Let him go

[pteromom]

He even bought a ring for me to wear. He says it's so that when I feel sad, I can look at it and know he's thinking of me and sad too.

 

Oooooooooohhhh, he's a smooth one. I think I just fell in love with him too.

 

He sounds like he really knows what he's doing. Makes me wonder how many other women are smiling down at his ring on their finger.

[JamesM]

You are in your late 20s. How old is he? And as a man in my later 40s, I can say...yes, age does matter.

 

I could have been your MM, but thankfully, an OW never came along. I could have given my heart to another while married to my wife, but thankfully, I did not and my marriage was saved.

 

I have no doubt that he "loves" you. I don't doubt that at least right now he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. And I believe that his marriage was "dead" when your affair started.

 

But...his marriage could have been fixed. Instead he chose to leave it and begin a love affair with you. His wife should have realized that the marriage needed work. He should have realize that it is better to fix what you have before leaving, or openly breaking the vow through divorce before making another commitment with someone else. Maybe he voiced his frustrations, maybe he did not. The thing is...his wife trusted him that he would honor his vow FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. But he did not.

 

Instead of confronting the problem and honoring his vow like the man he said he would be, he did not. He fled the scene and is trying to start a new life without resolving the one he left behind. The question is why.

 

And then the next question which needs to be asked is...can he now pursue another commitment with you and honor it any better than he did his first one?

 

I feel sad for you because I know you believe he will commit himself to you and your marriage will be different. I can understand how you believe that the future will be rosy.

 

Do you realize that his wife felt the same not so many years ago? They both had the future ahead of them. They started a family. They loved that little boy when he popped out of her, and they shared the joy of a newborn. They loved those days of first love and prepared for growing old together. Their love was as genuine as yours is.

 

Why do you think your future will be any different than theirs?

 

He is not staying only out of guilt. Trust me on that. He has feelings for her. I also doubt that they have absolutely no intimacy. I am a man. He is a man. She is his love before you. Those feelings don't die when she comes up on him and hugs him tight with the look in her eyes.

 

Why do I say all this to you? I do not mean to hurt you at all. I actually felt sad when I read your post because you are confused by this and think she is the one who is keeping the two of you apart. You don't think he can possibly be loving anyone but you. You may be right. Yet you must consider something else: he may still feel a little conflicted and part of him may want to keep his family together. You give him feelings that he has not felt in years, but she is still his wife.

 

I do hope you are happy when this is all over, but I am afraid that this will not end as you hope. For your sake, I do hope it ends well. I read too many stories here and too much heartache to think that this is a slam dunk and he is on the way out the door.

 

Please don't be made by what I said, but please look at your situation and consider that HE is the one who is staying and deciding to stay because a part of him does not want to leave. She is a woman like you. She is his wife as you hope to be. She thought her future would be as you plan yours to be.

 

And yet hers is no longer a happy one. Look long and hard before you leap.

 

I actually say this all with some consideration for you as if I were speaking to one of my daughters. Perhaps that is why it hit me as it did.

[sweet_pea]

A few more questions, maybe you'll answer these:

 

How old is he?

 

How old are his children?

 

Where did y'all meet?

[pinecome41]

A few more questions, maybe you'll answer these:

 

How old is he?

 

he is in his early 40's, but looks a lot younger

 

How old are his children?

his son is young, but I'm not sure exactly what age

 

Where did y'all meet?

 

we met at work. We worked together and become friendly. When he got transferred to a different area, we kept in touch and met for coffee one day. We've fell in love that day.

 

 

 

He didn't mean to start an affair. It just sort of happened and we were in love.

 

i did see his wife once when we worked together. She looked like she was pretty once, but now she's overweight. She's around the same age as me, but looks older and doesn't seem to care about her hair, makeup or how she dresses at all. I think that's part of why he fell for me. I take good care of myself and it shows.

 

Everyone says that if he and I get married, he'd probably cheat on me too. I know he wouldn't, as I'd never give him a reason to. He is an honest and loving man, but he just couldn't take it anymore. She just wasn't there for him the way he needed her to be. I was.

[awkward]

If he has given over *all* of his passwords, he is pretending to be reconciling. This just doesn't match up with what he is telling you. He is not telling her he wants to leave. He is telling her he wants to say, which is why he gave up his passwords.

 

He kept the one he communicates with you hidden, because he wants to keep you too. He tells you that his wife is making him stay so he can keep you on the hook.

 

The truth would be freeing. I wish you would call his betrayed wife and have a little chat. It would be an eye opener for both of you.

Edited February 8, 2013 by awkward

[sweet_pea]

He didn't mean to start an affair. It just sort of happened and we were in love.

 

i did see his wife once when we worked together. She looked like she was pretty once, but now she's overweight. She's around the same age as me, but looks older and doesn't seem to care about her hair, makeup or how she dresses at all. I think that's part of why he fell for me. I take good care of myself and it shows.

 

Everyone says that if he and I get married, he'd probably cheat on me too. I know he wouldn't, as I'd never give him a reason to. He is an honest and loving man, but he just couldn't take it anymore. She just wasn't there for him the way he needed her to be. I was.

 

RE the bolded: Clearly, he's not.

 

Have you considered all of the implications that you're affair with them will have? The fall out. The possible issues with your job and his? The family aspect? You think his family (and child, when/if he finds out) will accept you?

 

So, my last question: If he is SO in love with you, SO head over heels in love, why is your relationship hidden? Why, if the wife knows, does he continue to keep you a secret? If he WANTS to leave, he sure can, but he CHOOSES not to. Where is YOUR pride in this situation?

[awkward]

Is his younger wife his second wife? Was she his OW prior to marrying him?

[sweet_pea]

Can you carbon copy that to My ex mm's wife? HaHa Jk. I know for a fact my ex mm is miserable with her, but he stays for his son & fear of never living alone, the unknown & all the work that comes along with moving. I'd like to think I'm worth all of that but then again would I do all that for a man I loved? Think about it, if a man told me in order to be with him I would have to move out & leave my cat down the road. I can always visit my cat, but I can't see her everyday when I come home. I'd say PEACE THE EFF OUT! And IT'S A FRIGGIN CAT! I can only imagine how life changing it is when kids are involved. So just because a mm doesn't leave, doesn't mean the mm doesn't care for you or neccessarily WANTS to be with his wife. He is just stuck in his ways & yes I agree needs to grow a set in order to take a risk. Most of us women are different, we just leave if we are unhappy. Are minds are usually made up & we take action. Men are more worried about looking like a failure & an a-hole for leaving a wife that doesn't want him to leave.

 

I'm sorry, but HOW do you know for a fact that he's miserable and only staying out of fear? Has he told you? If he has, considering he is a liar, you believe that?

 

Also, yes, he DOES want to be with his wife or else he'd have left her. Stuck in his ways? Puh-lease, if the relationship is so important, everyone is so in love, he'd break those ways in a millisecond to be with OW.

Edited February 8, 2013 by sweet_pea

[pinecome41]

Is his younger wife his second wife? Was she his OW prior to marrying him?

 

 

she's his first W

[Lostinlife4now]

And I'm entitled to voice that opinion publicly. Take it or leave it. Your own advice I believe.

 

 

 

Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today love?

[Quiet Storm]

Actions speak louder than words. He wants to keep you and his wife. He will lie to both of you in order to get his needs met.

 

It is naive that you don't consider that he may be lying to you. He is a liar and a cheater. You probably feel these character traits are situational, and that he is only a liar and cheater because he is stuck in an unhappy marriage. This is a common rationalization. A person with integrity in an unhappy marriage takes steps to end the marriage or resolve the marital conflicts. A dishonest, selfish or conflict avoiding person chooses to get their needs met by cheating.

 

Both spouses do not have to agree on a divorce. Only one has to file. He is manipulating the situation so that you view HER as the obstacle to your happiness. By spinning it this way, you will still continue to meet his needs and keep his secrets, and she is the big meanie. As long as you are focusing on her and blaming her, you won't blame him. He knows this. He needs you to be the adoring OW that is willing to meet his needs. The truth is that there are no obstacles, only complications that can be worked out. He can be with you if he wants to. People with kids get divorced every day. It's as simple as that.

 

As humans, we all have needs. We also have expectations. Many times people expect their spouse to meet ALL of their needs, consistently. Cheating men have a strong need for attention, admiration and validation. Instead of looking inward and realizing that he has unrealistic expectations, or attempting to resolve legitimate unmet needs with his spouse, he avoids that introspection and conflict, and get those needs met elsewhere. So he ends up with the spouse meeting some of his needs (especially his need for a "home base"), and an OW that meets his needs for attention and validation.

 

I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but his version of love may not be what you envision. He loves what you do for him, loves the way you make him feel. This is a selfish kind of love, all based on his needs. Your need for a full relationship is disregarded, in favor of his need to avoid conflict, or his desire to eat cake.

 

I would try to take a step back and take a logical look at this situation. Try not to let your romantic feelings blind you. What aspects of your personality does he love? What character qualities do you have that he admires and respects? What aspects of his personality do you love? What character qualities does he have that you admire and respect?

 

What I am getting at here is that often an affair is not really love, but two needy people using each other.

 

I know nothing about your relationship with him, but your post fits the married man mold. It makes me feel sad that you have put your trust in this man, sad that you seem willing to accept this relationship, and sad that you view his wife as the enemy, when she is the victim of a very selfish man.

[pinecome41]

Can you carbon copy that to My ex mm's wife? HaHa Jk. I know for a fact my ex mm is miserable with her, but he stays for his son & fear of never living alone, the unknown & all the work that comes along with moving. I'd like to think I'm worth all of that but then again would I do all that for a man I loved? Think about it, if a man told me in order to be with him I would have to move out & leave my cat down the road. I can always visit my cat, but I can't see her everyday when I come home. I'd say PEACE THE EFF OUT! And IT'S A FRIGGIN CAT! I can only imagine how life changing it is when kids are involved. So just because a mm doesn't leave, doesn't mean the mm doesn't care for you or neccessarily WANTS to be with his wife. He is just stuck in his ways & yes I agree needs to grow a set in order to take a risk. Most of us women are different, we just leave if we are unhappy. Are minds are usually made up & we take action. Men are more worried about looking like a failure & an a-hole for leaving a wife that doesn't want him to leave.

 

Thank you for this. I was beginning to think no one understood. Everyone on LS seems to want me to think he's lying and that I should feel bad for his W. I feel bad that she's hurting, but really not that much. if she had been a better W, he wouldn't have cheated.

Maybe I should thank her. If she had been better, we

wouldn't have started a relationship and we wouldn't be in love:love:

[wisernow]

He didn't mean to start an affair. It just sort of happened and we were in love.

 

i did see his wife once when we worked together. She looked like she was pretty once, but now she's overweight. She's around the same age as me, but looks older and doesn't seem to care about her hair, makeup or how she dresses at all. I think that's part of why he fell for me. I take good care of myself and it shows.

 

Everyone says that if he and I get married, he'd probably cheat on me too. I know he wouldn't, as I'd never give him a reason to. He is an honest and loving man, but he just couldn't take it anymore. She just wasn't there for him the way he needed her to be. I was.

 

And which way would that be exactly?

 

He married her.

He love(s) loved her.

He has sex with her.

He didn't leave her.

He is right where he wants to be.

He made a life with her.

 

He's not leaving. You can get as angry at his wife all you want, that doesn't change anything. He is giving you the same tired excuses that most MM give the OW. "I love her, I'm just not in love with her," She'll take my children away from me," "she's hateful, and doesn't understand me." blah, blah, blah.

 

The person you need to be angry with is YOU. You fell in love with a man who is not available, is more than likely a serial cheater, will tell you whatever he thinks will keep you quiet and readily available for sex. That is all.

 

Your story has been told here over and over again.

[Lostinlife4now]

Look, I feel bad that his W is hurt, but I didn't hurt her. Their M was dead long before I showed up, and she knows that. I don't really care too much what her side is. That's between them. I just know I love him and hope she can get her mind around that soon.

 

I know he didn't lie to me about it. Why would he have to lie? He loves me, and knows I love him and that whenever he wants to, he can be together full time. Why would he beg her to stay when he loves me and wants to be with me? Why wouldn't he do that unless she begged him not to?

 

 

Be careful pinecome.....When it comes down to it...They never leave! no matter how much in love they are. They just don't!!

[sweet_pea]

All I want to know is why you accept being second fiddle? Why are you OK with being the secret? Where is YOUR pride? Surely, if y'all are so in love, and his wife knows, he'd get his divorce to be with you!

 

Oh well. Ignorance is bliss, right?

[JamesM]

He didn't mean to start an affair. It just sort of happened and we were in love.

 

He is in his 40s. Out of curiosity, how did it start?

 

i did see his wife once when we worked together. She looked like she was pretty once, but now she's overweight. She's around the same age as me, but looks older and doesn't seem to care about her hair, makeup or how she dresses at all. I think that's part of why he fell for me. I take good care of myself and it shows.

 

Are you afraid that he may leave you if you don't or can't take good care of yourself?

 

Everyone says that if he and I get married, he'd probably cheat on me too. I know he wouldn't, as I'd never give him a reason to. He is an honest and loving man, but he just couldn't take it anymore. She just wasn't there for him the way he needed her to be. I was.

 

No one knows for certain if he will cheat, but you can see that he did it once already, yes? He may be a loving man, but is he really honest? Has he lied to her during this affair? I understand why he couldn't take it anymore. I lived in a sexless (twice a year) marriage for most of the last ten years. I can see why he would choose you. I don't fault him. And I wouldn't say that he will cheat on you, too. He may not. You may be different. I just hope you go into this with your eyes open.

 

Thank you for this. I was beginning to think no one understood.

 

Personally, I understand him more than you. I also know that if I had left my situation before, then I would not realize the benefits that I do now. And yes, my wife is overweight now. But she is still my wife. It does anger me when an excuse given by a MM is how his wife doesn't take care of herself and is overweight...as if this is a reason to break the marriage vow.Very few men I know are the weight they were when their wives committed to loving them. More women have obesity as an excuse than men do.

 

I do understand why you would think you are different from her. You don't see yourself being her as you see her not taking care of herself. Do you think maybe living with the MM may have contributed to how she is?

 

Everyone on LS seems to want me to think he's lying

 

I think he is confused. I don't think he is lying.

 

and that I should feel bad for his W.

 

You probably should to some degree as you want to be her.

 

I feel bad that she's hurting, but really not that much.

 

This made me sad for some reason. In order to keep her man faithful, she needed to meet a standard. I feel bad for her. And for you.

 

if she had been a better W, he wouldn't have cheated.

 

Actually, if he had been a better husband, he wouldn't have cheated.

 

Maybe I should thank her. If she had been better, we

wouldn't have started a relationship and we wouldn't be in love:love:

 

Maybe you should. However, in a few months or years, she may be thanking you for taking him away.

 

Seriously, I don't mean any hurt from what I say. I feel bad for you, because I am not certain that you see the full scope of what is occurring. I know you think you do, and I do hope for your sake, this all turns out happy for you. Yet statistics paint a different picture.

 

Be careful.

[RickFox]

Can you carbon copy that to My ex mm's wife? HaHa Jk. I know for a fact my ex mm is miserable with her, but he stays for his son & fear of never living alone, the unknown & all the work that comes along with moving. I'd like to think I'm worth all of that but then again would I do all that for a man I loved? Think about it, if a man told me in order to be with him I would have to move out & leave my cat down the road. I can always visit my cat, but I can't see her everyday when I come home. I'd say PEACE THE EFF OUT! And IT'S A FRIGGIN CAT! I can only imagine how life changing it is when kids are involved. So just because a mm doesn't leave, doesn't mean the mm doesn't care for you or neccessarily WANTS to be with his wife. He is just stuck in his ways & yes I agree needs to grow a set in order to take a risk. Most of us women are different, we just leave if we are unhappy. Are minds are usually made up & we take action. Men are more worried about looking like a failure & an a-hole for leaving a wife that doesn't want him to leave.

 

Absolute horsecrap! If someone is that miserable, they go. If they stay, they got the best of both worlds. I wasn't miserable, but sure did feed that line to my MW as she did me about her H. Ahh the crap we spew to justify our actions, it's wonderful.

 

To the OP, you're the perfect OW for this guy, he's got you eating out of his hand and you're waiting with an open mouth to be fed more and more.

 

You've made one glaring mistake, it's not just one poster who understands you, it's an entire forum that truly sees what's going on here.

[ComingInHot]

Pinecome;

 

I am feeling a little less apathetic towards your situation the more you post like this," We are still in touch almost all the time, but she doesn't know it:cool:"

 

How is that "cool"? Cause yeah, it's Not.

 

It isn't cool that you are mocking the wife.

It isn't cool that you are appraising her physical appearance.

It isn't cool that you are assessing her emotional or mental or personality characteristics in the negative only.

It isn't cool that you are blaming her for being in the way of your happiness or the happiness of a grown man who can make is own decisions.

 

There are OW's & fOW's here that are calling you out on some of your brazen statements regarding the MM's Wife. That's saying something*

 

OW's may certainly be able to understand your emotions and I personally would never tell ANYONE that their feelings aren't real, BUT I do believe that these very real feelings are misplaced right now in order to protect your love for this MM.

 

In Reality, it is the Husband who is standing in the way of you two being together. It is the husband guilty not his Wife guilting him. (I have to stay true to myself and say you are also in the wrong for engaging in an A with a MM but that isn't what this is about right now. "okay MHF?!"**)

 

I am older than you and it doesn't make my appearance ANY less attractive than yours. The reality is, physical beauty fades, PERIOD.

What my dear are you going to have left when that happens if you are basing MM's attraction to you on the fact that his Wife doesn't take care of herself, "used to be pretty" and you still are?

 

I read your anger and defensiveness in each post. You are hurting. I don't like to see anyone hurting ever (almost never*). When the dust settles, I believe you will be able to look at the entire A with a clearer picture and hopefully re-assess your angst toward this MM's W.

 

Kindly,

CIH

[jwi71]

Pinecome41-

 

I'm not going to repeat what everyone has previously said.

I would ask that you go back and read this thread - front to back - again.

 

Maybe you will and maybe you won't. But there is some REAL GOOD advice there.

 

However - just going by your posts and your responses - you won't.

 

Now, I've been around LS (and others) for awhile. I have a pretty good memory.

 

I'd like you to search for a user: Daisy Love

 

I hope you read her threads. You sound very much like she did. She got the same advice. She ignored the same advice. To make a long story short...her last thread, perhaps her last post, was of her leaving her BF (former MM) because of how she was treated as the GF (as opposed to as the OW).

 

MM, with rare exception, is showing you EXACTLY who he is. Believe him.

[Quiet Storm]

Can you carbon copy that to My ex mm's wife? HaHa Jk. I know for a fact my ex mm is miserable with her, but he stays for his son & fear of never living alone, the unknown & all the work that comes along with moving. I'd like to think I'm worth all of that but then again would I do all that for a man I loved? Think about it, if a man told me in order to be with him I would have to move out & leave my cat down the road. I can always visit my cat, but I can't see her everyday when I come home. I'd say PEACE THE EFF OUT! And IT'S A FRIGGIN CAT! I can only imagine how life changing it is when kids are involved. So just because a mm doesn't leave, doesn't mean the mm doesn't care for you or neccessarily WANTS to be with his wife. He is just stuck in his ways & yes I agree needs to grow a set in order to take a risk. Most of us women are different, we just leave if we are unhappy. Are minds are usually made up & we take action. Men are more worried about looking like a failure & an a-hole for leaving a wife that doesn't want him to leave.

 

 

This is what I don't get.

 

Why is the fact that he cares for you or loves you enough? MM probably loves cheeseburgers, fast cars, football, etc. "Love" to a MM may be nothing more than loving the entertainment you provide him in your alotted time slot. As Pierre says, he loves you in the affair bubble.

 

What is love without the actions to back it up? Its just a feeling. Feelings pass, feelings change, feelings are subjective.

 

Neglectful mothers say they love their children, but don't back it up with the actions. Maybe she ignores them or leaves them alone while she parties. Will telling her kids she loves them suffice? Or do they need nurturing, comfort, and consistent loving actions?

 

Regardless of whether he loves you or not, he's not leaving. If you are looking for a real, full time relationship, the fact that he lives with another woman makes you incompatible. He has a commitment elsewhere. You both are on different paths in life.

 

Why the fact that he loves you such a comfort, when the end result is that he stays married to his wife?

[HappyAtLast]

Be careful pinecome.....When it comes down to it...They never leave! no matter how much in love they are. They just don't!!

 

OK, now the above it not true at all. But, to the Original Poster, listen to me. I am a man who had an OW. I was completely, desperately, head over heels in love with this OW. Wild horses could not have kept me away from her. I divorced my then wife and married her.

 

A man who truly loves you will be with you. No matter what the cost. If he remains with his wife, it is because that is where he wants to be.

 

Please accept nothing less.

[ComingInHot]

MFH70;

 

..."The Ow has *nothing* to blame the BS for because she's done nothing wrong. It's not on her to let go, stand aside, whatever."

 

I NEVER wrote that the OW had reason to blame the BW for being in the way. I wrote, it was not uncommon for the OW to feel that way. If the statement came across differently, I apologize.

 

..."A BS hating an OW is not misplaced."

 

I think HATING a person is wrong. Hate what they did, or said, or participated in, but not the person. Don't like them. decide they are not healthy for you. The emotion hate can do & does actual mental, emotional & physical harm to the one hating than to the other party.

 

..."The Ow did wrong by her even though that doesn't absolve the MM. Neither should have some what they did to her."

 

I completely agree with you. I think you said it better than me!

 

MFH, I am someone who will Quickly acknowledge if something I wrote is read Not how I meant it. I am a bit lost because I don't see you got that I was putting the BS & OR on the same "level" (see below*)

 

..." I know you don't mean to but I find it very disrespectful to make them on the same level. "

 

I don't put the OW & BW situations on the same level because they are two different sides involved in the same three-sided A situation.

 

If it was my attempt at trying to reach the poster in saying that I too have felt it was ALL the third party's fault, it was for her to see that there is another side to this A that she is not considering, then I apologize if that offended you.

I feel it is really important for a person engaging in an A to consider that not all betrayed spouses are what their MM is telling them, like me for example .

 

(of course there are some really crazy wives out there that batter their husbands or whatever I don't hear of that often but then I'd say definitely don't cheat with the mm cause it could be dangerous)

[whichwayisup]

He didn't mean to start an affair. It just sort of happened and we were in love.

 

i did see his wife once when we worked together. She looked like she was pretty once, but now she's overweight. She's around the same age as me, but looks older and doesn't seem to care about her hair, makeup or how she dresses at all. I think that's part of why he fell for me. I take good care of myself and it shows.

 

Everyone says that if he and I get married, he'd probably cheat on me too. I know he wouldn't, as I'd never give him a reason to. He is an honest and loving man, but he just couldn't take it anymore. She just wasn't there for him the way he needed her to be. I was.

 

So you are blaming his wife for his decision to cheat on her..And you blame her for his decision to stay in the marriage and not divorce. Boy, she must have a golden crotch to have that much power over her husband.

 

You are so far into the affairyland fog it's sad. Sorry but one day when he throws you under the bus, you're gonna need this place and a lot of support from everybody. You can't see that now, but it'll happen.

 

Thank you for this. I was beginning to think no one understood. Everyone on LS seems to want me to think he's lying and that I should feel bad for his W. I feel bad that she's hurting, but really not that much. if she had been a better W, he wouldn't have cheated.

Maybe I should thank her. If she had been better, we

wouldn't have started a relationship and we wouldn't be in love:love:

So, call her. Please re-read my other reply to you, you never acknowledged it. Call her and tell her what you've said here. That you blame her for him cheating on her and you blame her for him staying in the marriage. Tell her you love her husband and are going to do all that you can to take him away from her. Put your cards on the table and be up front and honest about it.

 

See how it goes, see who he chooses.

[Quiet Storm]

The rationalization that many MM use when lying to their wives is that he is protecting her. It's not intended by him as disrespect, but as protection (a crazy rationalization, but a very common one).

 

It's not that they don't love her anymore, she is just not meeting his needs.

 

Imagine you have a small company with a long time employee that you like and care for. She is not keeping up with her work lately, but you don't want to replace her. You hire a part time employee to pick up the slack.

 

That is how many MM view an affair. As a supplement.

 

They don't view it as a threat to the marriage, as they never intend to leave. They don't tell their wives "you don't admire me enough or pay enough attention to me" because he doesn't want to concern his wife with those unmet needs or hurt her feelings. It's easier for him to seek out an OW.

 

Although it is MM rationalization at it's finest, when MM lies to his wife to cheat he usually isn't thinking "My wife is a b*tch and she doesn't deserve my honesty", he's thinking "I don't want her to think I'm unhappy, I want to protect her feelings".

 

MM's intention is to protect his wife and family unit, who are a close second on his priority list (after meeting his own needs, of course).

[Decorative]

Thank you for this. I was beginning to think no one understood. Everyone on LS seems to want me to think he's lying and that I should feel bad for his W. I feel bad that she's hurting, but really not that much. if she had been a better W, he wouldn't have cheated.

Maybe I should thank her. If she had been better, we

wouldn't have started a relationship and we wouldn't be in love:love:

 

If you think being a "good" wife keeps another person from cheating, you're sorely mistaken.

 

You cannot control another person with your behavior. It doesn't work that way.

 

If he doesn't get into therapy and work his stuff out, and fix himself- without you- your friends telling you that he'll cheat on you are right on.

 

he's not cheating because of his wife. he's cheating because of him. And if he doesn't fix him -batter up. You're next.