lnichols Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 I've been married about tree months. My husband has a friend of the opposite sex. She is quite a bit younger than he, unmarried, and has moved back to the area recently. They worked together for several years. He describes their relationship at work and him having mentored her, and acting as a surrogate father figure. The trouble is two-fold. One is that she calls him, sometimes sends him cards, invites us (read: Him) to parties and stuff like that. I started jokelingly telling my husband that she was his "girlfriend", to which he takes offense. She actually wanted him to travel to New Mexico to help her move back here. I voiced my objection to this, after all, we were in a transition period, getting married, starting a business... He called her and told her he could not. She knows we are married, and my husband wants me to meet her. He also accuses me of being rude to her. Even so, I don't think there was ever anything romantic between them, nothing they ever acted on, anyway. And even if was, it was before we met and it is in the past. So why do I dislike her when I have not even met her? It seems to me that if she knows he's married, she would back off and find someone 1) closer to her age and 2) who can pay the kind of attention to her that she seems to want and need. My husband says that they are friends and that he will not give up his friends just because we got married. But I don't want to meet her, don't want to talk to her and don't want to attend social events with her present. Am I nuts? Why am I so jealous? I might mention that when we first met, I had a couple of guy friends, and my husband was not exactly crazy about the idea. He started this whole name calling thing by referring to my male friends as "boyfriends", in a kidding, but maybe not, kind of way. I've backed off my male friends, more because I'm so busy than anything else. Give me some opinions here. If I'm overreacting, then tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Well I look at it like this, it could be like your H said, just friends. That may be all it is too it. Try not to read to much into it right now unless you feel you have other clues to things about their friendship as to why you feel this way. You might want to lay low for awhile with it, but just keep a watch on it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Azeele Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Why don't you want to meet her? I would take it as a good sign that he wants you to meet her. If there was anything going on it's very unlikely that he would deliberately want his OW and his wife to meet. What's the harm in meeting her and getting to know her? At least you might get a better idea of what is - or isn't - going on between them. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 I totally agree with Azeele. Maybe she is really nice, maybe you will like her, and maybe she will like you, know you, and back off. I have a male friend whom I consider like a brother, my husband likes him, and knows for sure thats how our relationship was, is, and always will be. Good Luck, but definetely meet her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugar_Cube Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 I think its a good idea to meet her. The reason being, if they are "just friends" and thats all it is, then you will know. If there is more going on between them, you will know that as well. You can just tell. Pay close attention to how they act around each other when you all are together. Hope all works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lnichols Posted August 28, 2004 Author Share Posted August 28, 2004 Yea. I am sure that there is nothing between them now. I am really puzzled at my own behavior. Why am I acting like this? I feel like I have to meet her in order to let my husband know that I support his friendships and in order to to drive a bigger wedge between us over this issue than already exists. But why this gut feeling of jealousy? What's up with me????? Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Maybe its not really so much of jealousy as it is intuition. SOMETIMES when we start to doubt the way we feel, thats when we know its for real. I'm not saying ALL the time, but SOMETIMES. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 I don't think there was ever anything romantic between them, nothing they ever acted on, anyway. And even if was, it was before we met and it is in the past. I think this may be what bothers you. You're not sure what degree of intimacy they shared and you're not sure if it's platonic. If there was something romantic there, that does not necessarily present a problem. As you say, they may not have acted on it. But you would expect the boundaries to be different to those in a platonic friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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