Stubborn husband might leave me

[Gunny376]

Your 'super-deluxe brain housing group has gone into 'over-analysis mode. Its got you to thinking too damn much! Its got you to pointing fingers and wondering too much about him, what's he's thinking, what he's doing?

 

The trouble with pointing fingers at someone else is that most folks tend to forget about the three that's pointing back at themselves.

 

Its bad enough that you're already scratching at a festering wound, ~ what tha' hell? Why not get yourself a little salt rock and grind it on in?

 

I remind you of the lyrics to the song ~

 

"I'm a man!

I've got my pride!

I don't need no woman,

To hurt me inside!"

 

If I were you? I would just set him down this weekend ~ fess up ~ tell him you've screwed up, that you are truly and sincerely sorry for having done so, that you won't ever do something so stupid again. That you're willing to spend a lifetime to make it up to him ~ to work daily to regain his most special trust and confidence to build this thing together, one-day-at-a-time!

 

But at the same time? This doesn't mean that your willing to become a subservient "Stanford Wife" A true marriage means nothing less than two self autonomous individuals.

[Jennyfromtheblick]

I did do that Gunny Sunday but he said he can't get over it and he is moving and he wants a D-!

[Gunny376]

I did do that Gunny Sunday but he said he can't get over it and he is moving and he wants a D-!

 

Then that's the consquences of your actions and that your going to HAVE to learn to accept and live with.

 

Its not pretty and its not fun! Its just the way that it is!

 

If crying, pleading, and begging couldn't make him stay? It sure as hell won't make him come back! That's a fact!

 

 

Your a good person with a lot of good love to give!

[tojaz]

I know Mack but I really didnt have much choice in the matter.

 

I may just be paranoid here but I feel like we are further apart then ever now. Like complete strangers.

 

Shortly after I went to bed he woke up and turned tv on and lights on. So maybe hes not as low as I thought. It killed me cause I could here him on the computer and etc and it just made me wonder what he was up to. And though I cant change it or do anything about it I fear what he maybe doing.

 

 

Parts of me think and this just could be me feeling like this today, that that fight Sunday and me leaving have changed everything and its to late.

 

But I don't know. To early to tell! This weekend will be hard!

 

On another note: why do I keep thinking hes having an affair? I keep saying he isnt but then go back and think he is. I know he isnt having a PA he never leaves home. But how do I know there isnt an EA online? Especially will the availabilty of using cells for everything?

Any signs?

 

I get to thinking that when I wonder why he seems so set on not fighting for our marriage. My mind is just acting crazy I hope. Part of me thinks hes so smart he will keep it a secret till we are divorced so I cant say he cheated on me. Then I am thinking he is talking this school board lady because hes told her how he hates me and how awful I am and shes is secretly helping him plan his escape.

 

Ugh that is a huge dose of paranoidness isn't it? One thing is he called this person on his way home from work before he even knew I would be home. She isn't a trustworthy person either I think she's shady. Not in affair type possibility but she doesn't care for me much. I don't think I'm depressed at all here. I think I am having some anxiety disorder brought on by the stress of my failing marriage.

 

I have become someone I don't know. All this worry, paranoid thinking and suspicision is killing me.

 

Jenny, you can't keep doing this to yourself. In a situation like this it's going to be natural to look for signs, but it's also easy to just pull them out of thin air. Yes, what your thinking is possible, but isn't it also possible that your H (a teacher) would have business with a woman who is on the school board??? is it possible that he woke up early and is just surfing the web? I mean thats what were doing isn't it?

 

Suspicion festers Jenny, if you let it, it gnaws at you until you can't take it and that leads to an outburst of accusations and such. If you want him to trust you, then you are going to have to trust him!

 

Besides, after all the things he's said, what reason would he have to hide any of that?

 

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

I guess I feel hed hide it so I couldnt use it against him in a divorce. And he sure likes to be known as a good guy that would tarnish that rule. Or to protect the girl because if he was doing something and I found out I'd go kick her A$$. Lol

[Jennyfromtheblick]

I am having a hard time getting out of bed today. Not cause I'm depressed just cause I feel weird being around him.

 

 

This is way harder than I thought! I really thought Id come home hed say hi and we'd be cordial again. But he seems in a worse mental state at least here at home. Not sure what he is like at work. I think he is highly functional though when he needs to be!

 

Instead of cooking and etc would it be bad if i went and got a couple new things for the house. We need a rug and i thought id get a new curtain maybe spruce it up around? Thats keeping busy right

Edited March 2, 2013 by Jennyfromtheblick

[Yasuandio]

I am having a hard time getting out of bed today. Not cause I'm depressed just cause I feel weird being around him.

 

 

This is way harder than I thought! I really thought Id come home hed say hi and we'd be cordial again. But he seems in a worse mental state at least here at home. Not sure what he is like at work. I think he is highly functional though when he needs to be!

 

Instead of cooking and etc would it be bad if i went and got a couple new things for the house. We need a rug and i thought id get a new curtain maybe spruce it up around? Thats keeping busy right

 

If you go out spending money, that might push his buttons. It is not exactly the right time to feather the nest either. If you need a little induldging, I think you should shop for a new lipstick, or some hot jeans. Nothing he is going to notice in the house. Bring home some take out for yourself only. Go to your room and eat it.

 

Venture out of the room tomorrow. Maybe cook something for Sunday dinner, have yours at the table alone, and leave some on the stove for him - but don't say anything about it. Don't ask him to come sit down with you. The possiblitity of rejection is too high - and you don't need that.

 

Thats my ideas for weekend. Yas

[tojaz]

 

Instead of cooking and etc would it be bad if i went and got a couple new things for the house. We need a rug and i thought id get a new curtain maybe spruce it up around? Thats keeping busy right

 

I actually really like that idea Jenny.

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Yeah I guess spending money on that stuff might irritate him. I think ill go grocery shopping and come home pay some bills then maybe do a deep clean around and organize some stuff I've put off. Maybe but myself a good book.

 

He is looking like hell! Sitting on the couch like a zombie. Honestly he looks destroyed and broken. That is so hard to see but I know that might be how he wants me to see him and feel bad.

[tojaz]

 

He is looking like hell! Sitting on the couch like a zombie. Honestly he looks destroyed and broken. That is so hard to see but I know that might be how he wants me to see him and feel bad.

 

Now your catching on!

[Yasuandio]

Yeah I guess spending money on that stuff might irritate him. I think ill go grocery shopping and come home pay some bills then maybe do a deep clean around and organize some stuff I've put off. Maybe but myself a good book.

 

He is looking like hell! Sitting on the couch like a zombie. Honestly he looks destroyed and broken. That is so hard to see but I know that might be how he wants me to see him and feel bad.

 

Make sure you look hot all the time. Hair, toenails, shoes, stockings, low-riders, VS bra, show it all off, look your finest at home (not slutty, sophisticated/hot/classy) - especially when you walk out the door. Maybe even go to the salon and get a new style - some highlights, low lights - change it up some. Make up, a bit - lipstick, a bit of powder, keep it simple. Touch of perfume - just a dab. Let him see what he has got stored up in that bedroom when he sleeps on the couch.

 

 

Maybe you got a chance to read my other ideas, I decided it was better not to post them though.

 

Yas

Edited March 2, 2013 by Yasuandio
Some portions removed after re-consideration.

[Jennyfromtheblick]

I didnt get to read them Yas but i get the idea!! I just wish i knew if it would work

[tojaz]

Make sure you look hot all the time. Hair, toenails, shoes, stockings, low-riders, VS bra, show it all off, look your finest at home (not slutty, sophisticated/hot/classy) - especially when you walk out the door. Maybe even go to the salon and get a new style - some highlights, low lights - change it up some. Make up, a bit - lipstick, a bit of powder, keep it simple. Touch of perfume - just a dab. Let him see what he has got stored up in that bedroom when he sleeps on the couch.

 

 

Maybe you got a chance to read my other ideas, I decided it was better not to post them though.

 

Yas

 

Too soon for the full frontal assault Jenny, if he all of a sudden sees you all dolled up, he's going to wonder who its for or write it off as a ploy (and he'd be right)

 

Marathon, not a sprint remember? A little perfume today, dial up the hair a bit a couple days later, and on and on..... Sneak attack! Hard to be a frump on the couch when you have a goddess roaming around, and he won't have a clue when it happened.

 

He WILL notice, and even if he doesn't respond, your still doing something nice for yourself and will help you relieve that nagging urge to "do" something without risking another blow up.

 

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Ok play by play here: ive been out most if the day didnt get to do much cleaning etc kept running into ppl had lunch etc!

 

Got home with groceries and bags and he asked me do you have more? I said Yeah but I can get them, in a confident voice. Whats the guy do follow me to car and watches me carry rug in and holds door open. Then he starts helping me but groceries away! I did say its ok john i will take care of this stuff. He ignored me and kept doing it. I actually was so busy doing stuff and trying to stay away i never even thanked him. But to go back and thank him now makes me look silly i think. Hes back on his perch sitting looking down.

 

I did see he came in room and got clothes out. I guess hes preparing for when i shut the door.

 

I do feel bad I didnt get squat at the store for him.

 

Why do i feel so bad?

[tojaz]

Ok play by play here: ive been out most if the day didnt get to do much cleaning etc kept running into ppl had lunch etc!

 

Got home with groceries and bags and he asked me do you have more? I said Yeah but I can get them, in a confident voice. Whats the guy do follow me to car and watches me carry rug in and holds door open. Then he starts helping me but groceries away! I did say its ok john i will take care of this stuff. He ignored me and kept doing it. I actually was so busy doing stuff and trying to stay away i never even thanked him. But to go back and thank him now makes me look silly i think. Hes back on his perch sitting looking down.

 

I did see he came in room and got clothes out. I guess hes preparing for when i shut the door.

 

I do feel bad I didnt get squat at the store for him.

 

Why do i feel so bad?

 

I don't know anybody that feels good after an awkward interaction with someone they love.

 

I would thank him, just wouldn't go out of your way to do it, but next time your paths happen to cross. You want him to know that hes welcome to interact with you... that is the ultimate goal after all.

 

Just tell him you appreciated his help, no need to go any further.

 

This is a good thing Jenny.

 

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Really you think it was good he helped? I didnt think it was anything! Ofcourse I'm rather negative today! I just feel like hes only helping to keep piece so he gets his Divorce and etc.

 

He should know by now he has been kind before and it doesnt change my position I don't want one

 

Oh yeah he also took trash out while I was gone! Lol he is a keeper!!!

[tojaz]

Really you think it was good he helped? I didnt think it was anything! Ofcourse I'm rather negative today! I just feel like hes only helping to keep piece so he gets his Divorce and etc.

 

He should know by now he has been kind before and it doesnt change my position I don't want one

 

Oh yeah he also took trash out while I was gone! Lol he is a keeper!!!

 

Well, there's keeping the peace and there's helping someone. I'm not saying that the clouds are going to part and he's going to have an epiphany and leap into your arms, but being able to interact and him actually helping you is definitely a positive. After all, HE CAME TO YOU!

 

SLow play it, but find an opportunity to thank him casually.

 

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Thx Tojaz that makes me feel a little better!

 

I feel dumb thanking him after the fact but i will try! I hope you all have thought for tomorrow and mr mack returns

[tojaz]

Thx Tojaz that makes me feel a little better!

 

I feel dumb thanking him after the fact but i will try! I hope you all have thought for tomorrow and mr mack returns

 

Doesn't have to be anything special Jenny, a simple "John, I meant to thank you for helping with the groceries earlier" will do the trick just fine. keep it simple.

 

TOJAZ

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Putting another day away here.

 

Baked a cake, took a nice hot bath, took a ativan and am curled up in bed watching tv.

 

I feel much calmer but still apprehensive he will change his stance.

 

Johns still sitting on couch watching movie after movie on the new movie channels he ordered. Guess that is why he ordered them something to pass the time.

 

Hoping tomorrow is a better day and Im thinking of coming out of bedroom.

[tojaz]

Putting another day away here.

 

Baked a cake, took a nice hot bath, took a ativan and am curled up in bed watching tv.

 

I feel much calmer but still apprehensive he will change his stance.

 

Johns still sitting on couch watching movie after movie on the new movie channels he ordered. Guess that is why he ordered them something to pass the time.

 

Hoping tomorrow is a better day and Im thinking of coming out of bedroom.

 

One day/one step at a time Jenny. Your doing great.

[Mack05]

Putting another day away here.

 

Baked a cake, took a nice hot bath, took a ativan and am curled up in bed watching tv.

 

I feel much calmer but still apprehensive he will change his stance.

 

Johns still sitting on couch watching movie after movie on the new movie channels he ordered. Guess that is why he ordered them something to pass the time.

 

Hoping tomorrow is a better day and Im thinking of coming out of bedroom.

 

Just home after an enjoyable drunken night out:lmao:..

 

Keep the chin up Jen

[Jennyfromtheblick]

If anyone has advice for today let me know! I woke up very early and feel so uneasy and to be honest I just feel like going to John and shaking him. I cried in the tub last night, which is a good place cause nobody can hear, I cried in bed this morning because I miss him.

 

I just keep thinking he doesn't hate me. He told me he doesn't but he doesn't love me either. My heart feels useless today. I feel like i have no chance anymore with him. I feel like if I died he wouldnt shed a tear.

 

 

I guess I just feel hopeless

[Mack05]

If anyone has advice for today let me know! I woke up very early and feel so uneasy and to be honest I just feel like going to John and shaking him. I cried in the tub last night, which is a good place cause nobody can hear, I cried in bed this morning because I miss him.

 

I just keep thinking he doesn't hate me. He told me he doesn't but he doesn't love me either. My heart feels useless today. I feel like i have no chance anymore with him. I feel like if I died he wouldnt shed a tear.

 

 

I guess I just feel hopeless

 

Jen the biggest fights are the hardest fights. I use these poems/prayer on this forum a lot. I used to read them when my back was against the wall. Don't quit on me now Jen...

 

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--

You may succeed with another blow.

 

Often the goal is nearer than,

It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

 

Success is failure turned inside out--

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

[Yasuandio]

If anyone has advice for today let me know! I woke up very early and feel so uneasy and to be honest I just feel like going to John and shaking him. I cried in the tub last night, which is a good place cause nobody can hear, I cried in bed this morning because I miss him.

 

I just keep thinking he doesn't hate me. He told me he doesn't but he doesn't love me either. My heart feels useless today. I feel like i have no chance anymore with him. I feel like if I died he wouldnt shed a tear.

 

 

I guess I just feel hopeless

 

Pull yourself together. Don't act all needy, it is not attractive. In fact, it is the hugest turn-off there is. Makes you look pathetic.

 

There are many more interesting things you can do in the bathtub that John may overhear besides crying your eyes out like a baby. That's one reason I erased part of the post yesterday. Now get dressed, look stunning, and start the day. Take another bath tonight, and do it right this time. Yas