Long Distance Love thats WORKING

[Trager]

Is ther anyone elce out here who happens to be happy with who they are with? I realize that lots of posts are about conflict. but does anyone elce want to talk about their l-d relationtip that is going well. i mean i know i could use support in sharing my expiriences with my wonderful guy with others, and i'd love to see if my relationtip is like any others. i mean c'mon some say l-d relationtips is a curse, but cant they be a blessing? Cant they teach us patients and true love? Cant it be used to show how loyal we truly are!!

[honey2005]

I'm in a LDR right now. I've known him for 3 years and I couldn't be happier.

 

Cant they teach us patients and true love? Cant it be used to show how loyal we truly are!!

 

I agree! Just because you don't get to see each other all the time doesn't mean you aren't happy and it won't work out.

[Trager]

what do u think the worst bump in the road for u guys have been.. besides the long distance??

[abbyroadme]

I am in a long distance relationship for about 8 months now. My boyfriend and I are both 23, but we have known each other since we were 15. He goes to school out on Long Island and I work in our hometown. It has been hard, but we just bought web cams. The struggle is not seeing him in person, not just via web cams. I love him and we just decided to get married when he finishes school. Keith is one of the best things in my life. I guess as long as you have communication and all, there should be no problem.

[MeToo]

Trager

 

I mentioned in my last post, “[color=blue]I had a LDR from April 1990 to July 1994[/color]”. Just to let you know, we are “happily married and have a daughter. Those four (4) years helps you to “grow up” in a hurry, Trager. That “[color=red]love-factor[/color]” I mentioned. Well, if you find in your heart that “this is the one”, go after it with all your heart. True, it takes two (2) to tango and you WILL KNOW when the LDR is failing. We all have “conflicts” in our life, Trager. You can’t get around it. It is a part of “human nature”. The thing is “dealing” with them as they arise. The only real reason a LDR can be a curse is because no one is truly experienced in dealing with them unless you have been thru one before.

 

Honey2005, I agree with you soooooo much! “[color=darkblue]Just because you don't get to see each other all the time doesn't mean you aren't happy and it won't work out[/color].” How right you are. The words of commitment, trustworthiness, and above all, true love are paramount things you will deal with (conflicts, Trager?) during this time of separation. And yes it is hard dealing with a LDR. Make no mistakes about it. But being “creative” as abbyroadme did (web cam? Way to go abbyroadme) can make all the difference. ([color=blue]My wife is sitting next to me with her head on my shoulder saying, “why didn’t we think of that?”[/color])

[abbyroadme]

The web cam is an awesome invention. I use it to talk to a pen pal in Maryland and to my boyfriend. My sister is even in an LDR. He lives in Boston and we are here in NJ. They love it as well.

 

I agree, most important is trust and love. Good luck to everyone who is in an LDR.

[Trager]

actually my guy reads these all the time, i try to include him in all i do, its nice so when i go, hey remember that girl who had a problem with this? we can both talk about our expieriences and learn plus help others. i am very social, online and off, so the computer has been a blessing, he gets to talk to me plus my friends he dosent know. one thing we did what get an aim account for the both of us. it was nice, then whoever e have on the list of buddies is open to both. if i want to talk to his frinds (who are all my friends) i can. and visa versa, bluss when doing this with yahoo we share mail. where comleatly open. we havent done this in awile but it was creat wile we did. i dont even have a comp.. i am at a library all the time lol. so web cam is out. however i have friends take pics of me and them for him on our fun days. all ways we have of seeing eachother. next year we will attend college together. We actually are engaged, but both know school comes first, as he is at the college and i am in my last year before it and in another college. LDR work, only if u both truely love eachother. and i wont say its easy its very hard, u have to calm ur own suspicions, specially when u know every person the other is with, and if the other person likes um. trust is a key issue, even tho i have broken trust horably before in this i have been forgiven, i know better than to loose him, i love him, and hopefully one day we will get married. just a matter of when. actually i'll have him post on here. what are some other ways to keep in touch, u see as i'm 17 and he is in his 20's my mother dosent aproove, so not only is this hard, i cant share it with mom, and i have to hide it, i cant actually talk to him, even tho i do, i guess love will win through everything not just distance

[Kristina]

I am happily in love with my LD SO, he is the light of my life right now. He is truly amazing, I thought it would take longer than my 21 years of life to find the right guy. But I found him and although I would much rather live with him than be in a LDR with him, it is working out just fine for us both. Sometimes I must say it is an easier thing being far apart because we are both in school and need to focus on that. This way our relationship doesn't get in the way of our schooling and we can be successful when we can finally live together. So yes, I am a happy person with my LDR.

 

*I need webcams too!

[honey2005]

what do u think the worst bump in the road for u guys have been.. besides the long distance??

 

For awhile the idea that all the other girls around him got to see him more than I did really bothered me. I guess that kind of goes with the long distance, but now I'm over it. I completely trust him and know he would never do anything that would hurt me.

[kingme34]

I think that the toughest part in my situation is that my girlfriend moved to an area where I don't know anyone and I still live somewhere where she has a lot of friends. She has ways of finding out about me and that is a reassurement that I am being faithful. I don't have that luxury.

[PinkInsanity]

I'm very much in love with my boyfriend of 8 months... long distance but so what? We've made it work and it has been great. I think God means for relationships like this to happen, because it def. teaches me how to be patient and how to not take for granted what I have here in Texas with me. My boyfriend is in Colorado. It gets hard sometimes, but we're good.

[Trager]

as some of u may have just expeiriensed, school started again. I have been finding my guy changing. He is trying to divide his time between his friends, school and me. I was at first botherd by the fact he changed and was thinking it was because he had found another. Then something elce happend, i realised he is so tired and not sleeping, he dosent want to divide his time therefore he isnt sleeping. He is changing because he has no sleep to stay stable. Right now i'm doing the best i can to keep him happy so his moods dont tip over. Whats worse is his roomie/best friend/ my friend is telling him to leave me cus he is scared i'll break his heart. This is the worst time for him to do this to my guy. Its frustrating my bf and he is to modest to confront our friend. Have any of u had to deal with this cus i'm really worried. Not for our relationtip as much for his health. he is older than most college kids, not by to much but enough that it is harder i think. Any advice for him? He needs it. I need it. tnx

[magda]

I moved about 2,000 miles a couple weeks ago and now we've closed off the gap in our relationship. Things are still going great! It's nice to be able to kiss each other goodbye and not be saying goodbye for a month.

 

Different time zones especially suck. There needs to be a way to have actual sex over the phone, dontcha think?

[Anais]

I promise to keep you all informed in 10 years of course if it works or not. I am tired to shout

here how happy I am in my relationship. Married and LDR. Planning to move together next year. Yes it is working!!! We both are hard working bees. So time flies by. I am crossing my fingers and hoping I can find a job where he is moving!

 

Yes different time zone sucks! In our case 9 hours of difference. Also I have ache in my body if I don’t have sex for long time.

How to handle this? I heard there is now something one can use online. It can be controlled on distance. Has anyone heard about it?

[Green]

Been in almost 5 year relationship with a man that lives in Pittsburgh and I'm from Toronto and we adore eachother so yes it can work.

[KitCat]

I'm in an LDR...4000 miles from my boyfriend. It's been almost a year that we've been distanced, but it's been amazing. We love each other and trust each other totally. We talk everyday and always know what's going on in the other's life. We only get to see each other twice a year or so, but we're dealing with that now and anticipating the time we can be together (next year I think.. I really hope!). We also think it's kind of a good thing in some ways, since he can focus on school and his business and I can focus on my schoolwork and such. It gets hard at times.. even lonely.. and yeah, it hurts. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[Trager]

thank u all for adding on, i have yet another problem. recently my ld hasmt been trusting me and therefore i havnt been as close, he dosent treat me the same. i feel so lost what do u do at that point?

[Miki]

HI,

 

I need someone's advice here. I have been in a 6 year relationship with a man I love with all my heart. I would do anything for him because I care that much. Our relationship has had it's ups and downs like so many relationships out there but there is just something that I need to know.

 

My bf has moved to another city (to better his career). It has been over a year and it has been tough for me. I miss him so much but we still do manage to travel and see each other. We live 5000 miles away from one another now. It's tiring having to travel all this way to see him but what can you do. A few years ago, the talk of getting married one day was in the works, meaning I was assured that he would marry me one day but just not at the present time.

Now he has somewhat changed his mind and refuses to talk about marriage. My best friend just got married this year and some friend's of him are getting married next year. The thought of other people getting married way before us and the thought that they have only known eachother for a year or two just upsets me in some ways. I do feel happy for my friend and all... but you just can't understand why if being with this man for so long, that it just hasn't even happened yet.

 

He said that he is not the marrying type and that he doesn't think that marriage is at all important to him. He feels that I am too desperate!!! when in fact I am worried that it will someday be too late for me to have children if I wait around too long and this just never happens. He tells me that he loves me but marriage isn't for him. He said we could have kids and then marriage??!!! I am confused???!!!

 

What do I do now?? I have thought about maybe breaking up with him. I feel he is being honest since even the mention of the word marriage upsets him so much. Maybe he really is being truthful, I dont' know. 6 years is a long time and I am not getting younger. I don't know what to do at this point. He says that I would never leave him even if we dont' get married. He knows how much I cherish marriage and how much I wanted to and to hear him so that he doesn't want to after all these years and being now in a LDR is even more sadder.

 

Could someone please advise me or give me their opinion? Maybe someone out there already has experienced something similiar to what I am going through now?

 

Miki

[Anais]

Miki,

 

Why won’t you post this as a separate threat?

 

Why do you want to marry? Why not to try to move together first?

[Trager]

I agree a difrent post would be better as this is the ldr's thats working, however as i started this AND post my problems i supose its fine lol. Plus it sounds like its working other than that. my last ldtr didnt believe in marrage. after i left him i realize that if i truely loved him marrage didnt matter. However these questions arived later....

 

1. is he afraid to stay with one person forever? i mean i want forever and COMMETMENT, i dont want the other backing out, i want to know they never will.

 

2.i'm christian i believe in marriage.

 

3. what would the kids think! and on top of that, i am taught no sex before marrage, it screws u up... i myself have broken this and the fact it makes things hard is true but not impossible.

 

i say go for it, but kids? I personally dont agree but thats just me. If there whernt so many reasons for leaving my last ldr i would have overlooked marrage.

 

- i sorry for spelling, i cant spell well lol

 

-trage

[MeToo]

Trager,

LDRs are always being tested.

Do you recall what I wrote in my first post to you….

 

[color=blue][True, it takes two (2) to tango and you WILL KNOW when the LDR is failing. We all have “conflicts” in our life, Trager. You can’t get around it. It is a part of “human nature”. The thing is “dealing” with them as they arise.][/color]

 

Somewhere, someone “dropped the ball” meaning commitment, trustworthiness and true love were not given all in the same amount.

First, you need to “evaluate” your posture, that is, what differences are you “projecting” to him when you are together. Think back to the last time you saw him.

Next, “re-assure” him of your love for him. Men are like that. We need to “hear it” (Remember, men are from Mars).

Finally, correct it as often as is necessary. Now you can commit this “conflict” to memory because you know he needs this more so than you. By you “not being as close” is giving him a false signal that “you are doing or about to do something “outside” of your LDR. If the above three “ingredients” were working before this new “conflict”, go back to it. Take my word for it, things can escalate very rapidly if left undone.

 

And now, for your last post. I am somewhat confused as to what you are saying. Please explain.

[MeToo]

MiKi,

Before you can “sort” anything out, you need to work on yourself first.

Let’s look at some of what you posted…..

 

(1). I was assured that he would marry me one day but just not at the present time.

(2). Refuses to talk about marriage.

(3). He said that he is not the marrying type and that he doesn't think that marriage is at all important to him.

(4). He tells me that he loves me but marriage isn't for him.

And the most damaging line….

(5). He says that I would never leave him even if we don’t' get married.

 

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see where this relationship is going. The one factor to drive these points is “six (6) years”. You should know pretty much if this guy is the one. Truly the love you have for him is overwhelming and I do mean overwhelming. It is “a point in his pocket” ([color=blue]He says that I would never leave him even if we don’t' get married[/color].) May I suggest that you sort out what is important “to you” first? Then you can tackle this, uhm, relationship.

 

Also, may I ask, “Is marriage that important to you?”

[EC]

Thread jackers grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..lol

 

anyways..

I think that the toughest part in my situation is that my girlfriend moved to an area where I don't know anyone and I still live somewhere where she has a lot of friends. She has ways of finding out about me and that is a reassurement that I am being faithful. I don't have that luxury.

 

 

OMG I could not agree with you more....He moved to college and I stayed here...I go out on weekends with his brother and brothers girlfriend and all his best friends so he knows Im being good but I dont know anyone up there....

 

That was the biggest hurdle my jealousy issues but as time has passed as you can see I havent posted about it anymore lol I'm doing much better...but because i said something about it and he is being great by calling all the time and showing me he loves me...

 

He even tricked me and gave me a surprise visit..the best feelin gin the world...getting home from work tired and BOOM there he was lol

 

It's going great so far and we see eachother at least 3 times a month and now we are planning a trip to Orlando on the 22nd-24th..I can't wait I still get lonely and miss him and get angry when i'm having a rough day and he is not here or in class and cant pick up the phone when I need him..but I understand...

 

I love him he loves me thats all that matters and like someone else posted I like the fact he is away sometimes because hes in school and focusing on his career and I am doing my career and we dont have eachother around 24-7 to distract us from that.

 

 

PS..and I dont have to blowdry my hair or shave everyday and can save my cute outfits for when I see him lol;)

[Trager]

MeToo,

constantly, my ld is being sure that i'm only with him. He says he trusts me, and is even guna be visiting me soon. In fact i see him this weekend and once next month. I work through this it seems at least once every two weeks. Where still strong, just some times his trust wavers. I always tell him i love him, and that i'm not going anywhere. Hmm, i dono why he dosent get it but he dosent.

 

There is still way more positive than negative tho, next year going to attend the same college, we now have a family share plan.. or at least my phone gets in tommorrow, and money isnt to much of an issue.. as soon as my foster mom gives me my paychecks back grrrrr..... so where still strong. I do love him, i just dont get the whole.. "so is there anyone elce" and "when is the last time u talked to ______" and then attacking me for talking to an x or somem. I guess guys are like that::shrugs:: I still LOVE him tho!

[tia]

Just found this forum and I want to post a (so far) success story.

 

I met G when I was in Australia on vacation. He is a friend of a friend and what was meant to be a vacation fling turned into a LDR. *Sigh* At first, we tried to fight it and be all pragmatic and say that the distance (him in OZ, me in Hong Kong) was too much. We saw each other again at Easter and I went there for 5 days in August. We are spending Xmas together and also Chinese New Year.

 

I value my alone time possibly more than anyone I know. I love being here alone and yet I love knowing that there is someone out there, other than my mum and dad, who is thinking about me.

 

In the past week, we have cemented our relationship and made a definate *We are a couple* statement. I am much happier now.

 

Better to be emotionally close and physically distant than the reverse.

 

Happy singletons are what make great couples though...in my humble singleton (sort of) opinion. If you are happy with yourself, it is easier to be happy with someone else as well. You know you and you can be ok by yourself. Too many people I know (my sister being a BIG one) can not be single for more than 2 weeks without breaking out into a rash. (not helpful in finding new b/f either!)

 

Oh, I admit, sometimes I think that I make more effort and that I am more into it than him. Yet when we talk, he is very giving and patient and we can discuss everything. What I miss most?? His big, juicy brain! I love talking with him, sharing stories and the little things that we both find funny.

 

Honesty and trust are the most important things, as well as good, clear communication. Without that, your relationship may be over before it starts...and not just and LDR!

 

It's tough, I know. I have more holidays and free cash than he does, so I usually do all the traveling. He has offered to come here, but honestly, I would rather go there.