I Think I Don't Know How To Be Happy

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Anyone else ever get that? I don't think my life is bad by any standard; I have a job, a gf I love very much, and my own place, but I'm still not happy. I hate my job and am pretty sure I'm incompetent at it, while I like having an apartment I had to compromise and share it with a complete stranger who, although perfectly nice, makes me feel uneasy as I have to be guarded in my own home, and my gf...actually, she's pretty perfect for me and the one really good thing I have right now.

 

Thing is, I find fault in almost everything. I'm not sure if its me or the choices I'm making or someone's misguided advice I took to heart...actually, all those things are my fault...

 

So msybe I don't know how to be happy. Maybe I can't allow myself to ever experience happiness because there's always something else to want. I can never be happy with what I've got.

 

And I just don't know how to change it, or what I'm going to do with the rest of a life that looks like it's going to be an utter disappointment...

[stevie_23]

I used to think it was the stupidest thing in the world that people would go on and on about how they didn’t KNOW if they were happy, or that they didn’t know HOW to be happy.

 

Now? God, I totally understand! Life must’ve been so simple for me before when I thought the above things.

 

Anyway, you’re lucky, firstly, that you have a gf you love, a job, a place of your own…

 

These are things most people have in order to feel fairly happy, but it’s a societal thing and not everyone will get fulfillment from these things…

 

You hate your job. I understand. An unsatisfying, unpleasant and/or stressful job can lead to great inner unhappiness. And feeling incompetent is a terrible way to feel the majority of the time. Often if a job is not what interests you, you can find it hard to be really good at it, and then by feeling like you’re not performing well, it adds even more stress and it just sucks, basically.

 

Having to share a place with a stranger…I personally would HATE this. I’d prefer NOT to have my own place if I had to do that.

 

It’s good your said your gf is pretty perfect for you but just watch that when you feel she’s the ONE good thing in your life right now that you don’t place all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. It may put more pressure on the relationship than required and end up causing problems, like you expect (even if not on a conscious level) for her to “fix” your unhappiness in other areas of your life, or that you feel no matter how perfect she is, you’re still not happy.

 

It’s such a hugely common thing to not be able to just live in the moment. To experience happiness right NOW in what we have, as opposed to looking towards the future and expecting and wanting and feeling the need for change and the things we don’t have.

 

I don’t have any answers to this either, because I tend to live in the past or the future. I have felt like my whole life is in limbo for about the past 4-5 years. I miss the old place I lived in and want to move to a new place. We’ve been trying to sell our property for a year now but the market sucks. I love my partner but I haven’t been IN love with her for several years and have just come out of an affair with a married man who ended things with me after almost 2 years. Very hard times right now. My job is unfulfilling and I only work about 25 hours a week because I simply cannot stand working 9am-5pm doing something I dislike. So because of that, my financial situation is pretty dire. So…all of this equals great stress and apart from when I’m making music or half asleep and relaxed, I don’t tend to be able to be even remotely happy right NOW.

 

So…I mentioned making music because this is my passion. Do you have a passion or a creative activity you love to do? Apparently when people do things that fulfill their passions and they completely focus on what they’re doing and block everything else out, they can be happy for that moment.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I used to think it was the stupidest thing in the world that people would go on and on about how they didn’t KNOW if they were happy, or that they didn’t know HOW to be happy.

 

Now? God, I totally understand! Life must’ve been so simple for me before when I thought the above things.

 

Anyway, you’re lucky, firstly, that you have a gf you love, a job, a place of your own…

 

These are things most people have in order to feel fairly happy, but it’s a societal thing and not everyone will get fulfillment from these things…

 

You hate your job. I understand. An unsatisfying, unpleasant and/or stressful job can lead to great inner unhappiness. And feeling incompetent is a terrible way to feel the majority of the time. Often if a job is not what interests you, you can find it hard to be really good at it, and then by feeling like you’re not performing well, it adds even more stress and it just sucks, basically.

 

Having to share a place with a stranger…I personally would HATE this. I’d prefer NOT to have my own place if I had to do that.

 

It’s good your said your gf is pretty perfect for you but just watch that when you feel she’s the ONE good thing in your life right now that you don’t place all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. It may put more pressure on the relationship than required and end up causing problems, like you expect (even if not on a conscious level) for her to “fix” your unhappiness in other areas of your life, or that you feel no matter how perfect she is, you’re still not happy.

 

It’s such a hugely common thing to not be able to just live in the moment. To experience happiness right NOW in what we have, as opposed to looking towards the future and expecting and wanting and feeling the need for change and the things we don’t have.

 

I don’t have any answers to this either, because I tend to live in the past or the future. I have felt like my whole life is in limbo for about the past 4-5 years. I miss the old place I lived in and want to move to a new place. We’ve been trying to sell our property for a year now but the market sucks. I love my partner but I haven’t been IN love with her for several years and have just come out of an affair with a married man who ended things with me after almost 2 years. Very hard times right now. My job is unfulfilling and I only work about 25 hours a week because I simply cannot stand working 9am-5pm doing something I dislike. So because of that, my financial situation is pretty dire. So…all of this equals great stress and apart from when I’m making music or half asleep and relaxed, I don’t tend to be able to be even remotely happy right NOW.

 

So…I mentioned making music because this is my passion. Do you have a passion or a creative activity you love to do? Apparently when people do things that fulfill their passions and they completely focus on what they’re doing and block everything else out, they can be happy for that moment.

 

I do have that activity, yes. I've always wanted to be a storyteller. See, growing up I wasn't very social. Mostly shy and reclusive. I tended to stay in my house reading books and watching films. As I got older, say about 10, I started writing. Then, with the friends I had, I would organise little plays of sorts. A little older still I got a camera for Xmas and started trying to make films.

 

I still love to write, and you're right it blocks everything else out for that small while, but I feel like I've never got time anymore. My life is a series of commitments to people; my gf, my work, my friends, my family. Trying to balance my work life with my social life is so difficult and as a result things got left behind, including my writing.

 

I dropped out of a filmmaking course at Uni last year because everyone was so damn talented in that course and I wasn't measuring up. I felt like I didn't belong. Although, if I'm honest, I've felt that about most things in my life. I thought I could get a job working in the TV industry as a runner. Entry level stuff, but all my emails, phone calls and persistency has yielded almost nothing. I got an interview for a company, but the job went to a girl who was in my college class, which enraged me. So I got a job in a bar. Me, who still retains a lot of the shy boy who just wanted to be left alone to write. It doesn't work.

[todreaminblue]

Anyone else ever get that? I don't think my life is bad by any standard; I have a job, a gf I love very much, and my own place, but I'm still not happy. I hate my job and am pretty sure I'm incompetent at it, while I like having an apartment I had to compromise and share it with a complete stranger who, although perfectly nice, makes me feel uneasy as I have to be guarded in my own home, and my gf...actually, she's pretty perfect for me and the one really good thing I have right now.

 

Thing is, I find fault in almost everything. I'm not sure if its me or the choices I'm making or someone's misguided advice I took to heart...actually, all those things are my fault...

 

So msybe I don't know how to be happy. Maybe I can't allow myself to ever experience happiness because there's always something else to want. I can never be happy with what I've got.

 

And I just don't know how to change it, or what I'm going to do with the rest of a life that looks like it's going to be an utter disappointment...

 

 

when you are not realizing your full potential your mind and heart know what you are capable of achieving that causes unhappiness, everyone has a purpose in life, some of us dont realize what that purpose is...i am one you are another who hasnt found that purpose yet......causes restlessness, that trapped feeling, unhappiness with work you dont enjoy, a general feeling of come on i have to do something now and be happy doing it.....its about doing what is right for you to do , not what is good for anyone else but you, to be the best you can be to do the best at what you excel in......

 

 

 

 

Have you had many different jobs or wildly swinging jobs meaning.....jobs that were not the same in any respect from one spectrum to another....thats the seeker in you...if you havent had many jobs......then i just described myself because i am older....i have done that seeking thing made huge mistakes along the way.......

 

 

 

my biggest role is a stay at home mother, I have looked after other peoples children at the same time as raising my own....I know I have more to do , some of what that is, I know I have to do, but i have not yet realized my full potential or done the things that are plain for me to see and achieve.....that does cause unhappiness...but....if i were to go tomorrow, i have done my best by my family and others........that makes me happy...you will find your way.....i wish you the best....go a bit easy on yourself if you are unhappy accept it.....tomorrow is another day and that day may be the one that sets you on your path...deb

[TouchedByViolet]

I feel unhappy daily. My childhood was difficult but I was always very happy during that period. I had this innate belief in a better future. I always believed by the time I am older I will have figured it out... turns out I was wrong. It is difficult to accept life sometimes when it turns out to be something different than what we wanted.

 

What has helped me is staying busy with things I enjoy. Rock climbing, spending time with friends, cooking, being creative, my cat, and learning. Try your best to channel frustration and unhappiness into motivation to change and improve.

[camillalev]

my gf...actually, she's pretty perfect for me and the one really good thing I have right now.

 

that's really adorable wish i could say that about someone!

 

I read this article yesterday and will begin to practice it.. actually this website has a lot of great articles about happiness, learning new skills, productivity etc etc and for the most part i find them to be non bull****-y. Doesn't hurt to try right?

 

hope it helps!

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I feel unhappy daily. My childhood was difficult but I was always very happy during that period. I had this innate belief in a better future. I always believed by the time I am older I will have figured it out... turns out I was wrong. It is difficult to accept life sometimes when it turns out to be something different than what we wanted.

 

What has helped me is staying busy with things I enjoy. Rock climbing, spending time with friends, cooking, being creative, my cat, and learning. Try your best to channel frustration and unhappiness into motivation to change and improve.

 

My childhood was difficult too. I'm not sure if I was happy. I think I was confused most of the time. Just like you I thought I'd have had it all figured out by now. So many of my friends are starting families, getting into the careers they've chosen and making big plans but I'm still rattling through life unsure and uninspired. I feel so much like I'm wasting the precious little time I have on this Earth. I just don't know how to change it, I don't know how to be happy.

 

I don't really have the time or the resources to do most of the things I enjoy. And I'll be honest, I wasn't into very many things as a kid. I love to write, and I love films and TV...that was about it. I didn't have other passions. My passion is for storytelling, I suppose.

 

I just want to feel excited and passionate and happy again. Life has now devolved into a series of work related stresses, worry about my life, and illness. I don't live in the now because now is just work. When I'm not in work I'm usually sleeping, or watching TV before I start work. I don't have the money to do anything else.

 

I saw a Q&A with Dave Grohl last night (lead singer of Foo Fighters, for those unfamiliar with the name) in which someone asked him, "what advice do you have for a 20 something trying to figure out life?" His response was, "you'll never be good at anything you're not passionate about. Don't pursue a career in something you don't enjoy"

 

Well that's what I've been doing for the last 2 years. It's compromise, I'm told. But do I need to compromise my happiness? I'm not being selfish or unrealistic, am I? I understand people have jobs they hate. Do I need to suck it up and just keep doing it? Will this feeling go away one day?

 

I had a job interview at a call centre the other day. The guy interviewing me said, "I see here you have a degree in filmmaking, and you clearly are very passionate about filmmaking, so why do you want to work here?" I had to tell him the truth; I couldn't find work doing something I loved and I needed to be realistic. He thanked me for the honesty but it killed me inside; I don't want to have to think like this. I want to look forward to my job because it's probably where I'll spend most of my time. I want to do something I find fulfilling. I want to have some kind of meaning, just to feel normal again. The older I get, the more I feel like a machine; just moving through the debris of emotions to do something that has a function, a purpose. I work for money, so I can have my own place, so I keep up with my friends, so I can buy my gf nice things, but none of it amounts to anything other than what I'm told I have to do. It's nothing I want to do, save for buying my gf things.

 

Sorry for the rambling. I'm going through a really bad time right now, and today is a particularly bad day. I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless and useless and pointless. I don't want to do this anymore.

Edited February 9, 2013 by TheUnthoughtKnown
Grammar

[Nik1]

5 Scientific Reasons Your Idea of Happiness Is Wrong | Cracked.com

 

Item #1 might have an answer for you.

[aMguilts]

5 Scientific Reasons Your Idea of Happiness Is Wrong | Cracked.com

 

Item #1 might have an answer for you.

 

Nik1

That is a great site, thank you so much for that

(and no i`m not being sarcastic)

 

 

aM

[aMguilts]

of all my years trying to understand my `unhappiness` the 1 thing i kept coming across was number 1 on that list.

 

Loooking back in one of my (many) journals i found this, written by me to myself....

 

`Stop being anxious. stop whinning, stop pressuring.

Anxiety is an `anti pleasure`.. the more you are `anxious` the less pleasure you will have. worrying about anything and everything will get you nowhere. `

 

TheUnthoughtKnown......

 

i feel your sadness i really do. And i understand your questions.

You are not alone

`people have jobs they hate` ?

99% of them all hate theirs jobs. It`s NOT their job they hate...its the fact that they have to be there to `live`

What would be the PERFECT job?

answer is doing something you love doing just for your own pleasure.

That you would do without even getting paid for it

Thats the other 1 %

Unfortuantely life isn`t like that. bills need to be paid, rent needs to be paid...yadda yadda.

I loved the website Nik1 posted

 

it still fails to answer the question thou doesn`t it?

 

Whats stopping happiness ALL the time?

aM

[Almond_Joy]

Well....

 

First off, you're not alone, as some of the other posters have expressed. I'm not unhappy nearly as often as I used to be, for a couple of reasons I think.

 

I concur mostly with TDIB's train of thought, in that I think it's hard to be happy when you feel you are capable of doing more than what you're doing but are not doing everything you're capable of.

 

When I stop looking at the lives of people I know I feel happier. Comparing myself to others just makes me feel inadequate, even if what they're doing with their life isn't what I want for mine. So I think it's unconstructive to look at what others are doing.

 

As for finding fault....I mean just because something's not perfect doesn't mean it can't be fulfilling does it? I'm a bit of a perfectionist and kind of have an all-or-nothing approach to life. Either I give it 100% and do it the way I want, or I just don't do it. I think now that this approach is, overall, detrimental to my happiness lol. I've missed so many opportunities and moments to be happy because I wanted things to be "just so".

 

My bf is much more laid back, doesn't set expectations for much of anything. Being with him is showing me how to really be present IN the present. To stop worrying about how I can make things better or how what I'm doing today can tie into a "better" tomorrow. I've gotten so many enriching experiences from this approach in the year or so I've been with him than I did from years in my previous perspective. Things happened that I couldn't have planned if I tried and they were so enlightening and fulfilling and...just awesome. When I'm not happy I think back on those times, and they sort of tide me over until I get a new experience.

 

I try to just enjoy a day for what it is more often now. I don't "achieve goals" with this approach sometimes because it's a bit aimless, but it does help me to establish contentment for what I have now. It's not my default perspective, but I'm happier when I operate this way.

 

I hope this perspective helps. I guess my advice is to not look at what others are doing. Even if you don't do it consciously, you compare yourself to others when you focus on their lives instead of appreciating your own.