digger Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 For nearly 6 months following divorce papers I have told her I love you nearly 5000 times and that I wanted to go to counseling to work it out. Never once losing my temper with her selfish comments. Bringing flowers and candy and self help books only to be insulted and nearly having them thrown in my face. After 21 years of marriage, and as recently as last October her writing cards to say "stay with me forever" and "i wish i could whisk you away to a tropical island' all that changed in the span of November to March. Here are some comments from her recent (and only) letter to me last week. You smoke, drink and you curse. ( i did all those the night i met her) I have lived my whole life for you, not for me. (i thot you shared responsibility in marriage) I left some really good jobs to follow your dreams. (I was in a volatile industry where moving was commonplace and when we did--i never heard a complaint...she even looked forward to her new challenge. I could not stand the thot of making love to you anymore. (last time we ever did--she said she loved me and please dont ever "leave me") You did this and you did that--to many mentions to list (everything mentioned happened 10-11 years ago) we (her and daughter) are, quote, 'free of your TIERANY" (we were laughing on xmas--i am not adolph hitler) I will never go back to someone as perverted, unhappy, untrustworthy and sick as you!! Thats a verbatum quote. (I admit to not being happy, job pressures, but its not like i went thru the house throwing furniture..she also was bigtime stresses with her job--one she professes to hate along with the city we're in) I have moved on and found my happiness. (quite honestly-the few times i do see her she looks like the most unhappy woman in the world. These are just a few comments from the 'love of my life". The woman who sat with me 6-9 months ago and said''ill never leave you--we were meant to be. My daughter has also taken her stance (shes 16) and has come up with a lame excuse that she wont see me (hasnt called either nor will answer the phone) and we havent had 1 single bit of contact in 3 months. Not that I havent tried. So if u were me...WHY would i want this woman back??????? Because i still love her. I was/am willing to disect my life and make it right but she wont even walk into a counselors office much less sit down with one. Comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted August 28, 2004 Author Share Posted August 28, 2004 Oh yeah, i almost forgot---not once has she ever admitted a mistake. Not the slightest one. Shes even on record as saying "when we fight, i try to incense you". As for reconciliation, the conversation went something like this. Well babe, maybe we can try in the future or.... WHAT DO YOU MEAN? like date?? YOU???? dont think so!!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 What, exactly, is there to love about this person? She had problems with you but never told you about them, making her the worst of partners possible. Then she admits she tried to annoy you. Wanting her back is tantamount to masochism; "please, please, hurt me more". Her leaving is Fate's gift to you. Use it well and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 So if u were me...WHY would i want this woman back??????? Because i still love her. I was/am willing to disect my life and make it right but she wont even walk into a counselors office much less sit down with one. Comments. I suggest you come up with some excuse.........go to the OCD web-site. Quite an education! (almost no one can really be sure the condition exists, and if it does, it is in such a small % of the population that it is almost insignificant compared with other more concretely diagnosed, physical disorders) I'm sure that if you don't already possess all the requirements for OCD diagnosis, you'll be able to manufacture the symptoms after reading about them, go to your local Dr., and he'll prescribe happy pills to alleviate your obsessive/compulsive desire for this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Oh holy s***! You really pissed this woman off. She has a problem with you and before you try to get back to the old situation (that she obviously hated), try to find out what troubles her, try to understand her and be sincere about it, try to be less self-centered. She should be sensible enough to give you a clear answer what bothers her, if not she´s too angry and not willing and then, well, then you do have a problem.... I don´t think that it´s possible to be solely responsible for a bad situation, but if even your daughter doesn´t want to be in touch with you, that strikes me as a bit weird and I tend to say, maybe your wife has reasons to be angry with you. Her fault might be not to have talked things over with you before, her anger accumulated and now she´s exploding. She´ll cool down eventually and if you are ready to make amendments, she´ll come back. Her accusations look like they are derived from frustration. Be nice and don´t get angry at her, you will only make her even more angry and your situation might get worse. Good luck I don´t agree with the other posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted August 28, 2004 Author Share Posted August 28, 2004 Thank You--I agree i should go away and saty there til she wants to come around. As everyone thinks-shes gone from 12 o clock to 6 just based on anger and bitterness. Everyone who knows her says--she was always such a sweetheart. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Don´t give up. I´m very scary when I´m angry with someone, but actually I usually just want to hear an apology and some understanding. Might not be the best way to express it, but if you care enough for her - try it. Link to post Share on other sites
unsureofthings Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Wow, talk about the exact same situation that I'm in! Ever since day 1 and I mean day 1, my wife has never appologized or admitted to contributing any faults into our relationship and marriage. I was always the one who had to attempt reconcilliation and if I didnt, the anger would stay until I did. She would even kick my to the couch until she got an appology even if I wasnt in the wrong or if it was a honest mistake made on both sides. Se never faught for me or the relationship and was cold. I still pursued her, I still apologized and I still continue to even though we've been seperated now for 4 weeks! Why? For the exact same reasons, I love her! But why do I love her after all that I just said? I even told her everything she wants to hear 2 weeks ago in order to get her to come home and I guess she's thinking becuase I havent heard from her lately? Why do we do this? Link to post Share on other sites
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