How do You Rise Above?

[venusianx13]

I've had a rough morning today; the weather is bad, my son gave me a hard time this morning before school, I had made dinner for my boyfriend's visiting parents last night which was complained about by them... and when I called my boyfriend last night after I was settled into bed as he'd asked me to, he was engaged in a video game with his little bro online (his former little bro from Big Brothers, Big Sisters - he volunteers). My BF knew I was feeling upset about how dinner went, and promised me we'd talk later, as we obviously couldn't with company there. He told me he'd call me back after the game was over in half an hour, but I told him that I really needed to get to sleep, and that we'd talk today. Around that same time, I saw that his little bro had posted a very passive aggressive comment about me on facebook (ugh, I know!). It had stated something along the lines of "Gotta love the people who need to be the center of f*cking attention all the time." I knew this was directed at me, as the timing was just too coincidental. Needless to say, I feel hurt.

 

I post this in the spiritual section, because I recalled what I've learned through Dharma. What I keep needing to remind myself is that the way living beings experience the world, situations, objects, etc, is all subjective, and that it is illogical to take personally those things which no one can see from my perspective, even their points of view cause them to harm me. And those things they perceive of me to have "done to them", however they make that connection, are delusions. I've been keeping these teachings as my personal mantra today, and post this as a way to vent, but also to find out how anyone else's spirituality helps them to rise above situations such as those I've experienced as of late.

 

PS- as for bf's little bro, any suggestions as to how I might handle this? or just let it go? The reason this hurt me is because I have suspected for a while now that he doesn't care for me. I've been nothing but kind to him, but I believe he is resentful of me for having "moved in on" his big bro (my bf).

Edited February 8, 2013 by venusianx13

[TaraMaiden]

I will tell you how it is with me:

 

I have an extremely serious situation right now.

In truth, actually, there are two or three 'serious' situations I am beset by, and they are all perpetrated by others, against me.

 

Such matters are ideal for the generation of Resentment, Anger, Hatred and Self-Pity.

So I sit, and I breathe.

And as I breathe, I envisage a figure, a Buddha in front of me.

He seems made of the most wonderful crystal material; just like a shimmering pearl, resplendent with rainbow colours, yet curiously translucent and luminous...

 

As I breathe in, I feel it glowing with warmth on my face.... as I breathe out, I see this figure filling with an ugly, black, foetid acrid smoke-like fluid, which gradually transforms until it is as clear as the crisp icy spring water from a mountain stream...

 

I pass it on. I let the Buddha within, take the strain.

 

And I read these words, often:

3. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbour such thoughts do not still their hatred.

 

4. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who do not harbour such thoughts still their hatred.

 

5. Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.

 

This should not all serve to transform us into doormats.

That is just foolish Compassion.

 

Wise Compassion still strives to see justice done, but detaches from feelings of animosity, because in the end they are self defeating; like buying poison for an enemy and drinking it ourselves, like picking up a burning coal to hurl it at our adversary, the injury is first and foremost to ourselves.

 

Forgiveness is not for them.

Forgiveness is to lighten our own load, and release us from the weight we carry.

We have to accept that there are others for whom the minds are clouded by longing.

A Longing to be heard, to be right, to have the last word, to hurt, to inflict pain and to subjugate because they believe therein lies power.

 

"When people yearn as much for the Power of Love, as they do the Love of Power, only then shall we know peace in our hearts." (Bob Marley).

 

Weigh up in your Mind, the difference in feelings of hatred, bitterness and resentment, against those of Love, Gentleness and Compassion.

 

Then, choose.

 

And be aware that I write all this just as much for my benefit, (if not more) as for yours.

[BetheButterfly]

I will tell you how it is with me:

 

I have an extremely serious situation right now.

In truth, actually, there are two or three 'serious' situations I am beset by, and they are all perpetrated by others, against me.

 

Such matters are ideal for the generation of Resentment, Anger, Hatred and Self-Pity.

So I sit, and I breathe.

And as I breathe, I envisage a figure, a Buddha in front of me.

He seems made of the most wonderful crystal material; just like a shimmering pearl, resplendent with rainbow colours, yet curiously translucent and luminous...

 

As I breathe in, I feel it glowing with warmth on my face.... as I breathe out, I see this figure filling with an ugly, black, foetid acrid smoke-like fluid, which gradually transforms until it is as clear as the crisp icy spring water from a mountain stream...

 

I pass it on. I let the Buddha within, take the strain.

 

And I read these words, often:

 

 

This should not all serve to transform us into doormats.

That is just foolish Compassion.

 

Wise Compassion still strives to see justice done, but detaches from feelings of animosity, because in the end they are self defeating; like buying poison for an enemy and drinking it ourselves, like picking up a burning coal to hurl it at our adversary, the injury is first and foremost to ourselves.

 

Forgiveness is not for them.

Forgiveness is to lighten our own load, and release us from the weight we carry.

We have to accept that there are others for whom the minds are clouded by longing.

A Longing to be heard, to be right, to have the last word, to hurt, to inflict pain and to subjugate because they believe therein lies power.

 

"When people yearn as much for the Power of Love, as they do the Love of Power, only then shall we know peace in our hearts." (Bob Marley).

 

Weigh up in your Mind, the difference in feelings of hatred, bitterness and resentment, against those of Love, Gentleness and Compassion.

 

Then, choose.

 

And be aware that I write all this just as much for my benefit, (if not more) as for yours.

 

Thanks TaraMaiden.

 

I really appreciated what you wrote that I boldened above. I was very angry and reading what you wrote helped calm me down because it is so true.

 

I wish it were so easy to react with love, gentleness, and compassion (like Jesus taught too) when people slander and personally attack me and my views. I still need to work in growing in Jesus' teachings to love.

Bob Marley's quote is awesome!!!

Edited February 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[M30USA]

It's natural for us to want to rise above. I always hope, myself, to rise above my circumstances. Even the one I'm in right now.

 

But when we can't, or when God doesn't allow us to, I just remind myself to think about the life of Christ. He didn't necessarily rise above. He got pretty much crushed. He said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). He also said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23). This last verse is kind of scary to me. True discipleship of Christ, if anything, well not lead us to "rise above" but rather to endure the troubles of life, deny our own ambitions, and follow him.

 

Of course everybody, including Christians, wants to be on top of the world and to rise above. I'm just giving you the perspective that God has.

Edited February 8, 2013 by M30USA

[venusianx13]

I sure need your wisdom today, TaraMaiden. And thank you for reminding me of the "black and white breathing" technique while envisioning Buddha. I hope that whatever challenges you are currently dealing with are pacified quickly. Same for anyone else dealing with hardships or negative emotions at this time.

 

Even while still feeling the burn of negative emotions or being caught up in challenging circumstances, it's easy to forget that all things are temporary. It's not to say that you cannot take action over what you can control to improve the situation, but inevitably, things WILL change.

Edited February 8, 2013 by venusianx13

[M30USA]

I've learned not to pray that I will rise above circumstances. Rather, I pray for the grace and strength to make it THROUGH things and still retain a humble, contrite and non-bitter heart. That's the more worthwhile prayer, I believe.

 

The whole "rise above" idea, to me, sounds pride-driven. Did Jesus attempt to "rise above" the torture and sacrifice he made? No. And here is what Scripture says in one of my FAVORITE verses:

 

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." (Philippians 2:5-7 NIV84)

Edited February 8, 2013 by M30USA

[venusianx13]

 

The whole "rise above" idea, to me, sounds pride-driven. Did Jesus attempt to "rise above" the torture and sacrifice he made? No. And here is what Scripture says in one of my FAVORITE verses:

 

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." (Philippians 2:5-7 NIV84)

 

What I mean by "rise above", at least from my personal perspective, is to refuse to retaliate against those who harm me. I can think of a more pride driven term for a similar idea with a different motivation, which is to "be the better person." I've never really like that.

 

My refusal to retaliate has nothing to do with wanting to be better than anyone else, but simply a wish to do no harm...if I were to harm a person in retaliation, whether through words or through actions, I'd cause suffering, and I'd suffer even more. I recognize the repurcussions, and so, while it certainly isn't always easy, it is what I know to be right thing to do. In fact, I think this particular way of thinking about it is a challenge to one's pride.

[M30USA]

What I mean by "rise above", at least from my personal perspective, is to refuse to retaliate against those who harm me. I can think of a more pride driven term for a similar idea with a different motivation, which is to "be the better person." I've never really like that.

 

My refusal to retaliate has nothing to do with wanting to be better than anyone else, but simply a wish to do no harm...if I were to harm a person in retaliation, whether through words or through actions, I'd cause suffering, and I'd suffer even more. I recognize the repurcussions, and so, while it certainly isn't always easy, it is what I know to be right thing to do. In fact, I think this particular way of thinking about it is a challenge to one's pride.

 

Yea, we're in agreement.

 

What I was referring to is the oft-taught doctrine in most churches that God wants us to triumph (over others), to get the glory (over others), and to live in "victory" (over others). Of course they will never say "over others", but the implications mean exactly that when you get down to it. I have a PASSIONATE opposition to such doctrine. I relate it to Luke 19 where the Pharisee, which means "loved by God", thinks he is favored and looked highly upon by God. He thanks God for not making him like the tax collector who is looked down upon. Yet Jesus said the tax collector went home right with God since he thought lowly of himself and asked for God's mercy, while the Pharisee was all puffed-up and thought he was the greatest gift to God.

 

But I agree, one must define what "rise above" means.

[TheFinalWord]

I've had a rough morning today; the weather is bad, my son gave me a hard time this morning before school, I had made dinner for my boyfriend's visiting parents last night which was complained about by them... and when I called my boyfriend last night after I was settled into bed as he'd asked me to, he was engaged in a video game with his little bro online (his former little bro from Big Brothers, Big Sisters - he volunteers). My BF knew I was feeling upset about how dinner went, and promised me we'd talk later, as we obviously couldn't with company there. He told me he'd call me back after the game was over in half an hour, but I told him that I really needed to get to sleep, and that we'd talk today. Around that same time, I saw that his little bro had posted a very passive aggressive comment about me on facebook (ugh, I know!). It had stated something along the lines of "Gotta love the people who need to be the center of f*cking attention all the time." I knew this was directed at me, as the timing was just too coincidental. Needless to say, I feel hurt.

 

I post this in the spiritual section, because I recalled what I've learned through Dharma. What I keep needing to remind myself is that the way living beings experience the world, situations, objects, etc, is all subjective, and that it is illogical to take personally those things which no one can see from my perspective, even their points of view cause them to harm me. And those things they perceive of me to have "done to them", however they make that connection, are delusions. I've been keeping these teachings as my personal mantra today, and post this as a way to vent, but also to find out how anyone else's spirituality helps them to rise above situations such as those I've experienced as of late.

 

PS- as for bf's little bro, any suggestions as to how I might handle this? or just let it go? The reason this hurt me is because I have suspected for a while now that he doesn't care for me. I've been nothing but kind to him, but I believe he is resentful of me for having "moved in on" his big bro (my bf).

 

Hi there,

 

Great topic!

 

When these things happen to me, I try to rectify. I have found that miscommunication is often at the root of conflict. My first thought when a conflict occurs is that the person did not understand my perspective. I will try to sit down with the person and explain. Usually this is best after a bit of time. When people are mad they are not thinking clearly. Anger is the "fight" component of the fight or flight response and when someone is angry they are in defense mode.

 

Thoughts that lead to anger typically involve:

 

1.Judging others as breaking rules of appropriate or reasonable behavior

2.Blaming others for deliberately and needlessly causing pain

 

The problem is that both of these causes for anger are subjective and based on assumptions, i.e. person x holds the same definition of appropriate rules of conduct as I do. Blaming is appealing because it feels good to hold someone else responsible for our woes and to punish them, at least mentally.

 

If you try to rectify and the other person insists on holding onto their anger, than you can feel confident that you tried your best. For me, I go to God and He knows if I honestly tried my best. When that occurs, he gives me the ability to forgive them even if they will not forgive me. Forgiveness has amazing healing properties. However, forgiveness is counter-intuitive to our human nature. It feels good to hold someone in a state of condemnation, which is why it take serious introspection to realize that is not a positive state of mind. That is why I like this passage from Psalm 119.

 

Oh, how I love your law!

I meditate on it all day long.

Your commands are always with me

and make me wiser than my enemies.

I have more insight than all my teachers,

for I meditate on your statutes.

I have more understanding than the elders,

for I obey your precepts.

I have kept my feet from every evil path

so that I might obey your word.

I have not departed from your laws,

for you yourself have taught me.

How sweet are your words to my taste,

sweeter than honey to my mouth!

I gain understanding from your precepts;

therefore I hate every wrong path.

 

If someone refuses to make amends with us, despite when we try our best, God will give the ability to release us from the shackles of hatred. Through the principle of forgiveness we become wiser than our enemies who refuse to grant it. I was watching a documentary in which a man viciously killed a mother's daughter. In her court testimony she said that she has forgiven the man and prayed He would find God. It was powerful. A child is the most precious thing to a mother and here she had forgiven this horrible wrong. How? Why? She knows that if she holds unto the unforgiveness it is the only way this murderer could continue to steal from her life

[TaraMaiden]

The whole "rise above" idea, to me, sounds pride-driven. Did Jesus attempt to "rise above" the torture and sacrifice he made? No.

 

I get exactly what you mean, M30, and I used to feel the same way.

 

But then someone explained the concept to me beautifully, and I have in fact used it myself as an illustration of what 'rising above', means...

 

Imagine a lighthouse, far out from the shore, on a rocky promontory; The lighthouse is completely surrounded by water, and this water is never the same, in appearance, two days running; there may be wild storms, high winds, calm, mill-pond, hazy summer days, deep, sullen, black, turbulent nights, high seas, low fogs, blizzards, tempests and waves, twenty feet high, rising majestically and crashing against the rocks, sending blinding salt-heavy spray up and over the top beacon.

 

Yet, look.... the lighthouse is still; imperturbable, solid, motionless and steady.... it continues to shine, calmly, reliably, no matter what the elements may bring.

 

And so, like this lighthouse, we should be.

Knocked and buffeted by whatever surrounds us, comes at us or rises to impede us.

We simply endure, accept, and 'rise above' it all.....

[TheFinalWord]

venusianx13,

 

I meant to add this link. I found this very helpful. Many battles are distractions; reminded me of your other work situation. Hope it helps you

 

Knowing What To Ignore (Joel Osteen) - YouTube

[venusianx13]

Thanks, TFW! I do like Joel Osteen! There are times at night when I can't sleep where I will come across him on television, and his words comfort and encourage me. I will certainly watch this video. Thanks very much for sharing it.

[TheFinalWord]

Thanks, TFW! I do like Joel Osteen! There are times at night when I can't sleep where I will come across him on television, and his words comfort and encourage me. I will certainly watch this video. Thanks very much for sharing it.

 

Very welcome! You're a very nice, patient woman. I personally do not understand how anyone could have a problem with you. Probably jelly To me the fact that you do such much introspection tells me you are a high frequency person. Comparing that to this fellow that uses that kind of language and vents on FB...yeah, major differences in maturity levels. I think you are doing a good job and I look forward to seeing more responses. Good topic!

[pie2]

Two points:

 

...as for bf's little bro, any suggestions as to how I might handle this? or just let it go? The reason this hurt me is because I have suspected for a while now that he doesn't care for me. I've been nothing but kind to him, but I believe he is resentful of me for having "moved in on" his big bro (my bf).

 

I don't know too much about the Big Bro/Big Sis program, but I had the impression that these kids come from hard backgrounds, for whatever reason. It's VERY likely that this young guy hasn't learned proper social skills, and maybe even has had some pretty traumatic experiences.

 

Not that he shouldn't learn to be polite! That seems like something his Big Bro could help him with. And, as your BF, his Big Bro shouldn't tolerate any disrespect.

 

So I'd talk to your BF about your concerns, and get your BF's impression. If the little bro is being disrespectful, your BF should explain that it isn't acceptable behavior.

 

But on your part, I would in no way take it personally. Trust me! If this kid has been to hell and back, he's probably feeling MANY different emotions about you and your role, but none of it actually has anything to do with you.

 

...to find out how anyone else's spirituality helps them to rise above situations such as those I've experienced as of late.

 

Which leads me to my second point regarding spirituality. My relationship with Jesus has helped drastically shift my perspective. I think I have an improved understanding about what's important and what is going well in my life. I also have more tolerance for others' shortcomings.

 

The bible's teachings on the sinful nature of man has clarified SO MUCH for me.

[pureinheart]

I've had a rough morning today; the weather is bad, my son gave me a hard time this morning before school, I had made dinner for my boyfriend's visiting parents last night which was complained about by them... and when I called my boyfriend last night after I was settled into bed as he'd asked me to, he was engaged in a video game with his little bro online (his former little bro from Big Brothers, Big Sisters - he volunteers). My BF knew I was feeling upset about how dinner went, and promised me we'd talk later, as we obviously couldn't with company there. He told me he'd call me back after the game was over in half an hour, but I told him that I really needed to get to sleep, and that we'd talk today. Around that same time, I saw that his little bro had posted a very passive aggressive comment about me on facebook (ugh, I know!). It had stated something along the lines of "Gotta love the people who need to be the center of f*cking attention all the time." I knew this was directed at me, as the timing was just too coincidental. Needless to say, I feel hurt.

 

I post this in the spiritual section, because I recalled what I've learned through Dharma. What I keep needing to remind myself is that the way living beings experience the world, situations, objects, etc, is all subjective, and that it is illogical to take personally those things which no one can see from my perspective, even their points of view cause them to harm me. And those things they perceive of me to have "done to them", however they make that connection, are delusions. I've been keeping these teachings as my personal mantra today, and post this as a way to vent, but also to find out how anyone else's spirituality helps them to rise above situations such as those I've experienced as of late.

 

PS- as for bf's little bro, any suggestions as to how I might handle this? or just let it go? The reason this hurt me is because I have suspected for a while now that he doesn't care for me. I've been nothing but kind to him, but I believe he is resentful of me for having "moved in on" his big bro (my bf).

 

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

This is quite the difficult situation love. Your BF's parents complained about a dinner that you had prepared for them? Oh my. If it were me, I'd never trouble them again with a dinner prepared by me. I have little patience for rudeness though.

 

With your BF's little bro, I would first speak to him, letting him know that you are not trying to come inbetween the relationship with him and BF. I would also add that it is important for him to understand that people fall in love, and it will happen to him eventually, and then he may understand. I would go further on to say that when people are in love it requires much time, that this doesn't make him any less important, but that is how love in these types of relationships are.

 

If he chooses not to receive you then I would speak to your BF, as he will eventually have to be the one lay down the law (if you will) concerning his little bro's behavior concerning you. He was quite rude, although this is understandable to a degree...the parents on the other hand are quite a different matter.

 

In both cases, your BF needs to have a talk with both if need be, as he should not allow neither to treat you in an unbecoming manor.

 

If BF chooses to ignore their behavior...I would seek another BF (but that's just me).

Edited February 9, 2013 by pureinheart

[pie2]

In both cases, your BF needs to have a talk with both if need be, as he should not allow neither to treat you in an unbecoming manor.

 

 

I agree with pure. Your BF shouldn't let anyone be rude to you, including his parents.

 

Hope things are going better today

[pureinheart]

I agree with pure. Your BF shouldn't let anyone be rude to you, including his parents.

 

Hope things are going better today

 

Thanks Pie2:love::love:

 

....and send well wishes to you V also

 

What lovely sentiments to send to V, Pie2!

[Els]

PS- as for bf's little bro, any suggestions as to how I might handle this? or just let it go? The reason this hurt me is because I have suspected for a while now that he doesn't care for me. I've been nothing but kind to him, but I believe he is resentful of me for having "moved in on" his big bro (my bf).

 

How old is the little bro?

 

If he's fairly young, I would just give him space to grow up. Distance yourself from him if you need to; your bf should not fault you for that. You can have his posts not show on your FB, so if he makes any passive-aggressive comments you can remain blissfully unaware. If he makes straight-out aggressive comments to you in person, your bf should intervene.

 

But the parents, now... that's a whole different kettle of fish. There seems to be a pattern of you allowing people to walk over you without any repercussions here. If ANY adult complained about what I cooked for them, I'd not cook for them again. Your time is too valuable to waste on unappreciative idiots.

[venusianx13]

Thanks, everyone!

 

Yes, little bro has had a rough life. Lost his dad at a vulnerable age, has no siblings, and doesn't get along well with his mom. Now that he's 18, he's officially out of the program,but my bf still considers him his little bro, as he has mentored him for 5 years. I would never want to compromise that relationship. I've changed some settings on my facebook to avoid these issues. This actually wouldn't be the first time he's attacked me on facebook, last time was actually more direct and was based on a complete misunderstanding and he ended up apologizing. This time, my bf talked to little bro about it, and little bro basically outright told him that he feels threated by me, that I've infringed on their time together, etc. I don't see that as true, as I never hold bf back from visiting little bro, and vice versa. He usually sees him once a week, and they spend maybe one additional night playing video games together online, which is basically as it was before I came along. I will continue to be kind to little bro; that's all I can do.

 

As far as bf's parents, they are older and set in their ways. They remind me of a more extreme version of my parents. Despite the complaints about dinner, I still think they are lovely people. However, I did tell bf that I don't think I'd be cooking for them again. He completely understood and agreed that they are not always easy to please. He also has difficulties with them, which he vents to me about often.

 

I've gotten much better at being mindful, even though I am not to the point yet where I am never *tempted* to retaliate with negativity. What I do still struggle with is being incredibly harsh on myself. I take others' judgments about me to heart, and I pretty much rip myself to shreds. I was in a pretty bad funk over the weekend, and I absolutely sent myself there. I dwelled on all that had happened and somehow convinced myself that it was all a result of my own shortcomings, even though, logically, I know it is not true.