the inside even if they didn’t show it at this stage) while still in the relationship

- If the dumper feels there are specific reasons for wanting to end the relationship, such as the OP said about him feeling they weren’t compatible…well, this still in my opinion comes down to their feelings for their partner changing. When you’re in love and happy, you don’t even SEE any incompatibilities. It’s only once you start to notice your feelings fading or changing that specifics come into play

- When the dumper acts on their feelings, whatever they may be, and actually dumps their partner, they would probably feel sadness, regret, wishing they could feel differently or that things were different, and maybe even a bit of relief

- Obviously even though it’s hard for them too, they are hoping and expecting their life and happiness will improve now they are no longer in this relationship. Otherwise they wouldn’t have taken action to dump the partner. This is the biggest difference between the dumper and dumpee perspectives I think. Aside from the dumper’s feelings changing in general, they see hope for better happiness, whereas the dumpee probably does not since they most likely would prefer to stay in the relationship (or otherwise they may have been the one doing the dumping first)

- The dumper may “act out” and in ways not fitting with their character, either how they’ve always been or how they were during the relationship. This may be to ignore their feelings or block them out, or to “be” someone else for a while to help the pain and to help moving on. Act totally different to “forget” how they were with their now ex-partner.

- They may end up reaching back out to the dumpee because they’re now not sure they made the right decision. In my opinion, any indecision tends to mean they made the RIGHT decision. When you are happy and in love with your partner, you don’t want to break up with them, full stop. If there are problems, you work them out.

- They then move on and may want to be friends with the dumpee, and may or may not understand at this stage if the dumpee cannot do this. The dumper’s feelings are now quite different to the dumpee’s in that they have moved away from the relationship, while the dumpee may still be in the couple mindset and long to go back in time, so to speak.

- The final part of the process is when the dumper meets someone new and feels something for this person.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hmm, yeah, you've made a bad decision, I'm sorry. The guy I wanted to win back wasn't that clear to me, he was polite but he would never talk to me , I would always initiate a conversation but he would NEVER initiate a conversation himself. He never told me "DONT EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN". And even so, I WAS TERRIBLY hurt. I've cried for MONTHS. Seriously, I've cried almost every day or at least every week from May to November last year.

 

So maybe she's really really hurt right now. What's more: she may have felt so hurt that now she's moved on. But maybe not. What can you do? Well, you must have the guts to unblock her and talk to her. I don't think she'll be really available now, she may think you're just trying to play with her feelings. But show her that you TRULY regret it and want her back, that you told her that you didnt want to talk to her because you were angry and insecure and now you've thought over it and realized how stupid you were... maybe she'll understand.

 

ps- my sincere hugs to you. I know this hurts a lot. I've been through it.

 

No he didn't. She cheated on him. Please don't fill his head with this crap.

[destroyed4sho]

Well, I’ve actually never been a dumper (been a dumpee twice), but I would assume the dumper would feel the following (of course depending on why the relationship ended)…

 

- If the dumper has fallen out of love with the dumpee, this would have happened on a gradual and long term basis and it would’ve taken a while for them to admit their feelings even to themselves. They would start to move on / be distant emotionally (at least on the inside even if they didn’t show it at this stage) while still in the relationship

- If the dumper feels there are specific reasons for wanting to end the relationship, such as the OP said about him feeling they weren’t compatible…well, this still in my opinion comes down to their feelings for their partner changing. When you’re in love and happy, you don’t even SEE any incompatibilities. It’s only once you start to notice your feelings fading or changing that specifics come into play

- When the dumper acts on their feelings, whatever they may be, and actually dumps their partner, they would probably feel sadness, regret, wishing they could feel differently or that things were different, and maybe even a bit of relief

- Obviously even though it’s hard for them too, they are hoping and expecting their life and happiness will improve now they are no longer in this relationship. Otherwise they wouldn’t have taken action to dump the partner. This is the biggest difference between the dumper and dumpee perspectives I think. Aside from the dumper’s feelings changing in general, they see hope for better happiness, whereas the dumpee probably does not since they most likely would prefer to stay in the relationship (or otherwise they may have been the one doing the dumping first)

- The dumper may “act out” and in ways not fitting with their character, either how they’ve always been or how they were during the relationship. This may be to ignore their feelings or block them out, or to “be” someone else for a while to help the pain and to help moving on. Act totally different to “forget” how they were with their now ex-partner.

- They may end up reaching back out to the dumpee because they’re now not sure they made the right decision. In my opinion, any indecision tends to mean they made the RIGHT decision. When you are happy and in love with your partner, you don’t want to break up with them, full stop. If there are problems, you work them out.

- They then move on and may want to be friends with the dumpee, and may or may not understand at this stage if the dumpee cannot do this. The dumper’s feelings are now quite different to the dumpee’s in that they have moved away from the relationship, while the dumpee may still be in the couple mindset and long to go back in time, so to speak.

- The final part of the process is when the dumper meets someone new and feels something for this person.

 

Thanks. That made me cry tonight.

[stevie_23]

Oh NOOOOO!!! Why?? I didn’t mean to be too blunt. I don’t even know what it’s like to be the dumper since I’ve never been one!

[DesperateToughGuy]

Well, I’ve actually never been a dumper (been a dumpee twice), but I would assume the dumper would feel the following (of course depending on why the relationship ended)…

 

- If the dumper has fallen out of love with the dumpee, this would have happened on a gradual and long term basis and it would’ve taken a while for them to admit their feelings even to themselves. They would start to move on / be distant emotionally (at least on the inside even if they didn’t show it at this stage) while still in the relationship

- If the dumper feels there are specific reasons for wanting to end the relationship, such as the OP said about him feeling they weren’t compatible…well, this still in my opinion comes down to their feelings for their partner changing. When you’re in love and happy, you don’t even SEE any incompatibilities. It’s only once you start to notice your feelings fading or changing that specifics come into play

- When the dumper acts on their feelings, whatever they may be, and actually dumps their partner, they would probably feel sadness, regret, wishing they could feel differently or that things were different, and maybe even a bit of relief

- Obviously even though it’s hard for them too, they are hoping and expecting their life and happiness will improve now they are no longer in this relationship. Otherwise they wouldn’t have taken action to dump the partner. This is the biggest difference between the dumper and dumpee perspectives I think. Aside from the dumper’s feelings changing in general, they see hope for better happiness, whereas the dumpee probably does not since they most likely would prefer to stay in the relationship (or otherwise they may have been the one doing the dumping first)

- The dumper may “act out” and in ways not fitting with their character, either how they’ve always been or how they were during the relationship. This may be to ignore their feelings or block them out, or to “be” someone else for a while to help the pain and to help moving on. Act totally different to “forget” how they were with their now ex-partner.

- They may end up reaching back out to the dumpee because they’re now not sure they made the right decision. In my opinion, any indecision tends to mean they made the RIGHT decision. When you are happy and in love with your partner, you don’t want to break up with them, full stop. If there are problems, you work them out.

- They then move on and may want to be friends with the dumpee, and may or may not understand at this stage if the dumpee cannot do this. The dumper’s feelings are now quite different to the dumpee’s in that they have moved away from the relationship, while the dumpee may still be in the couple mindset and long to go back in time, so to speak.

- The final part of the process is when the dumper meets someone new and feels something for this person.

 

You have posted in my thread as well, and then I found this gem.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have a fantastic ability to look outside of biased emotions. This summarized exactly how I currently feel as the dumper - I may be the devil on this forum, since most posters are dumpees, but I can't control the feelings, I can't control the fact that those differences caused a slow drift apart in the relationship, and ended up causing my breakup. And your first point is DEAD ON - it took me a long time to realize it and admit it to myself.

[destroyed4sho]

You have posted in my thread as well, and then I found this gem.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have a fantastic ability to look outside of biased emotions. This summarized exactly how I currently feel as the dumper - I may be the devil on this forum, since most posters are dumpees, but I can't control the feelings, I can't control the fact that those differences caused a slow drift apart in the relationship, and ended up causing my breakup. And your first point is DEAD ON - it took me a long time to realize it and admit it to myself.

 

Your looking for posts to exonerate you from your actions and the guilt you feel about breaking up with your gf. Unfortunately, your feelings and actions are controllable.

 

You need to work on yourself and detail exactly what you want from a partner before entering into another relationship.

[destroyed4sho]

Oh NOOOOO!!! Why?? I didn’t mean to be too blunt. I don’t even know what it’s like to be the dumper since I’ve never been one!

 

My ex was very indecisive about getting back together 4x. Its the truth of this sentence that made me emotional.

If you have never been a dumper how do you know all this?

[KatZee]

I don't think you can ask such a general question like this and get a unanimous answer. I've been a dumper twice, and neither time did I act like any of the above.

 

When I break up with someone it's because I legitimately don't want to be with them for a second longer. I don't dump someone impulsively, nor do I act indecisive. When the time comes to pull the plug, that's it. It's done. It means my feelings have changed for you and I know they're not going to turn back around.

 

I've never gone back to someone after I've dumped them, nor have I given breadcrumbs. After both splits I went pretty much NC because I don't see much point in continuing to try and be in someone's life after you've crumbled their ego.

 

Every situation is different.

[DesperateToughGuy]

Your looking for posts to exonerate you from your actions and the guilt you feel about breaking up with your gf. Unfortunately, your feelings and actions are controllable.

 

You need to work on yourself and detail exactly what you want from a partner before entering into another relationship.

 

And you are hurt to the point of irrationality, it is clouding your mind and can't see beyond your own pain.

 

Yes, as I told my ex girlfriend as well, I have been working on myself and have started seeing a therapist about certain relationship issues I have. Yes there might be some GIGS involved and it's something I have to understand about myself - I tend to have GIGS about A LOT of things in life.

 

At the same time, unless you TRY, you won't ever LEARN what you want from a partner. There's no self-righteous moral high-ground about this, there is no-one telling you what you are supposed to want from a relationship or what you are supposed to do right or wrong. I have been honest with my ex from the beginning, and despite the fact that it took me a long time myself to realize we aren't meant for each other, I came out to her immediately about it.

 

You would be surprised how little control you have over your own feelings and your subconscious behavior. Control can only be obtained with hard work and knowledge, and that knowledge comes from experience and from constructive criticism.

[destroyed4sho]

And you are hurt to the point of irrationality, it is clouding your mind and can't see beyond your own pain.

 

Yes, as I told my ex girlfriend as well, I have been working on myself and have started seeing a therapist about certain relationship issues I have. Yes there might be some GIGS involved and it's something I have to understand about myself - I tend to have GIGS about A LOT of things in life.

 

At the same time, unless you TRY, you won't ever LEARN what you want from a partner. There's no self-righteous moral high-ground about this, there is no-one telling you what you are supposed to want from a relationship or what you are supposed to do right or wrong. I have been honest with my ex from the beginning, and despite the fact that it took me a long time myself to realize we aren't meant for each other, I came out to her immediately about it.

You would be surprised how little control you have over your own feelings and your subconscious behavior. Control can only be obtained with hard work and knowledge, and that knowledge comes from experience and from constructive criticism.

 

 

Am I hurt? Yes, Am I irrational? No. I am the girl in your story and I know that you may have not liked the truth of what I wrote

 

You tend to have GIGS alot, you can't cut the apron strings, you say your incompatible with your gf because she doesn't sit on a couch and talk philosophy. What you are IS .......here it comes, brace yourself.....IMMATURE.

 

And you might say "So What if I am IMMATURE?? It doesn't change the fact that I want to BU with her". No it does not, and I am not arguing that. Your relationship is DONE, its OVER and I think that its good news for your gf in the long run.

 

As for you, I do not believe you were honest with her. You like to talk philosophy so I will assume you have the capability of introspection. The fact is, you KNEW what she was like from the Beginning...you knew that she wasn't the type that doesn't sit on your couch and talk about Nietzsche, Socrates, Grace Jones or whatever you kiddies think is cool today. You KNEW she was not the motivated type. You KNEW what she was like at the beginning after completing the Dating stages of the relationship. Yet, you chose to continue with her even though you KNEW you were not compatible. I do not know you but I write this assuming you are sane and know who you are by now.

 

You need to take RESPONSIBILITY for this. This was a 2+ year relationship. So saying that you realized NOW that you are incompatible is Irresponsible behavior. It would be a different situation if your just found out that your gf is not who you thought she was like a cheater, liar, grew horns on her head, etc or you lost TRUST in her and that is why your feelings changed. But none of those things apply to you.

 

Its just like saying, "hey I am breaking up with you because your eyes are green instead of blue, your skin is black or you don't sit on the couch with me and talk philosophy. I knew these things before we got serious, but hey, fact is.....I dont like green eyes, my parents would not accept you because your skin color or I want someone that sits on the couch with me and talks about philosophy. SORRY but my feelings changed since I realized that, and so bye!"

 

There are so many dumpees on this board that don't know the reasons why their ex broke up with them and don't have closure and that is why they are suffering now.

 

At the same time, unless you TRY, you won't ever LEARN what you want from a partner. There's no self-righteous moral high-ground about this, there is no-one telling you what you are supposed to want from a relationship or what you are supposed to do right or wrong. I have been honest with my ex from the beginning, and despite the fact that it took me a long time myself to realize we aren't meant for each other, I came out to her immediately about it.

 

 

True. However, you are NOT 16 years old, you are a 28 year old man!! You should know some about the type of woman you are compatible with by now. If compatibility to you means sitting on your couch and talking about Neitzsche then you KNEW that.

 

With that mentality, I am worried about any woman that crosses your path.

 

It took you 2+ years to realize you weren't meant for each other?

And no, your not going to score any points because you THINK you came out to her immediately. Because you did not! You KNEW what she was like from beginning dating stages.

 

And, think about the reasons why you chose to be with an older divorcee?

 

 

Your best bet right now is to take responsibility and for her sake tell her that you were and are IMMATURE and you knew you were not compatible from the beginning, and that sitting on a couch talking about philosophy is very important to you.

 

And don't run around on these boards trying to find gem posts that will exonerate you from feeling guilt. You are just pretending and not taking responsibility.

Edited February 7, 2013 by destroyed4sho

[stevie_23]

My ex was very indecisive about getting back together 4x. Its the truth of this sentence that made me emotional.

If you have never been a dumper how do you know all this?

 

Destroyed4sho, I am honest in all my posts on here. Perhaps too honest / TMI. I really have never been a dumper. I have been in a total of 3 relationships in my 34 years. The first I was dumped. The second I’m still in. And the third, with my ex-married man, I was dumped again. Never been the dumpee.

 

I just know somehow sometimes how people feel and work. I can understand certain things even if I haven’t been through it myself. I think a lot, am very introspective and analytic (of myself and others), and am able to put myself in their place to try to understand the motives and feelings for behaviours.

 

And in terms of your comment that Desperatetoughguy can control his feelings and actions? Yes, he can control his actions. No, he cannot control his feelings. Nobody can. Feelings are not logical. They tend to follow certain patterns, but they’re not forcible. You can’t FORCE yourself to feel love for someone. You can’t FORCE yourself to not be angry at someone if they’ve hurt you. All you can do is think hard and try to work things out in your mind. WHY you feel the way you do (and sometimes you won’t be able to come up with a reason) and how best to act on those feelings.

[stevie_23]

Also, one other thing – I don’t exonerate anyone from their feelings or responsibilities. I just try to understand how they feel and why, and why they behaved the way they did. There should ALWAYS be understanding of people. It’s the only way we can learn about ourselves and each other. Self awareness is another thing – if you don’t understand yourself, how can you possibly understand anyone else?

 

In any case, Desperatetoughguy’s situation in my opinion is not about responsibility. It is not his responsibility to “realise” right away if he and a partner are not 100% suited. It is not his responsibility to stay with his ex because it would hurt her to end the relationship.

 

He only came on here because this is a painful situation for him, to end a relationship, and because he was unsure if it was the right thing to do. This indecision is based on the fact he has been comfortable in the relationship, and used to it, for 2 years. It’s also based on the fact he loves the woman.

 

Most relationships do not last forever. They end for a huge variety of reasons. They all last for varying lengths of time. Is the dumper in every single relationship that ends always at fault because they took too long to realise they no longer wanted to be with their partner? Because their feelings changed? No, of course not.

[destroyed4sho]

Destroyed4sho, I am honest in all my posts on here. Perhaps too honest / TMI. I really have never been a dumper. I have been in a total of 3 relationships in my 34 years. The first I was dumped. The second I’m still in. And the third, with my ex-married man, I was dumped again. Never been the dumpee.

 

I just know somehow sometimes how people feel and work. I can understand certain things even if I haven’t been through it myself. I think a lot, am very introspective and analytic (of myself and others), and am able to put myself in their place to try to understand the motives and feelings for behaviours.

 

And in terms of your comment that Desperatetoughguy can control his feelings and actions? Yes, he can control his actions. No, he cannot control his feelings. Nobody can. Feelings are not logical. They tend to follow certain patterns, but they’re not forcible. You can’t FORCE yourself to feel love for someone. You can’t FORCE yourself to not be angry at someone if they’ve hurt you. All you can do is think hard and try to work things out in your mind. WHY you feel the way you do (and sometimes you won’t be able to come up with a reason) and how best to act on those feelings.

 

I meant he had control in the Beginning Dating stages of the relationship when discovering who she was and was not.

[destroyed4sho]

 

In any case, Desperatetoughguy’s situation in my opinion is not about responsibility. It is not his responsibility to “realise” right away if he and a partner are not 100% suited. It is not his responsibility to stay with his ex because it would hurt her to end the relationship.

 

 

Yes, both mature partners are responsible in deciding during the Dating stages if they want to continue on. That is what dating is all about. It is a trial period to see if you are compatible with the person.

[stevie_23]

Yes, but he obviously felt he DID want to continue on, so he did. There’s no fault in that in my opinion.

 

As I said, does every relationship that ends after 2, 4, 10 years because the people realise they’re not happy together anymore, or one of them is not happy, or their feelings have changed…are they all at fault because they didn’t end it during the dating stage?

 

Every relationship is a learning and growing experience. No relationship is a failure, even when it ends. You grow together as a couple and individuals over time and if that eventually results in the relationship ending, then it is no fault of either party (unless something specific happens like there’s abuse or infidelity or something of course)