Stubborn husband might leave me

[trippi1432]

Ty trippi! I guess im looking for someone to tell me hes not going to leave snd nobody but him can say that. I am in paniac.. Trying to breathe

 

Well, that's not something can just say and it be true, all of it does really come down to both of you, but that's something you already know too. I know how you feel though Jen, it would be nice to have that security of knowing. The only thing that you can do, is not stray from being exactly who you have always been. As much as you say you don't know this John, he may be trying to figure out 'this Jen' too. It is what happens, as soon as you realize that putting the positive hat on brings positive results, you'll see different results.

[Yasuandio]

On the PMS question, if John has never stated something like that before, he may have been blameshifting your crazy behavior onto PMS as a kind gesture. Who knows. It is possible.

 

However, the times I have personally had this this statement made to me, I believe it was being used as a button pusher when I was speaking my mind; meant to tick me off, and shut me down.

 

In most cases, though, if the dianosis of PMS is given by anyone other a doctor, then the observation usually taken as an insult.

Edited March 22, 2013 by Yasuandio

[Yasuandio]

Mack, first some clarity. I suggested Jenny get her ducks in a row legally, aprori. She had already done this like a smart woman who has been threatened by divorce does. She simply told me outcome of meeting per my request. To another subject:

 

Now, in this last conversation, John has indicated that Jenny could be the only party named on the lease. Isn't that interesting? Potentially, that means he could continue grazing their as long as he wishes, because it is his home too. This limbo does not have to end in June, you guys. The lease just renews itself.

 

Jenny, I do not want to give you any false hope. However, the fact that John compelled Jenny to sign the lease herself, without emphasizing she'd be living there alone, I find strangly interesting as well. And I do not recommend he being a single signatory on the lease, if John is going to live there. Absolutely not.

 

Jenny, you need to know right away if you can afford this dwelling on your own. A smart woman who may or may not be left there alone does the math right away.

 

Now recently, one poster has suggested you have the lease talk with John. If you indeed have that discussion, I would know in advance if you are going to keep the dwelling, and can afford it on your own. That decision needs to be made right now. And you need to be looking at other new places if you cannot afford this one.

 

I'd give him one more try - but before I do - I'd have my ducks lined up - and know exactly where I'm relocating. That is what a smart woman would do.

 

If you do not line up your ducks, and he decides to leave, you'll be high and dry - and stuck. And apartment hunting is no fun when you are terribly emotional upset. That is why I'm asking you to prepare in advance just in case. It doesn't mean it is going to happen.

 

The saying from the Boyscouts/Girlscouts: "Be prepared."

 

Tojaz: "Be prepared for the worst, and hope for the best."

 

Yas: "We don't call 911. We already have our ducks in a row."

[Mack05]

Yas I apologised to Jenny already about my comments on hiding the lease and the retirement stuff.

 

Yas your post is why I am worried about Jenny. She needs to start planning life as if John is leaving. There has to be a Plan B and even Plan C here. Yet the mere mention of this fact (that he could leave) sends Jenny into a panic.

 

Plan A is hoping he says and there does not appear to be a plan B. If I or anyone else tries to bring her back to reality, she asks for other posters to advise her. It's like she just wants posters, to tell her what she wants to hear. IMO it's gone way past that.

 

Jenny from what you are telling us realistically you can't afford this place on your own. Therefore you need to start planning now as if John is going. Yas's point is very relevant. Trying to this when you are emotionally shattered could lead to a potential break down.

 

I think you need to do more the watch a movie tonight. I would start with my apology above. Then tell John that you have been told realistically you cannot afford the place on your own. Ask him does he want to take it on without you. This forces him to let you know his plans.

 

Whatever those plans are. Keep cool.

 

I know all this scares the hell out of you, but Jenny this hoping it all will go away is setting you up for a MONSTER fall..I keep saying this. One more big explosion and this is probably going to be the end. I'm not sure that point is really sinking in.

 

On your current path I can't see how this ends well..You need to take charge now Jenny...I know you have the inner strength to do this. Now you need to tap into that..

Edited March 22, 2013 by Mack05

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Let me just set somethings straight

 

I can afford the place speaking of paying the rent. The landlord however requires a credit check and debt to income ratio thingy which scares me cause my credit is not good and when you get into debt to income heck john nor I could do it on our own.

 

As for the lease if either of us or both want off we must sign the renewal stating so and give 60 days notice. However if we do nothing and dont sign it it automatically renews on its own which means we are both on still which yes the limbo could continue.

 

He cant not sign the lease and just stay put cause I can throw him out/change locks whatever I want in that case.

 

I plan on doing the application next week and letting them do the credit check. Wanted to wait till office manager is there instead of receptionist because the office manager knows the situation and I dont feel like having the dumb receptionist do it and call the house with results plus less hands in the pot the better.

 

Mack- dude one minute your sweet and kind then your shooting me low blows like criticizing me for asking for others advice. I sincerly hopeyou arent and you shouldnt be offended I ask for everyones opinion thats contributed. What is wrong with that? I redpect everyone whos contributed and I respect their insight just as I do yours. Everyone brings valid points.

 

Its not just that I refuse yours or anyones cause its not what I want to hear its cause Im trying to do what feels natural.

 

Yes i stated that i just want people to say its going to work out but dont take that literal i was venting my guts. I think in most cases everyone wants to hear that. But by no means was i meaning thats what i want to hear.

 

I feel like sometimes I do more defending myself then helping myself on here

[Yasuandio]

Post irrelevant.

Edited March 22, 2013 by Yasuandio

[Mack05]

Jenny I think sometimes things can be lost in translation. I know sometimes my posts may feel like I am attacking you. I'm not. This is down to poor communication on my part. Something I have struggled with in the past. I wanted to show my real concern on the current path your are taking. I would not like that concern to be viewed as an attack on you or any other poster. I hope this makes sense?

 

I would hate it if it was just you and I on the thread Jen, so I would encourage as many people to post as possible. Indeed I have learnt a lot from all you. Even in disagreement. Indeed I would like to apologise to anyone that I have disagreed with on the thread.

 

I am just passionate when it comes to you Jenny. We all are. Sometimes there can be mis-underatandings because this is such a delicate situation, with no obvious clear cut way to know the best wat to resolve. I would just hate to see you crash here. Do you understand what I am saying?

Edited March 22, 2013 by Mack05

[Yasuandio]

The reason I took my post out above is because of how you are perceiving Mack's input. I believe your assessment was incorrect. Sometimes good advice stings, but you don't have to take it, and others might get an idea from it - I certainly get inspired by Mack's posts and insight.

 

But, I would never want to upset or affend you either. I feel like we have to be very careful what we say now, and basically, just go along, and not point things out. Please excuse my over-analysis of concepts as well. I can see it is not helpful, honey. Yas

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Post irrelevant.

 

You mean mine was?

[Jennyfromtheblick]

The reason I took my post out above is because of how you are perceiving Mack's input. I believe your assessment was incorrect. Sometimes good advice stings, but you don't have to take it, and others might get an idea from it - I certainly get inspired by Mack's posts and insight.

 

But, I would never want to upset or affend you either. I feel like we have to be very careful what we say now, and basically, just go along, and not point things out. Please excuse my over-analysis of concepts as well. I can see it is not helpful, honey. Yas

 

No i disagree! You can say what you feel but i feel sone flip flopping on macks behalf. One post hes on my path then i FEEL hes bashing me.

 

Say what you want i just dont feel i should have yo go back and forth defending my feelings so much. Ive been all but labeled dumb. I feel this back and forth is useless to solving anything. But i do think Mack gets offended if i dont take his advice. Trippi made a great post about taking advice.

[Yasuandio]

You mean mine was?

 

 

No, no, no honey. After I typed my post, andd read the post above that you wrote - my post became irrelevant! My post was regarding the fact you could not afford the apartment - and needed the Plan B as Mack stated. When you said above you COULD afford the apartment, my post was irrelevant - so I erased it.

[Yasuandio]

Jenny I think sometimes things can be lost in translation. I know sometimes my posts may feel like I am attacking you. I'm not. This is down to poor communication on my part. Something I have struggled with in the past. I wanted to show my real concern on the current path your are taking. I would not like that concern to be viewed as an attack on you or any other poster. I hope this makes sense?

 

I would hate it if it was just you and I on the thread Jen, so I would encourage as many people to post as possible. Indeed I have learnt a lot from all you. Even in disagreement. Indeed I would like to apologise to anyone that I have disagreed with on the thread.

 

I am just passionate when it comes to you Jenny. We all are. Sometimes there can be mis-underatandings because this is such a delicate situation, with no obvious clear cut way to know the best wat to resolve. I would just hate to see you crash here. Do you understand what I am saying?

 

Mack, I do not perceive you posts as attacks at all. Just straightforward commonsense. Yas

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Jenny I think sometimes things can be lost in translation. I know sometimes my posts may feel like I am attacking you. I'm not. This is down to poor communication on my part. Something I have struggled with in the past. I wanted to show my real concern on the current path your are taking. I would not like that concern to be viewed as an attack on you or any other poster. I hope this makes sense?

 

I would hate it if it was just you and I on the thread Jen, so I would encourage as many people to post as possible. Indeed I have learnt a lot from all you. Even in disagreement. Indeed I would like to apologise to anyone that I have disagreed with on the thread.

 

I am just passionate when it comes to you Jenny. We all are. Sometimes there can be mis-underatandings because this is such a delicate situation, with no obvious clear cut way to know the best wat to resolve. I would just hate to see you crash here. Do you understand what I am saying?

 

Passionate I get that and your much appreciated. I just feel sometimes you tell me one thing then later thst day tell me something different its confusing.

 

I think its cool though how i can call you out and you handle it well.thank you. I just dont want you getting upset if im asking everyone their advice. I like to pick brains and go with what suits me the best.

[Jennyfromtheblick]

No, no, no honey. After I typed my post, andd read the post above that you wrote - my post became irrelevant! My post was regarding the fact you could not afford the apartment - and needed the Plan B as Mack stated. When you said above you COULD afford the apartment, my post was irrelevant - so I erased it.

 

Gotcha ?

 

John is baffling hes like a exotic creature at the zoo nobody has seen before its hard i imagine to give advice when you hear the things i post hes said or done.

 

He confuses the heck out of me!! Just now he sends me a text to let me know he is taking his application down to the old job. As much as Im thrilled he lets me know its almost like he cares what i think. See?? Is it any wonder Im wacky???

 

Btw I went off my meds last week which could explain why i opened my trap this am

[Mack05]

No i disagree! You can say what you feel but i feel sone flip flopping on macks behalf. One post hes on my path then i FEEL hes bashing me.

 

Say what you want i just dont feel i should have yo go back and forth defending my feelings so much. Ive been all but labeled dumb. I feel this back and forth is useless to solving anything. But i do think Mack gets offended if i dont take his advice. Trippi made a great post about taking advice.

 

Jenny I don't get offended at all. If Trippi, Allie, Tojaz, Yas or anyone gives you the piece of advice that cracks this I will be thrilled. I'm not on Loveshack to be a hero on everyone's thread. I come to help as best I can. There are posters here I respect and admire. Others I don't agree with, but still enjoy reading other angle(s). Other perspectives.

 

I see why you are upset at me. You are not dumb Jenny. You are emotional and scared. I feel right now you are in denial. I feel this will not end well if you continue down your current path and the saddest thing for me is, I see no reason why this shouldn't end well. It's not easy when you are very vulnerable and hear things that you don't want to hear. But Jenny I would feel a hypocrite by saying everything is going to be great Jenny, Everything will work out. Especially when I feel you are threading a very dangerous path right now.

 

If the others disagree with me (and they have) they bring balance to the thread. Which is a great thing. Remember Jenny if my presence is too upsetting for you just leave leave Mack and I'm gone. I only want what is best for you. I'm sorry if you feel I am attacking or hurting you but for me to sit back and say nothing is of no help to anyone..

 

There is no flip flopping Jenny. I want this marriage to work, I believe this marriage can work. I support you 100% but I see the danger ahead.

Edited March 22, 2013 by Mack05

[Yasuandio]

No i disagree! You can say what you feel but i feel sone flip flopping on macks behalf. One post hes on my path then i FEEL hes bashing me.

 

Say what you want i just dont feel i should have yo go back and forth defending my feelings so much. Ive been all but labeled dumb. I feel this back and forth is useless to solving anything. But i do think Mack gets offended if i dont take his advice. Trippi made a great post about taking advice.

 

Whatever you say and believe honey. Please forgive me if you find my statements to be a mis-interpretation. Any posts that are written on your thread are merely opinions, that's all. You can ignore them.

 

I just see Macks posts differently. And I do not see this situation as a constant - and I expect tone and direction of advice to be always in flux. That is, there are always varibles than are changing the direction and color of the situation. Even as recent as the convo when you accused John of an affair, based on a girlfriend's baseless remarks.

 

This is FLUID not a LINIAR situation. It is always changing. Advice, perspective, and direction is going to vary, and change. For instance, I don't know about you, but your Mother's input, in addition to last convo with John, really shifted my paradigm dramatically.

 

As far as Mack changing methods of strategy, I am guilty of same. However, I have come to like the strategy you degined yourself - and Mack and I are 100% on board with it. Mack has not presented mad at you. None of us could be mad at you! We love you.

 

Again, I apologize, if anything I posted offended you. I am very, very sorry. I've tried my hardest. Yas

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Whatever you say and believe honey. Please forgive me if you find my statements to be a mis-interpretation. Any posts that are written on your thread are merely opinions, that's all. You can ignore them.

 

I just see Macks posts differently. And I do not see this situation as a constant - and I expect tone and direction of advice to be always in flux. That is, there are always varibles than are changing the direction and color of the situation. Even as recent as the convo when you accused John of an affair, based on a girlfriend's baseless remarks.

 

This is FLUID not a LINIAR situation. It is always changing. Advice, perspective, and direction is going to vary, and change. For instance, I don't know about you, but your Mother's input, in addition to last convo with John, really shifted my paradigm dramatically.

 

As far as Mack changing methods of strategy, I am guilty of same. However, I have come to like the strategy you degined yourself - and Mack and I are 100% on board with it. Mack has not presented mad at you. None of us could be mad at you! We love you.

 

Again, I apologize, if anything I posted offended you. I am very, very sorry. I've tried my hardest. Yas

 

Mack/yas

 

No apologies needed lets just help me get back on track okay? I'd like to stick to my plan as I did see positives. Even now him texting me is something if hes divorcing me he certainly doesnt have to tell me squat, sure it keeps the peace if he does but peace and divorce well i guess its possible but doesnt seem to be the norm

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Wanna hear something funny??

 

Tojaz is going to have like 5 pages to read to keep up. Poor guy then on top of it he will be prevy to the period talk!! Lol

 

Poor Tojaz

[Mack05]

I remember when my first nephew was born. When he was two he loved his granny, uncie (me) and mummy. Daddy and grandad never got a look in. Then my second nephew came along he was all about his daddy and grandad. My sister said he brought balance to the force! That's what Tojaz, Trippi, Toby, Aliie, Imtoc do. They bring balance to the force :-)..

 

Jenny I agree your plan was going well (just try have a Plan B). If you can address the concerns myself and Yas raised, then I believe it will continue to go well. Just try let the little things go (kelley etc). In the scheme of things they are not important.

 

P.S a special thank you to Yas who is responsible for about 514 out of my 515 likes received :-)

Edited March 22, 2013 by Mack05

[Yasuandio]

Wanna hear something funny??

 

Tojaz is going to have like 5 pages to read to keep up. Poor guy then on top of it he will be prevy to the period talk!! Lol

 

Poor Tojaz

 

If Tojaz was forced to deliver a baby in the back of a taxi, he wouldn't even blink.

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Off subject but isnt it funny after chatting on a thread you kinda picture the ppl! I picture mack as this tattoed bad boy biker type! I picture tojaz as this muscle guy that paints cars and listens to metallica snd i picture yas as this tiny little lady who is dressed to the nines but would kick your butt in pool.

[Mack05]

Jenny if you want I will send you my Facebook account address via PM. I will open it up publically so you can see some photo's. I am a handsome dude if I may say so myself :-). No bike or No Tats though but a machine on a pool table!

[Jennyfromtheblick]

Jenny if you want I will send you my Facebook account address via PM. I will open it up publically so you can see some photo's. I am a handsome dude if I may say so myself :-). No Tats though...

 

Sure!! Hehe not tats? Thats surprising!!

[Mack05]

Right Jenny knows what I look like and if she calls me ugly I am outta here :-)

[Yasuandio]

I'm sure you nailed Tojaz. But you only got me partially. I am reasonable height, but where huge platform shoes and boots - which really up my height considerably. I do not leave the house without being dressed to the 9's - there you are very correct. My style is Trendy, Chic, Punk. I have long, bright unnaturally red hair, with papaya highlights and chocolate lowlights - sharp bangs, all staight. Medium weight. Drive a red Z3. Thick Chicago/European accent.

 

Yes, pool shark - how did you know that? My brother and I took a lot of money off people with that game. I would play dumb broad - and Bro would play medocre pool. Until we got challenged. Suddenly, I play left-handed one-handed pool - and make make large bet on it, when suckers got drunk. Noone really noticed I was already playing left-handed. Always won.

 

I imagine Mack like the best looking guy at the most expensive business man's bar and restaurant. We have one her in Atlanta called MacKinzie's I think. I glass of wine is like at least $15 bucks. Dinner, at least $100 a plate. Mack is the tall, dark, slim handsome one in the Armani suit.

 

Jenny, I see you as a sweet, innocent flower child, dressed all in 100% cotton. With long flowing blonde highlights, and worn out, sexy jeans.

 

PS Mack, can I see your facebook too?

Edited March 22, 2013 by Yasuandio