Broke up for 9 months, both had lots of crazy times, now i want my girl back, advice?

[AlexfromPhilly]

So when I was 17, in my senior year of HS, I went on a Model UN trip to some hotel in DC. A bunch of girls lived across the hall from us so we chatted with them in the hall, one, let's call her E, in particular I noticed but only had a few words with her, until the last night they had some lame-ass dance thing and I ran into E there. It was crowded as hell so immediately she backed up against me, I put my arms around her, a few seconds later she turned around, looked into my eyes, and I kissed her for the first time...we left the dance shortly after that, spent the rest of the night looking for deserted places in the hotel to fool around, eventually we wound up in my room with my roommates kicking us out because she was moaning and finally she gave me a bj in her room, then we fell asleep with each other.

 

Talk about an awesome fling, and I wanted more the next morning, so I knocked on her door and asked if she wanted to go out and get some coffee. Spending the rest of the morning just hanging out with this girl made me realize that she was more than just some slut who gave ma a hummer a few hours after meeting me, she was a ridiculously cool girl and I wanted her to be mine.

 

After that we began driving or taking the train to see each other every single weekend for the rest of my senior year (she was a sophomore) and then into the summer. Talking on the phone in the 2 weeks between meeting her and actually being able to go see her, she told me that she was a virgin and wanted me to be her first...I didn't want to push things, but she was insistent. I wanted it to be perfect for her, with roses and candles and all that good ****...unfortunatley after a few failed attempts to get those lined up we went out one night in my car, foudn a secluded place to park, and went at it. The next weekend, however, was when we truly made love for the first time--she was supposed to be sleeping in the guest room and I was checking some e-mail before going to bed when I turned aroudn and she was there...we put U2, "Stuck in a Moment" softly on the stereo and made love on the floor (we were paranoid about my noisy-ass bed waking up my parents).

 

As times went on, I fell madly in love with E. She was everything I'd ever wanted in a girlfriend--hot, sweet, great personality, liked to cook and clean and take care of me, nymphomaniac, all that good stuff. In short, the perfect girl. I really could not imagine ever spending the rest of my life with anyone else, and I thought it was incredibly sexy that I'd be spending the rest of my days with someone who had never had another guy inside her.

 

Fast forward into the summer, we had our fights from time to time but nothing major. We were still 100% in love. My freshman year of college is where it started to come apart. She began to somehow get the password for my instant messenger screen name and go on my name, causing problems between me and friends of mine that she didn't like. Problem was, she also was able to trick me into thinking that another friend of mine that she hated (because I dated her briefly right before I met E) was the one doing it, which nearly ruined my relationship with that friend.

 

Throughout the rest of my freshman year there were a number of incidents. She basically made me promise I wouldn't drink at school or she'd break up with me; I reluctantly told her I wouldn't, but there was no way I wask eeping this promise (I go to Boston College). Once in awhile she foudn out I'd been drinking and we would have a huge fight over it. Finally, around the summer after my freshman year, she told me she didn't really care anymore. Awesome.

 

Problem was, a few weeks into the year I find out she had gone on my AIM screen name, gotten my roommate's screen names, and gotten them to try to spy on me. I was pissed off needless to say but couldn't get out of the housing situation, so I broke it off with E aroudn October. For months, she still called me and IMed me practically begging to get back together. While I still loved her as much as ever I didn't trust her because of the whole roommates thing, and in addition I had seen her exactly twice in the last year. So I continued to say no. She would ask me about whether I had been with anyone else and I answered honestly that I had hooked up with other girls but none of them really meant anything to me, they were either friends with benefits or random hookups. She said more or less the same, that she hadn't kissed anyone since a Thanksgiving party back in November when she was trashed and kissed one of my friends (which I was ticked off about that I heard from them instead of her, but that's water under the bridge by this point).

 

While I didn't intend to sleep with any other girls because I was afraid that would screw things up permanently between E. and I, I did have girls sleep over from time to time (without having sex with them) and my a**h*** roommates told E that I was having sex with them. She took this as license to sleep with two other guys, one of whom she apparently dated for a few weeks (which honestly doesn't bother me that much), the other some guy she met thru a friend, that she drove from her house outside DC to Philadelphia (where I live) the night of her graduation (that I wanted to go to but her parents wouldn't let me) and ****ed a complete stranger. That really hurt me a lot, especially since I had to hear it not from her but from one of my friends who knew the guy (and don't know I'm still in love with E); at the beginning of the summer I confessed to E that I had, in a drunken stupor, ****ed some girl, but that I felt really bad and I was sorry for hurting her, and she didn't mention anything about her flings).

 

I was so unbelievably hurt and felt betrayed by that, that I did something stupid--threatened to put pictures of her in compromising situations on the internet. While I never would have actually gone through with it, I wanted her to feel as hurt and betrayed as I had. After I calmed down a bit, I told her that as angry and pissed-off as I was, and as much time as that would take to heal, I still loved her; I did **** I had done that hurt her because the distance and time had made me forget how much I loved her but that this was a wakeup call, and I wanted her to move up to Boston and get an apartment with me in the winter. She immediately said yes; I was thrilled! Talking to her the next day, we began to make some basic plans; she said that she would break up with her boyfriend when she saw him that night (and I wish I could talk **** about the guy but he seems like a good guy, I just don't want him to have the girl of my dreams). Then, things started to get really weird. Her cell phone stopped working; she told me her parents took it away, but I'm suspicious that they changed the number so that I wouldn't know it. I can't call her house phone because her parents won't let me talk to her. Basically the only ways I have of communicating with her are e-mail (which she rarely reads) and IM (which she's on for about 30 min a day). Even then, when I talk to her one day she'll act like she can't wait to be together again, she'll talk about having kids and gettign married, **** like that that I do want to have with her someday; then the next day she'll say that her heart has turned and she can't ever love me again like she did in the past.

 

Now E always has been a bit of a drama queen type, so I think she does still love me...my question to you guys is, how can I get her back? At some point I want to sit down with her parents and talk it through with them because they've gotten a very skewed viewpoint of everything, and I think this will help me be able to talk to E more often. But I can't do that unless I'm able to get in touch with E first and be able to come down to meet her. We had agreed to meet Thursday afternoon but after I drove 3 hours to get down there she never showed up; she had IMed me something the night before about "having to talk about tomorrow", but never told me exactly what the problem was or even that she wouldn't be able to make it.

 

Long story short, this girl and I have had a lot of issues but in my opinion 99% of them have been caused by distance...if we're able to be together every night like we dreamed of doing then it shouldn't be as much of an issue. Now I will also be spending a good deal of my life in the military which means I'll be away from home a lot, but whatever things E did while we were broken up I'm completely confident that she wouldn't cheat on me when we're together; besides, by the time I'd have to go away my plan is to get our house so full of kids and dogs that she wouldn't have time or energy to cheat even if she wanted to!

 

Anyways, we both did a lot of ****ed-up **** when we were broken up but I want to leave those 9 months behind us, go back to where we were when everything was wonderful...I just want my girl back, any advice???

 

Thanks,

Alex

[AlexfromPhilly]

Just a bump and an add-on...the last few nights I've been having dreams about her with other guys, last night I had a dream that she admitted to me that she had slept with Osama bin Laden for money to get a botox injection!! (not that that would make any sense since she's 18, but it's weird sh*t)

 

Also, my head isn't exactly 100% for this as she hasn't always been the most trustworthy person in the past (as I said I had to find out from my friends about all the **** she'd been doing since we broke up), but my heart is still as in love with her as it ever was. Who the hell knows.

 

Any help you guys could give me would be awesome...

[Velveteel]

I don't know. It doesn't look great to me. She didn't show up for your meeting. Her parents may have changed her cell phone number, but she doesn't give you a new one. She "doesn't check email much" even though you can't reach her any other way. I think she's waffling. She still likes you, and sometimes fantasizes about having a life with you, but she's doing almost nothing to pursue that.

 

You're both very young. I'd try no contact for a few months. Maybe she'll make a decision about her feelings for you. In the meantime, try to move on emotionally. If this relationship is meant to be--which means, if you both want each other equally--you'll reconnect later.