Stubborn husband might leave me

[Mack05]

I think Im a fool! Truth be told!

 

Positive is great but I feel like junk today! I feel like john is using me as an outlet to vent. I want him to want me again as his wife. Hes not a game player but Im thinking he is only being nice so I dont boot his ass. I would never of done that anyway. Im going to make him be the one to leave because thats what he wants. Im starting to think he doesnt care anymore.

 

Im not sureif im being dramatic or nutty but Im feeling blah so im projecting

 

Firstly Gunny I am truly sorry for your loss. I think when tragic things like this happen, it should make the majority of LS posters understand what REAL problems are.

 

Someone close to me always says as long as you, your family and friends are healthy everything else isn't as big as it seems.

 

Jenny it seems when you are positive, I am negative and when I am positive you are negative. This needs to stop today. Jenny you have chosen a path. We have been back and forth on this choice, but your determination has been steadfast. Now you have to believe in your choice.

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Im trying mack but last night is eating at me. I mean im plaqued with thoughts like if he cared wouldnt he:

 

Ask how i am

Hug me

Wear his ring

Call me just to say hi

 

And so on and so forth

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Grrr John just texted me to say hes staying a little late after school!

 

See I never know how to read him anymore! If hes going to divorce me this letting me know this and that is pointless isn't it?

[Mack05]

Im trying mack but last night is eating at me. I mean im plaqued with thoughts like if he cared wouldnt he:

 

Ask how i am

Hug me

Wear his ring

Call me just to say hi

 

And so on and so forth

 

Either way, I wouldn't think things would be that progressive Jenny. Rome wasn't built in day. I think you need Jen you need to commit to a course of action and stay with it till the bitter end.

 

Mine you know. I would go to a lawyer and eventually sit him down. I would take responsibility for my mistake(s) and I would be genuinely sorry for that mistake.

 

However, I would be very clear that it is very hard to move forward as a couple with his current mind set. You feel his stance and his treatment of you is too harsh. If he can't forgive, you tell him it's best that he moves out and you both take it from there. Now this will lead to more playing the victim, but eventually just hope with time apart that he starts to view things from another angle instead of the 'victim'.

 

Now Jenny we know your stance. Two pages ago you were determined. You said I am not planning my marriage funeral, yet here you are today almost giving up? I think Jen now that you have chosen this path you have to stick with it to the bitter end. If you don't believe, no amount of acting with John will change the situation.

 

You believe he is not sure about the divorce. If you are right Jenny then you are making huge progress and you are jeopardising this progress with this sudden negativity..

Edited March 19, 2013 by Mack05

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Either way, I wouldn't think things would be that progressive Jenny. Rome wasn't built in day. I think you need Jen you need to commit to a course of action and stay with it till the bitter end.

 

Mine you know. I would go to a lawyer and eventually sit him down. I would take responsibility for my mistake(s) and I would be genuinely sorry for that mistake.

 

However, I would be very clear that it is very hard to move forward as a couple with his current mind set. You feel his stance and his treatment of you is too harsh. If he can't forgive, you tell him it's best that he moves out and you both take it from there. Now this will lead to more playing the victim, but eventually just hope with time apart that he starts to view things from another angle instead of the 'victim'.

 

Now Jenny we know your stance. Two pages ago you were determined. You said I am not planning my marriage funeral, yet here you are today almost giving up? I think Jen now that you have chosen this path you have to stick with it to the bitter end. If you don't believe, no amount of acting with John will change the situation.

 

You believe he is not sure about the divorce. If you are right Jenny then you are making huge progress and you are jeopardising this progress with this sudden negativity..

 

I know but i hit a wall! Im really thinking aboutwalking to the office and getting the paper to take his name off the lease today thoughts???

[Mack05]

I know but i hit a wall! Im really thinking aboutwalking to the office and getting the paper to take his name off the lease today thoughts???

 

NO! Dear god no.

 

Jenny your panicking..Instead of hitting the wall, hit me. Right, list 5 things about me that annoy you the most. I'm always looking at self improvement

 

I will give you one..

 

1) I think I know more than I do..

 

You go..

 

My point to this exercise? To stop you doing something stupid!

[Mack05]

Sing with me Jen..Ain't no stopping us now....

 

 

This song always snaps me out of negative funk.. :-)

[Yasuandio]

Jen, with the direction you have chosen, resentment on your part is normal. You are emotionally responding to unjust punishment. You are at the mercy of John's wim - will he stay or will he go? You can go to a therapist and deal with these issues later. It is a simple answer - it is obvious if you suck it up, and be nici, nice - it is going o feel unfair, because it is. But that doesn't matter bucause you chose this as you method of action - so, you can handle the pity party later.

 

Right now, it is wartime. You have to stick to the war plan. However it doesn't hurt to brush up on what to expect, psychologically from the warfare you are engaging in. So, I'm covering a few points here for you to think about BEFORE you change positions. Because, I actually like the position you are at right now - and I think you are getting results that you want, just not fast enough to suit you. But you wont get results any faster with any other method - perhaps much slower, that may or may not be better results or a fatal ending to the marriage.

 

My position has not wavered a bit from my original assessment. So, therefore, Mack and I are not that far apart. I would not handle this in the same way that you are, because I couldn't if I tried, and I sure wouldn't ask you to do something I couldn't do. But that doesn't mean it won't work. Along with those Tojaz' idea for those subliminal messages, I really think you guys are on to something, if you keep you cool. I feel you, Jenny - you are smart, you will know the right course of action. All I will do is offer my feelings about things if it appears my perspective might be helpful to you.

 

Rather than confront his behavior, which I and Mack both feel is emotioally abusive, especially in the long-run, you have decided that this is not the "real John." And you are going to hold out. Keep control - and hope he sees the more sane Jenny, and also hope he puts the event behind him, and gives up the divorce idea. Now this is what you decided. Mack and I both fully support you 1000%. No matter what choice you make, there are risks.

 

When June arrives, he may say, by by Jen. And you will be pis't as all get out. In my opinion, as I impied earlier, I believe living under marital limbo conditions for an extended period of time, with mixed messages - that really tell you neither way this will go, is going to have long term effects on your psyche. So get a grip right now - understand what is happening to you as it happens - so you don't act out. [The major issue I see with this is you enter a new dimension of trying to reconcile other methods with a huge chip on your shoulder, understandably, of course. But you can work this out in therapy later]

 

For instance, you may experience holding in anger and resentment, that may show itself another way down the road. Secondly, when couple reconconcile, it is not unusal for reluctant partner to back out during the "piecing process," this is a delicate time. Thirdly, I know my sense of security would be damaged after this event. I don't know how many years it would take to get past it - if that would even be possible. Same could be said for John. Then finially, at any point in the marriage, he could pull this card, and say (5, 10 years down the line), "I just can get past it, we have to get a divorce."

 

IMO, that is stupid. But from John's point of view, he sees this college prank as a EA, seriously, like you really meant the things you wrote to this guy. That is so totally dumb. But if John insists on treating this as a true EA, it is a serious breech in the marital contract, and these worries I concerns above are very real.

 

I found, you know, it very poetic and heartwarming, Tojaz comments about how John would really never, never be this way. But he is. The behaviors, whatever you want to call them are a reality. And these behaviors are having concequences at this moment, will will contine to have consequences down the road, some John (and perhaps Jenny too) may not have never imagined. I sure wouldn't make my mate sweat for months over something like this if I fully intended to continue with housekeeping as normal. That is just plain cruel. I also think it is cruel to take away love and threaten divorce, and then walk around like everything is normal.

 

That is just my opinion, based on my life experience, Jenny. And I hope when you can hear this perspective from another woman, it may help you understand why you feel that sudden burst of energy to run down to the lease office. I would feel exactly the same way. I just wouldn't have the endurance and control you've shown thus far.

 

Be sure before you change directions. Take some time and reconsider with your team. Just don't do it until you have developed a new plan, or you are going to look like an unpredictable, mixed-up schzitzoid nut case - and that will hurt future negotiations. If you are going to change methods - there is pleaty of time to think it out, get Tojaz' imput, and know exactly how to proceed. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT REACT ON IMPULSE! PLEASE WAIT TILL TOJAZ WEIGHS IN. And we all get this sorted out. OK Honey? Yas

Edited March 19, 2013 by Yasuandio

[Gunny376]

He is a Marine you know! Stubborn stubborn stubborn

 

You didn't tell me that!

 

You're dealing with an all kind of, don't make sense, STUPID there! Stubborn?

 

Most of us Marines? Defie common sense!

 

 

Rest easy! John's not going anywhere! You've just got to 'man-up' and do the HARDEST job there is in the Marines!

 

Be a Marine's wife!!!!!!!!

 

That's a SPECIAL calling, and as hard as it is to become a be a Marine (You're tested daily ~ mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically etc ~ every day you go into work. Marine Corps bootcamp is just to see IF you possibly have what it takes to make it in the day-to-day?)

 

Its a mother-trucker being a Marines WIFE!

[Jennyfromtheblick]

I did go to office but in secretcy, glad I did because I have a few FACTS i didnt have before. It will cost $100 to take his name off and before they will they have to check my credit and if I can afford it!! So in the meantime i can do the credit check thingy so i know

 

 

But as of yet i havent done anything.

 

Im just so mixed up! I feel unloved

 

Though hes home now and very talkative i just feel like it all means nothing and he could careless about me

[Jennyfromtheblick]

You didn't tell me that!

 

You're dealing with an all kind of, don't make sense, STUPID there! Stubborn?

 

Most of us Marines? Defie common sense!

 

 

Rest easy! John's not going anywhere! You've just got to 'man-up' and do the HARDEST job there is in the Marines!

 

Be a Marine's wife!!!!!!!!

 

That's a SPECIAL calling, and as hard as it is to become a be a Marine (You're tested daily ~ mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically etc ~ every day you go into work. Marine Corps bootcamp is just to see IF you possibly have what it takes to make it in the day-to-day?)

 

Its a mother-trucker being a Marines WIFE!

 

Gunny what makes you so sure hes not going anywhere?

[Jennyfromtheblick]

You didn't tell me that!

 

You're dealing with an all kind of, don't make sense, STUPID there! Stubborn?

 

Most of us Marines? Defie common sense!

 

 

Rest easy! John's not going anywhere! You've just got to 'man-up' and do the HARDEST job there is in the Marines!

 

Be a Marine's wife!!!!!!!!

 

That's a SPECIAL calling, and as hard as it is to become a be a Marine (You're tested daily ~ mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically etc ~ every day you go into work. Marine Corps bootcamp is just to see IF you possibly have what it takes to make it in the day-to-day?)

 

Its a mother-trucker being a Marines WIFE!

 

Well hes not in anymore but i cant say hes not a marine cause once a marine always a marine! But he was in

[tojaz]

Janet Sharon Sauls ~ she was my friend, my sister, my keeper, my best friend, my secret telller, my buddy, my pal, my parneter in crime She was my confidant, she was my "Bro" ~ she was my pal, my greatest ally, my greatest supporter, My biggest fan. My BIG sister!

 

My deepest condolences for your loss Gunny.

[Yasuandio]

You didn't tell me that!

 

You're dealing with an all kind of, don't make sense, STUPID there! Stubborn?

 

Most of us Marines? Defie common sense!

 

 

Rest easy! John's not going anywhere! You've just got to 'man-up' and do the HARDEST job there is in the Marines!

 

Be a Marine's wife!!!!!!!!

 

That's a SPECIAL calling, and as hard as it is to become a be a Marine (You're tested daily ~ mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically etc ~ every day you go into work. Marine Corps bootcamp is just to see IF you possibly have what it takes to make it in the day-to-day?)

 

Its a mother-trucker being a Marines WIFE!

 

Very Nice Gunny. But WTF does it all mean in this curcumstance?????

 

How is Jenny's present stance apprioriate to the Marine mentality, or is it not? Does it need adjustment? Should she just continue keeping her cool, and eat it? Hope for the best. No matter how long it takes. It that the Official Acceptable Marine Wife? Is a Marine's wife supposed to shut it, until she herself ends up with PTSD? Is that the proper Marine Wife? Please explain.

 

Well, it looks like WAR IS HELL. Doesn't it? Yes please explain these generaliztions in a context that fits the specifis of this case, because WE NEED TO KNOW.

 

Tell me, how does a Marine "pussy whip" himself and his wife into such a tizzy over a stupid BS prank, and turn it into the end of the world, a massive marriage crisis? PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME GUNNY. Obviously, Jenny has not had an EA or PA, it was a GD prank. WTH. What is up wtiih this marine school teacher? Why is he bleeding this out as if it is some kind of orgy? Can you explain that to us?

 

Cause any normal civilian wold like effing lose it living under the conditions Jenny is tolerating, (quite admerably, BTW). I think if Jenny was tagged the Marine, I find that much more believable. And that brings me right back to a question asked ages ago. Is there more to this? (On John's part). As Shakephere says, me thinks thee dost protest too much.

 

Well Gunny. Let me hear it from you. Yas

Edited March 19, 2013 by Yasuandio

[tojaz]

Im trying mack but last night is eating at me. I mean im plaqued with thoughts like if he cared wouldnt he:

 

Ask how i am

Hug me

Wear his ring

Call me just to say hi

 

And so on and so forth

 

Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't, but those are all things someone who wanted to advertise how much they cared for someone would do, someone who was trying real hard to hide, or ,push those feelings aside, most definitely wouldn't do that though and I think we've all agreed thats where he is right now. It doesn't really say one way or another how he really feels, it just tells you what he's trying to show you.

 

Ok Jenny, first of all, you said you wanted to work on controlling your emotions..... do you feel in control now? I think whats kicking your butt right now is a lot of pent up emotion from biting your tongue all this time, frustration.

 

Keep in mind the ultimate goal isn't just to get him to...

Ask how i am

Hug me

Wear his ring

Call me just to say hi

 

It's to have him doing that for the next 40-50 years! Marathon, not a sprint!

 

I'm glad you posted here rather then us hearing about it after the explosion has already occurred. So lets talk about it, what in particular set you off?

 

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Just so everyone knows jenny is off her rocker today thats my excuse! Im trying to keep it in check

[tojaz]

Just so everyone knows jenny is off her rocker today thats my excuse! Im trying to keep it in check

 

This is the right place for that!

[Mack05]

Just so everyone knows jenny is off her rocker today

 

Welcome to my world! At least for you Jenny it's only for today

[Yasuandio]

Welcome to my world! At least for you Jenny it's only for today

 

Hey, Mack, move over dude!

[Yasuandio]

I second Tojaz, you did great Girl, to come here rather than react on emotion! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Always do that, even if someone is not here, just keep writing posts about what you wanna do, over and over if necessary, and make sure you don't do it.! YOU ARE DOING GREAT!

 

I wish I had this control! How do you get it? Yas

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Im not sure what set me off I thought the conversation last night might of been it! Then i just kept thinking and then more thinking.

 

Im a little better now im mellow! I made a nice dinner and he even asked if i needed help! Thats good right!

 

Hes chatty again and i made sure to add my own stuff to the conversation. He never said much but i put it out there

[Jennyfromtheblick]

I second Tojaz, you did great Girl, to come here rather than react on emotion! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Always do that, even if someone is not here, just keep writing posts about what you wanna do, over and over if necessary, and make sure you don't do it.! YOU ARE DOING GREAT!

 

I wish I had this control! How do you get it? Yas

 

Lots of wine!! Just kidding! Im in control because i feel its the only chance i have to saving this marriage

[tojaz]

Im not sure what set me off I thought the conversation last night might of been it! Then i just kept thinking and then more thinking.

 

Im a little better now im mellow! I made a nice dinner and he even asked if i needed help! Thats good right!

 

Hes chatty again and i made sure to add my own stuff to the conversation. He never said much but i put it out there

 

QUIT THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ok, not really, but make sure the thinking is doing something for you rather then just thinking yourself into craziness. Thinking is not always good for you, this situation is going to take a toll on you. Remember to give yourself a break every now and then, especially when you feel overwhelmed. It will still be there when you come back to it.

 

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Your right the thinking is what gets me!! I am trying to wonder what his actions mean and etc and it drives me batty.

 

It is hard to just roll on with life not knowing what will come of our marriage... Its scary

[tojaz]

Your right the thinking is what gets me!! I am trying to wonder what his actions mean and etc and it drives me batty.

 

It is hard to just roll on with life not knowing what will come of our marriage... Its scary

 

Been there done that Jenny, in fact it was several strong doses of Gunny (and others) that helped me keep my sanity when I was on the other side of the threads. Your not going to stop thinking about it, but you can't let it get the better of you. Letting that frustration and panic influence your actions will do more damage then you could ever imagine... Take it from someone who blew it.

 

TOJAZ