Author soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 So how about telling your ex, "Hey, I'm always here if you need help, but you have to understand that we can't continue hanging out 1-on-1 anymore. I can't have any sort of healthy adult relationship while continuing to do this. You okay if I invite gf/friend to our next meeting?" Honestly if it matters that much to you to keep your ex in your life, it's unlikely that you're over her, and you should not be dating until you are. This has been addressed. I have told my ex that things will change and they have. It does matter that my ex remain in my life, but for reasons much more important than romance at this point. Oh, I'm over her alright. In that I have no desire to be involved with her romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 This has been addressed. I have told my ex that things will change and they have. It does matter that my ex remain in my life, but for reasons much more important than romance at this point. Oh, I'm over her alright. In that I have no desire to be involved with her romantically. Is your gf happy with the change? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR INPUT! I have a very good idea what it is that I need to do. I will remain transparent with my intentions and motivations to both my ex and current GF. Hopefully, I will be able to remain friends with a woman that care about and maintain and grow with a woman that I see as part of my romantic future..... Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSapphire Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Not okay. I broke up with my now-ex for this exact reason; his way-too-close-friendship with his ex (a girl I have since learned is one I wouldn't be able to stand anyway). This is so not good for you; you need to maintain boundaries with her, your current needs to know she matter to you, and both of you need to protect your relationship. Why does this ex mean so much to you? She does, or you wouldn't be prioritizing her friendship like this, so you need to be able to answer that question. Do you need to be needed? Or do you still have feelings? Or, as in the case with my ex (which I found out too late and prob would have made a big difference) do you find it difficult to connect with people or find those who accept the whole you and since this ex is one of those few you want to keep her around in your life? There is a reason, and you need to know what that is. Once you know, then you can explain it to your current gf and she is free to decide if it is a dealbreaker. If I were to advise her, I would say to leave you; this issue caused me soooo much hurt and DEEP pain that, way over a year later, I have finally put to rest and moved on. It is extremely damaging for a gf to know she comes in second to an ex. Plus, she will have no choice but to believe you are cheating, whether emotionally or physically (hint: you are emotionally cheating). Man up or get out, I say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 People fear what they cannot understand. Life is more than just black and white, and the more you live, the more you realize that special people are very difficult to come by. I say treasure them, be respectful to them and do the best you can to keep them in your life, irrespective if they were or are you ex, just friends or family or simply mere acquaintances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 Not okay. I broke up with my now-ex for this exact reason; his way-too-close-friendship with his ex (a girl I have since learned is one I wouldn't be able to stand anyway). This is so not good for you; you need to maintain boundaries with her, your current needs to know she matter to you, and both of you need to protect your relationship. Why does this ex mean so much to you? She does, or you wouldn't be prioritizing her friendship like this, so you need to be able to answer that question. Do you need to be needed? Or do you still have feelings? Or, as in the case with my ex (which I found out too late and prob would have made a big difference) do you find it difficult to connect with people or find those who accept the whole you and since this ex is one of those few you want to keep her around in your life? There is a reason, and you need to know what that is. Once you know, then you can explain it to your current gf and she is free to decide if it is a dealbreaker. If I were to advise her, I would say to leave you; this issue caused me soooo much hurt and DEEP pain that, way over a year later, I have finally put to rest and moved on. It is extremely damaging for a gf to know she comes in second to an ex. Plus, she will have no choice but to believe you are cheating, whether emotionally or physically (hint: you are emotionally cheating). Man up or get out, I say. hey Pink, I hear you. I have been very transparent with my ex and current gf on this. I am NOT your ex nor do we have anything that seems to be in common. But, your points are well taken.... Link to post Share on other sites
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